Re: New Residential Placement for

[Guest guest]

-

I've been thinking about you lately and wondering what happened.... I've

just been busy crazy and haven't had a chance to e-mail you. I have only have

a

minute, but wanted to let you know what you're feeling and describing is

EXACTLY what I went through with my daughter - I even had a smile thinking ...

gosh... how similar.

BELIEVE ME, IT WILL GET BETTER!!! You've made it through the hardest part -

admitting her there. It will get easier - it truly will.

Well, know you're in my thoughts and I'll e-mail you later or tomorrow just

to check on you.

In a message dated 4/19/2006 6:14:09 PM Central Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

How has anyone else here dealt with sending their

child away? This is so difficult.

/CA

[Guest guest]

-

I've been thinking about you lately and wondering what happened.... I've

just been busy crazy and haven't had a chance to e-mail you. I have only have

a

minute, but wanted to let you know what you're feeling and describing is

EXACTLY what I went through with my daughter - I even had a smile thinking ...

gosh... how similar.

BELIEVE ME, IT WILL GET BETTER!!! You've made it through the hardest part -

admitting her there. It will get easier - it truly will.

Well, know you're in my thoughts and I'll e-mail you later or tomorrow just

to check on you.

In a message dated 4/19/2006 6:14:09 PM Central Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

How has anyone else here dealt with sending their

child away? This is so difficult.

/CA

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/19/2006 7:13:49 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

How has anyone else here dealt with sending their

child away? This is so difficult.

-

Thank God - no, I haven't. I am practically in tears here as I read your

post. I couldn't imagine in all my worst nightmares what you must be going

through. You are much stronger than I could ever be, I'm sure -- and thank the

good Lord for that, because your daughter will surely benefit from your

decision & your strength to carry it out.

Can you write her letters? They may be a great comfort to have with her.

While she may be wild & accusing on the phone with you, having your written

words of comfort and encouragement and reasoning that you just want her to get

better, may be a real blessing for her when she's calm & by herself.

After reading your email, I'm almost ashamed of myself for being as upset as

I have been with my daughter's situation over the past week. You have

helped me to put things a little more in perspective. I know my daughter & I

will

get through this if you can do what you're doing... you are phenomenal.

Just know that one day your daughter will realize this too.

LT

[Guest guest]

I can't imagine what you are going through. You hang in there!! I said

a prayer for you!

Sheree

[Guest guest]

I can't imagine what you are going through. You hang in there!! I said

a prayer for you!

Sheree

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Well, I am soooo glad you found a place for but so

sorry she's giving you a hard time about wanting to come home! But

you " hang tough " as you know this has been coming for a while

because you know this is what she needs to get well!!! She's a smart

girl, a lot going for her. This is such a great chance for her to be

able to get ongoing treatment, live with others who are going through

their own " problems " (so how can you feel alone for too long, it's

just *you* being picked on, *you* only with problems?? it'll help I'm

sure to see/meet others there), and hopefully even make some friends

who really understand and have trained therapists who also

understand. She's been trying it without " residential " and things

haven't stayed " OK " so this is surely what she needs to learn to cope

and to get through her OCD and other. I'm sure it is hard on her

with her diet, though I'd assume that some of each meal might have

fruit, veges....

When you two can talk, just keep on being supportive, she can do

this, etc.

And YOU stay out of that bed! Let yourself worry a day or 3 more

and then take this time for you.

(((hugs))) as I can only imagine how hard this is and cheer you &

on!!

>

> Well is finally in a residential facility. Some of you

probably

> remember that we tried to do this back in Feb. with another

facility and it all

> went horribly wrong and she ended up back in the hospital after

threatening the

> people there and herself. Well she was in the hospital for 2 weeks

and they

> discharged her because we had an appointment to tour another

residential

> facility. They wouldn't give her a pass to go and return

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Well, I am soooo glad you found a place for but so

sorry she's giving you a hard time about wanting to come home! But

you " hang tough " as you know this has been coming for a while

because you know this is what she needs to get well!!! She's a smart

girl, a lot going for her. This is such a great chance for her to be

able to get ongoing treatment, live with others who are going through

their own " problems " (so how can you feel alone for too long, it's

just *you* being picked on, *you* only with problems?? it'll help I'm

sure to see/meet others there), and hopefully even make some friends

who really understand and have trained therapists who also

understand. She's been trying it without " residential " and things

haven't stayed " OK " so this is surely what she needs to learn to cope

and to get through her OCD and other. I'm sure it is hard on her

with her diet, though I'd assume that some of each meal might have

fruit, veges....

When you two can talk, just keep on being supportive, she can do

this, etc.

And YOU stay out of that bed! Let yourself worry a day or 3 more

and then take this time for you.

(((hugs))) as I can only imagine how hard this is and cheer you &

on!!

