Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hi !

Glad you found the site. The parents here have so much knowledge

collectively and I have found them to be a great resource and ongoing

support

Kim (mom to , age 6, Hyper IgE - Job Syndrome)

>From: " kmr7275 " <kmr7275@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: Introduction

>Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:09:17 -0000

>

>I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is , and my 18 month

>old daughter's name is Hannah. She has hyper ige syndrome/Job's

>syndrome. She was diagnosed at the age of 5 months old. So, far

>things have been somewhat frustrating, but not quite as bad as some

>people have had it. I know that things may get worse as she gets

>older, but so far, no IVIG treatments. I hope to be able to gain

>knowledge from all of you, but also be able to be an encourager to some

>of you as well.

>Thank you,

> Roach

>

[Guest guest]

Yes. I am glad you introduced it to me. I am finding that while

hyper ige has it's own characterisitics, all PID's are relatively

similar. I have been studying hyper ige, but I had not studied PID's

in general, so I started reading about them on the Jefferey Modell

website. That has shed some new light for me. I think in some way,

I am more discrouaged since I have found out more, but I needed a

dose of reality as well. I think I have somewhat been in denial

because we haven't had any huge problems yet, or at least since we

started the antibiotic. But I have proof that she has it--why am I

in denial?? I also realized that I have been fustrated with her not

feeling well most of the time, not sleeping well, and being fussy all

of her 18 months. I guess I thought things would just get better,

but now I am coming to terms with the fact that this is the life for

a parent of a PID child.

>

> Hi !

>

> Glad you found the site. The parents here have so much knowledge

> collectively and I have found them to be a great resource and

ongoing

> support

>

> Kim (mom to , age 6, Hyper IgE - Job Syndrome)

>

>

> >From: " kmr7275 " <kmr7275@...>

> >Reply-

> >

> >Subject: Introduction

> >Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:09:17 -0000

> >

> >I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is , and my 18

month

> >old daughter's name is Hannah. She has hyper ige syndrome/Job's

> >syndrome. She was diagnosed at the age of 5 months old. So, far

> >things have been somewhat frustrating, but not quite as bad as some

> >people have had it. I know that things may get worse as she gets

> >older, but so far, no IVIG treatments. I hope to be able to gain

> >knowledge from all of you, but also be able to be an encourager to

some

> >of you as well.

> >Thank you,

> > Roach

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

A big part of this process is the acceptance - its not your fault, and its

not Hannah's fault, its just something as her mother you have to deal with.

And if that means you take her to the doctor because you think something is

wrong, and they tell you she is fine - don't stress about it. One of these

times, unfortunately, you will be right and will have saved her life by

being so vigilant.

Like I told you on the phone, you don't get to pick the cards you are dealt

in life, you just get to play or fold. And I will not fold.

There are hard times - for you, for your marriage, for your kids, and

especially for Hannah. But there are also great times and milestones that

are achieved and seem so worthwhile especially because of the hard times.

And other people without a chronically ill child will have a hard time

understanding - friends, family, teachers, and sometimes spouses. It will

not go away and she will not outgrow it. You are not over-reacting.

It took our family a while, but PID is our new-normal. We always have a

backup plan when we make vacation plans, we don't tell about special

events until just before just in case he gets sick and they can't happen, we

let go to regular school now knowing that at some point we may have

to pull him and keep him home, we know where every hospital is close to

friends and families that we visit, we keep a bag packed for hospital trips

just in case we are going to be admitted.

You are normal. You know your daughter the best. You are her voice and her

advocate. And you will make it through this.

Big hug.

Kim, mom to (almost 7 with Hyper IgE, Job Syndrome)

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group! I have two boys with Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome.

They were on IVIG for many. Many years and we switched 3 years ago to SCIG

and have one that has been off for a year. You can *meet* my family on our

family website. You'll find lots of information here.

Peace be with you,

Pattie

Mom to age 14, healthy, age 12, Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome and

ph age 11, Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome

Our family website: <http://www.shwachman.50megs.com>

www.shwachman.50megs.com

Cleopatra's Blog: http://www.somewhereinegypt.blogspot.com

[Guest guest]

Kelley, I would also say that my son Lucas was well only about 10 days a year (

mid July) until we started the Gammaglobulin when he was 3. He had EVERY right

and reason to feel bad and be irritable and fussy and not sleep well. We have

had a great deal of physical stability in the past 3 or 4 years but in our case

Lucas is probably Bipolar and does have anxiety and depression. It is sad to

seem to him deal with life as he does but I find at this time his mental health

is our greater challenge. He really feels that he was not suppose to be born and

is VERY angry with having a PID so we have spent a good deal of time in

Counseling. I know every family and child is different and handles chronic

illness in different ways but illnesses in families is a major reason for

couples to NOT stay together. It is something to not take lightly and to work on

finding ways to reduce the enormous stress it puts on everyone. I too have 2

special needs kids and in my

case we have not stayed together and we still are facing many challenges for

the kids but both of us love them very much and they come first. I would

encourage you to continue to reach out for support wherever you can and to know

that she too is dealing with a great deal and you may need to get her some

further support as she grows. I know this is not a subject brought up very often

but I read some studies a couple of years ago done by some PHDs at Rainbow

Childrens( I do not know if I can find it) and basically it was saying that MANY

of these kids have other emotional or in some cases mental health issues due to

their chronic health problems and that it is important to address it early to

support them through it. For the kids that are hospitalized frequently it can be

relatively easier because their is staff addressing some of the issues but for

those that do so much of their invasive care outpatient and under the radar that

they are not given the

chance to deal with the sadness, anger, frustrtion, fears, anxieties etc. and a

great deal of it will come out in behaviors such as irritability, sleep

problems, depression etc. I hope I can find it now that I have said all of this.

It was about 10 years ago. So did I overload you???

BARBIE

________________________________

From: kmr7275 <kmr7275@...>

Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 8:31:37 AM

Subject: Re: Introduction

Yes. I am glad you introduced it to me. I am finding that while

hyper ige has it's own characterisitics, all PID's are relatively

similar. I have been studying hyper ige, but I had not studied PID's

in general, so I started reading about them on the Jefferey Modell

website. That has shed some new light for me. I think in some way,

I am more discrouaged since I have found out more, but I needed a

dose of reality as well. I think I have somewhat been in denial

because we haven't had any huge problems yet, or at least since we

started the antibiotic. But I have proof that she has it--why am I

in denial?? I also realized that I have been fustrated with her not

feeling well most of the time, not sleeping well, and being fussy all

of her 18 months. I guess I thought things would just get better,

but now I am coming to terms with the fact that this is the life for

a parent of a PID child.

>

> Hi !

>

> Glad you found the site. The parents here have so much knowledge

> collectively and I have found them to be a great resource and

ongoing

> support

>

> Kim (mom to , age 6, Hyper IgE - Job Syndrome)

>

>

> >From: " kmr7275 " <kmr7275@... >

> >Reply-groups (DOT) com

> >groups (DOT) com

> >Subject: Introduction

> >Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:09:17 -0000

> >

> >I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is , and my 18

month

> >old daughter's name is Hannah. She has hyper ige syndrome/Job' s

> >syndrome. She was diagnosed at the age of 5 months old. So, far

> >things have been somewhat frustrating, but not quite as bad as some

> >people have had it. I know that things may get worse as she gets

> >older, but so far, no IVIG treatments. I hope to be able to gain

> >knowledge from all of you, but also be able to be an encourager to

some

> >of you as well.

