Re: Son and Aspergers

[Guest guest]

Talking about punishment, I have learnt that that doesn´t work at all with Aspies, so my opinion is that you should see a neuropsychiatrist and have him evaluated for AS.

Regards, Karolina in Sweden

Son and Aspergers

My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. We also need suggestions on punishment techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these problems and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?Amy

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[Guest guest]

Hi.First you need to know that you are not alone.We are always here to listen.My son is also 10 and has aspergers.The best techniques we've found for punishment is take away the things he loves.Tv video games ,certain toys,books, whatever it is.My hubby is really old fashioned so he's tried everything ,including spanking.The only thing we've found that works is taking things away.You also need to make sure that your hubby realizes that alot of the things these kids do they can't control.OASIS is a good web site.As far as the crying,it is caused by anxiety or sensory issues alot of the time. You may want to talk with your doctor about anxiety meds.,and things to do for sensory issues.If you want feel free to e-mail me personally with any questions,or to just vent your frustrations.It's ok.And remember ,your not alone.1 in every 166 births is to a child with some type of autism.Hope to hear from you soon.cheer4mdawgs <cheer4mdawgs@...> wrote: My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. We also need suggestions on punishment techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these problems and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?Amy

[Guest guest]

You are definitely NOT alone, and I'm sure many of us can relate. Who would have guessed that raising a child would be soooo difficult. (sometimes I think that my carpeting is made of pins and needles) ha ha ha

Tracey

Son and Aspergers

My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. We also need suggestions on punishment techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these problems and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?Amy

[Guest guest]

Son

and Aspergers

My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time

dealing with authority and it is constantly a

power struggle with him

and my husband. He also cries a lot.

***********Welcome to the

group Amy. What stands out to me is “he cries a lot”. This is a

concern. My now 13 year old did this often, though we were not told, when he

was in Public School from the age of 4 -9. Stress and confusion with his

environment, and what he was supposed to do, brought the crying on. A long

story, but he did end up being diagnosed clinically depressed and clinical when

it came to anxiety at 9. It was very sad and very serious. We took him to a

Psychiatrist. I guess I don’t understand the “power struggle”

part. Does your husband argue with your son. We never

had this problem so can’t really help, but if they are arguing back and

forth, this needs to end on the adult end.

My household is having a

hard time

dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we

are walking on pins and needles.

**********If this is the case sounds like possibly counseling might be

in order. really opened up when he had this at 9 and I certainly never

thought I’d be sitting in a councilors office. ( months once a week was nerve wracking but at the time very

helpful because we did not know what was going on with .

We also need suggestions on

punishment

techniques.

********We’ve never had this problem but I here 1 2 3 Magic is a

good program…

Sorry this is quick but need to go. Maybe someone else has some ideas…….Gail

[Guest guest]

I understand the power struggle. After 10 Years of seeing every psych. around, and then some, my sone has to be in control. He has to have the last word. i have learned to pick my battles, some day s it works, some days it does not. Power struggle meaning...my husband and I are the adults and therefore we are only doing or asking what is best for him. He has ODD , so he is very difiant, and this causes a power struggle.Gail Africa <lilies@...> wrote: -----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of cheer4mdawgsSent:

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 12:12 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Son and Aspergers My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries a lot. ***********Welcome to the group Amy. What stands out to me is “he cries a lot”. This is a concern. My now 13 year old did this often, though we were not told, when he was in Public School from the age of 4 -9. Stress and confusion with his environment, and what he was

supposed to do, brought the crying on. A long story, but he did end up being diagnosed clinically depressed and clinical when it came to anxiety at 9. It was very sad and very serious. We took him to a Psychiatrist. I guess I don’t understand the “power struggle” part. Does your husband argue with your son. We never had this problem so can’t really help, but if they are arguing back and forth, this needs to end on the adult end. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. **********If this is the case sounds like possibly counseling might be in order. really opened up when he had this at 9 and I certainly never thought I’d be sitting in a councilors office. ( months once a week was nerve wracking but at the time very helpful because we did not know what was going on with . We also need suggestions on punishment techniques. ********We’ve never had this problem but I

here 1 2 3 Magic is a good program… Sorry this is quick but need to go. Maybe someone else has some ideas…….Gail Crystal Statler26 Helen St.St. Onge, SD 57779605-641-3651 crystalfstatler@... alternate e-mail

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[Guest guest]

I agree that using his privledges as leverage is all that works. We also work on the 1-2-3 magic theory. This seems to give him time to think about what we are discussing. One of the things that I have found with our 8 year old aspie is that he sometimes will say no or be beligerent right off, but if I wait a minute he will do what I ask. WE have also found that we often have to make sure that he is looking at us when we are discussing the issue to make sure he is getting it. If he is then we use the negotiation of playtstation and game boy.

