Re: I'm new to the group. (long)

[Guest guest]

Michele,

I have heard of people with OCD who have a thing where they have to confess

everything they do wrong. It sounds like she has that. My son hasn't ever done

that and he is 11 years , but my cousin who also had OCD has had that

problem before too. She is 21 and in college. Is she on any medication for OCD

yet?

By the way, Welcome to the group. I have only recently joined too and this

group has been a GREAT comfort to me.

Sheree

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

What kind of doctor are you referring to? The pediatrician? Who is

evaluating her for OCD? There are things you can do to start tackling

this, but you need to find a doctor who specializes in OCD (and uses

CBT with ERP).

My daughter also was always a model student, behavior-wise, and such a

darling, everyone loves her. But when she's in the midst of an OCD

episode, there is no reasoning with her and she is a mess.

nna.

NY

>

> Hi everyone,

>

>

> I'm a Mom in Michigan and my daughter is going through evaluation

> for OCD. She has had symptoms and patterns of behavior in where I

> expected this could be a problem but she always managed to work through

> the episodes herself. The latest episode is the most troubling I've

> seen in her and it's very distracting to her and causing her to have

> trouble with normal activities. Let me just say... my daughter has

> never been in any trouble, she's a fantastic student (she's 7 and in

> 2nd grade), always received 'citizenship awards' for conduct and

> behavior and helpfulness to others... she's been such a joy. I've

> always considered myself so lucky to have had a child like this... that

> being said...

>

> I'll only talk to this latest episode, if anyone is interested in

> the other/many compulsions she's had in her life, email me and I'll be

> glad to discuss them. This episode stemmed from an incident that

> happened 2 months ago, maybe a bit more. She was sent to the office

> which was her first time EVER being sent. It was over an incident

> where, a girl in my daughter's class got out of her seat and came over

> to where my daughter was sitting and picked up a piece of paper that

> wasn't hers (this other girl) and was pretending to rip up the paper.

> Well, the teacher caught this other girl and sent her to the office and

> this other girl said to the teacher " well... was doing it to "

> (my daughter). So, guilt by association, she was sent to the office.

> Now... she has an irrational fear of doing something wrong. She

> confesses things to me SEVERAL times a day of things she thinks are

> wrong. From... accidently bending a page in a book, to... thinking her

> dry skin or hair that falls from her will somehow contaminate someone

> else with germs or that she will be in trouble for this. She confesses

> many, many times a day when these things happen and feels the need to

> ask me if that's ok, if she's ok, if everything is ok and if it's ok

> for her to stop thinking about the past. Past, meaning... things she

> might have done accidently to hurt someone. She considers losing skin

> during the day, something harmful. She will write down several things

> during the day at school to tell me when she gets home, she will call

> from school to tell me things and she cries, nonstop. I'm hoping that

> the Doctor can help us. As I said, we're new to all of this and I

> can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel... yet.

>

> Thank you all for reading,

> Michele

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Michele, well it seems like this incident just really triggered

something if this one is so far the worst/most troubling! That's

great she's managed to work through other behaviors, this one must

just have really shot up her anxiety!

I have to say that *I* was taken to the principal's office for

talking in 1st grade. And at my age, this was back when they still

spanked kids. WELL - luckily he wasn't in the office so I and the 2

others didn't get spanked just more fussing at by the teacher. But

for YEARS after that, I was practically the quietest one in class!

Many parents here are familiar with the " confessions. " So hope they

see your post! My son, 17, used to ask a lot of reassurance type

questions when young. Like how long would it take for some

scratch/cut to heal, would something give him cancer, he would ask

about every pain/feeling in his body...and not just ask and go away,

but come back and ask again later. Luckily not so frequently as

other parents have been through, but, yes, got on my nerves too!