> >Thank you,

> > Roach

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for that. This is the first time I have connected with anyone

else with kids with PID's. I am getting a plethera of info that is

so helpful to me, but at the same time, very new to me. It's almost

as if I am hearing for the first time, that my daughter has this. I

haven't slept well this week. I keep thinking about things. Every

time we go to the doctor, they are so happy that she doesn't have any

of the problems that go with Job's, but they never ask how she is

feeling in general. But I think I have some new things to discuss

with them now. You know, all this week, Hannah has not felt well.

She has had diarrhea, and she follows me around the house and cries.

Then sometimes she just sits. She hasn't played much at all this

week, which is not normal for a 18 month old. It is truly fustrating

and sad.

>

> ,

>

> A big part of this process is the acceptance - its not your fault,

and its

> not Hannah's fault, its just something as her mother you have to

deal with.

> And if that means you take her to the doctor because you think

something is

> wrong, and they tell you she is fine - don't stress about it. One

of these

> times, unfortunately, you will be right and will have saved her

life by

> being so vigilant.

>

> Like I told you on the phone, you don't get to pick the cards you

are dealt

> in life, you just get to play or fold. And I will not fold.

>

> There are hard times - for you, for your marriage, for your kids,

and

> especially for Hannah. But there are also great times and

milestones that

> are achieved and seem so worthwhile especially because of the hard

times.

>

> And other people without a chronically ill child will have a hard

time

> understanding - friends, family, teachers, and sometimes spouses.

It will

> not go away and she will not outgrow it. You are not over-reacting.

>

> It took our family a while, but PID is our new-normal. We always

have a

> backup plan when we make vacation plans, we don't tell

about special

> events until just before just in case he gets sick and they can't

happen, we

> let go to regular school now knowing that at some point we

may have

> to pull him and keep him home, we know where every hospital is

close to

> friends and families that we visit, we keep a bag packed for

hospital trips

> just in case we are going to be admitted.

>

> You are normal. You know your daughter the best. You are her

voice and her

> advocate. And you will make it through this.

>

> Big hug.

>

> Kim, mom to (almost 7 with Hyper IgE, Job Syndrome)

>

[Guest guest]

Kirsten,

If you ask me how I feel about something, you won't get an answer straight

away. If you wait until I think about how I feel, and how that relates to

what I was doing - which may take a week or more if it is something

uncomplicated, then I may be able to answer. More than likely, I would just

think it was a dumb question and move on to something more interesting.

Feelings need to be processed logically before they are understood, and that

takes time. Most of the time it isn't worth it because it takes time away

from important things. Just ask your step son " why did you do that? " Or

take the direct approach and tell him not to do it. Autistic people have

trouble reading people, dogs are going to be more difficult. Cats are

better because they are 'normal'. They don't expect you to pay attention to

them all the time, and when they are sick of you they move on. And when

they do want attention, they make it very obvious what they want.

As for games, if he is like our son, just listening to him is all he expects

except perhaps for you to understand what he is saying. You don't need to

know a lot, just enough to follow. My wife has learnt the basics, but she

still doesn't have the patience to listen for as long as Ben can talk. 5-6

hours is nothing if it's a game he likes. If it is a game he really likes,

or the history of gaming, then he can go longer than any of us have ever

managed to last. I think all autistic people learn that you talk to someone

until they make it obvious they've had enough, then you just continue the

conversation in your head. At least then you are talking to someone who is

interested and understands what you are saying.

-------Original Message-------

From: Kirsten Fox

Date: 25/01/2009 7:39:48 PM

Hello,

I'm happy to meet you all. I'm 38, a newly re-married mom of 2 and now have

a 12 yr old step-son who has aspergers disorder and ADD. My son is 4, my

daughter is also 12. We've been married since end of July, so it's still

very recent.

I'm interested in reading about how others deal with aspergers and if there

are blended families out there dealing with autism or aspergers, I am

interested in learning from you all!

My step son has a very sweet heart and is a good boy. He has a lot of the

typical aspergers symptoms from what I've read (please forgive me if I am

not all that knowledgable about aspergers at this point, I am just

learning!) although he does have varied facial expressions, and he also has

a sense of humor. Right now I am finding it difficult to find a way to not

let his behavior bother me. I try to ignore what I can, but to be a good

mother, I try to gently explain to him that words can hurt people when they

are spoken bluntly etc. He is very literal about everything and for instance

this morning, we had a storm pass through (we live in Colorado) and I

remarked that it was a winter wonderland outside. He remarked- 'no, it's a

snow wonderland.' Sometimes frankly, it gets to me that he always 'corrects'

everyone to his opinion. Does that make sense? I try to keep my sense of

humor, and I do love him very much. He also has been feeling like he'! ;s

not included in the family, that he feels left out. His consuming passion is

video gaming, and much of it is violent/war and military gaming (his Dad

does not see a problem with that) and so, since I'm not into gaming, I find

it difficult to bond with him on any level, besides just listening to him

tell me about his newest game. He also gets very frustrated with my 4 yr old

son, wants to take on a parent like role with him in telling him what he can

or cannot do, and takes his frustrations out on our dog I find it

difficult to tell him over and over on a daily basis- please treat the dog

kindly, she doesn't like it when you lay or her or hold her muzzle and try

to dominate her. It's like he has no idea how to read her responses. Then

again, he is quite intelligent, yet uses a form of avoidance when he's done

something wrong (like hold the dog down). He acts like he has no idea what I

m talking about when the incident has just occurred before my eyes! . I

always use a gentle and calm voice about it, but I feel it must be

addressed! I ask him a question like' why did you feel you needed to lay on

her?' he will basically respond which a 'what?' like he doesn't understand

what I'm asking at all, or like he has no idea what I'm talking about.

Anyway, nice to meet you all, and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom from you

all!

Sincerely,

Kirsten in CO

[Guest guest]

Kirsten,

If you ask me how I feel about something, you won't get an answer straight

away. If you wait until I think about how I feel, and how that relates to

what I was doing - which may take a week or more if it is something

uncomplicated, then I may be able to answer. More than likely, I would just

think it was a dumb question and move on to something more interesting.

Feelings need to be processed logically before they are understood, and that

takes time. Most of the time it isn't worth it because it takes time away

from important things. Just ask your step son " why did you do that? " Or

take the direct approach and tell him not to do it. Autistic people have

trouble reading people, dogs are going to be more difficult. Cats are

better because they are 'normal'. They don't expect you to pay attention to

them all the time, and when they are sick of you they move on. And when

they do want attention, they make it very obvious what they want.

As for games, if he is like our son, just listening to him is all he expects

except perhaps for you to understand what he is saying. You don't need to

know a lot, just enough to follow. My wife has learnt the basics, but she

still doesn't have the patience to listen for as long as Ben can talk. 5-6

hours is nothing if it's a game he likes. If it is a game he really likes,

or the history of gaming, then he can go longer than any of us have ever

managed to last. I think all autistic people learn that you talk to someone

until they make it obvious they've had enough, then you just continue the

conversation in your head. At least then you are talking to someone who is

interested and understands what you are saying.