>

> Well is finally in a residential facility. Some of you

probably

> remember that we tried to do this back in Feb. with another

facility and it all

> went horribly wrong and she ended up back in the hospital after

threatening the

> people there and herself. Well she was in the hospital for 2 weeks

and they

> discharged her because we had an appointment to tour another

residential

> facility. They wouldn't give her a pass to go and return

[Guest guest]

Thanks

It's nice to hear that it's not just me with these sort of feelings. It's so

much harder than I thought cause I assumed that she would hate me and not

want to talk to me or see for some time before she got over all that. She got

over it before her first night there! .....or at least she thinks she's over

hating me. I think she just quickly realized how good she really had it. I just

hope she's as quick to REALLY work the program and REALLY get and REALLY

understand why she needs this help.....and not just going through the motions to

quickly get out of there.

And I hope I get over this horrible feeling of loneliness that I'm feeling.

In a message dated 4/19/2006 5:53:44 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

Nchaotic@... writes:

-

I've been thinking about you lately and wondering what happened.... I've

just been busy crazy and haven't had a chance to e-mail you. I have only

have a

minute, but wanted to let you know what you're feeling and describing is

EXACTLY what I went through with my daughter - I even had a smile thinking

....

gosh... how similar.

BELIEVE ME, IT WILL GET BETTER!!! You've made it through the hardest part

-

admitting her there. It will get easier - it truly will.

Well, know you're in my thoughts and I'll e-mail you later or tomorrow just

to check on you.

[Guest guest]

- Believe me, you'll get over the " lonely " feeling soon enough. Right

now, you're exhausted and worn out. That will change - LOL! is

going to take some time to adjust - EXPECT set-backs. It'll take her time to

realize that working the program will be to her advantage. This will take time

though, but it will eventually happen. You'll see little changes here and

there. Shortly, she will begin to settle in and her " roommates " will become

like her " family " in a sense. There is NOTHING wrong with that. These are

adolescents and they survive and get by the best they can in these situations.

She will look around and eventually come to realize - geeze maybe xyz..

wasn't so bad a rule or whatever.

Is there a family counseling component at all to this program? I used to

meet monthly with my daughter's counseler until they felt she was ready with

more intense family sessions. I don't know how to explain it really, but

eventually she'll buy into the counseling there because it's " acceptable. "

Everyone is doing it so she'll go along.

You'll start to feel better about this soon - I PROMISE YOU. After some

WELL DESERVED self-pity LOL! and TLC, just get back into your schedule. You'll

find things a little easier without the constant chaos of dealing with the

school issues, behavior, etc. This is the point you will realize that this was

truly a decision that needed to be made and in EVERYONE'S best interest.

I'm so proud of you! You've come this far - remember a few months ago? You

couldn't imagine admitting to a residential facility? You truly

struggled with the decision as I did at the time. You're strength is what is

going to make this entire situation successful and will gain strength

through yours! You will laugh about the " residential days " a few years from

now. My daughter and I do all the time - she always says " remember when I

tried

to do xxxx at xxxx. " This will come for you and in time also.

Chin up and eyes on the prize!

In a message dated 4/21/2006 4:53:35 PM Central Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

Thanks

It's nice to hear that it's not just me with these sort of feelings. It's

so

much harder than I thought cause I assumed that she would hate me and not

want to talk to me or see for some time before she got over all that. She

got

over it before her first night there! .....or at least she thinks she's over

hating me. I think she just quickly realized how good she really had it. I

just

hope she's as quick to REALLY work the program and REALLY get and REALLY

understand why she needs this help.....and not just going through the

motions to

quickly get out of there.

And I hope I get over this horrible feeling of loneliness that I'm feeling.

[Guest guest]

LT

No...I'm really NOT that strong....this is why it took me so long to finally

go along with the school and doctors about putting her in residential. On

the outside...I might appear strong somewhat...but inside....I'm a mess!! I

feel so fake. Everyone tells me " you look like you're handling this really

well. " Well it's a fake front.....I'm " faux-happy " I tell them. I feel like I'm

dying inside. No one really wants to hear that though or they'll think I'm nuts.

(except for here on this board....I can tell you all)....but my husbands

family who live nearby....they don't want to hear how I really feel.....they

just want to constantly remind me that I " should have done this a long time

ago " .....that " she's needed this " ......that " she's screwed up " ......that " it's

all HER doing " ....blah blah blah..... All they do is bad-mouth . I can't

stand it. Then they have f*n nerve to go on saying..... " well at least none of

this has screwed up na....she's just perfect!!!! " I want to f*n punch

them!!!! (na is my 12 yo stepdaughter....their REAL grandchild.....that

can do no wrong in their eyes. And tonight....we have to go to their house to

celebrate na's birthday.....which they make a HUGE deal over. I just

want to throw up. They'll once again say all that crap about and when I

try to tell them like I have in the past that it's not just " ALL " that

needs fixing.....it's the whole family (meaning them) all around her.

didn't choose to have OCD or ADHD...or have her parent's divorce....or be in

the middle of a terrible custody battle....or have her father abuse her

because she didn't want to live with him.....or choose any of the issues that

came

after the divorce! But they'll still say...as they always do.... " No...none

of this is anybody's fault but 's "

Kill me now....before I have to see them tonight. UGHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

BTW....I like your suggestion of writing a letter so that will have

it to read over when she needs comfort.