It has helped alot. We also do a lot of work around social stories and respect. We use behavior charts on and off as well. We have found that we have to continue to rotate our tools because they stop being effective after a while.

I agree with some of the posts recently on the BIO and nutritional methods too. We limit milk/casein products and I find that we have a much more difficult time with mood modulation when yeast levels are high. When we get into the phases where he is beligerent then I always check to see how is stomach has been and if he has small white bumps on his face. If so we need to increase the acidopholus, etc.

Sensory interventions and epson salt baths have also helped my son to be more able to modulate himself. I think one of the hardest things as a parent has been to learn to be more patient and to remember that our children are not usually doing this "just to bug us" and really cannot control the behaviors. Of course we also have had to learn to tell when he is just playing us. I found that when we can make that mental/emotional switch then it is easier to be more patient. I find when I am more patient and can take a moment to think about the behavior, what we need to do to get to the desired end result, then I can be more effective at helping him work through the moment. I find this is much more difficult for my husband!

Thanks everyone on the work related stuff! I know I just need to be thankful, do what is important and things will happen the way they are supposed to. It is nice to get the info though.

I did find out I am in a right to work state, with a really good non compete ina company that is privately owned under 50. So . . . .

lj

[Guest guest]

has not yet been diagnosed.... but I can totally relate with the crying and pins and needles and he's only 4. You never know just what is going to set him off. Something as simple as the wrong color cup. <ugh> He cries all the time... every little thing....

BTW... he was THE perfect baby... never cried... he was kind of blank actually. Sorry best way I know how to describe it... About 15months is when things started to really change. Anyone else have this type of experience?

~Carey~Homeschooling Mom to (6) (4) Jordan (2) 3 Dogs, 2 cats, 2 Ferretts, 1 Lovebird, 1 Rabbit, a Turtle and some Fish :)Usborne Books ConsultantFun, Educational, Childrens Books! http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/default.asp?sid=E2122 & gid=13972461

Son and Aspergers

My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. We also need suggestions on punishment techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these problems and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?Amy

[Guest guest]

Nope was hard even in Utero. Pre-term labor, born early. Never slept more than two hours at a time, wanted to nurse all the time. Did not like to be put down. I just thought that was normal until my daughter was born!

LJ

[Guest guest]

Hi Carey, was also the perfect baby. Slept all night, eat anything, and hardly cried. When he turned about two we started seeing and noticing things that were way different than with our son who is 15 months older. He would cry at everything and pitch fits that were uncontrollable to the point I would have to hold him (mainly when we told him no). He hated to leave my side and would scream it seemed like forever when we had to leave him. He would always want mommy and sit in my lap and twirl my hair and feel of my clothes. The Doctor passed it off as ADHD and the med's worked for a while. This summer between his 9th and 10th birthday he started with these crying meltdowns that would last anywhere between 15 min. to 2 hours over stuff like rocks and sticks to having to clean his room or make his bed. We had him evaluated and he was diagnoised and put on abilify. He was on this up until 3 weeks ago when we took him off because it seemed to be intensifying his

behaviors. He still has the meltdowns but they do not seem to be as long. Because he is high B and low A student the school and family think he is just trying to get out of trouble and just has authority and behavior problems. It is a miracle we get him dressed and to school on time because he cries from the time he wakes up to the time we get to school. The school doesn't think he is a "real" aspie because he does not meltdown but maybe once a week, so they keep putting us off. I wish they could come home and live in my shoes for a week. AmyCarey Hudson <HSMamaTo3LilMen@...> wrote: has not yet been diagnosed.... but I can totally relate with the crying and pins and needles and he's only 4. You never know

just what is going to set him off. Something as simple as the wrong color cup. <ugh> He cries all the time... every little thing.... BTW... he was THE perfect baby... never cried... he was kind of blank actually. Sorry best way I know how to describe it... About 15months is when things started to really change. Anyone else have this type of experience? ~Carey~Homeschooling Mom to (6) (4) Jordan (2) 3 Dogs, 2 cats, 2 Ferretts, 1 Lovebird, 1 Rabbit, a Turtle and some Fish :)Usborne Books ConsultantFun, Educational, Childrens Books! http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/default.asp?sid=E2122 & gid=13972461 Son and Aspergers My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard time dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard time dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we are walking on pins and needles. We also need

suggestions on punishment techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these problems and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?Amy

