Guest guest Posted July 30, 2000 Report Share Posted July 30, 2000 Hey Z, Howzit there in New Home Cra...Zee! Sorry I've been out of touch...not sure what tests you mean but hope all is superbly well with you. I miss your bouyant take on life. Things have been a bit weird in my home too - but all is well - really well finally. So glad that you got the tapes...wish you'd just given me your home address cos I'd have posted them directly to you and by now you could be ...well you know...FIRMer! God Bless sweetie, chat soon, Lean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2001 Report Share Posted November 5, 2001 Welcome, yes this site is a Godsend. I wish i had known of it alot sooner. It seems as though God has given you a very interesting start with Abby, at least you aren't in the denial i was until my daughter was 5.MY daughter is now 7, classed as HFA, social skills are horrid, and cognitive is very, very slowely picking up with maturity. We have her in mainline school with her 9 year old sister, she has a government paid aide teacher for 2 hours a day, without this aide i really do not know how much she would have learn't at all. I see slow improvements in areas some days, then i see a regression in others, but as people say, " 1 step forward and 2 back " , but eventually, well only God knows this score. I'm sure you will like this site and the ladies who write. Cheryl Introducing myself First of all, this site is a Godsend. Thank you all for your input and generous words! They're priceless. I am Abby's mom. Abby has recently turned four years old. I also have an older daughter who is 15. Abby is our miracle child. My husband and I lost a five month old fetus and also had another miscarriage. It wasn't until Abby came along that we knew that God had plans for us that we might not be able to understand. Please let me tell you a little about us. I was 40 when Abby was born and she was four weeks premature, but in excellent health. She was no slower to walk than any other child and reached other developmental milestones normally, except for her speech. However, she is still in diapers (Pull-Ups) and still relies on a bottle to calm her down, though not as much as she used to. To make this long story shorter (by the way thanks for your time) we have a ped. neurologist and child psychiatrist who have given us PDD diagnosis. I understand what all of you are going through and I have just started having the best nights of her life. We have been on the Clonodine for approximately two weeks and she averages about 7 to 8 hours a night. Her record without sleep was 36 straight hours. She is super hyper but somewhat high functioning socially. We are fortunate to not have any self injurious behavior at this point but she does have an explosive frustration level. My husband, daughter and I are making many trips to and from doctors, etc and have already contacted our local schools for early intervention program and were told they would come to our home (terrific). Since I also am both a mom and a professional (college instructor and former school counselor) I wonder how the doctors are able to make a diagnosis without more fully observing and evaluating the child. The psychiatrist we went to was a little acronym crazy, throwing such phrases as " ADHD, OCD " at us for the first time. Abby has her first psy. testing on November 23. I am so glad to find this site. You are all wonderful and if you have not read the writings of Temple Grandin, please do. She is amazing. My email address is bfranks@.... Please send any information you can find. I am also reading a great deal about Floyd Tilton websites. Abby has some OCD behaviors, hand flapping, but extremly high computer and mechanical ability. I worry about getting all of this properly assessed. She can say things like, " Want to lay down " and " Want a Mickey bar " . She is very sensitive to smell and one noise (plugs her ears when the telephone rings) and will actually say " It's ok " when the phone rings. I understand all the comments about discipline. I even did not attend church for seven weeks, which was awful for me. But, now I am back and I am accepting whatever God desires for us. Talk to you soon. Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2005 Report Share Posted March 3, 2005 Hello, I just wanted to say welcome. I have an 11 year old AS son but also a daughter that just turned for named Gracen lol, same name different spelling, to funny. I would get her signed up and on the waiting list for the state and get her pediatrician to call your insurance company and tell them this is a medically necessary treatment and they have to cover it. You can also request a patient advocate through the insurance company who will help fight to get your needs met. Good Luck!!-Charlotte Introducing myself Hello! I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know how happy I am that you are here. I am the mother of Grayson. (my age 3 soon to be 4) She was diagnosed last winter as high functiong autistic / aspergers. She is doing well in her ST, & OT. I am very proud at how hard she has worked this past year. She attends regular pre-school ( they are very accomodating here & offered to work with her instead of me putting her in special pre-school because they saw how bright she is.) Right now I am having trouble getting my insurance company to pay for more than 30 st visits a year. I know that I could've done st thru the state but I am in a very rural area and our st's cover about 200 miles. They are so over booked that they would only be able to see her when a cancelation came up. ( I live in VA) Right now I owe her ST around $400.00 What would you do to handle this situation?Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 > I don't know if this would apply for you , but I'm a nurse and work home health. We have a telehealth program. Basically it is a two way telephone. The MD is at the office and the child is at home. When it is you appointment time you call the office, they answer and the conversation/visit is done over the phone, but the beauty of it is that it's face to face. It has eliminated your travel time and waiting the room, missed work time etc. I wonder if you could find a way to get the ST to agree to this. I know that there is a lot of grant money available in this area of medicine. > Hello! I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know how happy > I am that you are here. I am the mother of Grayson. (my age 3 > soon to be 4) She was diagnosed last winter as high functiong > autistic / aspergers. She is doing well in her ST, & OT. I am very > proud at how hard she has worked this past year. She attends > regular pre-school ( they are very accomodating here & offered to > work with her instead of me putting her in special pre-school > because they saw how bright she is.) Right now I am having trouble > getting my insurance company to pay for more than 30 st visits a > year. I know that I could've done st thru the state but I am in a > very rural area and our st's cover about 200 miles. They are so > over booked that they would only be able to see her when a > cancelation came up. ( I live in VA) Right now I owe her ST around > $400.00 What would you do to handle this situation? > > Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 ADD IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you've been misunderstood your whole life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The diagnosis is the NT or should I say MT interpretation. Of course it doesn't describe you. They are not you. They are the ones who give everyone with differences a bad name. Welcome to the group. zylon1 <zylonn@...> wrote: Hello. I am Zylon, and this is my first post to this forum.I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (AS) as confirmed by 4 psychiatrists so far. I have felt alienated, isolated, and misunderstood all my life, and to find a place to belong and be understood would be very nice. However, although I am very much not an NT, I still do not feel confident that AS applies to me either. NT and AS may not be the only possibilities. When I read about AS, I see some similarities, but it never seems to get to my core differences, and tends to concentrate on things which are not my core differences. Perhaps these things are just NT perceptions of AS. Perhaps I am a true AS anyway. Perhaps the best thing to do here now is to tell you about myself.I am isolated from society, have no friends, no job, no car, no connections. I have been in therapy for many years, but I get no understanding and it does not help. I have learned to be very shy. My core differences from NTs are so fundamental as to be hard to explain. It seems that I am profoundly different in almost every psychological area.I think logically but not in words or symbols. I am an experiencer, not a doer (e,g, I do not enjoy games, not even as a child), and I do not judge the quality of my life by what I do or accomplish, but rather by what I experience. I have no post-pubescent sex instinct (I find all pornographic behavior and imagry totally alien). I am strongly and exclusively attracted to certain members of the oposite sex, but it is not sexual in the usual meaning of the word. I have been this way since age 6. My interests are in natural science, not human affairs. I think in elements, not in "packages" (e.g. when presented by a word like "man" I see each property associalted with that word individually, such as the various physical and psychological properties which define a man.) My short-term memory and working memory are poor, but my conceptual level is extremely high (e.g. I can analyze mathematical philosophy, but was very slow to memorize arithmetic tables).In elementary school, I was in remedial reading class, but in the library I was reading college-level science books.Except for being wiser, I am the same psychologically now as I was at age 6. I cannot identify with being an adult. I can remember all ages of my life, including infancy, and my memory of early childhood is as vivid and "real" as any recent memory, sometimes even more so.I have no interest in or first-hand understanding of non-utilitarian social dynamics, such as social status. I cannot do small-talk because small talk involves sharing mutual feelings, and my feelings differ from theirs. My natural response to seeing someone I like is to shout their name and hug them. Subsequent talking would only occur if there was something to say. I am extremely sensitive to faces, and how I feel towards someone is (unfortunately) very dependent on what their face looks like, from powerful love at first sight (opposite sex only) to intense repulsion. This feeling does not change by getting to know the person. I am by nature very affectionate and compassionate and can get very intimate (non-sexually), caring, and loving (but I seldom have the opportunity for it). I do have theory of mind, but it assumes that their mind works the same as mine, which it does not. To me, NTs seem to lack theory of mind.I eagerly await your responses to this. Thank you for reading and responding..Zylon Check out the all-new beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Welcome to the forum Zylon. Posting here may bring you a feeling of connection and lessen the isolation in your life. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 " Hello. I am Zylon, and this is my first post to this forum. " Hi Zylon, and welcome to the forum. " I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (AS) as confirmed by 4 psychiatrists so far. I have felt alienated, isolated, and misunderstood all my life, and to find a place to belong and be understood would be very nice. " You will find that there are others like you here. " However, although I am very much not an NT, I still do not feel confident that AS applies to me either. NT and AS may not be the only possibilities. When I read about AS, I see some similarities, but it never seems to get to my core differences, and tends to concentrate on things which are not my core differences. " THe DSM IV lists out categorically what AS supposedly is. The problem is that not everything undber Asperger Syndrome applies to everyone. There is an autistic spectrum and there is a spectrum for people who have AS as well. " Perhaps these things are just NT perceptions of AS. Perhaps I am a true AS anyway. " Remember that the DSM IV was devised by non-Aspies. Ergo their perception of AS is what defines AS. " I am isolated from society, have no friends, no job, no car, no connections. I have been in therapy for many years, but I get no understanding and it does not help. I have learned to be very shy. My core differences from NTs are so fundamental as to be hard to explain. It seems that I am profoundly different in almost every psychological area. " That describes lots of people here. " I think logically but not in words or symbols. I am an experiencer, not a doer (e,g, I do not enjoy games, not even as a child), and I do not judge the quality of my life by what I do or accomplish, but rather by what I experience. I have no post-pubescent sex instinct (I find all pornographic behavior and imagry totally alien). I am strongly and exclusively attracted to certain members of the oposite sex, but it is not sexual in the usual meaning of the word. I have been this way since age 6. " Again, many peoplehere have some or all of those characteristics. " My interests are in natural science, not human affairs. I think in elements, not in " packages " (e.g. when presented by a word like " man " I see each property associalted with that word individually, such as the various physical and psychological properties which define a man.) My short-term memory and working memory are poor, but my conceptual level is extremely high (e.g. I can analyze mathematical philosophy, but was very slow to memorize arithmetic tables). In elementary school, I was in remedial reading class, but in the library I was reading college-level science books. " AS people tend to have lopsided educational achievement and aptitude as you do. " Except for being wiser, I am the same psychologically now as I was at age 6. I cannot identify with being an adult. " Non-Aspie adults seem to reach a point where they cannot remember what their childhoods were like. Not so Aspies. We tend to remember our childhoods and keep the good aspects of childhood with us. " I can remember all ages of my life, including infancy, and my memory of early childhood is as vivid and " real " as any recent memory, sometimes even more so. " Same here. " I have no interest in or first-hand understanding of non-utilitarian social dynamics, such as social status. I cannot do small-talk because small talk involves sharing mutual feelings, and my feelings differ from theirs. My natural response to seeing someone I like is to shout their name and hug them. Subsequent talking would only occur if there was something to say. I am extremely sensitive to faces, and how I feel towards someone is (unfortunately) very dependent on what their face looks like, from powerful love at first sight (opposite sex only) to intense repulsion. This feeling does not change by getting to know the person. I am by nature very affectionate and compassionate and can get very intimate (non-sexually), caring, and loving (but I seldom have the opportunity for it). I do have theory of mind, but it assumes that their mind works the same as mine, which it does not. To me, NTs seem to lack theory of mind. " You do sound Aspie to me. Though I am not qualified to render such an opinion. But everything you describe sounds like what lots of people have posted here. Welcome to the group. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Hi Zylon, welcome to the group. > > Hello. I am Zylon, and this is my first post to this forum. > > I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (AS) as confirmed by 4 > psychiatrists so far. I have felt alienated, isolated, and > misunderstood all my life, and to find a place to belong and be > understood would be very nice. However, although I am very much not > an NT, I still do not feel confident that AS applies to me either. NT > and AS may not be the only possibilities. When I read about AS, I see > some similarities, but it never seems to get to my core differences, > and tends to concentrate on things which are not my core differences. > Perhaps these things are just NT perceptions of AS. Perhaps I am a > true AS anyway. Perhaps the best thing to do here now is to tell you > about myself. > I am isolated from society, have no friends, no job, no car, no > connections. I have been in therapy for many years, but I get no > understanding and it does not help. I have learned to be very shy. My > core differences from NTs are so fundamental as to be hard to > explain. It seems that I am profoundly different in almost every > psychological area. > I think logically but not in words or symbols. I am an experiencer, > not a doer (e,g, I do not enjoy games, not even as a child), and I do > not judge the quality of my life by what I do or accomplish, but > rather by what I experience. I have no post-pubescent sex instinct (I > find all pornographic behavior and imagry totally alien). I am > strongly and exclusively attracted to certain members of the oposite > sex, but it is not sexual in the usual meaning of the word. I have > been this way since age 6. > My interests are in natural science, not human affairs. I think in > elements, not in " packages " (e.g. when presented by a word like " man " > I see each property associalted with that word individually, such as > the various physical and psychological properties which