Safety of self and others-I need help

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I am just " getting " something about my dd who is almost 14 that I

guess I kind of knew intellectually but it didn't really click until

the last couple of days and I am really having problems dealing with

it and knowing where to go/how to proceed from here. I will describe

the situation as well as I can and anyone who can relate etc, PLEASE

let me know.

First of all, my dd is in mainstream classes, she gets all A's and

B's in regular classes. When she was younger, she had speech issues

and real problems learning the basics on paper. In her memory things

were just there, ABC's counting, colors etc. But when she got into

Kind. things were not going well, I threw a fit to get her passed to

1st grade even though she couldn't tell numbers from letters

reliably at that point. Half way through, the school got on me again

about her written progress so I took her our ped. and then to the

doc he referred. He did a bunch of tests with her, (I couldn't tell

you what) then said she has a genius level iq verbally but is still

at a pre-K level in all subjects so she has ADHD. Long story

shortened, she was not correctly diagnosed until October 2005.

To move forward to the current issue... she has no concept of

personal danger or danger to another. I mean, she understands, call

911 if you need help etc, to leave the house if there is a fire and

to go to the basement for a tornado. BUT she what she does not get

for example.... we stopped at a friends house to exchange vehicles

because mine was having issues. I left she and her older nt sister

(16) in my van and took the 7 yr old boy (pdd nos) with me. The

friends son and another boy were were shooting pellet guns

responsibly. (they are old enough, know how to handle them and were

shooting at a target in front of a wooden fence so no chance of

hitting anything in the background.) My son loves the older boy and

listens well to him so I went over the STAY behind Timmy and Tommy

while they are shooting and do not touch! Listen to what they say. I

walked in to the house about 20 ft from them to talk to his dad

about the vehicle exchange. Less than two minutes later, their 8 yr

old comes screaming in to the kitchen that Elissa shot Ty and he was

hurt! My 7 yr. old comes behind her holding his ribcage and sobbing.

We pulled up his shirt and looked and he had a HUGE welt and red

spot that was already bruising. I comforted him for a moment and

then went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and seen

it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this is

one of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real handgun so

how did she know it was not???!!! She didn't! She was sorry he was

hurt and she was in trouble but didn't understand why she was in

trouble!!!

Then last night, her brother picked up her purse to bring it to her

because the 3 yr old babysitting girl I watch was trying to get it.

He put it over his shoulder and neck (sideways, like guys carry

things...) and turned to bring it to her in the next room. He saw

her coming over the baby gate, she saw him with the purse and there

was murder in her eyes so he was scared and ran towards me. Before I

got to him, she grabbed the purse strap from behind and pulled him

over backwards, causing him to hit his head on my recliner on the

way to the hardwood floor! (I did witness this incident from the

dining room with arms full of baby.)

I told her to go to her room, I was not calm enough to deal with her

at the moment and we both needed to calm down. I finished supper and

got the little ones set up and then called up to her to come and

eat, thinking I would talk to her shortly when the littles went home

and dinner would calm her. She didn't answer but I thought I heard

crying or something so I went up the stairs. She was curled up,

rocking back and forth on her bed, crying and saying over and over

and over... (you get it) I'm sorry, it was an accident, I'm sorry,

it was an accident.......

That afternoon before this incident, she and her therapist and I had

all discussed why did she do the gun thing, what was wrong with what

she did, why should she have been more careful and SHE DOESN'T GET

IT! She has a genius iq but no common sense? Is that what I am

looking for? Not sure. She just got her career recommendations from

school and they are talking aerospace engineer, computer designer,

knowledge engineer, well you get the point, and she is bright enough

to do those careers BUT cannot take care of herself well enough on

her own to BE level and do it. What I mean is, not starting a fire

with the stove because she wandered off and " forgot " she was

cooking. Or taking her meds so she doesn't lose track of herself and

where she is and what she should be doing. Her dx are AS, ADHD, ODD

and bi polar disorder so she HAS to take her meds. She doesn't brush

her teeth, I have to check if she has rinsed her hair completely,

remind her to change feminine products etc. Very basic life skills.

She has begun to brush her hair in the am. Still cannot style it but

can brush it and try to pull it back. (usually sticking out and I

fix it).

My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and be

successful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can do?

What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and I

cannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses the

suggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing to

take her meds because why does she have to take meds so others can

get along with her?! her logic, not mine.) I just know that in so

many ways she has so much potential and could contribute so much to

others in a scientific, computer or mathematic type profession, but

how do I get her to be able to do so as she dreams?

I hope I am not just babbling and this makes sense to someone out

there? I just needed to vent and know if I am the only one who is

going/has gone through this. It is so hard because people only see

the outside, the girl who gets good grades, is pretty geeky and has

no friends but otherwise is " normal " . They do not see these things

and so do not understand. I am hoping someone out there does....

God bless!

DeeDee

mom of Aslynne 16, nt.

Elissa almost 14 AS, ADHD, ODD and bi polar

and Tynan 7 PDD nos

[Guest guest]

Dee Dee,

I totally understand. Dakota who is my 5 year old with high functioning autism does some of the same things. He has no fear and no concept of safety. I have a lot of problems with my 5 year old hitting, kicking and punching my oldest. I simple try to solve the problem when I notice the anger there. Can't say it always work. I separate them immediately. And if it is severe enough he gets a time out. He don't like time outs. Dakota has thrown toys and things at people. He is very stubborn and he lashes out alot. Another thing dakota does that your daughter probably doesn't do as she is older then him is he stands on a chair in his closet and tries to get things down from the top shelf or he tries to swing on the bar in the closet which one day I am worried the whole thing will fall down. He will jump on the bed without paying attention to where he is jumping. He will purposely ride his bike into walls or pedal really fast without thinking about falling. Thank goodness he wears a helmet. If he does dangerous things for example like his bike he gets a warning and he if doesn't follow thru he doesn't ride his bike no more and goes for a time out. He gets mad and will slap at you and scream and holler. And doing this doesn't stop it as he will do it the next time he gets on his bike. I don't really have any advice as my child is a lot younger and I am still in the learning process and at times I don't know what to do. So it will be interesting to see others respond to this.

Stacie

[Guest guest]

Dee Dee,

Reading your letter was like someone else telling my life story. I

have a gifted 13 yo male who tests out gifted in areas of math and

critical thinking. He however can not be left alone because he

doesn't have the common sense to know not to do the most basic of

safety things. He can not keep track of school papers, deadlines mean

nothing. Personal care is a joke-shampooing hair, brushing teeth,

taking medications. I have developed stradegies with his psych on

dealing with all of this and nothing works. We have tried behavior

mod, punishment, threats, pleading etc. My husband and I, who are

older parents, have just kind of come to the realization we may have

this kiddo living with us for a long time. I oversee his homework and

deadlines and homework, check his work daily and rather than backing

off when he hits high school I can see myself doing this through his

undergrad years. I am convinced that eventually he will be able to

hold a good job with his gifts but it may not be until he is older

than most people.