-------Original Message-------

From: Kirsten Fox

Date: 25/01/2009 7:39:48 PM

Hello,

I'm happy to meet you all. I'm 38, a newly re-married mom of 2 and now have

a 12 yr old step-son who has aspergers disorder and ADD. My son is 4, my

daughter is also 12. We've been married since end of July, so it's still

very recent.

I'm interested in reading about how others deal with aspergers and if there

are blended families out there dealing with autism or aspergers, I am

interested in learning from you all!

My step son has a very sweet heart and is a good boy. He has a lot of the

typical aspergers symptoms from what I've read (please forgive me if I am

not all that knowledgable about aspergers at this point, I am just

learning!) although he does have varied facial expressions, and he also has

a sense of humor. Right now I am finding it difficult to find a way to not

let his behavior bother me. I try to ignore what I can, but to be a good

mother, I try to gently explain to him that words can hurt people when they

are spoken bluntly etc. He is very literal about everything and for instance

this morning, we had a storm pass through (we live in Colorado) and I

remarked that it was a winter wonderland outside. He remarked- 'no, it's a

snow wonderland.' Sometimes frankly, it gets to me that he always 'corrects'

everyone to his opinion. Does that make sense? I try to keep my sense of

humor, and I do love him very much. He also has been feeling like he'! ;s

not included in the family, that he feels left out. His consuming passion is

video gaming, and much of it is violent/war and military gaming (his Dad

does not see a problem with that) and so, since I'm not into gaming, I find

it difficult to bond with him on any level, besides just listening to him

tell me about his newest game. He also gets very frustrated with my 4 yr old

son, wants to take on a parent like role with him in telling him what he can

or cannot do, and takes his frustrations out on our dog I find it

difficult to tell him over and over on a daily basis- please treat the dog

kindly, she doesn't like it when you lay or her or hold her muzzle and try

to dominate her. It's like he has no idea how to read her responses. Then

again, he is quite intelligent, yet uses a form of avoidance when he's done

something wrong (like hold the dog down). He acts like he has no idea what I

m talking about when the incident has just occurred before my eyes! . I

always use a gentle and calm voice about it, but I feel it must be

addressed! I ask him a question like' why did you feel you needed to lay on

her?' he will basically respond which a 'what?' like he doesn't understand

what I'm asking at all, or like he has no idea what I'm talking about.

Anyway, nice to meet you all, and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom from you

all!

Sincerely,

Kirsten in CO

[Guest guest]

Hi , I know this wasn't addressed to me but I wanted to tell you how much your email help me to understand my son!

Thanks for your contributions to this group, they are such a godsend!

Estevan, SK

Canada

-- Re: introduction

Kirsten,If you ask me how I feel about something, you won't get an answer straightaway. If you wait until I think about how I feel, and how that relates towhat I was doing - which may take a week or more if it is somethinguncomplicated, then I may be able to answer. More than likely, I would justthink it was a dumb question and move on to something more interesting. Feelings need to be processed logically before they are understood, and thattakes time. Most of the time it isn't worth it because it takes time awayfrom important things. Just ask your step son "why did you do that?" Ortake the direct approach and tell him not to do it. Autistic people havetrouble reading people, dogs are going to be more difficult. Cats arebetter because they are 'normal'. They don't expect you to pay attention tothem all the time, and when they are sick of you they move on. And whenthey do want attention, they make it very obvious what they want.As for games, if he is like our son, just listening to him is all he expectsexcept perhaps for you to understand what he is saying. You don't need toknow a lot, just enough to follow. My wife has learnt the basics, but shestill doesn't have the patience to listen for as long as Ben can talk. 5-6hours is nothing if it's a game he likes. If it is a game he really likes,or the history of gaming, then he can go longer than any of us have evermanaged to last. I think all autistic people learn that you talk to someoneuntil they make it obvious they've had enough, then you just continue theconversation in your head. At least then you are talking to someone who isinterested and understands what you are saying.-------Original Message------- From: Kirsten Fox Date: 25/01/2009 7:39:48 PM Hello, I'm happy to meet you all. I'm 38, a newly re-married mom of 2 and now havea 12 yr old step-son who has aspergers disorder and ADD. My son is 4, mydaughter is also 12. We've been married since end of July, so it's stillvery recent. I'm interested in reading about how others deal with aspergers and if thereare blended families out there dealing with autism or aspergers, I aminterested in learning from you all! My step son has a very sweet heart and is a good boy. He has a lot of thetypical aspergers symptoms from what I've read (please forgive me if I amnot all that knowledgable about aspergers at this point, I am justlearning!) although he does have varied facial expressions, and he also hasa sense of humor. Right now I am finding it difficult to find a way to notlet his behavior bother me. I try to ignore what I can, but to be a goodmother, I try to gently explain to him that words can hurt people when theyare spoken bluntly etc. He is very literal about everything and for instancethis morning, we had a storm pass through (we live in Colorado) and Iremarked that it was a winter wonderland outside. He remarked- 'no, it's asnow wonderland.' Sometimes frankly, it gets to me that he always 'corrects'everyone to his opinion. Does that make sense? I try to keep my sense ofhumor, and I do love him very much. He also has been feeling like he'! ;snot included in the family, that he feels left out. His consuming passion isvideo gaming, and much of it is violent/war and military gaming (his Daddoes not see a problem with that) and so, since I'm not into gaming, I findit difficult to bond with him on any level, besides just listening to himtell me about his newest game. He also gets very frustrated with my 4 yr oldson, wants to take on a parent like role with him in telling him what he canor cannot do, and takes his frustrations out on our dog I find itdifficult to tell him over and over on a daily basis- please treat the dogkindly, she doesn't like it when you lay or her or hold her muzzle and tryto dominate her. It's like he has no idea how to read her responses. Thenagain, he is quite intelligent, yet uses a form of avoidance when he's donesomething wrong (like hold the dog down). He acts like he has no idea what Im talking about when the incident has just occurred before my eyes! . Ialways use a gentle and calm voice about it, but I feel it must beaddressed! I ask him a question like' why did you feel you needed to lay onher?' he will basically respond which a 'what?' like he doesn't understandwhat I'm asking at all, or like he has no idea what I'm talking about. Anyway, nice to meet you all, and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom from youall! Sincerely, Kirsten in CO

[Guest guest]

Kirsten,

Your stepson sounds like my son. He is 13, is very funny and kind,

and loves video games too. I have the same problem that all he wants

to do is gaming and I can't stand them. He doesn't do the violent

types of games so I can usually find one that I can tolerate, like a

racing game, even for a while. I challenge him to do something with

me I like to do if I do something he likes to do.

As far as the dog, your son may not be able access his own feelings

of why he treats it that way as it is an abstract idea. Maybe if you

asked him " What is the dog doing that makes you treat him this way " .

Sometimes they can only understand things in concrete terms. My son

is very rule-oriented, so if it is something HE considers a rule he

won't do it. He has to be convinced in his own mind, though, which

is not always doable.

