Re: What would you do....

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/16/2006 3:30:54 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

hippygal@... writes:

and he so does not want to do it (OCD reasons) so it is not that he doesn't

want to so much, but it is scaring him so much (anyway I am sure you know

what I am trying to say) . He is stressing about it and worried about it - I

know he can do it physically but he is freaking out about it and has been since

he knew about it -

Jaxx

I'm just wondering what his OCD issues are with participating in this

activity?? Just curious. I think this is a situation only you can make a call

on.

I know we need to push our kids to do things they don't want to do - or

feel they can't do - but I also feel that there is a line with some things that

we need to respect & maybe work with them at another time or in another way

for that particular circumstance.

Much like my daughter using the bathroom in the restaurant when my mom was

here visiting - normally I would let her go herself & just hope that she

doesn't get " stuck " in there. But being that we had a special family gathering

at

a restaurant where the cooking on the table is part of the entertainment...

I just couldn't let her go in & get " stuck " for 20 mins. So I went with her.

You need to decide exactly how horrifying this particular event will be for

your child. Would it be possible for him to go only for part of the

activity?

LT

[Guest guest]

Jaxx,

Just my opinion, but I would send him, because these kids quickly catch on as

you know. If you don't, he may think he can get away with not going to things he

needs to do all the time.

On the other hand, if he is having severe anxiety attacks over it, than I'd

keep him home.

HUGS

Judy

[Guest guest]

Jaxx, I think if he participated and followed it through, he would

feel alot of pride. Also help get over the anxiety. Why does he get

worse if you are there?

I remember Bre was having anxiety about death and her therapist had

us go to a graveyard for exposure. I picked her up at school and

said today we are going to spend an hour at the cemetary. The look

on her face! When we got there she told me she felt dizzy. Said her

blood sugar was low and she needed to eat. Said she needed the

restroom. I told her she could eat and use the restroom when we got

home. I knew she was just stalling! I told her maybe we would see

Casper the friendly ghost. She laughed. We walked around and I let

her talk. As the time went on she became less nervous and even

commented on how peaceful it was there!

When we left she told me thank you for making her go because it did

help her get over her anxiety! I had tears in my eyes.

I know it is hard to push our children and you know best of all

where is at mentally, but the more exposures to ocd anxiety

things, the faster they learn to deal with anxiety. It is hard work,

but when they come out the other side, they feel alot of pride!

You also said you are afraid it might be a bad experience if he does

it. It is also a bad experience to let ocd win and him not do it! I

can't tell you what to do....but I do know when Bre follows through

on anxiety provoking things, she becomes a little stronger each time

and she looks back with a feeling of accomplishment.

Sandy

-- In , " Jaxx Brown " <hippygal@...>

wrote:

>

> has this running thing to go to at school tomorrow (the

whole school is doing it) - and he so does not want to do it (OCD

reasons) so it is not that he doesn't want to so much, but it is

scaring him so much (anyway I am sure you know what I am trying to

say) . He is stressing about it and worried about it - I know he can

do it physically but he is freaking out about it and has been since

he knew about it - should I send him to school and make him do it -

and hope it is a positive experience or should I keep him at

home....... I am not sure what to do, I feel I should send him but

then I don't want it to be a bad experience and things go bad......

>

> But by not sending him I am proberly not doing any good either, I

could turn up and support him, but he gets worse when I am

there.......

>

> Any advice please.....

>

> Jaxx (New Zealand)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jaxx,

My 11year old ds has this problem too. Some mornings I have to dress

him, carry him to the car (my husband has to do this), belt him in and

drive him to school. He's fine when he gets to school and will get out

of the car with no problem and the rest of the day is fine. He also

does this when we are going somewhere as a family - even if it's

somewhere he wants to go. We do the same thing at these times too and

he is fine once we get on the road. He isn't able to explain to us why

this happens, but somehow it's the OCD.

It's so upsetting when we have to go thru all this just to get out the

door, but as of yet I have not regretted it and I think he is glad we

do it.

Hope this helps,

[Guest guest]

Jaxx,

Wow, that's a tough one. For ME, I would send my daughter (,

almost 9, OCD). But that is because I have done this before with her

and know that she will come out better for it afterwards. Also, she

has " just " OCD, and if I recall, you're dealing with a few other

things as well. Plus, has been through CBT and in her heart

knows that facing her anxiety is the only way to overcome it (even

though she may be screaming that she hates me and sobbing all the

while!)