Dana-mom to 34 and 23 yo NTs and Aspergers ADHD and Anxiety

[Guest guest]

Dee Dee and Dana,

I know it seems right now that you may have a 'child' on your hands for many

years, but can I encourage you that it does get better. When my son was

13/14/15/16, I couldn't see him being independent or not needing me around

always to organise. But he grew up at lot between 16 and 18 and is now into

his second year at university - where he lives away from home during term

and has to do all his own organising.

in England

[Guest guest]

Stacie, thank you for the thoughts. My dd was the same way when younger. I thought as she got older it would get better and in SOME ways it has. Discipline is somewhat easier because I can reason with her, to a point anyway and she often decides to obey. Probably just so I will leave her alone but it is an improvement! Because of this improvement, I guess I thought she was getting the physical safety thing for herself and others better also but that is apparently not the case. That has changed very little over the last almost 14 years and that is what I am SO concerned about for her and for others. Thanks again, good luck and God bless!DeeDeeA49erfangirl@... wrote: Dee Dee, I totally understand. Dakota who is my 5 year old with high functioning autism does some of the same things. He has no fear and no concept of safety. I have a lot of problems with my 5 year old hitting, kicking and punching my oldest. I simple try to solve the problem when I notice the anger there. Can't say it always work. I separate them immediately. And if it is severe enough he gets a time out. He don't like time outs. Dakota has thrown toys and things at people. He is very stubborn and he lashes out alot. Another thing dakota does that your daughter probably doesn't do as she is older then him is he stands on a chair in his closet and tries to get things down from the top shelf or

he tries to swing on the bar in the closet which one day I am worried the whole thing will fall down. He will jump on the bed without paying attention to where he is jumping. He will purposely ride his bike into walls or pedal really fast without thinking about falling. Thank goodness he wears a helmet. If he does dangerous things for example like his bike he gets a warning and he if doesn't follow thru he doesn't ride his bike no more and goes for a time out. He gets mad and will slap at you and scream and holler. And doing this doesn't stop it as he will do it the next time he gets on his bike. I don't really have any advice as my child is a lot younger and I am still in the learning process and at times I don't know what to do. So it will be interesting to see others respond to this. Stacie __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

, THANK YOU so much for that. That was what I needed to hear. Along with the fact that it just may take her a few more years for her to be able to be mostly independent than most kids her age. Not to mention the fact that other parents have similar situations and fears for their children. Thank you all VERY much! God bless! DeeDee Rowell <nancy@...> wrote: Dee Dee and Dana,I know it seems right now that you may have a 'child' on your hands for

many years, but can I encourage you that it does get better. When my son was 13/14/15/16, I couldn't see him being independent or not needing me around always to organise. But he grew up at lot between 16 and 18 and is now into his second year at university - where he lives away from home during term and has to do all his own organising. in England __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I know some of what you're saying. Tuff stuff, I know. My son is

10 and does some dangerous stuff too. Luckily, i've been able to

control it. I've been reading " The unwritten rules of social

relationships " by Temple Grandin and Barron. It's made me look

at how my son really thinks. Maybe your daughter doesn't understand

or can't control her self. Just an idea. Hope someone can help you

better than what I can.

>

> Hello everyone,

> I am just " getting " something about my dd who is almost 14 that I

> guess I kind of knew intellectually but it didn't really click

until

> the last couple of days and I am really having problems dealing

with

> it and knowing where to go/how to proceed from here. I will

describe

> the situation as well as I can and anyone who can relate etc,

PLEASE

> let me know.

>

> First of all, my dd is in mainstream classes, she gets all A's and

> B's in regular classes. When she was younger, she had speech

issues

> and real problems learning the basics on paper. In her memory

things

> were just there, ABC's counting, colors etc. But when she got into

> Kind. things were not going well, I threw a fit to get her passed

to

> 1st grade even though she couldn't tell numbers from letters

> reliably at that point. Half way through, the school got on me

again

> about her written progress so I took her our ped. and then to the

> doc he referred. He did a bunch of tests with her, (I couldn't

tell

> you what) then said she has a genius level iq verbally but is

still

> at a pre-K level in all subjects so she has ADHD. Long story

> shortened, she was not correctly diagnosed until October 2005.

>

> To move forward to the current issue... she has no concept of

> personal danger or danger to another. I mean, she understands,

call

> 911 if you need help etc, to leave the house if there is a fire

and

> to go to the basement for a tornado. BUT she what she does not get

> for example.... we stopped at a friends house to exchange vehicles

> because mine was having issues. I left she and her older nt sister

> (16) in my van and took the 7 yr old boy (pdd nos) with me. The

> friends son and another boy were were shooting pellet guns

> responsibly. (they are old enough, know how to handle them and

were

> shooting at a target in front of a wooden fence so no chance of

> hitting anything in the background.) My son loves the older boy

and

> listens well to him so I went over the STAY behind Timmy and Tommy

> while they are shooting and do not touch! Listen to what they say.

I

> walked in to the house about 20 ft from them to talk to his dad

> about the vehicle exchange. Less than two minutes later, their 8

yr

> old comes screaming in to the kitchen that Elissa shot Ty and he

was

> hurt! My 7 yr. old comes behind her holding his ribcage and

sobbing.

> We pulled up his shirt and looked and he had a HUGE welt and red

> spot that was already bruising. I comforted him for a moment and

> then went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and

seen

> it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this

is

> one of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real handgun

so

> how did she know it was not???!!! She didn't! She was sorry he was

> hurt and she was in trouble but didn't understand why she was in

> trouble!!!

>

> Then last night, her brother picked up her purse to bring it to

her

> because the 3 yr old babysitting girl I watch was trying to get

it.

> He put it over his shoulder and neck (sideways, like guys carry

> things...) and turned to bring it to her in the next room. He saw

> her coming over the baby gate, she saw him with the purse and

there

> was murder in her eyes so he was scared and ran towards me. Before

I

> got to him, she grabbed the purse strap from behind and pulled

him

> over backwards, causing him to hit his head on my recliner on the

> way to the hardwood floor! (I did witness this incident from the

> dining room with arms full of baby.)

