Re: My Isolated Little Girl

November 11, 2004

Hi there,

First of all - does your daughter actually *want* friends, or is it that she

thinks she *ought* to have friends because everyone (including you and your

wife) tell her she should? There is absolutely no reason at all why she

should have 'friends' and be forced into doing something which her brain is

not designed to do, ie socialise. Most people with ASD find being with other

people, except 'safe' people like family who accept them as they are and

don't expect them to behave 'normally' in terms of social relating,

incredibly stressful. It simply is not pleasurable for them, and in fact is

hard work.

However, if she truly does want friends, then the best thing to do is find

others who are interested in the same things and invite them over to your

house. It is better if it is just one at a time. That way they have

something in common to talk about. Or alternatively, sign her up for a club

for her interest.

Also, relating to peers is very difficult - she may be better off with

younger children or with adults.

As far as school goes, they should be aware of her difficulties and aware

that she will find group work situations hard and be putting appropriate

support in for her. Others here will be able to tell you what you can expect

from them.

in England

November 11, 2004

My son was never real crazy about making friends in the typical

population. He had little friends when he was 2 and 3 but some moved and

he never replaced them, while others turned out not to be friends at

all. He never really made any friends, or wanted to, until he hit his

late teens and met more autistic people of his same advancement level.

He prefers friends in the autistic community now, and has a few that he

hangs out with (including his roomies). He's 24 now, and in assisted

living for 3+ years. So it could be that your daughter has a hard

time making friends with typical kids; lets face it, they don't have a

lot in common. Here's some things you can try to socialize her a bit

more.

Look into Special Olympics. This did a lot to bring our son out of his

shell, and they offer everything the typical Olympics does, plus a few

extras. It's a good way for our kids to make friends, too.

See if the parks dept. in Westchester has an afterschool rec program for

the special population. Louie took part in this here in Albuquerque,

and it was really great for him.

Look at different interest clubs connected to the school. There's bound

to be one that speaks to your daughter's area of expertise (all our kids

have at least one). At our daughters elementary school, they had a chess

club, a checkers group, a Beatles club, and a craft group, all of which

met after school. Check also clubs available in your community. Here

in Albuquerque, there are various groups for playing everything from

bridge and scrabble to Dungeons and Dragons, plus the various anime

groups, plus the groups into square dancing, Latin dancing, and swing.

I don't know your daughter, so I don't know what might be appropriate

for her, but there's bound to be something on a community level to pique

her interest. And a lot of these programs are aimed at both adults and

kids, so it could turn out to be a family thing for you.

I hope some of this helps you! BTW, I'm Annie in Albuquerque,

married to Ron (World's Greatest Husband), and our kids are Kris, 35,

adult-dx ADHD, and Louie, 24, HFA/AS. Glad to meetcha! I have a

brother in NY, in Point Jervis, BTW.

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

If I am like others, who will be like me? -- Yiddish Proverb

November 11, 2004

Hey everyone...my daughter is in 4th grade in

NYC suburbs

(westchester)...she has a pretty high IQ with

residual pragmatic

semantic issues..., it's not just the

other kids...it's the difficulty in warming

to a 9 year old who

sometimes is socially inept, inappropriately

loud and subject to

sporadic meltdowns...

especially in groups...has anyone here had

any successful strategies

in getting their different but very lovable

kids more involved with

peers? Any and all suggestions accepted:).

Thanks everyone.

Hi, I also think a small group of Girl Scouts, 4-H, Martial Arts,

Art, Youth Group or whatever would be the way to go. You or your wife would

have to attend with her to have it work. Nine is a tough age. It is the year

that my son,12,As. crashed. He is a very bright boy and we are lucky, as he has

had a couple of buddies that have come to the house since they were around 5. I

have put a lot of effort into picking them up, including them in activities

etc. I am putting my feelers out for other kids now, as I don’t know when

it will end as they age. My son is Home Schooled now for 2 years. He is in a

Fencing class(once per week), a Home School group(meets twice a month) and a book discussion group that meets

every other week. He also takes Horse back riding lessons and Trombone lessons,

these are done individually. From the discussions I’ve read over a couple

years now, a small group that meets for an hour or so where the parent is

involved seems to work best. Good Luck and ask any other questions, Gail

..

November 12, 2004

Gail-

That is really good advice, especially as she can start with a blank slate with a lot of these groups, building her confidence socially as she learns new activities. Thanks also for the specific suggestions.

Your son is lucky to have you for a mom.

GeneGail Africa <lilies@...> wrote:

Hey everyone...my daughter is in 4th grade in NYC suburbs (westchester)...she has a pretty high IQ with residual pragmatic semantic issues..., it's not just the other kids...it's the difficulty in warming to a 9 year old who sometimes is socially inept, inappropriately loud and subject to sporadic meltdowns... especially in groups...has anyone here had any successful strategies in getting their different but very lovable kids

more involved with peers? Any and all suggestions accepted:). Thanks everyone.

Hi, I also think a small group of Girl Scouts, 4-H, Martial Arts, Art, Youth Group or whatever would be the way to go. You or your wife would have to attend with her to have it work. Nine is a tough age. It is the year that my son,12,As. crashed. He is a very bright boy and we are lucky, as he has had a couple of buddies that have come to the house since they were around 5. I have put a lot of effort into picking them up, including them in activities etc. I am putting my feelers out for other kids now, as I don’t know when it will end as they age. My son is Home Schooled now for 2 years. He is in a Fencing class(once per week), a Home School group(meets twice a month) and a book discussion group that meets every other week. He also takes Horse back riding lessons and Trombone lessons, these are done individually. From the discussions I’ve read over a couple years now, a small group that meets for an hour or so where the parent is involved seems to work best. Good Luck and ask any other questions, Gail

.. __________________________________________________

November 14, 2004

I dont know if this makes any sense or not... but I am an Aspergers, and in my

younger years (I am 27 now), I had no desire to make friends. I enjoyed being

by myself. Now, I have a handful of friends, and I still like my alone

time...lots of it.

Good luck in finding what works for your daughter..

Ang

>

> From: " Rowell " <nancy@...>

> Date: 2004/11/11 Thu AM 02:26:54 CST

> <Autism and Aspergers Treatment >

> Subject: Re: My Isolated Little Girl

>

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the

impossible. - Corrie Ten Boom

Faith's role is to grasp that which appears impossible or strange to human eyes.

- Murray

I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun- not only because I see it,

but because by it I see everything else.- C. S.

Some never get started on their destiny course because they cannot humble

themselves to learn, grow, and change. - Cast Treat