You probably know this, but you can try to limit her confessions, the

number of times she can tell you something each day. And/or limit

when she can tell you. Just try to mess up her confessing by

delaying it or limiting it, maybe make her wait 5 seconds before she

can tell you, 8 seconds, 10.... Have her know her goal is to " hold

out as long as she can " on telling you. She must know she is telling

you a LOT of things each day, and if she understands about OCD or

just that she needs to stop worrying/stop confessing, this might be

something she could begin to work towards. Even going down just 1

confession every other day or so. If she's writing them down at

school, maybe tell her she can only pick the top 10 or 5 or something

to tell you off her list. Joking/humor can help a lot of times.

Just brainstorming a bit here for ideas to try.

Is it a psychiatrist evaluating her for OCD?

>

> Hi everyone,

>

>

> I'm a Mom in Michigan and my daughter is going through

evaluation

> for OCD. She has had symptoms and patterns of behavior in where I

> expected this could be a problem but she always managed to work

through

> the episodes herself. The latest episode is the most troubling

I've

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi!

Thanks so much for responding. I think that's a great idea, to

limit her confessions. I never really put a number on them for her.

I've limited them, by not responding (which causes her great anxiety)

but to limit them would probably calm her. Much better thought. She

is being seen for OCD. Only had the first meeting though and I've

tried my best to educate myself and this group is fantastic.

Some things my daughter comes up with are so bizarre. She seems

to have issues with what things are 'accidents' and which things

are 'on purpose'. She'll constantly apologize because she isn't sure

whether or not she did something on purpose. For example, she was

worried because spit came from her mouth when she was talking and

landed on a school book. She was worried about it, confessed and

obsessed over this and told me she wasn't sure if it was an accident

because she knew the spit came out of her mouth. Although, you could

give her the same scenario about someone else and she can realize

that's an accident and that the person who did it wasn't bad for doing

it but she can't relate that to herself.

She washes her hands continuously which we limited to only after

bathroom visits can she wash and I removed the soap from the bathroom

so she must ask for it... she can't wash her hands without soap, she

thinks she can't so I know when she's washing because she'll request

the soap.

She sorts and collects, if she likes something, she can't just

have one, she says... Mom, I'll start a collection. When she was

young, I never saw anything wrong with this. She had over 100 rubber

snakes that she would put into a box. She would remove each one, one

at a time until the box was empty and then... put them all back in, one

at a time until the box was full and do this over and over. She

exhibited this behavior from the time she was only 2. Needless to say,

she has many 'collections' rubber balls, seashells, books, etc...

She hasn't been placed on any medication yet... as it was just her

first meeting with the Doc.

The confessions are by far... the worst. These started after the

trip to the Principal's office as I explained. The staff has been

great to my daughter and very patient and concerned but they answer her

continuous questions for reassurance, which I'll have to have a meeting

with them about. =) It's reassurance that she hasn't done something

wrong or to hurt someone else. Her questions are always two parts...

is it bad that I did 'such and such' on purpose and... is it bad if I

did " the same such and such " on accident? If I refuse to answer... she

has a meltdown. Somethings are just so odd to me... like the dry skin

falling from her hands/face, she thinks she'll be in trouble for that.

Or she asks... how long do germs live? have I given someone else my

germs? what IF someone else got my germs? I do feel for her. It

breaks my heart but that's true... at the same time, it's wearing me

out. We'll keep plugging away and thanks to all of you for sharing

your experiences... it really helps!

Michele

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi!

Thanks so much for responding. I think that's a great idea, to

limit her confessions. I never really put a number on them for her.

I've limited them, by not responding (which causes her great anxiety)

but to limit them would probably calm her. Much better thought. She

is being seen for OCD. Only had the first meeting though and I've

tried my best to educate myself and this group is fantastic.

Some things my daughter comes up with are so bizarre. She seems

to have issues with what things are 'accidents' and which things

are 'on purpose'. She'll constantly apologize because she isn't sure

whether or not she did something on purpose. For example, she was

worried because spit came from her mouth when she was talking and

landed on a school book. She was worried about it, confessed and

obsessed over this and told me she wasn't sure if it was an accident

because she knew the spit came out of her mouth. Although, you could

give her the same scenario about someone else and she can realize

that's an accident and that the person who did it wasn't bad for doing

it but she can't relate that to herself.