>

> I told her to go to her room, I was not calm enough to deal with

her

> at the moment and we both needed to calm down. I finished supper

and

> got the little ones set up and then called up to her to come and

> eat, thinking I would talk to her shortly when the littles went

home

> and dinner would calm her. She didn't answer but I thought I heard

> crying or something so I went up the stairs. She was curled up,

> rocking back and forth on her bed, crying and saying over and over

> and over... (you get it) I'm sorry, it was an accident, I'm sorry,

> it was an accident.......

>

> That afternoon before this incident, she and her therapist and I

had

> all discussed why did she do the gun thing, what was wrong with

what

> she did, why should she have been more careful and SHE DOESN'T GET

> IT! She has a genius iq but no common sense? Is that what I am

> looking for? Not sure. She just got her career recommendations

from

> school and they are talking aerospace engineer, computer designer,

> knowledge engineer, well you get the point, and she is bright

enough

> to do those careers BUT cannot take care of herself well enough on

> her own to BE level and do it. What I mean is, not starting a fire

> with the stove because she wandered off and " forgot " she was

> cooking. Or taking her meds so she doesn't lose track of herself

and

> where she is and what she should be doing. Her dx are AS, ADHD,

ODD

> and bi polar disorder so she HAS to take her meds. She doesn't

brush

> her teeth, I have to check if she has rinsed her hair completely,

> remind her to change feminine products etc. Very basic life

skills.

> She has begun to brush her hair in the am. Still cannot style it

but

> can brush it and try to pull it back. (usually sticking out and I

> fix it).

>

> My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and be

> successful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can do?

> What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and I

> cannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses the

> suggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing to

> take her meds because why does she have to take meds so others can

> get along with her?! her logic, not mine.) I just know that in so

> many ways she has so much potential and could contribute so much

to

> others in a scientific, computer or mathematic type profession,

but

> how do I get her to be able to do so as she dreams?

>

>

> I hope I am not just babbling and this makes sense to someone out

> there? I just needed to vent and know if I am the only one who is

> going/has gone through this. It is so hard because people only see

> the outside, the girl who gets good grades, is pretty geeky and

has

> no friends but otherwise is " normal " . They do not see these things

> and so do not understand. I am hoping someone out there does....

>

>

> God bless!

> DeeDee

> mom of Aslynne 16, nt.

> Elissa almost 14 AS, ADHD, ODD and bi polar

> and Tynan 7 PDD nos

>

[Guest guest]

Dee –

There is hope.

As someone who has been there, I would like to offer the benefit of our

experiences.

My son is 23 – He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child,

then later as a teen with Bi-polar, Asperger’s, Sensory Integration

Dysfunction. At 17, he was diagnosed with Aspeger’s. We began to

understand how these diagnoses interrelate and affect my son. By doing so we

learned and how better to help my son.

From 14 thru 21 was a regular nightmare… To read your

post is to read my son’s life story….Brilliant (He is currently

being tested for MENSA.), but totally clueless with regards to safety skills, inadvertently

dangerous to himself and others, life skills, and no self hygiene skills. He

must get his medicines within a 15 minute window or he starts cycling which can

last for weeks. He decided he didn’t need his medicines and shortly

thereafter began to belief he was the most powerful mutant in the universe…and

was hospitalized for 9 months. He is sooo  smart, but when it comes to safety

skills…he just doesn’t GET IT and no common sense. I suspect many

parents struggle with getting services and community “understanding”

because their Aspie Children’s disabilities are not readily apparent in

spite of the fact that they are very smart.

I can really relate to where you are now. I would recommend

that you watch these two movies, “Mozart and the Whale”. It is

loosely based on two Asperger’s individuals, Jerry and Newport; I

also recommend “Free Enterprise” which is the life stories of the

filmmakers…and while humorous I strongly suspect they have Asperger’s. 

There are some wonderful books and websites that I am happy to share, which

while providing a lot of information also help me to realize that many us

parents of Aspie Teens/Young Adults struggle with the same things. (If you are

interested, please email me off the list and I will be happy to forward them to

you.)  As “crazy” as our experiences are and how alone we parents

feel, as begin to share our experiences we find they are normal for parents

with Aspies and suddenly we don’t feel so alone.

 

Most importantly, don’t give up hope. When you have

the right medicines and supports in place, your daughter can flourish…whether

or not she is totally independent. My son is flourishing.

First of all, I recommend that you explore Guardianship

before your daughter turns 21. With the current privacy laws, you will be

unable to coordinate her medical care and communicate with her care team

without it, especially if for some reason she decides to deny you access. You

may want to consider estate planning. My son will continue to need varying

degrees of support throughout his lifetime even though he like many Aspies are

so “smart”. His intelligence is in no

way related to his disabilities and special needs.

At this time, my son, like your daughter, is unable to live

on his own. When he tried, even in minimally supported environments, it was a

total disaster. My son currently is in a Contained Unit of a nursing home with other

individuals who need the behavioral supports and do not necessarily have the “nursing

home” health issues. He receives 24-7 nursing care which insures that he

receives his medicines on time as ordered. His room looks like a college room

dorm. He has his computer, printer, digital camera, etc. He is taking classes

at the local community college towards his Multi-Media graphics degree. He got

an A+ this semester and will be taking 2 classes next semester. The staff takes

him and his peers on outings throughout the week and everyday to just about

everywhere…Bingo, the museum, the library, sports events, movies, various

festivals, hikes, camping, movies- you name it they probably have done it, etc.

all with the line of sight supervision necessary to keep him safe. He has two

part time jobs coordinated through his “unit” – working in

the kitchen and managing a snack store. Additionally, he and his peers work on

life skills, including hygiene, cooking class, anger management, etc

In the meantime, he is learning the skills that hopefully

will lead him to a more independent/less restrictive environment. Because I am

not in the role of direct CareGiver he is actually more open to the feedback

the others are providing him. It takes a lot of work and coordination on our

part with his Treatment Team, but as a result my son is able to feel as though

he is more independent and albeit slowly is making some truly incredible

strides. My son used to feel that the most important was being “out of

there and on his own” and he is finally realizing the most important

thing is for him to be able to be consistently successful which right now requires

the supports which allow him to function at a higher level…and most

importantly be safe. My son still doesn’t appreciate the dangers out in

society. He is naïve and gullible and can’t conceive of anyone trying to

hurt him or take advantage of him. We have a wonderful, close and very

supportive relationship with him. In the current situation my son can at least

he can still have a sense of independence (because he is not living with mom),

yet can continue to learn the skills he needs in a safe, supportive, and secure

environment. Someday…who knows? We take it one day at a time.