One thing to remember is that these kids don't learn the normal

social skills as naturally as most kids. A lot of things that kids

normally just pick up on he hasn't. They need to be specifically

taught and it may take him longer to learn them. Yes, this can be

frustrating. Just this morning my son was getting out of the van and

the person opening the door didn't hear him say something so he

repeated it in a very loud, " didn't you hear me the first time? "

voice. I thought, okay, time to give him a talk on how if someone

asks you a question twice it may be because they didn't hear you the

first time, something that would occur to you or I.

Don't feel bad that you are frustrated with his behaviour. This is

all new to you and you have lots of adjustments to make right now.

My husband has a hard time with my son's behaviour too and he has

known him all his life. When my son was first diagnosed (4 years

ago) I read somewhere that behaviour is communication. That gave me a

whole new insight into him and why he does the things he does. He

needs to learn what is acceptable and polite and right, but the

quirkyness I accept as part of who he is, a funny, smart, kind, never

boring kid. Hang in there,

Jule W.

>

> Kirsten,

>

> If you ask me how I feel about something, you won't get an answer

straight

> away. If you wait until I think about how I feel, and how that

relates to

> what I was doing - which may take a week or more if it is something

> uncomplicated, then I may be able to answer. More than likely, I

would just

> think it was a dumb question and move on to something more

interesting.

> Feelings need to be processed logically before they are understood,

and that

> takes time. Most of the time it isn't worth it because it takes

time away

> from important things. Just ask your step son " why did you do

that? " Or

> take the direct approach and tell him not to do it. Autistic

people have

> trouble reading people, dogs are going to be more difficult. Cats

are

> better because they are 'normal'. They don't expect you to pay

attention to

> them all the time, and when they are sick of you they move on. And

when

> they do want attention, they make it very obvious what they want.

>

> As for games, if he is like our son, just listening to him is all

he expects

> except perhaps for you to understand what he is saying. You don't

need to

> know a lot, just enough to follow. My wife has learnt the basics,

but she

> still doesn't have the patience to listen for as long as Ben can

talk. 5-6

> hours is nothing if it's a game he likes. If it is a game he

really likes,

> or the history of gaming, then he can go longer than any of us have

ever

> managed to last. I think all autistic people learn that you talk

to someone

> until they make it obvious they've had enough, then you just

continue the

> conversation in your head. At least then you are talking to

someone who is

> interested and understands what you are saying.

>

>

>

> -------Original Message-------

>

> From: Kirsten Fox

> Date: 25/01/2009 7:39:48 PM

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I'm happy to meet you all. I'm 38, a newly re-married mom of 2 and

now have

> a 12 yr old step-son who has aspergers disorder and ADD. My son is

4, my

> daughter is also 12. We've been married since end of July, so it's

still

> very recent.

>

> I'm interested in reading about how others deal with aspergers and

if there

> are blended families out there dealing with autism or aspergers, I

am

> interested in learning from you all!

>

> My step son has a very sweet heart and is a good boy. He has a lot

of the

> typical aspergers symptoms from what I've read (please forgive me

if I am

> not all that knowledgable about aspergers at this point, I am just

> learning!) although he does have varied facial expressions, and he

also has

> a sense of humor. Right now I am finding it difficult to find a way

to not

> let his behavior bother me. I try to ignore what I can, but to be a

good

> mother, I try to gently explain to him that words can hurt people

when they

> are spoken bluntly etc. He is very literal about everything and for

instance

> this morning, we had a storm pass through (we live in Colorado)

and I

> remarked that it was a winter wonderland outside. He remarked- 'no,

it's a

> snow wonderland.' Sometimes frankly, it gets to me that he

always 'corrects'

> everyone to his opinion. Does that make sense? I try to keep my

sense of

> humor, and I do love him very much. He also has been feeling like

he'! ;s

> not included in the family, that he feels left out. His consuming

passion is

> video gaming, and much of it is violent/war and military gaming

(his Dad

> does not see a problem with that) and so, since I'm not into

gaming, I find

> it difficult to bond with him on any level, besides just listening

to him

> tell me about his newest game. He also gets very frustrated with my

4 yr old

> son, wants to take on a parent like role with him in telling him

what he can

> or cannot do, and takes his frustrations out on our dog I find it

> difficult to tell him over and over on a daily basis- please treat

the dog

> kindly, she doesn't like it when you lay or her or hold her muzzle

and try

> to dominate her. It's like he has no idea how to read her

responses. Then

> again, he is quite intelligent, yet uses a form of avoidance when

he's done

> something wrong (like hold the dog down). He acts like he has no

idea what I

> m talking about when the incident has just occurred before my

eyes! . I

> always use a gentle and calm voice about it, but I feel it must be

> addressed! I ask him a question like' why did you feel you needed

to lay on

> her?' he will basically respond which a 'what?' like he doesn't

understand

> what I'm asking at all, or like he has no idea what I'm talking

about.

>

> Anyway, nice to meet you all, and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom

from you

> all!

>

> Sincerely,

> Kirsten in CO

>

[Guest guest]

Kirsten—welcome and congratulations!

My son is 12 and we have been reminding him of various things on a daily basis

for. . .years. Most likely you will have to tell him about the dog and

any other number of things day in and day out—over and over again. I’m

not sure it will change—I’m hoping yes! I hope I don’t

sound negative, but I want you to get a realistic picture of what living with a

special needs child is like. On many accounts they seem like any other

child, but there are days when I need to remind myself that my son thinks

differently than I do—and that it is real. Just a suggestion--have

found the computer to be a HUGE motivator. My son is allowed on the

computer under his profile for 45 minutes a day and then is automatically

logged off after that time. I’m out of the picture and it’s

cut and dry. Anything he hasn’t done, needs to do, is doing wrong,

etc. is usually taken care of with the reminder of being able to use the

computer. Perhaps you could use his love of gaming to this advantage—though

having your husband implement it and you just “playing by the rules”

as to not seem the bad guy (which could easily happen in a new, blended

family). Also, it is wonderful that you are on this group and reaching

out—I commend you. You may also want to seek some other

professional help to learn how to work with your son, or even just to

vent. You are dealing with a lot on your plate right now with a new

marriage, being a mom, etc., but add to that the extra dimension of a special

needs child and you’ve got a lot of potential stress in your life and new

marriage.

One other recommendation—focus, focus, focus on his

wonderful aspects that make him who he is. It sounds like you’re

already doing that. See if you can help him find something else he is

interested in that you both can share a love for, and make that a special way

to form a good relationship and develop love for one another.

Good luck—you sound like a wonderful and dedicated

mother!

Joy

____________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

I have an 11 year of Asperger's son & he loves transformers, legos, and Wall-E things. It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying "Look, Mom! Watch this!, etc." He wants constant attention & wants to be acknowledged. My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a lot of that for social issues and stuff.

My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain terms, "Mom, did you brush your teeth today? Your breath stinks!" and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either. He is also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without first asking for permission. It has taken YEARS to get him to ask permission. He's getting better about it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see exactly what they mean. For example, I can tell my son to look both ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he is "looking" for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost as if he has a photographic memory of some sort. He says that's how he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once & then, he has it down.