define a > man.) My short-term memory and working memory are poor, but my > conceptual level is extremely high (e.g. I can analyze mathematical > philosophy, but was very slow to memorize arithmetic tables). > In elementary school, I was in remedial reading class, but in the > library I was reading college-level science books. > Except for being wiser, I am the same psychologically now as I was at > age 6. I cannot identify with being an adult. I can remember all ages > of my life, including infancy, and my memory of early childhood is as > vivid and " real " as any recent memory, sometimes even more so. > I have no interest in or first-hand understanding of non- utilitarian > social dynamics, such as social status. I cannot do small-talk > because small talk involves sharing mutual feelings, and my feelings > differ from theirs. My natural response to seeing someone I like is > to shout their name and hug them. Subsequent talking would only occur > if there was something to say. I am extremely sensitive to faces, and > how I feel towards someone is (unfortunately) very dependent on what > their face looks like, from powerful love at first sight (opposite > sex only) to intense repulsion. This feeling does not change by > getting to know the person. I am by nature very affectionate and > compassionate and can get very intimate (non-sexually), caring, and > loving (but I seldom have the opportunity for it). I do have theory > of mind, but it assumes that their mind works the same as mine, which > it does not. To me, NTs seem to lack theory of mind. > I eagerly await your responses to this. Thank you for reading and > responding. > . > Zylon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 > > You do sound Aspie to me. Hello Tom. Thank you for welcoming me. I hope you are right. I tend to increase my identification with AS over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to anyone, although I have tried when encouraged by forums or therapists. Once I was on a depression forum, and when I revealed the real reason why I was depressed, I was gagged not just from that forum, but also another that I was not even on! I assure you that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I said, only that in their mind they could not conceive of what I really said, only what they imagined I said via their theory of what feelings are and are not possible. And their theories are strong, and are shared by psychiatrists as well. If I ever see someone else write about themself what is true about me, I would not hesitate to agree with them, but to volunteer the imformation first would feel risky. Remember, there is nothing wrong with it, and if understood it would actually be considered very nice; it is only the missunderstanding which can make it look bad. Zylon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hi, I know you were replying to Tom, but a few things in this post stood out for me. " I tend to increase my identification with AS over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . " I don't identify with all things written by aspies, some things I do, some things I don't. Sometimes just parts of things. Also when I first saw the diagnositc criteria I didn't think it fitted me - that was until I saw a break down of the diagnostic criteria and then it made more sense to me. For instance, I think in the diagnostic criteria it mentions 'lack of imagination' when I saw that I thought - nah - I have an imagination, I'm fairly creative. What I didn't realise that what it meant by lack of imagination, was something different to what I was thinking. " There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to anyone... " Ditto, some things I have thought if I reveal this I will sound crazy - I am sane enough and have learnt to understand some things sound insane and so tend to keep them to myself. As for misinterprettation, sometimes something I say or write will be misinterpretted and no matter how I try and explain the other person will stick to their misinterpretation believing it to be correct rather than accepting the truth. > > > > You do sound Aspie to me. > > Hello Tom. Thank you for welcoming me. > I hope you are right. I tend to increase my identification with AS > over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies > themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . > There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to > anyone, although I have tried when encouraged by forums or > therapists. Once I was on a depression forum, and when I revealed the > real reason why I was depressed, I was gagged not just from that > forum, but also another that I was not even on! I assure you that > there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I said, only that in > their mind they could not conceive of what I really said, only what > they imagined I said via their theory of what feelings are and are > not possible. And their theories are strong, and are shared by > psychiatrists as well. If I ever see someone else write about > themself what is true about me, I would not hesitate to agree with > them, but to volunteer the imformation first would feel risky. > Remember, there is nothing wrong with it, and if understood it would > actually be considered very nice; it is only the missunderstanding > which can make it look bad. > > Zylon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hi, I know you were replying to Tom, but a few things in this post stood out for me. " I tend to increase my identification with AS over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . " I don't identify with all things written by aspies, some things I do, some things I don't. Sometimes just parts of things. Also when I first saw the diagnositc criteria I didn't think it fitted me - that was until I saw a break down of the diagnostic criteria and then it made more sense to me. For instance, I