I hope my response has been helpful. You surely are not

alone!

Feel free to email. As one who has “been there”,

I am happy to share the information, books, websites, or our experiences in the

hopes that my son’s experiences can benefit someone else.

We fight the Good fight together!

Clemy

[Guest guest]

I'd like to second the " hope " part.

When my son was in junior high school (!!), he didn't look both ways

to cross the street!! The school district expected him to cross

several busy intersections to get to school just shy of 2 miles away,

the district cut-off for busing. I called a district special ed

person who was familiar with my son. He was on the short bus the next

day.

He's now 20. He walks across busy intersections to get to the bus

stop, takes the bus to work, and walks across very busy intersections

from the bus stop to go shopping at the shopping centers. He's going

to community college- and taking the bus there - about 8 miles away.

Who'd a thunk it?

He still lives with us, and we're exploring supported living, which

scares the pee-wods out of me.

Theresa Mesa

Mesa Design House

http://mesadesignhouse.com

909-335-9710

Hours: By appointment only

On Dec 17, 2006, at 8:46 PM, CG wrote:

>

> Dee –

>

> There is hope. As someone who has been there, I would like to offer

> the benefit of our experiences.

>

>

>

> My son is 23 – He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, then later as

> a teen with Bi-polar, Asperger’s, Sensory Integration Dysfunction.

> At 17, he was diagnosed with Aspeger’s. We began to understand how

> these diagnoses interrelate and affect my son. By doing so we

> learned and how better to help my son.

>

>

>

> From 14 thru 21 was a regular nightmare… To read your post is to

> read my son’s life story….Brilliant (He is currently being tested

> for MENSA.), but totally clueless with regards to safety skills,

> inadvertently dangerous to himself and others, life skills, and no

> self hygiene skills. He must get his medicines within a 15 minute

> window or he starts cycling which can last for weeks. He decided he

> didn’t need his medicines and shortly thereafter began to belief he

> was the most powerful mutant in the universe…and was hospitalized

> for 9 months. He is sooo smart, but when it comes to safety skills…

> he just doesn’t GET IT and no common sense. I suspect many parents

> struggle with getting services and community “understanding”

> because their Aspie Children’s disabilities are not readily

> apparent in spite of the fact that they are very smart.

>

>

>

> I can really relate to where you are now. I would recommend that

> you watch these two movies, “Mozart and the Whale”. It is loosely

> based on two Asperger’s individuals, Jerry and Newport; I also

> recommend “Free Enterprise” which is the life stories of the

> filmmakers…and while humorous I strongly suspect they have

> Asperger’s. There are some wonderful books and websites that I am

> happy to share, which while providing a lot of information also

> help me to realize that many us parents of Aspie Teens/Young Adults

> struggle with the same things. (If you are interested, please email

> me off the list and I will be happy to forward them to you.) As

> “crazy” as our experiences are and how alone we parents feel, as

> begin to share our experiences we find they are normal for parents

> with Aspies and suddenly we don’t feel so alone.

>

>

>

> Most importantly, don’t give up hope. When you have the right

> medicines and supports in place, your daughter can flourish…whether

> or not she is totally independent. My son is flourishing.

>

>

>

> First of all, I recommend that you explore Guardianship before your

> daughter turns 21. With the current privacy laws, you will be

> unable to coordinate her medical care and communicate with her care

> team without it, especially if for some reason she decides to deny

> you access. You may want to consider estate planning. My son will

> continue to need varying degrees of support throughout his lifetime

> even though he like many Aspies are so “smart”. His intelligence is

> in no way related to his disabilities and special needs.

>

>

>

> At this time, my son, like your daughter, is unable to live on his

> own. When he tried, even in minimally supported environments, it

> was a total disaster. My son currently is in a Contained Unit of a

> nursing home with other individuals who need the behavioral

> supports and do not necessarily have the “nursing home” health

> issues. He receives 24-7 nursing care which insures that he

> receives his medicines on time as ordered. His room looks like a

> college room dorm. He has his computer, printer, digital camera,

> etc. He is taking classes at the local community college towards

> his Multi-Media graphics degree. He got an A+ this semester and

> will be taking 2 classes next semester. The staff takes him and his

> peers on outings throughout the week and everyday to just about

> everywhere…Bingo, the museum, the library, sports events, movies,

> various festivals, hikes, camping, movies- you name it they

> probably have done it, etc. all with the line of sight supervision

> necessary to keep him safe. He has two part time jobs coordinated

> through his “unit” – working in the kitchen and managing a snack

> store. Additionally, he and his peers work on life skills,

> including hygiene, cooking class, anger management, etc

>

>

>

> In the meantime, he is learning the skills that hopefully will lead

> him to a more independent/less restrictive environment. Because I

> am not in the role of direct CareGiver he is actually more open to

> the feedback the others are providing him. It takes a lot of work

> and coordination on our part with his Treatment Team, but as a

> result my son is able to feel as though he is more independent and

> albeit slowly is making some truly incredible strides. My son used

> to feel that the most important was being “out of there and on his

> own” and he is finally realizing the most important thing is for

> him to be able to be consistently successful which right now

> requires the supports which allow him to function at a higher level…

> and most importantly be safe. My son still doesn’t appreciate the

> dangers out in society. He is naïve and gullible and can’t conceive

> of anyone trying to hurt him or take advantage of him. We have a

> wonderful, close and very supportive relationship with him. In the

> current situation my son can at least he can still have a sense of

> independence (because he is not living with mom), yet can continue

> to learn the skills he needs in a safe, supportive, and secure

> environment. Someday…who knows? We take it one day at a time.

>

>

>

> I hope my response has been helpful. You surely are not alone!

>

> Feel free to email. As one who has “been there”, I am happy to

> share the information, books, websites, or our experiences in the

> hopes that my son’s experiences can benefit someone else.

>

>

>

> We fight the Good fight together!