My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he "corrects" me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people say things different ways. My sister-in-law taught him how to take a joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too. It took him a long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so funny. I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but true.

Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from wrong, unless they are taught. Sitting or laying on the dog may be a sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know any better. You would probably have to explain that when he does it, it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down. You could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to do so & to not be surprised at that.

My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games. So, his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

I hope that helps a little bit. Feel free to ask any questions you want to! This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having an outlet to go to!

Welcome aboard!

Meshel Swanson

[Guest guest]

Hi, My son is 11 & was diagnosed with Aspergers a little oer a year

ago, until then it was anything the docs thought they could pin his

behaviors on... I see alot of my son in listening to yo describe your

son. This is more of a relief than you know. I have 3 other kids,

opnly 2 at home. No matter how hard anyone tries they just don't get

it.

>

I am remarried & my first husband won't have anything to do with

education of any kind for himself or to even try to make things

better. thanks for the Pep talk!

Doris

>

> I have an 11 year of Asperger's son  & he loves transformers, legos,

and Wall-E things.  It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on

something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying " Look,

Mom! Watch this!, etc. "   He wants constant attention & wants to be

acknowledged.  My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching

him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role

playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things

they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a

lot of that for social issues and stuff.

>  

> My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain

terms, " Mom, did you brush your teeth today?  Your breath stinks! "

and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either.  He is

also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without

first asking for permission.  It has taken YEARS to get him to ask

permission.  He's getting better about it.

>  

> When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were

intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see

exactly what they mean.  For example, I can tell my son to look both

ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he

is " looking " for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. 

On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way

home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost

as if he has a photographic memory of some sort.  He says that's how

he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once &

then, he has it down.

>  

> My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING

literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he " corrects "

me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people

say things different ways.  My sister-in-law taught him how to take a

joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too.  It took him a

long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so

funny.  I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very

literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you

want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but

true.

>  

> Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from

wrong, unless they are taught.  Sitting or laying on the dog may be a

sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know

any better.  You would probably have to explain that when he does it,

it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down.  You

could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to

do so & to not be surprised at that.

>  

> My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for

the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was

having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games.  So,

his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

>  

> I hope that helps a little bit.  Feel free to ask any questions you

want to!  This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having

an outlet to go to!

>  

> Welcome aboard!

>  

> Meshel Swanson

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Meshel and all!

Thank you so much for your e-mail! Seems like your son and mine have some things in common

My son seems to understand facial expressions, and he himself is fairly emotive. He has a very loud boisterous laugh and thinks a lot of things are funny, especially when he watches TV. My son also wants attention all the time- he is very affectionate as well, always giving me hugs (really hard squeezes!). He also say's 'hi' whenever you come back into the room, even if you've just left to go into another one and have come right back in. It's interesting. He gets spurts of hyperactivity where he jumps up and down and talks so quickly and loudly you cannot understand what he's saying- this is usually about a new game he's excited about getting or playing, yet he's not always super hyper like that, at least it doesn't last all day, but he will have these hyper spurts between 'calm' time.

The situation with our dog really concerns me. He's been displaying this type of behavior ever since we got her seven months ago. She does growl at him, and in the past couple of days, I've observed him go over and wrestle her to the ground and lay on her, and when she growls, he'll hit her in the face!! This is totally unacceptable behavior- and I tell him whenever I catch him doing that- that 'that's not OK, we don't hit animals or hurt them. She is just telling you with her growl, that she doesn't like what you're doing to her. It's not OK to hit her. Her growl means please leave me alone or I may bite you.' But...it just keeps happening. Later, he will come up to me and ask me if I still love him, and if he's a good boy or not, because he's mean to our dog. I tell him he's always a good boy, but sometimes he does things that he shouldn't do! That doesn't make him bad, just needs to work on those things. Being a new step-Mom to a step son with Asperbergs is difficult- I haven't had years to get used to it, but I'm trying! It is frustrating to me that he cannot control himself with her. I don't like that he pulls out her whiskers, and now that's he's hitting her, I am really worried if he cannot control himself, what if it escalates to kicking her? The dog is very attached to me, and I think it is a source of jealousy for Jonah. He expresses a desire that she be that way with him, follow him around and be close to him. I think he wants to be loving with her, but he cannot seem to control his behavior. I always praise him when I see him petting her nicely, though this is rare. He usually holds her by her collar so that she cannot get away, which of course she doesn't like. I feel like I tell him 20 or more times a day, to leave her alone, please stop holding her by the colar, don't lay on her, stop pulling out her hair, don't hit her...I'm getting drained with it, and I really don't want our dog mistreated! I imagine she will eventually bite him. Also, he seems to take things out on her- if he's frustrated with anything else, he does something to 'dominate' her. I ask him to please come and talk to me about anything he's going through, because it's not fair to take out his frustrations on a helpless animal. He has been asking for his 'own' pet- he desperately wants a ferret- but with the way he treats the dog, I am quite afraid that in the privacy of his own room, he may torture the poor thing if we aren't there to protect it. I would love your input!

Thank you all for your input, I am learning a lot reading your posts and look forward to your input on this!

Thank you!

Kirsten in CO

On Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 5:14 AM, <seethegoodineverything@...> wrote:

I have an 11 year of Asperger's son & he loves transformers, legos, and Wall-E things. It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying " Look, Mom! Watch this!, etc. " He wants constant attention & wants to be acknowledged. My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a lot of that for social issues and stuff.

My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain terms, " Mom, did you brush your teeth today? Your breath stinks! " and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either. He is also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without first asking for permission. It has taken YEARS to get him to ask permission. He's getting better about it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see exactly what they mean. For example, I can tell my son to look both ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he is " looking " for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost as if he has a photographic memory of some sort. He says that's how he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once & then, he has it down.

My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he " corrects " me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people say things different ways. My sister-in-law taught him how to take a joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too. It took him a long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so funny. I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but true.

Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from wrong, unless they are taught. Sitting or laying on the dog may be a sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know any better. You would probably have to explain that when he does it, it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down. You could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to do so & to not be surprised at that.

My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games. So, his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

I hope that helps a little bit. Feel free to ask any questions you want to! This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having an outlet to go to!

Welcome aboard!

Meshel Swanson -- Like the firefly, even the smallest flicker of light shines brightly in the dark...let your light shine for all the world to see.

Kirsten Fox, cmt, le, clt

[Guest guest]

The behavior with the dog would concern me, too. I think your son might need therapy for that kind of aggression. He definitely needs to learn better coping strategies for his problems.A LOT of folks with Asperger's think that so-and-so was mean to them when nothing of the sort was ever meant, because they miss social cues and stuff. So he COULD, theoretically, be acting out as a way of coping with some past trauma - say his bio mom told him he was wrong for X once when he was 8. And let's say it was something bad, like he ran out into busy traffic or something and it scared her half to death and she REALLY yelled at him. So now he thinks his bio mom hates him.

She could be the most loving, supportive mom on the planet who would NEVER do a thing to harm her kid. It doesn't matter - if he THINKS she hates him, he'll react like someone who's been abused. And that's just one example, I'm sure you could come up with about a million more.