I'm guessing you haven't " forced " to do something like this

before. It is agonizing to do; I've had to physically force

into the car many times and school personnel have also had to pull her

out of it! But it would gradually get better each day and now I am so

glad that I didn't give in to her requests to stay home. I've also

had to force her to baton and swim classes, both things she loves but

during an OCD moment she insists she can't go. In the end, she admits

it was good to make her go; otherwise she'd be in her PJ's all day in

front of the TV.

So, from a therapy standpoint, making him go is the right choice;

however, prior to therapy/meds working, if you have never tried this

before, it may not be the best choice. Is there any way to " half-way "

do it? Like promise him if he at least starts out with it, he can

stop after 10 minutes for ex? He may be fine once he gets going. Any

way you can talk with the school and ask their advice/opinion? At

's school they have dealt with situations like this before, and

they can offer me suggestions as to what has worked with other kids.

Just my thoughts - let us know what happens either way -

nna.

NY

>

> has this running thing to go to at school tomorrow (the whole

school is doing it) - and he so does not want to do it (OCD reasons)

so it is not that he doesn't want to so much, but it is scaring him so

much (anyway I am sure you know what I am trying to say) . He is

stressing about it and worried about it - I know he can do it

physically but he is freaking out about it and has been since he knew

about it - should I send him to school and make him do it - and hope

it is a positive experience or should I keep him at home....... I am

not sure what to do, I feel I should send him but then I don't want it

to be a bad experience and things go bad......

>

> But by not sending him I am proberly not doing any good either, I

could turn up and support him, but he gets worse when I am there.......

>

> Any advice please.....

>

> Jaxx (New Zealand)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am not sure still what to do, he has been up since before 5am worried - about

today. I have said I will go to the school and talk to the teacher again (we

have already been there many times but they are useless basically) he has done

other things like the school duathlon and swimming sports at the beginning of

the year which was a biggee for him and he felt so proud. This is a running

sport and because he has Perthes in his hip he does not run fast and also runs a

bit strange his anxiety is that every child will be watching him and laugh at

him.... (there are major issues with this anxiety with him, he feels that the

whole school is watching him and laughing at him, if he forgets his glasses to

school , and gets there he will run away and come home and sit at my door if I

am not home he will wait there till I come home as he is so scared the kids will

laugh at him without his glasses, by the time he has gotten home which is about

a 5 minute walk he is beside himself), I get him back to school but what a

mission as I am sure you all know.

I AM NOT SURE HOW MUCH OF THIS IS BECAUSE HE " JUST " DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT OR

HOW MUCH IS THE ANXIETY PART. Whoops was not meant to be capitals.... LOL. He

has offered to run around the back lawn 50 times LOL..... instead of going

has OCD, ADHD and Aspergers, and we have just started meds for the OCD, we

have yet to start any therapy....

Thanks heaps for your replies I have said we will not discuss it till 8am.......

In my heart I know I should proberly send him, but when he is in tears, begging

, screaming asking me not to send him it is so hard........ At the psychologists

when I asked them what I should do he said to pick my battles at this early

stage........ This is the third event this year at school, he did the first 2

which was the swimming and duathlon....... He has cross country in about 2 weeks

but because of his hip he can't run that distance so he knows he will not be

doing that, and as it works out we have the psychiatrist appointment that day.

Anyway just over 1 hour to make this decision.

Cheers jaxx (New Zealand)

Re: What would you do....

Jaxx,

Wow, that's a tough one. For ME, I would send my daughter (,

almost 9, OCD). But that is because I have done this before with her

and know that she will come out better for it afterwards. Also, she

has " just " OCD, and if I recall, you're dealing with a few other

things as well. Plus, has been through CBT and in her heart

knows that facing her anxiety is the only way to overcome it (even

though she may be screaming that she hates me and sobbing all the

while!)

I'm guessing you haven't " forced " to do something like this

before. It is agonizing to do; I've had to physically force

into the car many times and school personnel have also had to pull her

out of it! But it would gradually get better each day and now I am so

glad that I didn't give in to her requests to stay home. I've also

had to force her to baton and swim classes, both things she loves but

during an OCD moment she insists she can't go. In the end, she admits

it was good to make her go; otherwise she'd be in her PJ's all day in

front of the TV.