>

>

>

> Clemy

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Clemy, Again, thank you SO much. It really has made me feel calmer and more able to let go, do the best I can for her and pray to God to help she and I both and let go some to hear all these wonderful stories from parents who have "been there" or are there right now. My biggest issue now I guess is that she does not see the problem myself, her social worker, therapist etc do and so fights us constantly no matter what the suggestion is etc. With her intelligence and success in mainstream classes with few modifications,(educationally anyway, socially, she is a dismal failure and hates it but doesn't understand how to "fix" it), so many others in her life cannot see the issues and so inadvertantly do her harm and erode the work we do with her by saying "you are right, there is not anything wrong with you....", or " I don't see why they think you need xxxxx, you are perfectly fine" etc. Her father being a

BIG one for that as well as peers. If anyone has had to deal with that and getting the kids to realize it is an issue and we have their best interests at heart, (I do realize many of you have had problems with friends, family etc not believing you etc, I am after the getting the kids to listen to us and not them), please let me know of any successful strategies for coping and helping our Aspies. Thank you all and God bless! DeeDeeCG <mcclem4748@...> wrote: Dee – There is hope. As someone who has been there, I would like to offer the benefit of our experiences. My son is 23 – He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, then later as a teen with Bi-polar, Asperger’s, Sensory Integration Dysfunction. At 17, he was diagnosed with Aspeger’s. We began to understand how these diagnoses interrelate and affect

my son. By doing so we learned and how better to help my son. From 14 thru 21 was a regular nightmare… To read your post is to read my son’s life story….Brilliant (He is currently being tested for MENSA.), but totally clueless with regards to safety skills, inadvertently dangerous to himself and others, life skills, and no self hygiene skills. He must get his medicines within a 15 minute window or he starts cycling which can last for weeks. He decided he didn’t need his medicines and shortly thereafter began to belief he was the most powerful mutant in the universe…and was hospitalized for 9 months. He is sooo smart, but when it comes to safety skills…he just doesn’t GET IT and no common sense. I suspect many parents

struggle with getting services and community “understanding” because their Aspie Children’s disabilities are not readily apparent in spite of the fact that they are very smart. I can really relate to where you are now. I would recommend that you watch these two movies, “Mozart and the Whale”. It is loosely based on two Asperger’s individuals, Jerry and Newport; I also recommend “Free Enterprise” which is the life stories of the filmmakers…and while humorous I strongly suspect they have Asperger’s. There are some wonderful books and websites that I am happy to share, which while providing a lot of information also help me to realize that many us parents of Aspie Teens/Young Adults struggle with the same things. (If you

are interested, please email me off the list and I will be happy to forward them to you.) As “crazy” as our experiences are and how alone we parents feel, as begin to share our experiences we find they are normal for parents with Aspies and suddenly we don’t feel so alone. Most importantly, don’t give up hope. When you have the right medicines and supports in place, your daughter can flourish…whether or not she is totally independent. My son is flourishing. First of all, I

recommend that you explore Guardianship before your daughter turns 21. With the current privacy laws, you will be unable to coordinate her medical care and communicate with her care team without it, especially if for some reason she decides to deny you access. You may want to consider estate planning. My son will continue to need varying degrees of support throughout his lifetime even though he like many Aspies are so “smart”. His intelligence is in no way related to his disabilities and special needs. At this time, my son, like your daughter, is unable to live on his own. When he tried, even in minimally supported environments, it was a total disaster. My son currently is in a

Contained Unit of a nursing home with other individuals who need the behavioral supports and do not necessarily have the “nursing home” health issues. He receives 24-7 nursing care which insures that he receives his medicines on time as ordered. His room looks like a college room dorm. He has his computer, printer, digital camera, etc. He is taking classes at the local community college towards his Multi-Media graphics degree. He got an A+ this semester and will be taking 2 classes next semester. The staff takes him and his peers on outings throughout the week and everyday to just about everywhere…Bingo, the museum, the library, sports events, movies, various festivals, hikes, camping, movies- you name it they probably have done it, etc. all with the line of sight supervision necessary to keep him safe. He has two part time jobs coordinated through his “unit” – working in the kitchen and managing a snack store. Additionally, he and his peers work on life skills, including

hygiene, cooking class, anger management, etc In the meantime, he is learning the skills that hopefully will lead him to a more independent/less restrictive environment. Because I am not in the role of direct CareGiver he is actually more open to the feedback the others are providing him. It takes a lot of work and coordination on our part with his Treatment Team, but as a result my son is able to feel as though he is more independent and albeit slowly is making some truly incredible strides. My son used to feel that the most important was being “out of there and on his own” and he is finally realizing the most important thing is for him to be able to be consistently successful which right now requires the supports which

allow him to function at a higher level…and most importantly be safe. My son still doesn’t appreciate the dangers out in society. He is naïve and gullible and can’t conceive of anyone trying to hurt him or take advantage of him. We have a wonderful, close and very supportive relationship with him. In the current situation my son can at least he can still have a sense of independence (because he is not living with mom), yet can continue to learn the skills he needs in a safe, supportive, and secure environment. Someday…who knows? We take it one day at a time. I hope my response has been helpful. You surely are not alone! Feel free to email. As one who has “been there”, I am happy to share the information, books, websites, or our experiences in the hopes that my son’s experiences can benefit someone else. We fight the Good fight together! Clemy __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thank you Kim, I will check in to finding and reading that book. Anything I can get my hands on that is credible, I am there! DeeDeekim <kmabarnes@...> wrote: I know some of what you're saying. Tuff stuff, I know. My son is 10 and does some dangerous stuff too. Luckily, i've been able to control it. I've been reading "The unwritten rules of social relationships" by Temple Grandin and Barron. It's made me look at how my son really thinks. Maybe your daughter doesn't understand or can't

control her self. Just an idea. Hope someone can help you better than what I can. >> Hello everyone, > I am just "getting" something about my dd who is almost 14 that I > guess I kind of knew intellectually but it didn't really click until > the last couple of days and I am really having problems dealing with > it and knowing where to go/how to proceed from here. I will describe > the situation as well as I can and anyone who can relate etc, PLEASE > let me know. > > First of all, my dd is in mainstream classes, she gets all A's and > B's in regular classes. When she was younger, she had speech issues > and real problems learning the basics on paper. In her memory things > were just there,

ABC's counting, colors etc. But when she got into > Kind. things were not going well, I threw a fit to get her passed to > 1st grade even though she couldn't tell numbers from letters > reliably at that point. Half way through, the school got on me again > about her written progress so I took her our ped. and then to the > doc he referred. He did a bunch of tests with her, (I couldn't tell > you what) then said she has a genius level iq verbally but is still > at a pre-K level in all subjects so she has ADHD. Long story > shortened, she was not correctly diagnosed until October 2005. > > To move forward to the current issue... she has no concept of > personal danger or danger to another. I mean, she understands, call > 911 if you need help etc, to leave the house if there is a fire and > to go to the basement for a tornado. BUT she what she does not get