She washes her hands continuously which we limited to only after

bathroom visits can she wash and I removed the soap from the bathroom

so she must ask for it... she can't wash her hands without soap, she

thinks she can't so I know when she's washing because she'll request

the soap.

She sorts and collects, if she likes something, she can't just

have one, she says... Mom, I'll start a collection. When she was

young, I never saw anything wrong with this. She had over 100 rubber

snakes that she would put into a box. She would remove each one, one

at a time until the box was empty and then... put them all back in, one

at a time until the box was full and do this over and over. She

exhibited this behavior from the time she was only 2. Needless to say,

she has many 'collections' rubber balls, seashells, books, etc...

She hasn't been placed on any medication yet... as it was just her

first meeting with the Doc.

The confessions are by far... the worst. These started after the

trip to the Principal's office as I explained. The staff has been

great to my daughter and very patient and concerned but they answer her

continuous questions for reassurance, which I'll have to have a meeting

with them about. =) It's reassurance that she hasn't done something

wrong or to hurt someone else. Her questions are always two parts...

is it bad that I did 'such and such' on purpose and... is it bad if I

did " the same such and such " on accident? If I refuse to answer... she

has a meltdown. Somethings are just so odd to me... like the dry skin

falling from her hands/face, she thinks she'll be in trouble for that.

Or she asks... how long do germs live? have I given someone else my

germs? what IF someone else got my germs? I do feel for her. It

breaks my heart but that's true... at the same time, it's wearing me

out. We'll keep plugging away and thanks to all of you for sharing

your experiences... it really helps!

Michele

>

[Guest guest]

Michele,

After 3 1/2 yrs. of experience with my DD's OCD, I read your post and

can certainly relate. It took me a LONG time to realize that OCD is

just NOT RATIONAL! The part where you mentioned that she can understand

when it is someone else, but not when it happens to her is our

experience as well. I have plenty of memories of sitting time after

time trying to explain to my daughter why she probably wasn't going to

throw up. She wanted an absolute answer and I couldnt' ever give it to

her and it made her crazy. When I would use examples like, " Let's say I

was afraid of ants......can you tell me FOR SURE that there aren't any

ants in the house? " She would giggle and say, " Mom, that's silly, of

course I can't guarantee that! Besides, who's afraid of ants? " I would

relate that to vomiting and tell her that I didn't THINK she was sick,

but since we've had the same conversation for months now, every night,

she probably wasn't sick. She would suddenly be off the anxiety chart

because there was that slight possibility that she may actually be

sick. So then I would use another example and say, " Okay, so let's say

your friend Kimmy is afraid of breaking her arm at recess. Can you

guarantee Kimmy that she won't break her arm? Should she go out to

recess? " She would giggle and say, " That's silly, she isn't going to

break her arm, mom! " And I would say, " Well, there's always that slight

possibility that she may fall off the monkey bars and break her arm. "

And my DD could see how irrational all these fears were: except her

own. She couldn't and still can't really understand when she is in an

anxious moment because the fear is so real to her.

Anyway, I was writing this to tell you that we had so many of these

conversations until she went on the right med. and suddenly everything

melted away. That's when I realized that I could have talked until I

was old and gray and she just couldn't get past it without the meds.

helping her.

HTH,

Dina

[Guest guest]

Michele,

The " accident/on purpose " issue is soooo OCD! I can really picture

her doing this. I think my son has gone through similar, but of

course can't think of an example now! But that wondering if they

meant to or " what if " they meant to, etc. I guess this is where

when OCD is called the " doubting disease " comes in.

And I know when would ask, again and again, how long some

cut/scratch would take to heal, would pepper give him cancer and

similar, it IS tiring/wearing! I mixed my answers up sometimes

(luckily he wasn't expecting to hear the " right " answer, where we

are supposed to know exactly what they want us to say and melt down

if we don't). For a cut, I might say a week the first time, 3 days

the second, " what did I say last time? " , " my answer hasn't changed

from the last time " , and at one time just always said " 10 days. "

With that pepper example (but he asked about other stuff), my mom

had put that in his head, something she read. Hmmm...come to think

of it, he doesn't ever eat pepper on things now!! I'll have to ask

him about that. Because these were questions he asked way back in

elementary school, he's 17 now!