So, from a therapy standpoint, making him go is the right choice;

however, prior to therapy/meds working, if you have never tried this

before, it may not be the best choice. Is there any way to " half-way "

do it? Like promise him if he at least starts out with it, he can

stop after 10 minutes for ex? He may be fine once he gets going. Any

way you can talk with the school and ask their advice/opinion? At

's school they have dealt with situations like this before, and

they can offer me suggestions as to what has worked with other kids.

Just my thoughts - let us know what happens either way -

nna.

NY

>

> has this running thing to go to at school tomorrow (the whole

school is doing it) - and he so does not want to do it (OCD reasons)

so it is not that he doesn't want to so much, but it is scaring him so

much (anyway I am sure you know what I am trying to say) . He is

stressing about it and worried about it - I know he can do it

physically but he is freaking out about it and has been since he knew

about it - should I send him to school and make him do it - and hope

it is a positive experience or should I keep him at home....... I am

not sure what to do, I feel I should send him but then I don't want it

to be a bad experience and things go bad......

>

> But by not sending him I am proberly not doing any good either, I

could turn up and support him, but he gets worse when I am there.......

>

> Any advice please.....

>

> Jaxx (New Zealand)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What did you decide? I'm not exactly following WHY he needs to go to

school and run? Is it part of PE? If his hip has problems and he runs

funny because of that, why can't he be excused? It sounds like he's

done a lot that has been required of him and if it's causing this much

angst, why send him? I will force the issue with some school things,

but I think I'd let him take the day off. That's just me though. My 11

yr. old has been doing great for a year and had a recent flare-up of

worries. She took the day off on Friday, but I told her she would be

going this week. She's been anxious, but she's stayed in school

yesterday and today. With me, I do some give and take because I have NO

IDEA how it feels to be my child and be so miserable. I'm sorry this

has been so difficult!

Dina

[Guest guest]

Well he is now at school and I have promised him at 11am I will turn up and talk

to the teacher and decide how he will do it, - It is a fundraiser thing for

school so out of normal school routine. Even if I can get him to do 1 lap

instead of the 3 or 4..... I did have to bribe him to get him there, but thought

that if he even goes to school then that is a good start even if he comes home

when they do the event if he feels stressed.

Must admit I am gald he is at school as his behaviour has been terrible this

morning..........

Also I am not sure if it is the prozac or if we are having a realtively good

week, but he actually had something else on his toast this morning than

marmite...... would I notice the old subtle change after 3 weeks and on such a

low dose, this is the 2nd thing in the last week that he has done that has

shocked me..... the other thing was the other night he tried a suasage that was

different to his usual ones. Small thing but yet so big to us........

Cheers Jaxx :)

[Guest guest]

Jaxx,

I think you did the right thing - it was a compromise, and at least he

went. I understand completely your relief at having him gone for a

while - you need your time, too, a little peace and quiet before the

storm hits again!

Let us know how he did!

nna.

>

> Well he is now at school and I have promised him at 11am I will turn

up and talk to the teacher and decide how he will do it, - It is a

fundraiser thing for school so out of normal school routine. Even if I

can get him to do 1 lap instead of the 3 or 4..... I did have to bribe

him to get him there, but thought that if he even goes to school then

that is a good start even if he comes home when they do the event if

he feels stressed.

>

> Must admit I am gald he is at school as his behaviour has been

terrible this morning..........

>

> Also I am not sure if it is the prozac or if we are having a

realtively good week, but he actually had something else on his toast

this morning than marmite...... would I notice the old subtle change

after 3 weeks and on such a low dose, this is the 2nd thing in the

last week that he has done that has shocked me..... the other thing

was the other night he tried a suasage that was different to his usual

ones. Small thing but yet so big to us........

>

> Cheers Jaxx :)

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jaxx, having other diagnoses tied in makes it a whole new ballgame

at times! I think you are a wonderful mom and you seem to chose your

battles wisely. If Bre was screaming and throwing a fit, I would

rethink doing an exposures and deal with it differently. If she is

too upset, then nothing works until she calms down. Yes, I have

given many bribes too!

I can relate too, how the small things are big things! Many a time I

rejoiced over tiny details that other people would take for granted!

I hope the improvements continue to happen.

Many a time I was glad when Bre left for school too.It is amazing

how much I have learned about having patience.

Do let us know how it turned out.