> for example.... we stopped at a friends house to exchange vehicles > because mine was having issues. I left she and her older nt sister > (16) in my van and took the 7 yr old boy (pdd nos) with me. The > friends son and another boy were were shooting pellet guns > responsibly. (they are old enough, know how to handle them and were > shooting at a target in front of a wooden fence so no chance of > hitting anything in the background.) My son loves the older boy and > listens well to him so I went over the STAY behind Timmy and Tommy > while they are shooting and do not touch! Listen to what they say. I > walked in to the house about 20 ft from them to talk to his dad > about the vehicle exchange. Less than two minutes later, their 8 yr > old comes screaming in to the kitchen that Elissa shot Ty and he was > hurt! My 7 yr. old comes behind her holding his ribcage

and sobbing. > We pulled up his shirt and looked and he had a HUGE welt and red > spot that was already bruising. I comforted him for a moment and > then went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and seen > it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this is > one of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real handgun so > how did she know it was not???!!! She didn't! She was sorry he was > hurt and she was in trouble but didn't understand why she was in > trouble!!! > > Then last night, her brother picked up her purse to bring it to her > because the 3 yr old babysitting girl I watch was trying to get it. > He put it over his shoulder and neck (sideways, like guys carry > things...) and turned to bring it to her in the next room. He saw > her coming over the baby gate, she saw him with the purse and there

> was murder in her eyes so he was scared and ran towards me. Before I > got to him, she grabbed the purse strap from behind and pulled him > over backwards, causing him to hit his head on my recliner on the > way to the hardwood floor! (I did witness this incident from the > dining room with arms full of baby.)> > I told her to go to her room, I was not calm enough to deal with her > at the moment and we both needed to calm down. I finished supper and > got the little ones set up and then called up to her to come and > eat, thinking I would talk to her shortly when the littles went home > and dinner would calm her. She didn't answer but I thought I heard > crying or something so I went up the stairs. She was curled up, > rocking back and forth on her bed, crying and saying over and over > and over... (you get it) I'm sorry, it was an accident, I'm sorry,

> it was an accident....... > > That afternoon before this incident, she and her therapist and I had > all discussed why did she do the gun thing, what was wrong with what > she did, why should she have been more careful and SHE DOESN'T GET > IT! She has a genius iq but no common sense? Is that what I am > looking for? Not sure. She just got her career recommendations from > school and they are talking aerospace engineer, computer designer, > knowledge engineer, well you get the point, and she is bright enough > to do those careers BUT cannot take care of herself well enough on > her own to BE level and do it. What I mean is, not starting a fire > with the stove because she wandered off and "forgot" she was > cooking. Or taking her meds so she doesn't lose track of herself and > where she is and what she should be doing. Her dx are AS, ADHD, ODD

> and bi polar disorder so she HAS to take her meds. She doesn't brush > her teeth, I have to check if she has rinsed her hair completely, > remind her to change feminine products etc. Very basic life skills. > She has begun to brush her hair in the am. Still cannot style it but > can brush it and try to pull it back. (usually sticking out and I > fix it). > > My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and be > successful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can do? > What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and I > cannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses the > suggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing to > take her meds because why does she have to take meds so others can > get along with her?! her logic, not mine.) I just know that in so > many ways she has so much

potential and could contribute so much to > others in a scientific, computer or mathematic type profession, but > how do I get her to be able to do so as she dreams? > > > I hope I am not just babbling and this makes sense to someone out > there? I just needed to vent and know if I am the only one who is > going/has gone through this. It is so hard because people only see > the outside, the girl who gets good grades, is pretty geeky and has > no friends but otherwise is "normal". They do not see these things > and so do not understand. I am hoping someone out there does....> > > God bless! > DeeDee> mom of Aslynne 16, nt. > Elissa almost 14 AS, ADHD, ODD and bi polar > and Tynan 7 PDD nos> __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I comforted him for a moment andthen went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and seen

it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this isone of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real handgun sohow did she know it was not???!!! She didn't!

She needs practice. Telling her she crossed the line doesn't

help. She just did a whole bunch of things, how would she know

which detail was the dangerous one? You need to play these

dangerous games with her, so that you can watch her every move and

correct improper handling as it shows up. You can't expect her to

learn these things by watching the other children, they need to be

explained. Give her a " why " for every safety step and you'll be

fine.

" What I mean is, not starting a fire

with the stove because she wandered off and " forgot " she was

cooking "

I laughed when I saw this. I do this *all the time*. Have

an electric stove and use a lot of water/broth based cooking methods -

nothing has caught on fire yet!

" My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and be

successful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can do?

What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and I

cannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses the

suggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing to

take her meds because why does she have to take meds so others can

get along with her?! her logic, not mine.) "

I think its excellent logic. If she doesn't like the meds, you

need to find her something she likes that can manage her

symptoms. Have you tried non-medicated routes such as the GFCF

diet? It is unbelieveable how normal just cutting out milk and

bread made me.

-Lana

[Guest guest]

Molly has some pretty serious issues with safety, had goes through periods of serious SI - we have to put up all the sharp things in the house - and she will still manage to hurt herself. Finally i went in and talked to her therapist, who gets totally freaked about molly having homicidal and suicidal ideations and finally said to her - ok - first of all this is Molly we are talking about and more than anyone else I understand how she thinks. Right now she is "trying on" identities to see where she fits. Even during periods of SI - the threat I worry about is not sharp objects it is another, "i'll fix you" overdose. When she gets her Seroquel I separate it out and make sure there are never more than 3-5 pills in the bottle. My pain medication is kept in my purse which I literally carry with me. The homicidal thoughts? Well, I just don't know if she is capable of it - I think that she is venting and one

more time not understanding the effect of her words. So far, i haven't been wrong. What is a problem is her is physical force, pushing, shoving putting hands on her sisters - that is monitored very closely, I am very aware of her behavior = the warning signs and so forthTheresa Mesa <clanmesa@...> wrote: I'd like to second the "hope" part.When my son was in junior high school (!!), he didn't look both ways to cross the street!! The school district expected him to cross several busy intersections to get to school just shy of 2 miles away, the district cut-off for busing. I called a district special ed person who was familiar with my son. He was on the short bus the next day.He's now 20. He walks across busy intersections to get to the bus stop,

takes the bus to work, and walks across very busy intersections from the bus stop to go shopping at the shopping centers. He's going to community college- and taking the bus there - about 8 miles away.Who'd a thunk it?He still lives with us, and we're exploring supported living, which scares the pee-wods out of me.Theresa MesaMesa Design Househttp://mesadesignhouse.com909-335-9710Hours: By appointment onlyOn Dec 17, 2006, at 8:46 PM, CG wrote:>> Dee –>> There is hope. As someone who has been there, I would like to offer > the benefit of our experiences.>>>> My son is 23 – He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, then later as > a teen with Bi-polar, Asperger’s, Sensory Integration Dysfunction. > At 17, he was diagnosed with Aspeger’s. We began to understand how > these diagnoses interrelate and affect my son. By doing so