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

Let me respond to this as both a mom to a 14 year old asperger son and

one with aspergers myself. First the crying issue. My son has always

cried easily from an early age. At 14 it is still a problem but it is

getting better. Thankfully I have homeschooled him from day one so he

has not gotten a reputation of being a cry-baby. I too have difficulty

with crying easily. I feel emotions very strongly and just seeing a

sad news report or thinking about something in my past can make tears

well up. Actually just typing this is making me teary. My dad was

very hard on me about this to the point where he was abusive. I found

that the more he pointed it out and threatened punishment, the worse it

got. The harder I tried to stop crying, the more difficult it was to

control. Trying to stop from crying would be like trying to stop water

in a hose from coming out. It just creates pressure that must be

relieved somehow. Either leaks form or the plug explodes off and the

water comes out full-force. I don't really know if there is an answer

to this. I have come to realize that I just have to give up and accept

this in both myself and my son. Since we don't make such a big deal

about it, he seems to be doing it less. For me it is more acceptable

for a female to cry but a male is different. I just hope the woman he

marries realizes he is not a cry-baby but simply an emotional person.

My son also went through a time of dealing with authority. This really

was a problem before we knew he was aspergers. Once I figured it out,

things got alot better. I have come to realize it wasn't that he

didn't respect his dad but that he knew his dad didn't understand him.

Once I figured out he is aspergers, we all discussed what this means in

terms of strengths and weaknesses. We as his parents have discussed

the things that are hard for him that are related to aspergers and have

urged him that he has to work hard to overcome them. It was a switch

from us vs. him to the 3 of us vs. aspergers. We became partners or

allies instead of opponents. Once he knew that we understood how hard

things are for him, this has made it easier for him to accept our

authority.

>

> My son is 10 and has been diagnoised with Aspergers. He has a hard

time

> dealing with authority and it is constantly a power struggle with him

> and my husband. He also cries alot. My household is having a hard

time

> dealing with this situation and me and my husband always feel like we

> are walking on pins and needles. We also need suggestions on

punishment

> techniques. I feel like I am the only one out there with these

problems

> and feel quite alone. Can anyone relate?

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

was active in utero, born a

week late, uneventful labor and delivery other than he came out

screaming. He screamed for most of his first year. I tried what

seemed like every formula on the market thinking he had GI issues with them, I

was told he had Colic which he didn’t however he did have a sensitivity

to iron and we had the best luck with a low iron formula. He was

always a little “different” but being my first child I just assumed

that this was what a boy was like. He was smart and sensitive (a little

too sensitive). He hated certain fabrics, lights and noises. He

hated transition, and would tantrum or completely shut down during unexpected

change. He had no awareness of physical boundaries and always would seek

out an adult to resolve any peer conflict. I did not see how anything “major”

could be wrong with a child who was so intelligent though. At 7.9 he received the

diagnosis of ADHD with “other concerns” (list of AS symptoms but no

mention of the disorder itself!) through a full 14 page neuropsych eval. This

came after his teachers asked me to have him tested because in first grade he

was still tantruming on the floor over transition or things not going the way

he thought they should.

The people who did the neuron-psych never

gave me any PDD scales to fill out and I knew nothing about developmental

disorders at the time. I knew he fit the ADHD (not hyper just impulsive)

but I also knew there was something more about him that did not fit or have an

explanation.

When my daughter (7 years younger) started

getting older I started noticing startling developmental differences between

her and my son. She was VERY perceptive and aware of other peoples non

verbal cues and would comment on them. She had tons of pretend play which

is something he never did. For example, a banana was just a banana to him

where as to her it could also be a telephone etc…

I started to research again and stumbled

upon AS. I was told by a few that since my son wants to be socially

interactive he could not be AS, however he met every clinical criteria.

He was finally diagnosed last year at age 11 with Aspergers in addition to the

ADHD.

-Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of laclaylew@...

Sent: Friday, March 03, 2006 5:21

PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re:

Son and Aspergers

Nope was hard even in Utero.

