Meds & Homework

[Guest guest]

Hi Deb,

I have been reading the posts for several weeks now and saw yours about your son's homework dilemma and medication concerns. I have three kids, the eldest two have ASD's. My daughter who's 12 and son 10 1/2. is doing great and has not had to take meds, hopefully this will continue (she's entering Middle School this fall and is in full blown puberty). is attending a Special Ed school with an IA (he yells when he's angry) if he didn't have this behavior he could be mainstreamed too. was on Risperdal for about a year and a half, it help ALOT. It seemed to take the edge off and his yelling diminished. He did blow up like a tick. He is soo cute and this is a concern so we switched him to Abilify a year ago. This works a bit better, still the weight is a problem. It slows their metabolism, oh and he's a carb addict! I am trying to work on extinguishing his verbal behaviors. When he gets hungry he gets crabby and upset. The meds didn't change his personality, it just helps him keep it together much better.

Regarding the homework issue. I have a behavioralist come twice a week for parent training. He has helped me set up a behavior plan for at home. and Jess (my youngest son) used to fight all day long. A fight is now a rare occurrence instead of a 5 times a day occurrence. It is hard work but the results make it all worth while. The school district pays for it (thank God). I had to ask for this no one offered it. I don't know the circumstances where you are but it can't hurt to ask.

Maybe your son would like the library. I have gotten into it and he reads more than his brother and sister.

I hope this info is helpful. I don't want to ramble on. If you'd like to know more about my background you can check out my website at www.jillarydesigns.com. I have designed an Autism Collection of jewelry.

Take care and stay strong,

Jill

Jill BullwinkleJillary Designswww.jillarydesigns.com

-----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ]On Behalf Of M StrahlendorfSent: Thursday, August 25, 2005 12:09 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: RE:

Hi Debs,

I know it can be hard especially when they want things that are expensive...... Save those things for good report cards..... Use smaller items for homework...... find his cheapest price so to speak..... books are a great option.....Buy them by the month if you can afford to..... I was tempted at one point to write in less homework through his IEP until I tried this and discovered that with the right motivation he can do it. This does not work for every child though.... Some children feel overwhelmed. But it has worked for my son... Him knowing that there is a tiny pot of gold at the end of every week has been a huge motivator and he has proved to himself that he is very capable instead of shutting down and saying he cant do it.... He absolutely can..... sometimes he still needs a little coercion but not too much.... typical kid complaints.... but that light at the end of the tunnel helps him complete his work. And when he is done he is so proud.. Sometimes he works so fast he stops to show me and says "Look how great I am doing." Sometimes it brings a tear to my eyes....

Talk to your husband about using motivators and how it helps to have some kind of reward.... Sometimes it is hard for these kids to understand that school is necessary. With a reward system in place it helps them to set a goal... Adults have motivators as well... Paychecks.... Without them we wouldnt go to work.... It is kind of along that principle.... But like I said it doesnt work for all kids..... Some kids are too overwhelmed... But it is worth a shot......... I am just telling you what has worked for us.... Good Luck!!!!

in Lancaster, Ca

Barry Hitchcock <bazndeb@...> wrote:

Hey ,

No I haven’t tried that. We have in the past tried things of this nature just not with homework. IF I could get my husband to agree it would be great. Although these days my husband is leaving it mainly up to me staying clear in fear of me being on him. He thinks as long as he lies low we all get along better. We do but, I still need him to help me, support me and believe the same as I. As far as my son with reward system he would automatically think of his game boy, play station or computer as his reward. These days he has to earn time on each. Problem is there is nothing he wants to do; he loves reading so we allow him to read his favorite books but he finishes them so fast we can’t keep him in stock of his favorite books. It’s not always the greatest thing to do after a long day at school where he has been reading and doesn’t want more unless he Really loves the book, it slows him down getting off the school bus, IM sure it drives everyone crazy, hurry up Devin, I also hear …RUN! LOL

Deb’s J

-----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of M StrahlendorfSent: Wednesday, August 24, 2005 1:31 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re:

Hi Debs,

Have you tried a reward system for your son??? That is what I have to do with my son..... He gets something at the end of every week if he completes all his homework. So far so good... I still get a little complaint but he looks forward to his little surprise.... It has really worked well.... You can use anything... Lunch at his fav restaurant or fast food, cd's, a movie, book, candy bar, special trip..... there are so many things you can do. Plus it helps to teach them that nothing is free..... You have to work to get something that you want.... You may want to give this a shot... Trust me I know how hard it is to get these boys to do thier work.... Good Luck!!!

in Lancaster, CaBarry Hitchcock <bazndeb@...> wrote:

Hi all again, I hope this message gets through. I am having a very big problem at the beginning of this school year already. My son Devin, 8yrs AS son is refusing to do his school work at school and at home with his homework. I manage several long hours later to finally finish the homework. By this time, in between time I argue with my husband whom has tried to help my son with his homework in what I call the wrong way. My husband gets too frustrated saying things to my son as, “You don’t want to do your homework do you?” After so much havoc, I am emotionally drained myself and can barely bring myself to help my son too. Why isn’t he doing the work at school? IS there something I am missing here or is this just a “willful” behavior he is going through? Maybe he has heard to much talk about him, as such: to many problems overwhelms him, is he manipulating this? My husband has nothing further to say about things, remains quite now because he feels he can’t do anything because I say he is too harsh. Nevertheless, I feel helpless and need help! I know we are facing a problem that will explode. I am so tired of dealing with the school I am blue in the face. We just finished a Due process hearing. Now we have a new set of problems even I don’t know how to deal with. How can I tell the school what to do if I don’t know what to do? My husband has stood up for his (devin’s) rights in the IEP meetings but is not seeing where this one could be an Autistic issue. I don’t know myself! This is where all the confusion comes in and creates havoc between me and my husband. Much less the issues that face me with what my son is doing or not doing.

Please help,

Deb’s

-----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of Barry HitchcockSent: Sunday, August 21, 2005 11:16 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: RE: Digest Number 1937 LISA and CHARLOTTE

Hey and Charlotte,

I am airing my dirty laundry here once again. I feel so desperate into fixing this problem. I cannot fix it. It seems I have no choice in the matter. IM crying as we speak. This has gone as far as he is now telling me he doesn’t care for either one of us. IS this anger and frustration coming out because he can’t fix the autism? How do I cope with this one? Charlotte and , do you mind if we talk on the phone? I think it would be nice to be able to do that. I can call you if you don’t mind giving your number out, I have free long distance. My counselor tells me I need ppl like you two that knows what I am going through and you need me. When I speak to others, they have no idea because they are not there in my house dealing with any of it, they have no idea about what it’s like no matter how I tell them or explain how Autism works and how it doesn’t.

Please private email me with number if you choose to do so. bazndeb@... Let me know what a good time is. I will post my phone number as well. It is:

1-256-461-8185, Alabama Central time zone. Best time to reach me any day except Thursday. Between the hours of 9AM-3PM

Thanks,

Deb’s.

-----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of CharlotteSent: Sunday, August 21, 2005 6:44 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: RE: Digest Number 1937

and Debs,

I am right there with you too. My husband is my son’s father but by adoption not biology.

I deal with all the same issues both of you are dealing with in the department of parenting differences.

Just wanted to let you know that someone else was there with you too.

-Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of HaysSent: Sunday, August 21, 2005 10:41 AMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Digest Number 1937

Hi ,Yes my husband knows he is depressed and is being treated. My husbandhas had a heart attack about two months ago. I think all the stress fromhome was one of the main stress in why it happened. Physically he isdoing a lot better, mentally he knows he can have no added stress. Well,this isn’t happening. School just started back, episodes after episodeshave been happening. My husband snarls at my son until the last two daysI have seen a major change in my husband. I think he realizes he has tobe more patient with my AS son. I think it all boils down to my sonbeing so gifted and high functioning Autism can be very confusing. Myhusband tends to think it’s all my son and not the AS. I am confusedmyself. I as in tears last night due to trying to get my son to do hishomework. I warmed dinner three times and I finally left it up to him tofinish his work or no playstation. This finaly worked but because itwasn’t neat enough, my husband kills all the good work he did do bytaking away his privilege of playing games. I can’t win here. I did feelfor my son after so many hours of persuasive talking of trying to gethomework accomplished. I just told my husband in private, I can’t dealwith this, this year. I don’t know what IM going to do or what options Ihave but I can’t get that stressed out myself everynight just to getwhat we need him to do, done. Of course hubby doesn’t understandthat….thinks I should sit back and let him take over, too harsh he is.Is it something I am doing wrong?Debs in Bama Debs,

I have the same problem at home. We are two weeks into school and my son keeps ending up in detention because he won't do his work. My instinct to handle the situation was the complete opposite of my husband's (step-father). I spoke to my son's neuropscyhologist and she said the behavior is a normal 9-year old, the problem is, as I expected, he doesn't "get" the consequences, therefore he's not trying to control is behavior. I didn't tell my husband "I told you so", thought I wanted to badly. Instead, I just gave him the instructions the doctor gave me. However, my husband is still barking his orders when I'm not present. They are different than mine. Forcing me to choose sides, and confuse the message to my son that my husband and I are a united front. I don't know what to do. My son is starting therapy again next week. I think I'll ask if we can have some family therapy as well. I don't know how to make my husband stop being so harsh.

I'm trying to make everyone happy, but no matter what I do, it's not working. I feel so torn between the two.

I'm so glad I'm not alone. I've been dealing with this for so long. My son's father is very much in the picture and he's the same as my husband. He as never accepted the Autism and because our son is so high functioning he tires to "drives" the Autism out of our son. The poor kid just gets it where ever he goes. I'm the only one that seems to support him.

Thanks for listening.

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