That's what therapy could get to the bottom of.The other thing to consider is way scarier. Mental Illness can develop in anyone at any age. For some reason, there seems to be a greater correlation between Autism/Asperger's and stuff like Schizophrenia. It's at least worth keeping your guard up about. If he has any breaks with reality, you'll know to move swiftly.

Another thing to consider - seizure activity. About 20 to 30% of kids with Autism develop seizures around adolecense. Maybe he really CAN'T control his behavior. Is it definitely purposeful? Does he definitely know that it's the dog he's hitting? Etc.

I'd also agree with you on the ferret.FWIW, out of all my suggestions, I think the first one is closest to the mark. He could just be frustrated and jealous, like you said, and that's it. If so, he simply needs to learn better ways to communicate/vent his frustration. In fact, he could be hitting the dog because she represents all the kids who have rejected him through the years. All he ever wanted was to make friends and they always rejected him. Now this DOG, who EVERYONE knows is supposed to be the best buddy to the KID, doesn't want anything to do with him?!? That is JUST.NOT.FAIR!

So maybe that's the issue, and some grief counseling will go a long way for him. HTH!EstherOn Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:15 PM, Kirsten Fox <fireflykirsten@...> wrote:

Dear Meshel and all!

Thank you so much for your e-mail! Seems like your son and mine have some things in common

My son seems to understand facial expressions, and he himself is fairly emotive. He has a very loud boisterous laugh and thinks a lot of things are funny, especially when he watches TV. My son also wants attention all the time- he is very affectionate as well, always giving me hugs (really hard squeezes!). He also say's 'hi' whenever you come back into the room, even if you've just left to go into another one and have come right back in. It's interesting. He gets spurts of hyperactivity where he jumps up and down and talks so quickly and loudly you cannot understand what he's saying- this is usually about a new game he's excited about getting or playing, yet he's not always super hyper like that, at least it doesn't last all day, but he will have these hyper spurts between 'calm' time.

The situation with our dog really concerns me. He's been displaying this type of behavior ever since we got her seven months ago. She does growl at him, and in the past couple of days, I've observed him go over and wrestle her to the ground and lay on her, and when she growls, he'll hit her in the face!! This is totally unacceptable behavior- and I tell him whenever I catch him doing that- that 'that's not OK, we don't hit animals or hurt them. She is just telling you with her growl, that she doesn't like what you're doing to her. It's not OK to hit her. Her growl means please leave me alone or I may bite you.' But...it just keeps happening. Later, he will come up to me and ask me if I still love him, and if he's a good boy or not, because he's mean to our dog. I tell him he's always a good boy, but sometimes he does things that he shouldn't do! That doesn't make him bad, just needs to work on those things. Being a new step-Mom to a step son with Asperbergs is difficult- I haven't had years to get used to it, but I'm trying! It is frustrating to me that he cannot control himself with her. I don't like that he pulls out her whiskers, and now that's he's hitting her, I am really worried if he cannot control himself, what if it escalates to kicking her? The dog is very attached to me, and I think it is a source of jealousy for Jonah. He expresses a desire that she be that way with him, follow him around and be close to him. I think he wants to be loving with her, but he cannot seem to control his behavior. I always praise him when I see him petting her nicely, though this is rare. He usually holds her by her collar so that she cannot get away, which of course she doesn't like. I feel like I tell him 20 or more times a day, to leave her alone, please stop holding her by the colar, don't lay on her, stop pulling out her hair, don't hit her...I'm getting drained with it, and I really don't want our dog mistreated! I imagine she will eventually bite him. Also, he seems to take things out on her- if he's frustrated with anything else, he does something to 'dominate' her. I ask him to please come and talk to me about anything he's going through, because it's not fair to take out his frustrations on a helpless animal. He has been asking for his 'own' pet- he desperately wants a ferret- but with the way he treats the dog, I am quite afraid that in the privacy of his own room, he may torture the poor thing if we aren't there to protect it. I would love your input!

Thank you all for your input, I am learning a lot reading your posts and look forward to your input on this!

Thank you!

Kirsten in CO

On Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 5:14 AM, <seethegoodineverything@...> wrote:

I have an 11 year of Asperger's son & he loves transformers, legos, and Wall-E things. It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying " Look, Mom! Watch this!, etc. " He wants constant attention & wants to be acknowledged. My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a lot of that for social issues and stuff.

My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain terms, " Mom, did you brush your teeth today? Your breath stinks! " and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either. He is also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without first asking for permission. It has taken YEARS to get him to ask permission. He's getting better about it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see exactly what they mean. For example, I can tell my son to look both ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he is " looking " for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost as if he has a photographic memory of some sort. He says that's how he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once & then, he has it down.

My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he " corrects " me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people say things different ways. My sister-in-law taught him how to take a joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too. It took him a long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so funny. I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but true.

Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from wrong, unless they are taught. Sitting or laying on the dog may be a sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know any better. You would probably have to explain that when he does it, it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down. You could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to do so & to not be surprised at that.

My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games. So, his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

I hope that helps a little bit. Feel free to ask any questions you want to! This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having an outlet to go to!

Welcome aboard!

Meshel Swanson -- Like the firefly, even the smallest flicker of light shines brightly in the dark...let your light shine for all the world to see.

Kirsten Fox, cmt, le, clt

[Guest guest]

Dear Kirsten,

I don't know if your son has had any evaluations by a good occupational therapists with lots of "sendory intergration" experience but if not, that's one thing you need. Sound like your son needs lots of proprioceptive input and perhaps vestibular as well. I have known about this for a long time and got lots of help in this area and now understand why he really needs that physical exertion and proprioceptive input. It's calming to them. Deep pressure would be helpful, possibly gymnastics, running....etc.... the possibilities are endless but would be best determined by a professional that I have mentioned. Littlegiantsteps.org is a great neuro-developmental program that I bet he would benefit from. Also, AIT has been a God Send for my son - DId it 4 times at least. Auditory Integration Therapy, Berard. To work on the auditory problems.

My son is 13, now has a second degree black belt in Taewkwondo and is learning to box. It calms him and gives him confidence.

About the dog. There are reasons why you son is doing this (that the dog does not understand of course) and there is never a reason for your dog to bite him - I would watch the dog. It's just a bad mix so you need to remember who is more important and either get rid of the dog or just spend tons of time monitoring it for now until your son develops and gets the results his body is telling his brain that he needs.

Debbie, Texas

I have an 11 year of Asperger's son & he loves transformers, legos, and Wall-E things. It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying "Look, Mom! Watch this!, etc." He wants constant attention & wants to be acknowledged. My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a lot of that for social issues and stuff.

My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain terms, "Mom, did you brush your teeth today? Your breath stinks!" and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either. He is also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without first asking for permission. It has taken YEARS to get him to ask permission. He's getting better about it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see exactly what they mean. For example, I can tell my son to look both ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he is "looking" for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost as if he has a photographic memory of some sort. He says that's how he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once & then, he has it down.

My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he "corrects" me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people say things different ways. My sister-in-law taught him how to take a joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too. It took him a long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so funny. I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but true.

Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from wrong, unless they are taught. Sitting or laying on the dog may be a sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know any better. You would probably have to explain that when he does it, it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down. You could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to do so & to not be surprised at that.