Pre-term labor, born early. Never slept more than two hours at a time, wanted

to nurse all the time. Did not like to be put down. I just thought that was

normal until my daughter was born!

LJ

[Guest guest]

Charlotte,

I just read your post and it sounded exactly like my son's sory from the first sentence. He was diagnoised with PDD at 23 months and is my middle child. Today, at 11 years old he is verbal, independent and has some social and behavioral issues but has progressed beautifully. I have a behavoiralist who comes to the house each week (parent trainning) to work with us so far this has been great for pushing him forward. We'll see what puberty brings.............

Jill

www.jillarydesigns.com

-----Original Message-----From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ]On Behalf Of CharlotteSent: Saturday, March 04, 2006 12:05 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: RE: Son and Aspergers

was active in utero, born a week late, uneventful labor and delivery other than he came out screaming. He screamed for most of his first year. I tried what seemed like every formula on the market thinking he had GI issues with them, I was told he had Colic which he didn’t however he did have a sensitivity to iron and we had the best luck with a low iron formula. He was always a little “different” but being my first child I just assumed that this was what a boy was like. He was smart and sensitive (a little too sensitive). He hated certain fabrics, lights and noises. He hated transition, and would tantrum or completely shut down during unexpected change. He had no awareness of physical boundaries and always would seek out an adult to resolve any peer conflict. I did not see how anything “major” could be wrong with a child who was so intelligent though. At 7.9 he received the diagnosis of ADHD with “other concerns” (list of AS symptoms but no mention of the disorder itself!) through a full 14 page neuropsych eval. This came after his teachers asked me to have him tested because in first grade he was still tantruming on the floor over transition or things not going the way he thought they should.

The people who did the neuron-psych never gave me any PDD scales to fill out and I knew nothing about developmental disorders at the time. I knew he fit the ADHD (not hyper just impulsive) but I also knew there was something more about him that did not fit or have an explanation.

When my daughter (7 years younger) started getting older I started noticing startling developmental differences between her and my son. She was VERY perceptive and aware of other peoples non verbal cues and would comment on them. She had tons of pretend play which is something he never did. For example, a banana was just a banana to him where as to her it could also be a telephone etc…

I started to research again and stumbled upon AS. I was told by a few that since my son wants to be socially interactive he could not be AS, however he met every clinical criteria. He was finally diagnosed last year at age 11 with Aspergers in addition to the ADHD.

-Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of laclaylew@...Sent: Friday, March 03, 2006 5:21 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Son and Aspergers

Nope was hard even in Utero. Pre-term labor, born early. Never slept more than two hours at a time, wanted to nurse all the time. Did not like to be put down. I just thought that was normal until my daughter was born!

LJ

[Guest guest]

Maybe I need to have something like that

in place. Mine started middle school this year and I am now battling the

school because my A/B student just turned into a C/D student somehow between

the 2nd and 3rd semesters! Grrrr

-Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of Jill

Sent: Saturday, March 04, 2006

12:11 PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: RE:

Son and Aspergers

Charlotte,

I just read

your post and it sounded exactly like my son's sory from the first

sentence. He was diagnoised with PDD at 23 months and is my middle

child. Today, at 11 years old he is verbal, independent and has some

social and behavioral issues but has progressed beautifully. I have a

behavoiralist who comes to the house each week (parent trainning) to work with

us so far this has been great for pushing him forward. We'll see what

puberty brings.............

Jill

www.jillarydesigns.com

Re:

Son and Aspergers

Nope was hard even in Utero.

Pre-term labor, born early. Never slept more than two hours at a time, wanted

to nurse all the time. Did not like to be put down. I just thought that was

normal until my daughter was born!

LJ

[Guest guest]

You know my husband and I feel that way daily too! I feel like such a nag, but I know that the consistency is a good thing. The biggest problem is the need for a break for us parents. This year has been our best yet with fitting in socially and not having too many behavioral issues or inappropriate behavior at school. It is nice to read the posts here and see that what we are feeling is normal. I just feel so grateful that my husband and I made it through the rough first years and are on the same page as far as discipline and consistency.

LJ

[Guest guest]

Hi LJ,

How premmie was he? My twins were born at 24 weeks gestation and this

is why they have had so many problems.

Kaz xx

>

> Nope was hard even in Utero. Pre-term labor, born early. Never

slept

> more than two hours at a time, wanted to nurse all the time. Did not

like to be

> put down. I just thought that was normal until my daughter was born!

>

> LJ

>