think in the diagnostic criteria it mentions 'lack of imagination' when I saw that I thought - nah - I have an imagination, I'm fairly creative. What I didn't realise that what it meant by lack of imagination, was something different to what I was thinking. " There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to anyone... " Ditto, some things I have thought if I reveal this I will sound crazy - I am sane enough and have learnt to understand some things sound insane and so tend to keep them to myself. As for misinterprettation, sometimes something I say or write will be misinterpretted and no matter how I try and explain the other person will stick to their misinterpretation believing it to be correct rather than accepting the truth. > > > > You do sound Aspie to me. > > Hello Tom. Thank you for welcoming me. > I hope you are right. I tend to increase my identification with AS > over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies > themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . > There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to > anyone, although I have tried when encouraged by forums or > therapists. Once I was on a depression forum, and when I revealed the > real reason why I was depressed, I was gagged not just from that > forum, but also another that I was not even on! I assure you that > there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I said, only that in > their mind they could not conceive of what I really said, only what > they imagined I said via their theory of what feelings are and are > not possible. And their theories are strong, and are shared by > psychiatrists as well. If I ever see someone else write about > themself what is true about me, I would not hesitate to agree with > them, but to volunteer the imformation first would feel risky. > Remember, there is nothing wrong with it, and if understood it would > actually be considered very nice; it is only the missunderstanding > which can make it look bad. > > Zylon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Zylon, I liked your post very much. I don't find what you have written particularly odd in any way. With regard to faces unless your opinions are based solely on looks rather than by precieved merit. (liar, boor, kind ,evil, tender, selfish) I do this to some extent. I will precieve a person and see what I " get " from them. I will stick with the exchange and see if my views have been confirmed or incorrect. I am usually correct. But someone can have a bad day and negative tendancies are at the forefront. Peoples faces when one is not swayed by " ideals of beauty " can really give another a look into that persons nature. I think I can say many in the group have expressed this view. I think you will find the clinical defination os AS as lacking but the people will suprise you. Just like any diverse group we are all individual but as Tom has oft stated it is sometimes hard to distinguish whose voice is speaking. I kind of like his borg analogy. Very different and also the same concurrently. we all have intresting backgrounds, high levels of being misunderstood/ in many cases tortured for such. Minority speaking I think many of us are very minority. I am a iraqi, jewish, female(first born) croatian, vegan, with AS. I am both shy and oddly intimate(can have strong feelings of liking someone through an empathetic response, that is overboard and manytimes undesired) Ex. i love soft looking old people and I will do nearly anything for them. This stems from my love of my grandmother (so no sexual feelings of any kind) I have befriended octarians because usually they can take my being nice, and honest and I don't really risk myself. Except when it comes to becoming too attached. It is odd because I suffer their passing as though I was related and outsiders precieve that I must have wated their money or something. I have a problem with money as often it seems to require a particular, set of behaviors (mostly in the NT world) And I am not mush motivated by the gain of money. So another reason I keep from Welfare as somewhat I choose not to want to grow to comfortable. I guess what I am saying as our own internal logic guides our choices, and I find as a group we have fewer vices as what usually leads to vice is lying and most of us dislike this very much. I am not saying we don't suffer addictions but they may manifest in strange ways. addictions to people, objects, ideals. sorry for the length but I hope you like it here. mimi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Zylon wrote: " I tend to increase my identification with AS over time until I read about it, even articles written by aspies themselves, and then I say " no, that's not me " . " answered: " ... <snip> ... I think in the diagnostic criteria it mentions 'lack of imagination' when I saw that I thought - nah - I have an imagination, I'm fairly creative. What I didn't realise that what it meant by lack of imagination, was something different to what I was thinking. " Bill Gates has imagination or he wouldn't have built Microsoft to the levels it has been grown. has imagination or he wouldn't be the established American singer-songwriter he is. Dan Aykroyd has imagination or he wouldn't be the exceedingly well-known comedian-actor-producer-writer that he has become. All of them are AS. When a 'professional' says, " This is true about Asperger Syndrome " they fail to take into account that as a non-AS person, they are perceiving this disorder through their own non-AS eyes. This is akin to trying to describe the colour blue to another person if you have always been sightless. You may have a vague understanding of blue but you will never truly be able to describe the colour blue as those with sight may be seeing it. And not every sighted person will see blue as all others will. There are those with colour blindness who see some colours and not