My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games. So, his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

I hope that helps a little bit. Feel free to ask any questions you want to! This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having an outlet to go to!

Welcome aboard!

Meshel Swanson -- Like the firefly, even the smallest flicker of light shines brightly in the dark...let your light shine for all the world to see.Kirsten Fox, cmt, le, clt

[Guest guest]

Excellent suggestions Esther, Thank you! We just started family counseling to help with our blended family issues, and I hope that this will help Jonah. He definitely does these things deliberately, and he knows what he is doing is wrong as he will apologize later, and we have had long talks about how animals have feelings too. He does repeatedly tell me he wishes he would have a pet that would love him and follow him around and want to be with him, so I think your jealousy/rejection theory is right on!

Thanks,

Kirsten

On Sun, Feb 1, 2009 at 7:34 AM, Esther Kraig <esther.kraig@...> wrote:

The behavior with the dog would concern me, too. I think your son might need therapy for that kind of aggression. He definitely needs to learn better coping strategies for his problems.A LOT of folks with Asperger's think that so-and-so was mean to them when nothing of the sort was ever meant, because they miss social cues and stuff. So he COULD, theoretically, be acting out as a way of coping with some past trauma - say his bio mom told him he was wrong for X once when he was 8. And let's say it was something bad, like he ran out into busy traffic or something and it scared her half to death and she REALLY yelled at him. So now he thinks his bio mom hates him.

She could be the most loving, supportive mom on the planet who would NEVER do a thing to harm her kid. It doesn't matter - if he THINKS she hates him, he'll react like someone who's been abused. And that's just one example, I'm sure you could come up with about a million more.

That's what therapy could get to the bottom of.The other thing to consider is way scarier. Mental Illness can develop in anyone at any age. For some reason, there seems to be a greater correlation between Autism/Asperger's and stuff like Schizophrenia. It's at least worth keeping your guard up about. If he has any breaks with reality, you'll know to move swiftly.

Another thing to consider - seizure activity. About 20 to 30% of kids with Autism develop seizures around adolecense. Maybe he really CAN'T control his behavior. Is it definitely purposeful? Does he definitely know that it's the dog he's hitting? Etc.

I'd also agree with you on the ferret.FWIW, out of all my suggestions, I think the first one is closest to the mark. He could just be frustrated and jealous, like you said, and that's it. If so, he simply needs to learn better ways to communicate/vent his frustration. In fact, he could be hitting the dog because she represents all the kids who have rejected him through the years. All he ever wanted was to make friends and they always rejected him. Now this DOG, who EVERYONE knows is supposed to be the best buddy to the KID, doesn't want anything to do with him?!? That is JUST.NOT.FAIR!

So maybe that's the issue, and some grief counseling will go a long way for him. HTH!Esther

On Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:15 PM, Kirsten Fox <fireflykirsten@...> wrote:

Dear Meshel and all!

Thank you so much for your e-mail! Seems like your son and mine have some things in common

My son seems to understand facial expressions, and he himself is fairly emotive. He has a very loud boisterous laugh and thinks a lot of things are funny, especially when he watches TV. My son also wants attention all the time- he is very affectionate as well, always giving me hugs (really hard squeezes!). He also say's 'hi' whenever you come back into the room, even if you've just left to go into another one and have come right back in. It's interesting. He gets spurts of hyperactivity where he jumps up and down and talks so quickly and loudly you cannot understand what he's saying- this is usually about a new game he's excited about getting or playing, yet he's not always super hyper like that, at least it doesn't last all day, but he will have these hyper spurts between 'calm' time.

The situation with our dog really concerns me. He's been displaying this type of behavior ever since we got her seven months ago. She does growl at him, and in the past couple of days, I've observed him go over and wrestle her to the ground and lay on her, and when she growls, he'll hit her in the face!! This is totally unacceptable behavior- and I tell him whenever I catch him doing that- that 'that's not OK, we don't hit animals or hurt them. She is just telling you with her growl, that she doesn't like what you're doing to her. It's not OK to hit her. Her growl means please leave me alone or I may bite you.' But...it just keeps happening. Later, he will come up to me and ask me if I still love him, and if he's a good boy or not, because he's mean to our dog. I tell him he's always a good boy, but sometimes he does things that he shouldn't do! That doesn't make him bad, just needs to work on those things. Being a new step-Mom to a step son with Asperbergs is difficult- I haven't had years to get used to it, but I'm trying! It is frustrating to me that he cannot control himself with her. I don't like that he pulls out her whiskers, and now that's he's hitting her, I am really worried if he cannot control himself, what if it escalates to kicking her? The dog is very attached to me, and I think it is a source of jealousy for Jonah. He expresses a desire that she be that way with him, follow him around and be close to him. I think he wants to be loving with her, but he cannot seem to control his behavior. I always praise him when I see him petting her nicely, though this is rare. He usually holds her by her collar so that she cannot get away, which of course she doesn't like. I feel like I tell him 20 or more times a day, to leave her alone, please stop holding her by the colar, don't lay on her, stop pulling out her hair, don't hit her...I'm getting drained with it, and I really don't want our dog mistreated! I imagine she will eventually bite him. Also, he seems to take things out on her- if he's frustrated with anything else, he does something to 'dominate' her. I ask him to please come and talk to me about anything he's going through, because it's not fair to take out his frustrations on a helpless animal. He has been asking for his 'own' pet- he desperately wants a ferret- but with the way he treats the dog, I am quite afraid that in the privacy of his own room, he may torture the poor thing if we aren't there to protect it. I would love your input!

Thank you all for your input, I am learning a lot reading your posts and look forward to your input on this!

Thank you!

Kirsten in CO

On Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 5:14 AM, <seethegoodineverything@...> wrote:

I have an 11 year of Asperger's son & he loves transformers, legos, and Wall-E things. It's usually all I can do to get him to focus on something else INSTEAD of transforming all the time & saying " Look, Mom! Watch this!, etc. " He wants constant attention & wants to be acknowledged. My sister-in-law has helped TREMENDOUSLY by teaching him facial expressions & emotions & they do social stories & role playing at times. They practice taking turns talking about things they are interested in, and since he really loves SpongeBob, we use a lot of that for social issues and stuff.

My son is the blunt type of kid who will say in no uncertain terms, " Mom, did you brush your teeth today? Your breath stinks! " and has NO remorse about saying it to a total stranger either. He is also VERY affectionate & will touch & hug babies & puppies without first asking for permission. It has taken YEARS to get him to ask permission. He's getting better about it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I was told that these were intelligent kids that just had no common sense. In a way, I see exactly what they mean. For example, I can tell my son to look both ways before he crosses the street, but since he has no idea what he is " looking " for, he will just bolt into the street & not even look. On the othr hand, if I am lost somewhere in town & don't know my way home, HE can tell me EXACTLY how to get to where I was. It's almost as if he has a photographic memory of some sort. He says that's how he transforms his transformers ... by reading the instructions once & then, he has it down.