we > learned and how better to help my son.>>>> From 14 thru 21 was a regular nightmare… To read your post is to > read my son’s life story….Brilliant (He is currently being tested > for MENSA.), but totally clueless with regards to safety skills, > inadvertently dangerous to himself and others, life skills, and no > self hygiene skills. He must get his medicines within a 15 minute > window or he starts cycling which can last for weeks. He decided he > didn’t need his medicines and shortly thereafter began to belief he > was the most powerful mutant in the universe…and was hospitalized > for 9 months. He is sooo smart, but when it comes to safety skills… > he just doesn’t GET IT and no common sense. I suspect many parents > struggle with getting services and community “understanding” > because their Aspie Children’s disabilities are not readily > apparent

in spite of the fact that they are very smart.>>>> I can really relate to where you are now. I would recommend that > you watch these two movies, “Mozart and the Whale”. It is loosely > based on two Asperger’s individuals, Jerry and Newport; I also > recommend “Free Enterprise” which is the life stories of the > filmmakers…and while humorous I strongly suspect they have > Asperger’s. There are some wonderful books and websites that I am > happy to share, which while providing a lot of information also > help me to realize that many us parents of Aspie Teens/Young Adults > struggle with the same things. (If you are interested, please email > me off the list and I will be happy to forward them to you.) As > “crazy” as our experiences are and how alone we parents feel, as > begin to share our experiences we find they are normal for parents > with Aspies and

suddenly we don’t feel so alone.>>>> Most importantly, don’t give up hope. When you have the right > medicines and supports in place, your daughter can flourish…whether > or not she is totally independent. My son is flourishing.>>>> First of all, I recommend that you explore Guardianship before your > daughter turns 21. With the current privacy laws, you will be > unable to coordinate her medical care and communicate with her care > team without it, especially if for some reason she decides to deny > you access. You may want to consider estate planning. My son will > continue to need varying degrees of support throughout his lifetime > even though he like many Aspies are so “smart”. His intelligence is > in no way related to his disabilities and special needs.>>>> At this time, my son, like your daughter, is unable to live on

his > own. When he tried, even in minimally supported environments, it > was a total disaster. My son currently is in a Contained Unit of a > nursing home with other individuals who need the behavioral > supports and do not necessarily have the “nursing home” health > issues. He receives 24-7 nursing care which insures that he > receives his medicines on time as ordered. His room looks like a > college room dorm. He has his computer, printer, digital camera, > etc. He is taking classes at the local community college towards > his Multi-Media graphics degree. He got an A+ this semester and > will be taking 2 classes next semester. The staff takes him and his > peers on outings throughout the week and everyday to just about > everywhere…Bingo, the museum, the library, sports events, movies, > various festivals, hikes, camping, movies- you name it they > probably have done it,

etc. all with the line of sight supervision > necessary to keep him safe. He has two part time jobs coordinated > through his “unit” – working in the kitchen and managing a snack > store. Additionally, he and his peers work on life skills, > including hygiene, cooking class, anger management, etc>>>> In the meantime, he is learning the skills that hopefully will lead > him to a more independent/less restrictive environment. Because I > am not in the role of direct CareGiver he is actually more open to > the feedback the others are providing him. It takes a lot of work > and coordination on our part with his Treatment Team, but as a > result my son is able to feel as though he is more independent and > albeit slowly is making some truly incredible strides. My son used > to feel that the most important was being “out of there and on his > own” and he is finally

realizing the most important thing is for > him to be able to be consistently successful which right now > requires the supports which allow him to function at a higher level… > and most importantly be safe. My son still doesn’t appreciate the > dangers out in society. He is naïve and gullible and can’t conceive > of anyone trying to hurt him or take advantage of him. We have a > wonderful, close and very supportive relationship with him. In the > current situation my son can at least he can still have a sense of > independence (because he is not living with mom), yet can continue > to learn the skills he needs in a safe, supportive, and secure > environment. Someday…who knows? We take it one day at a time.>>>> I hope my response has been helpful. You surely are not alone!>> Feel free to email. As one who has “been there”, I am happy to > share the

information, books, websites, or our experiences in the > hopes that my son’s experiences can benefit someone else.>>>> We fight the Good fight together!>>>> Clemy>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Guest guest]

Hi,DeeDee. Try fhautism.com. It's future horizons website. They are

publishers of autistic books,conferences,etc.

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> > I am just " getting " something about my dd who is almost 14 that

I

> > guess I kind of knew intellectually but it didn't really click

> until

> > the last couple of days and I am really having problems dealing

> with

> > it and knowing where to go/how to proceed from here. I will

> describe

> > the situation as well as I can and anyone who can relate etc,

> PLEASE

> > let me know.

> >

> > First of all, my dd is in mainstream classes, she gets all A's

and

> > B's in regular classes. When she was younger, she had speech

> issues

> > and real problems learning the basics on paper. In her memory

> things

> > were just there, ABC's counting, colors etc. But when she got

into

> > Kind. things were not going well, I threw a fit to get her

passed

> to

> > 1st grade even though she couldn't tell numbers from letters

> > reliably at that point. Half way through, the school got on me

> again

> > about her written progress so I took her our ped. and then to

the

> > doc he referred. He did a bunch of tests with her, (I couldn't

> tell

> > you what) then said she has a genius level iq verbally but is

> still

> > at a pre-K level in all subjects so she has ADHD. Long story

> > shortened, she was not correctly diagnosed until October 2005.

> >

> > To move forward to the current issue... she has no concept of

> > personal danger or danger to another. I mean, she understands,

> call

> > 911 if you need help etc, to leave the house if there is a fire

> and

> > to go to the basement for a tornado. BUT she what she does not

get

> > for example.... we stopped at a friends house to exchange

vehicles

> > because mine was having issues. I left she and her older nt

sister

> > (16) in my van and took the 7 yr old boy (pdd nos) with me. The

> > friends son and another boy were were shooting pellet guns

> > responsibly. (they are old enough, know how to handle them and

> were

> > shooting at a target in front of a wooden fence so no chance of

> > hitting anything in the background.) My son loves the older boy

> and

> > listens well to him so I went over the STAY behind Timmy and

Tommy

> > while they are shooting and do not touch! Listen to what they

say.

> I

> > walked in to the house about 20 ft from them to talk to his dad

> > about the vehicle exchange. Less than two minutes later, their 8

> yr

> > old comes screaming in to the kitchen that Elissa shot Ty and he

> was

> > hurt! My 7 yr. old comes behind her holding his ribcage and

> sobbing.

