Tamara Re:Update- (1 of 2)

[Guest guest]

Tamara,

I can tell how awful you feel and how desparate your situation is and

I wish it could be better. I just wanted to say that my son had a

terrible time on his meds similar to what you are describing (consumed

with violence, suicidal, crying, begging for help, and afraid all at

the same time). He is now off meds and is a different person. I

realize that a lot of children really need the medication and my som

may need them again at some point in his life. I just wanted to throw

out the idea that behavioral side effects can really cause havoc and

crisis. I contacted a university based psychiatrist who also

specializes in psychopharmacology as well as Dr. Geller via this forum

(maybe you can too). Both suggested that my son not take SSRI's. His

diagnosis was changed as well. Should he decompensate, his

medications would probably be similar to those for OCD but we would

try something like anafranil instead of an SSRI.

If possible, seek yet another opinion if you feel lost. Don't stop

looking until you feel comfortable with what is being said and done.

Nothing can replace the opinion of a parent and primary caregiver. I

am a nurse and when I was a student and learning to read EKG's for

example we were told that if you ask 6 different doctors about an EKG,

you may get 6 different answers. I don't think it is much different

with mental health issues. Some doctors are firm and unwavering in

their willingness to consider a different med, treatment, or

diagnosis. SOme are too distant and don't understand their patients.

Some are good doctors who are not arrogant and who combine the

science of medicine with the art of healing and are able to

communicate with people effectively - they are sometimes hard to find.

When I studied pediatrics in nursing school they told us that no

matter what we felt was wrong with the patient, never dismiss the

concerns of parents - they have so much more insight that they can

ususally and accurately define a problem.

My heart goes out to you as I have been there. I hope that it all

works out for you very soon.

Bonnie

>

> Thank you so much for the support and advice RE coping with

hospitalization

> and what to tell

> people. I wanted to respond but was too exhausted. In catching up

with all

> the recent posts, I am just amazed at how the moms on this site cope

- more

> than one child with multiple emotional issues (is an only child),

> premature twins in one hospital while another child is in a psychiatric

> hospital . . .

>

> came home on Wednesday after 7 days in the hospital. I was

frustrated

> and angry at the arrogant doctor there who said 's main

problem

> was not OCD but major depression,

> separation anxiety and school phobia. Now I'm actually wondering if

she was

> onto something.

>

> We admitted him after he ran into the woods on the grounds of the day

> program and it took 20 minutes to get him out. I had to hold

tightly to his

> arm because he kept straining to run away. When he was first

admitted, he

> insisted that he made up the whole OCD thing and that he didn't

belong in

> the hospital. He said that he ran away on purpose to make us think

he was

> desperate, he never would have jumped out a window or tried to hurt

himself,

> but at the same time,

> being in the hospital made him want to kill himself. On subsequent

days he

> said his thoughts were killing him and that the hospital was doing

nothing

> to help him (to me, they were only keeping him safe).

>

> When he came home he started acting the same way he did the day he

went to

> the hospital. We were afaid he'd have to go right back there. I

left a

> desperate message with the OCD therapist we've been waiting to see and

> amazingly, she called right back and said she'd see the next

day.

> When we finally met her, said that he doesn't have OCD, he has

no bad

> thoughts, no images, he never really wanted to hurt himself and that

he made

> up the whole thing to get

> attention. We're seeing her again in 2 weeks.

>

> The way he has been acting the past couple of days has been

frightening to

> watch. He moans, sobs uncontrollably, yells, cries " help me, please

help

> me, " rolls back and forth on the floor, (or, when he's in the back

seat of

> the car w/ child locks, he bangs his head on the back of the seat

and tries

> to escape). He alternates every 60 seconds or so between saying 1) he

> doesn't have OCD, he made up the whole thing to get attention and

stay home

> from school, he's a bad person, he hates his life, he hates himself,

he just

> wants to be normal, he wants his old life back, he's confused, he

wants to

> kill himself . . . and 2) he does have OCD, he only said he doesn't

have it

> so we would go back to letting him watch violent movies and play

violent

> video games, something is wrong with him but he doesn't know what,

his OCD

> thoughts tell him he doesn't have OCD, he's confused.

>

> He first " confessed " that he doesn't have OCD a day or so before he

went to

> the hospital. He said he made everything up, but that his mind

plays tricks

> on him and makes him have bad thoughts now, sort of as a consequence

- he

> can make himself have bad thoughts by thinking about having them

(sorry this

> doesn't make a lot of sense). He also said never really wanted to hurt

> himself before but now he does because he can't live with the guilt.

>

> My theory is that once diagnosed, the SSRI made him so anxious that

he made

> up the symptom of hearing additional noises in his head (fire alarm,

drum,

> drill, jack hammer, etc.) and he greatly exaggerated the severity of

the OCD

> thoughts so he could stay home from school. He hasn't gone for 5

weeks.

> He's confused and he tormented by guilt because he has the " black

and white "

> kind of thinking that makes him feel he's a failure if he isn't

perfect. At

> the same time, I think the rispedol might be starting to clear his

thoughts

> and he's afraid he really may have made up the whole thing.

>

> When came home from the hospital, he looked forward to

watching

> violent movies and tv shows and playing violent video games. In the

> hospital, he was a model patient, polite, concerned about following

all the

> rules, and he enjoyed doing simple things that normally wouldn't

interest

> him, like playing cards, coloring in coloring books, and watching

G-rated

> movies. My husband and I agreed that we would be consistent and

work as a

> team in limiting what he watches and what games he plays. We took

away his M

> games and blocked most tv stations. The first day home, the new

rules set

> him off, violently. The new restrictions have been the trigger for

most of

> the recent meltdowns. The first afternoon back, he said he wanted

to die if

> he couldn't play his violent video games. I don't think he was being

> manipulative because his stragety to deal with OCD thoughts has been to

> obsess over something he thinks will make him feel better.

>

> The social worker at the day program feels that there is definitely

some

> manipulation going on. She

> talked to us about being firm with the limits no matter what his

reaction

> is. If he gets out of control and threatens to kill himself, we'll

have to

> call 911. She said that stricter rules, no

> matter how much he hates them, will give him a greater sense of

security.

> If anything, this whole experience has made my husband and I

committed to

> communicating better and strengthening our

> marriage. We agreed to see a marriage and family counselor together.

>

> I don't know what I feel at this point, except drained. I don't

know if he

> really had suicidal houghts and or if he needed to be hospitalized,

but he

> is clearly suffering and needs help. I think I feel a little

relieved that

> his OCD may not be as acute as he was making it out to be, but if he

was

> making up a lot of it, I feel sad for the people who have been

worried sick

> about him, especially myself. I've been telling people who call

that I need

> a couple of days to digest recent events before I can talk about him.

>

> Thank you so much for listening.

>

> Tamara

>