> >

> > Hi!

>

>

> Thanks so much for responding. I think that's a great idea,

to

> limit her confessions. I never really put a number on them for

her.

[Guest guest]

And also the humor thing as points out quite

often. This a.m. my son was looking at some green

stuff (rosemary) on the turkey I gave him for

breakfast and i knew the wheels were turning. Maybe

ideally I should have said nothing but I figured he

wouldn't eat it unless I told him what is was so I

told him it was just some hemlock from the garden.

This is probably still a form of reassurance (which we

should avoid) but next time maybe he'll think twice

about worrying about something funny in his food.

- <@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Michele,

The " accident/on purpose " issue is soooo OCD! I can

really picture

her doing this. I think my son has gone through

similar, but of

course can't think of an example now! But that

wondering if they

meant to or " what if " they meant to, etc. I guess

this is where

when OCD is called the " doubting disease " comes in.

And I know when would ask, again and again,

how long some

cut/scratch would take to heal, would pepper give him

cancer and

similar, it IS tiring/wearing! I mixed my answers up

sometimes

(luckily he wasn't expecting to hear the " right "

answer, where we

are supposed to know exactly what they want us to say

and melt down

if we don't). For a cut, I might say a week the first

time, 3 days

the second, " what did I say last time? " , " my answer

hasn't changed

from the last time " , and at one time just always said

" 10 days. "

With that pepper example (but he asked about other

stuff), my mom

had put that in his head, something she read.

Hmmm...come to think

of it, he doesn't ever eat pepper on things now!!

I'll have to ask

him about that. Because these were questions he asked

way back in

elementary school, he's 17 now!

> >

> > Hi!

>

>

> Thanks so much for responding. I think that's

a great idea,

to

> limit her confessions. I never really put a number

on them for

her.

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

And also the humor thing as points out quite

often. This a.m. my son was looking at some green

stuff (rosemary) on the turkey I gave him for

breakfast and i knew the wheels were turning. Maybe

ideally I should have said nothing but I figured he

wouldn't eat it unless I told him what is was so I

told him it was just some hemlock from the garden.

This is probably still a form of reassurance (which we

should avoid) but next time maybe he'll think twice

about worrying about something funny in his food.

- <@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Michele,

The " accident/on purpose " issue is soooo OCD! I can

really picture

her doing this. I think my son has gone through

similar, but of

course can't think of an example now! But that

wondering if they

meant to or " what if " they meant to, etc. I guess

this is where

when OCD is called the " doubting disease " comes in.

And I know when would ask, again and again,

how long some

cut/scratch would take to heal, would pepper give him

cancer and

similar, it IS tiring/wearing! I mixed my answers up

sometimes

(luckily he wasn't expecting to hear the " right "

answer, where we

are supposed to know exactly what they want us to say

and melt down

if we don't). For a cut, I might say a week the first

time, 3 days

the second, " what did I say last time? " , " my answer

hasn't changed

from the last time " , and at one time just always said

" 10 days. "

With that pepper example (but he asked about other

stuff), my mom

had put that in his head, something she read.

Hmmm...come to think

of it, he doesn't ever eat pepper on things now!!

I'll have to ask

him about that. Because these were questions he asked

way back in

elementary school, he's 17 now!

> >

> > Hi!

>

>

> Thanks so much for responding. I think that's

a great idea,

to

> limit her confessions. I never really put a number

on them for

her.

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Hemlock! I loved that, perfect!

I may have to use that because now that you wrote that, it brought to

mind that will ask me sometimes about what something is on

some of his food. And, I'm probably wrong, but I don't think of that

as reassurance at all!

>

> And also the humor thing as points out quite

> often. This a.m. my son was looking at some green

> stuff (rosemary) on the turkey I gave him for

> breakfast and i knew the wheels were turning. Maybe

> ideally I should have said nothing but I figured he

> wouldn't eat it unless I told him what is was so I

> told him it was just some hemlock from the garden.