Thanks

In a message dated 4/19/2006 6:53:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

jtlt@... writes:

-

Thank God - no, I haven't. I am practically in tears here as I read your

post. I couldn't imagine in all my worst nightmares what you must be going

through. You are much stronger than I could ever be, I'm sure -- and thank

the

good Lord for that, because your daughter will surely benefit from your

decision & your strength to carry it out.

Can you write her letters? They may be a great comfort to have with her.

While she may be wild & accusing on the phone with you, having your written

words of comfort and encouragement and reasoning that you just want her to

get

better, may be a real blessing for her when she's calm & by herself.

After reading your email, I'm almost ashamed of myself for being as upset

as

I have been with my daughter's situation over the past week. You have

helped me to put things a little more in perspective. I know my daughter &

I will

get through this if you can do what you're doing... you are phenomenal.

Just know that one day your daughter will realize this too.

LT

[Guest guest]

Thank you Sheree....I'll take all the prayers I can get!!

In a message dated 4/19/2006 7:19:26 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

I can't imagine what you are going through. You hang in there!! I

said

a prayer for you!

Sheree

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the support and hugs Chris. I'm forcing myself to get out of

bed but I just feel so overwhelmed right now with thing's I should be

doing....I don't know where to begin. has finally started to make some

friends.

At first she didn't want to talk to anyone....but she's coming around now it

seems. She had a really tough day a couple days ago when they were on to her

with the cell phone....which she did finally give up and gave it to them.

She didn't get a consequence for it because she was already having a difficult

day to begin with I guess and pretty much had already had everything removed

from her room. They allowed her to chew gum for the first several days but

then they said it was time to get rid of it and took all her gum away. It's in

their rules....no gum. But she chews gum for OCD reasons....I don't really

get it but it's just one of those annoying OCD thing's. They knew it was for

OCD....but they told her they would need to find a replacement, so they just

took it all away cold turkey. Well flipped....and ran out of her dorm.

They went after her and held her arms cause she was pushing them away...and

then she kicked them. So she was taken to the " quiet room " to cool off. Then

later they decided to just give her a half piece of gum to try and wean her off

the gum. But now tells me that a staff member sneaks her one piece of

gum everyday even though she's not supposed to. So that's kind of confusing.

(maybe she has OCD herself and understands it??) but I don't know how she's

going to get over the gum thing if she's still getting it. Anyway.....this

has been a weird first week there.....cause the place is on Spring Break and a

lot of the girl's are gone for the week. So there's no school.....and no real

therapy yet until next week. There's really no much structure at all right

now it seems. I hope it gets better next week.

I'll let you know.....

In a message dated 4/19/2006 7:56:49 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

@... writes:

Hi ! Well, I am soooo glad you found a place for but so

sorry she's giving you a hard time about wanting to come home! But

you " hang tough " as you know this has been coming for a while

because you know this is what she needs to get well!!! She's a smart

girl, a lot going for her. This is such a great chance for her to be

able to get ongoing treatment, live with others who are going through

their own " problems " (so how can you feel alone for too long, it's

just *you* being picked on, *you* only with problems?? it'll help I'm

sure to see/meet others there), and hopefully even make some friends

who really understand and have trained therapists who also

understand. She's been trying it without " residential " and things

haven't stayed " OK " so this is surely what she needs to learn to cope

and to get through her OCD and other. I'm sure it is hard on her

with her diet, though I'd assume that some of each meal might have

fruit, veges....

When you two can talk, just keep on being supportive, she can do

this, etc.

And YOU stay out of that bed! Let yourself worry a day or 3 more

and then take this time for you.

(((hugs))) as I can only imagine how hard this is and cheer you &

on!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2006 6:34:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

They allowed her to chew gum for the first several days but

then they said it was time to get rid of it and took all her gum away. It's

in

their rules....no gum.

-

Just out of curiosity -- why the no gum rule?? Do you know?

LT

[Guest guest]

They said because kids just drop it or spit it out and it makes a sticky

mess.

In a message dated 4/24/2006 5:25:38 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

jtlt@... writes:

-

Just out of curiosity -- why the no gum rule?? Do you know?

LT

[Guest guest]

My daughter was the same as . She chewed gum as part of her OCD. It was

most definitely an anxiety release. It wasn't until her meds were working

well that suddenly the gum chewing stopped. Now she just chews a normal amount.

I

wish they would make more of an allowance for on this issue right now.

My daughter would have also freaked out if they would have taken away her

gum. I really hope things go well for . I also hope things are getting a

little easier for you as well. Kim

In a message dated 4/24/2006 5:47:03 PM Central Standard Time,

Kidztalent@... writes:

They said because kids just drop it or spit it out and it makes a sticky

mess.