> > We pulled up his shirt and looked and he had a HUGE welt and red

> > spot that was already bruising. I comforted him for a moment and

> > then went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and

> seen

> > it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this

> is

> > one of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real

handgun

> so

> > how did she know it was not???!!! She didn't! She was sorry he

was

> > hurt and she was in trouble but didn't understand why she was in

> > trouble!!!

> >

> > Then last night, her brother picked up her purse to bring it to

> her

> > because the 3 yr old babysitting girl I watch was trying to get

> it.

> > He put it over his shoulder and neck (sideways, like guys carry

> > things...) and turned to bring it to her in the next room. He

saw

> > her coming over the baby gate, she saw him with the purse and

> there

> > was murder in her eyes so he was scared and ran towards me.

Before

> I

> > got to him, she grabbed the purse strap from behind and pulled

> him

> > over backwards, causing him to hit his head on my recliner on

the

> > way to the hardwood floor! (I did witness this incident from the

> > dining room with arms full of baby.)

> >

> > I told her to go to her room, I was not calm enough to deal with

> her

> > at the moment and we both needed to calm down. I finished supper

> and

> > got the little ones set up and then called up to her to come and

> > eat, thinking I would talk to her shortly when the littles went

> home

> > and dinner would calm her. She didn't answer but I thought I

heard

> > crying or something so I went up the stairs. She was curled up,

> > rocking back and forth on her bed, crying and saying over and

over

> > and over... (you get it) I'm sorry, it was an accident, I'm

sorry,

> > it was an accident.......

> >

> > That afternoon before this incident, she and her therapist and I

> had

> > all discussed why did she do the gun thing, what was wrong with

> what

> > she did, why should she have been more careful and SHE DOESN'T

GET

> > IT! She has a genius iq but no common sense? Is that what I am

> > looking for? Not sure. She just got her career recommendations

> from

> > school and they are talking aerospace engineer, computer

designer,

> > knowledge engineer, well you get the point, and she is bright

> enough

> > to do those careers BUT cannot take care of herself well enough

on

> > her own to BE level and do it. What I mean is, not starting a

fire

> > with the stove because she wandered off and " forgot " she was

> > cooking. Or taking her meds so she doesn't lose track of herself

> and

> > where she is and what she should be doing. Her dx are AS, ADHD,

> ODD

> > and bi polar disorder so she HAS to take her meds. She doesn't

> brush

> > her teeth, I have to check if she has rinsed her hair

completely,

> > remind her to change feminine products etc. Very basic life

> skills.

> > She has begun to brush her hair in the am. Still cannot style it

> but

> > can brush it and try to pull it back. (usually sticking out and

I

> > fix it).

> >

> > My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and be

> > successful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can

do?

> > What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and I

> > cannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses the

> > suggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing

to

> > take her meds because why does she have to take meds so others

can

> > get along with her?! her logic, not mine.) I just know that in

so

> > many ways she has so much potential and could contribute so much

> to

> > others in a scientific, computer or mathematic type profession,

> but

> > how do I get her to be able to do so as she dreams?

> >

> >

> > I hope I am not just babbling and this makes sense to someone

out

> > there? I just needed to vent and know if I am the only one who

is

> > going/has gone through this. It is so hard because people only

see

> > the outside, the girl who gets good grades, is pretty geeky and

> has

> > no friends but otherwise is " normal " . They do not see these

things

> > and so do not understand. I am hoping someone out there does....

> >

> >

> > God bless!

> > DeeDee

> > mom of Aslynne 16, nt.

> > Elissa almost 14 AS, ADHD, ODD and bi polar

> > and Tynan 7 PDD nos

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the input. We are trying to let her know which thing she did was the inappropriate one and she "gets" this particular one now but the point is we cannot possibly go through every potentially dangerous situation that could come up with her individually because there are just to many. We have worked on the more common ones with her and did think that she was "getting" it as far as being able to see or at least stop and think in situations where she or someone else could be hurt. But apparently she cannot and that is our concern. She HAS started a fire with the stove/oven before and knows not to use it unless supervised now. I was just pointing out that when she grows up on her own, she will not have that supervision if she lives alone. As far as trying to not use the meds, we have. We tried diet changes and all of that. It did not work. Besides the fact that the second she is not monitored now

that she is older, she would just go and get what she wants by herself even if she has to go and get it outside the house. If we do not have her cooperation on that, it doesn't work as she eats two meals a day away from home at school per day etc. She is miserable, reclusive, unable to interact and a danger to herself and others when she is not medicated. She does not just have AS, she is bi polar as well and she has to have the meds to regulate her for that. Even she knows that she is much happier and level on the meds 90% of the time, she just gets angry and resentful sometimes and tired of taking them every day so tries to fight it. I have resented having to take meds every day for the rest of my life also as have many others I know. That is normal, unfortunately, with the bi polar issues, one day leads to another and her entire system is screwed up and she is really in trouble then because she cannot function at all. I appreciate the input and am very glad that the non med routes work for so many, she is just not one of them. I believe they can work and if they can, it should be done without meds whenever possible. Just isn't possible in her case. Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it. DeeDeeLana Gibbons <lana.m.gibbons@...> wrote: I comforted him for a moment

andthen went out to confront her. She stated she had walked up and seen it there and picked it up and pulled the trigger. Mind you, this isone of those pellet guns that looks and feels like a real handgun sohow did she know it was not???!!! She didn't! She needs practice. Telling her she crossed the line doesn't help. She just did a whole bunch of things, how would she know which detail was the dangerous one? You need to play these dangerous games with her, so that you can watch her every move and correct improper handling as it shows up. You can't expect her to learn these things by watching the other children, they need to be explained. Give her a "why" for every safety step and you'll be fine."What I mean is, not starting a firewith the stove because she wandered off and "forgot" she wascooking"I laughed when I saw this. I do this *all the time*. Have an electric

stove and use a lot of water/broth based cooking methods - nothing has caught on fire yet!"My concern is will she ever be able to live on her own and besuccessful? If not, will it limit what that brilliant mind can do?What do I do if she still is not capable when she turns 18 and Icannot let her go completely on her own even if she refuses thesuggestions/help? (she is very stubborn sometimes like refusing totake her meds because why does she have to take meds so others canget along with her?! her logic, not mine.)"I think its excellent logic. If she doesn't like the meds, you need to find her something she likes that can manage her symptoms. Have you tried non-medicated routes such as the GFCF diet? It is unbelieveable how normal just cutting out milk and bread made me.-Lana __________________________________________________