>

> This is probably still a form of reassurance (which we

> should avoid) but next time maybe he'll think twice

> about worrying about something funny in his food.

>

[Guest guest]

I think it is reassurance because what will they do

when we're not there ( someday? hopefully?) to

reassure them -- if only by our presence and the fact

that WE cooked it.

Could cause problems with their wives (someday?

hopefully? ) if they're always looking at their

cooking like it's dirty!

--- <@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Hemlock! I loved that, perfect!

I may have to use that because now that you wrote

that, it brought to

mind that will ask me sometimes about what

something is on

some of his food. And, I'm probably wrong, but I

don't think of that

as reassurance at all!

>

> And also the humor thing as points out quite

> often. This a.m. my son was looking at some green

> stuff (rosemary) on the turkey I gave him for

> breakfast and i knew the wheels were turning. Maybe

> ideally I should have said nothing but I figured he

> wouldn't eat it unless I told him what is was so I

> told him it was just some hemlock from the garden.

>

> This is probably still a form of reassurance (which

we

> should avoid) but next time maybe he'll think twice

> about worrying about something funny in his food.

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

I think it is reassurance because what will they do

when we're not there ( someday? hopefully?) to

reassure them -- if only by our presence and the fact

that WE cooked it.

Could cause problems with their wives (someday?

hopefully? ) if they're always looking at their

cooking like it's dirty!

--- <@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

Hemlock! I loved that, perfect!

I may have to use that because now that you wrote

that, it brought to

mind that will ask me sometimes about what

something is on

some of his food. And, I'm probably wrong, but I

don't think of that

as reassurance at all!

>

> And also the humor thing as points out quite

> often. This a.m. my son was looking at some green

> stuff (rosemary) on the turkey I gave him for

> breakfast and i knew the wheels were turning. Maybe

> ideally I should have said nothing but I figured he

> wouldn't eat it unless I told him what is was so I

> told him it was just some hemlock from the garden.

>

> This is probably still a form of reassurance (which

we

> should avoid) but next time maybe he'll think twice

> about worrying about something funny in his food.

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

I think it is reassurance because what will they do when

we're not there ( someday? hopefully?) to reassure them -- if only

by our presence and the fact that WE cooked it.

Ahh, see your point! I'm looking at it like you didn't reassure him

by joking about hemlock and it was dropped after that.

But I'm still gonna try it with next time he asks me about

anything on his pasta!

>

> Could cause problems with their wives (someday?

> hopefully? ) if they're always looking at their

> cooking like it's dirty!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Reassurance with humor seems like it's gotta be better

than reassurance without. If it's possible to use

humor that is. I guess it's always worth a try!!

Glad I could send a new thought. I've gotten alot

from you.

Is NC in England? It seems you are 7 hours ahead of

me!

--- <@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

I think it is reassurance because what will

they do when

we're not there ( someday? hopefully?) to reassure

them -- if only

by our presence and the fact that WE cooked it.

Ahh, see your point! I'm looking at it like you

didn't reassure him

by joking about hemlock and it was dropped after that.

But I'm still gonna try it with next time he

asks me about

anything on his pasta!

>

> Could cause problems with their wives (someday?

> hopefully? ) if they're always looking at their

> cooking like it's dirty!

>

>

Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

may be accessed at:

/

..

Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

owner, at louisharkins@... ,

louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

NC is for North Carolina (U.S.). Does that seem about right with the

hours difference?

!

I think it is reassurance because what will

> they do when

> we're not there ( someday? hopefully?) to reassure

> them -- if only

> by our presence and the fact that WE cooked it.

>

> Ahh, see your point! I'm looking at it like you

> didn't reassure him

> by joking about hemlock and it was dropped after that.

>

>

> But I'm still gonna try it with next time he

> asks me about

> anything on his pasta!

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Could cause problems with their wives (someday?

> > hopefully? ) if they're always looking at their

> > cooking like it's dirty!

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature

> may be accessed at:

> /

> .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

> Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

> Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

> http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

> moderators are Birkhan, Castle,

> Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac,

> Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues

> or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

> owner, at louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

>

>