My son is also the correcting type and he takes EVERYTHING literally. If I say a word differently than he does, he " corrects " me. I have had to tell him over & over again that different people say things different ways. My sister-in-law taught him how to take a joke & tease, so he's gotten better about that too. It took him a long time to learn to laugh, because he wasn't sure what was so funny. I may have some traits myself, because I seem to be very literal as well & unless you give me specific instructions on how you want something done, I'll do it exactly as you say. It's strange, but true.

Asperger's children honestly do have a hard time telling right from wrong, unless they are taught. Sitting or laying on the dog may be a sign of affection rather than aggression & he honestly may not know any better. You would probably have to explain that when he does it, it HURTS the dog & she doesn't like to be sat on or held down. You could also emphasize that she might growl or bite if he continues to do so & to not be surprised at that.

My son's Dad was playing violent video games in front of him for the longest time. My son came home a week or so ago saying he was having nightmares & that was why ... too many violent games. So, his Dad was asked politely to stop and he did.

I hope that helps a little bit. Feel free to ask any questions you want to! This group is great for advice, suggestions & just having an outlet to go to!

Welcome aboard!

Meshel Swanson

-- Like the firefly, even the smallest flicker of light shines brightly in the dark...let your light shine for all the world to see.Kirsten Fox, cmt, le, clt

-- Like the firefly, even the smallest flicker of light shines brightly in the dark...let your light shine for all the world to see.

Kirsten Fox, cmt, le, clt

[Guest guest]

Qaterrah,

Where in south Texas are you?

Albert

Subject: introductionTo: RawDairy Date: Friday, February 20, 2009, 7:16 AM

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Qaterrah,

Where in south Texas are you?

Albert

Subject: introductionTo: RawDairy Date: Friday, February 20, 2009, 7:16 AM

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Qaterrah,

Where in south Texas are you?

Albert

Subject: introductionTo: RawDairy Date: Friday, February 20, 2009, 7:16 AM

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Welcome..

Have you ever thought about getting a pair of dairy

goats for your own milk supply..Goats are so much

fun,you can sit and watch the kids rump around for

hours and they will make you laugh..The milk is

great,and you know it's fresh when you milk your own goats..You don't need lots of land to have a few

goats..We only have 1.14 acre,and I have 18 goats

now,14 does ,plus 2 more reserved from another herd,and 4 bucks,1 boer kid is destined to be meat..

I feed mine heavy alfalfa hay and bermuda hay,plus

grain on the milking stand and some 60/40 hay pellets..But it's good to have your own milking goats.LJPS

introduction

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Welcome..

Have you ever thought about getting a pair of dairy

goats for your own milk supply..Goats are so much

fun,you can sit and watch the kids rump around for

hours and they will make you laugh..The milk is

great,and you know it's fresh when you milk your own goats..You don't need lots of land to have a few

goats..We only have 1.14 acre,and I have 18 goats

now,14 does ,plus 2 more reserved from another herd,and 4 bucks,1 boer kid is destined to be meat..

I feed mine heavy alfalfa hay and bermuda hay,plus

grain on the milking stand and some 60/40 hay pellets..But it's good to have your own milking goats.LJPS

introduction

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Welcome..

Have you ever thought about getting a pair of dairy

goats for your own milk supply..Goats are so much

fun,you can sit and watch the kids rump around for

hours and they will make you laugh..The milk is

great,and you know it's fresh when you milk your own goats..You don't need lots of land to have a few

goats..We only have 1.14 acre,and I have 18 goats

now,14 does ,plus 2 more reserved from another herd,and 4 bucks,1 boer kid is destined to be meat..

I feed mine heavy alfalfa hay and bermuda hay,plus

grain on the milking stand and some 60/40 hay pellets..But it's good to have your own milking goats.LJPS

introduction

Hello, All,My name is Qaterra. I live in South Texas. I'm here to learn, and tocontribute where I can.I have long known the dangers of homogenized milk and xanthineoxidase. I used to try to educate people. Well! We all know how thatcan go.Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself a supply of goodmilk, real milk, raw milk. Cow or goat. I have done without milk(mostly) for a long time because I couldn't buy it raw.And I'm gonna change that!Thanks,Qaterra

[Guest guest]

Hi Melody,

This rang a bell with me. I've always had problems with the " how much to

help " question. We recently had a breakthrough on the hair washing. After 4

years of myself trying encouragement and hands off guidance for my dd

regarding her hair washing, her new hair stylist at TGF said what were

apparently the

magic words and suddenly Allie's hair looks and smells shiny and clean for

days!

Ms. Hollywood told Allie she couldn't just put a glop of shampoo in her hand

and spread it around. She needs to smear it all over the inside of both

hands and then work up a bit of lather. Then when she works her lather through

her hair it gets spread around enough to get her whole head clean. She also

backed me up on not needing huge handfuls of shampoo to get the job done.

Allie looks so much better now, and I'm a happy mom! Thank goodness for Ms.

Hollywood, 'cause Allie has reached that age when nothing I say matters as

much as what anyone else says! :-)

Sandi

In a message dated 3/2/2009 12:04:15 P.M. Central Standard Time,

mkalomiris@... writes:

another trick to me is helping the right amount. independence versus

helping. for instance she cannot shampoo her hair properly, and her

hair looks oily by the end of the day. we have tried different

shampoos and i have showed her how to do this, but she doesn't get

it. i " treat " her to me shampooing her hair and then her hair stays

clean longer, but i felt this may be too much pampering. but i have

read recently that this could be an OT issue.

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

steps!

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1219957551x1201325337/aol?redir=http:%2\

F%2Fwww.freecreditreport.com%2Fpm%2Fdefault.aspx%3Fsc%3D668072%26hmpgID

%3D62%26bcd%3DfebemailfooterNO62)

[Guest guest]

Hi Melody,

This rang a bell with me. I've always had problems with the " how much to

help " question. We recently had a breakthrough on the hair washing. After 4

years of myself trying encouragement and hands off guidance for my dd

regarding her hair washing, her new hair stylist at TGF said what were

apparently the

magic words and suddenly Allie's hair looks and smells shiny and clean for

days!

Ms. Hollywood told Allie she couldn't just put a glop of shampoo in her hand

and spread it around. She needs to smear it all over the inside of both

hands and then work up a bit of lather. Then when she works her lather through

her hair it gets spread around enough to get her whole head clean. She also

backed me up on not needing huge handfuls of shampoo to get the job done.

Allie looks so much better now, and I'm a happy mom! Thank goodness for Ms.

Hollywood, 'cause Allie has reached that age when nothing I say matters as

much as what anyone else says! :-)

Sandi

In a message dated 3/2/2009 12:04:15 P.M. Central Standard Time,

mkalomiris@... writes:

another trick to me is helping the right amount. independence versus

helping. for instance she cannot shampoo her hair properly, and her

hair looks oily by the end of the day. we have tried different

shampoos and i have showed her how to do this, but she doesn't get

it. i " treat " her to me shampooing her hair and then her hair stays

clean longer, but i felt this may be too much pampering. but i have

read recently that this could be an OT issue.

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

steps!

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1219957551x1201325337/aol?redir=http:%2\

F%2Fwww.freecreditreport.com%2Fpm%2Fdefault.aspx%3Fsc%3D668072%26hmpgID

%3D62%26bcd%3DfebemailfooterNO62)