My nephew-sorry, kinda long!

[Guest guest]

hello all! Everyone has been SO great re my daughter and so I am

looking for help here again!

My nephew will be 16 in March. He and my dd have SO much in common as

far as issues and behaviors going. The biggest difference being she

is 5'3 " and 95# and he is 6'1 " and 230#!!! ANYWAY, I love my sister

but our whole lives everything has been about her, her needs, her

wants, her life etc with everyone and everything else being

secondary. I do not know that she even realizes it but that is the

way it is. I accepted it and learned to love her anyway as an adult

but we have had our differences. (main one being I am the type of

person who will do anything and everything to help anyone in trouble,

let alone my own kids/blood etc.) My nephew was the result of an

early marriage and mistake by my sister. He married her, she got

pregnant and he was gone all within a month. He has never been in my

nephews life and neither has his family. She has resented him over

the years also. (she has actually told me this) She remarried when he

was 3 or 4 to an abusive man who hurt her and although he was

his favorite target and my sis did nothing even when we tried to take

Ry away from her etc except to insist nothing was going on even

though we knew it was and had seen it! That ended in divorce and she

remarried again a couple years later. After having another boy with

the first. That was no better. Since then she has had two more guys

playing " daddy " with her kids in and out of the house. When she has a

man in her life, they come last.

ANYWAY, that was just to give you a brief background. My nephew

thrives on routine, has his obsessions, is good with animals

(usually, now anyway) and not so good with people. He has tics and

meltdowns etc. I think he has some form of HFA although I am not sure

it is AS. He and my dd have always been alot alike in behaviors, etc

also. He has trouble with personal care, is above average in

intelligence but does not perform well in school, has little

understanding of others having needs and wants etc although he is

caring when he " gets " it finally. Gets VERY attached to places and

things especially his pets etc.

Recently, my sister got rid of both his dogs and his cat, moved her

boyfriend and his two " perfect " kids in to their house and totally

changed his routine. He is now supposed to listen to her boyfriend

and do what he says like a father. Of course any teen is going to

resent that but all of this has sent him into a downward spiral until

he had a major meltdown and they called the police on him. So now he

is sitting in juvenile hall with no therapy and noone on his side.

(she tried to lie to me re where he was etc and not tell me but mom

had already told me so I pushed until I got her to " tell " me the

truth.) She is doing a CINA and having him placed in a group home.

What I want to know is is there anyway we can let them (the court,

social worker etc) know that we would gladly take him and see what we

can do? My dd is doing very well, we already have a social worker in

once a month and a therapist in once a week for 4 hours at a time and

we live in a MUCH smaller area that is very rural so there is not

really much he can do to get in trouble here plus the school system

etc is very good with helping out kids and keeping track of them

here. He would be going from a school of 600 or so per grade to about

40 per grade and it is 75 miles from his old school and any trouble

there so they will not come here to get him! lol

Well sorry this is so long but I am frustrated as I have always put

my kids first no matter what and I cannot understand those who do not

feel that way etc. Maybe I am being hard on her, maybe she has some

form of HFA also, I do not know but either way, he needs our help and

my fiancee and the kids and I are willing and have the space to do

it. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. Thanks for all

your support etc guys, I do not know what I would have done without

you since I joined!

DeeDee