Sandy

-- In , " Jaxx Brown " <hippygal@...>

wrote:

>

> Well he is now at school and I have promised him at 11am I will

turn up and talk to the teacher and decide how he will do it, - It

is a fundraiser thing for school so out of normal school routine.

Even if I can get him to do 1 lap instead of the 3 or 4..... I did

have to bribe him to get him there, but thought that if he even goes

to school then that is a good start even if he comes home when they

do the event if he feels stressed.

>

> Must admit I am gald he is at school as his behaviour has been

terrible this morning..........

>

> Also I am not sure if it is the prozac or if we are having a

realtively good week, but he actually had something else on his

toast this morning than marmite...... would I notice the old subtle

change after 3 weeks and on such a low dose, this is the 2nd thing

in the last week that he has done that has shocked me..... the other

thing was the other night he tried a suasage that was different to

his usual ones. Small thing but yet so big to us........

>

> Cheers Jaxx :)

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/16/2006 4:35:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

hippygal@... writes:

Also I am not sure if it is the prozac or if we are having a realtively good

week, but he actually had something else on his toast this morning than

marmite...... would I notice the old subtle change after 3 weeks and on such a

low dose, this is the 2nd thing in the last week that he has done that has

shocked me..... the other thing was the other night he tried a suasage that was

different to his usual ones. Small thing but yet so big to us........

Jaxx -

That's just how the Prozac started working for my dd. Small changes -

things we didn't even realize were OCD related. CONGRATS!!! You might be well

on

your way to some relief now!

LT

[Guest guest]

We had that last week. I stayed on the sidelines and he was very

happy to see me once he was outside. He did 18 laps. I'll be going

again for field day. My son is also more emotional with me, but I can

get him to do things others can't.

Good luck,

Bonnie

>

> has this running thing to go to at school tomorrow (the whole

school is doing it) - and he so does not want to do it (OCD reasons)

so it is not that he doesn't want to so much, but it is scaring him so

much (anyway I am sure you know what I am trying to say) . He is

stressing about it and worried about it - I know he can do it

physically but he is freaking out about it and has been since he knew

about it - should I send him to school and make him do it - and hope

it is a positive experience or should I keep him at home....... I am

not sure what to do, I feel I should send him but then I don't want it

to be a bad experience and things go bad......

>

> But by not sending him I am proberly not doing any good either, I

could turn up and support him, but he gets worse when I am there.......

>

> Any advice please.....

>

> Jaxx (New Zealand)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

He did it....... he was at school watching the rest in the team, and I asked him

if he wanted to do it - at first he didn't but after about 30 minutes watching

the rest of the team do it, he said he would do 1 lap......... and he did, he

tried so hard, and nearly made himself sick from trying to run fast but he did

it..... he was going to come home after that and I said fine as I was just so

happy that he joined in, but then he decided that because his friend was coming

around this afternoon after school, he would stay so that his friend did not

need to walk with his sister.

So all in all another successful day - I told him that he now has 3 things he

can brag about to the psychologist tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your support this group is so awesome :)

Cheers Jaxx (New Zealand)

[Guest guest]

He did it....... he was at school watching the rest in the team, and I asked him

if he wanted to do it - at first he didn't but after about 30 minutes watching

the rest of the team do it, he said he would do 1 lap......... and he did, he

tried so hard, and nearly made himself sick from trying to run fast but he did

it..... he was going to come home after that and I said fine as I was just so

happy that he joined in, but then he decided that because his friend was coming

around this afternoon after school, he would stay so that his friend did not

need to walk with his sister.

So all in all another successful day - I told him that he now has 3 things he

can brag about to the psychologist tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your support this group is so awesome :)

Cheers Jaxx (New Zealand)

[Guest guest]

That is SO great, Jaxx, I'm so happy for (and you) that he stuck

it out!

nna.

>

> He did it....... he was at school watching the rest in the team, and

I asked him if he wanted to do it - at first he didn't but after

about 30 minutes watching the rest of the team do it, he said he would

do 1 lap......... and he did, he tried so hard, and nearly made

himself sick from trying to run fast but he did it..... he was going

to come home after that and I said fine as I was just so happy that he

joined in, but then he decided that because his friend was coming

around this afternoon after school, he would stay so that his friend

did not need to walk with his sister.

>

> So all in all another successful day - I told him that he now has 3

things he can brag about to the psychologist tomorrow.

>

> Thanks everyone for your support this group is so awesome :)

>

> Cheers Jaxx (New Zealand)

>

>

>