others and one of those versions of colour blindness include the confusion between green and blue. In other words, Zylon, don't believe everything you read because the people writing it are acknowledged as being experts in their field. They may well be, however, they also may lack certain required insights to truly understand their subject material. Zylon wrote: " There are things about me which I have learned not to reveal to anyone... " I felt that way all my life, Zylon, so I can certainly empathize with your feelings on this subject. I must say, however, that my current boyfriend is someone who has taught me that there is at least ONE person in this world who can know these things about me and I do not have to worry that he will misunderstand me or that he will react negatively to what I tell him. It has taken many, many years to find this one person, but he was out there. My hope for all Aspies is that they will find at least one person in their lifetime with whome they can reveal their true nature without fear of recrimination or discrimination. Raven Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Zylon I will risk something odd that I perserverate on. I think everyone here has figured out that I do not hate my ex. I have an ex. Many times my behavior is precieved as liking him. I kind of do although he has hurt myself and my son a great deal(non-physically) I do this thing when I see him. I hug him(at the end of our exchange) I have gotten to the point where I cannot concieve how a relationship with him could work, and I see him as somewhat non-functioning. I do the hugging I think because I fear that he will hurt myself/my son, and I hope that by doing this non-verbal thing he will see, that we are vunerable. I get no sexual feeling from this, and in a way this has helped over time to unwind myself from the relationship. I acknowledge this as a submissive/fear response, I am sure it isn't the healthyist thing but over time it has helped me to make peace with all the responsibilities I gave myself in the relationship. I have a very odd but logical approach to seperation (my logic of course, and if one knows me although the behavior may seem odd it follows with my list of perseverations) I typically do not behave the way I am told I should. One of the reasons I can understand Don, and like him, because I know that he deals with things the way he thinks he has to to be heard. I too wish he could settle down and trust enough to risk himself. I know it is difficult, that is what is appealing about online. If I met the group I may be exceedingly shy, and feel foolish, as if I have shown everyone my squishy center. We spend so much time learning to defend ourselves from pain, that we twist it into something else. On the other hand I may hug everyone until they all ran screaming. I couldn't say, but this is good mimi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Ahhhhhhh okay, I'll try to explain further. When I read the breakdown of the diagnostic criteria it explained that lack of imagination does not mean one is not creative it is referring to one being rather single minded and not always having a back up plan. For example if I am expecting to do something on a certain day at a certain time and have made arrangements for such, it does not often occur to me to have a back up plan incase such does not occur; I am too busy focusing on what is meant to be happening and putting my energy into dealing with that. It is like the imagination to deal with change perhaps? I know I find it hard to change gear suddenly and tend to hyperfocus on tasks. I getting better with change a bit, but too many unexpected changes I still find very difficult. Also when I read the diagnostic criteria without the break down I was taking most of it very literally, without even realising - so the part that said 'taking things literally' well I wasn't even aware I was :-) until I read the break down of this criteria - I think the breakdown I read was on the NAS site. I really do disagree with the lack of empathy - I think many on the spectrum do have empathy, some more so than those not on the spectrum. " There are things about me which I have learned not to > reveal to anyone... " > > I felt that way all my life, Zylon, so I can certainly empathize > with your feelings on this subject. I must say, however, that my > current boyfriend is someone who has taught me that there is at > least ONE person in this world who can know these things about me > and I do not have to worry that he will misunderstand me or that he > will react negatively to what I tell him. It has taken many, many > years to find this one person, but he was out there. My hope for > all Aspies is that they will find at least one person in their > lifetime with whome they can reveal their true nature without fear > of recrimination or discrimination. > > Raven > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 My hope for all Aspies is that they will find at least one person in their lifetime with whome they can reveal their true nature without fear of recrimination or discrimination. Raven That is quite a holiday message, well year round really but at a time when people are supposed to feel fellowship (not to be confused with commerical frenzy) that is the real meaning of human values and empathy, wanting others to share comfort. Happiness doesn't do the feeling justice. How about wanting other to feel their own value through the eyes of another that can appreciate their uniqueness with honor rather than explaination. I am very glad you feel real. mimi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Dear Raven, That is a wonderful wish. Thank you! Deborah > > My hope for > all Aspies is that they will find at least one person in their > lifetime with whome they can reveal their true nature without fear > of recrimination or discrimination. > > Raven > > > That is quite a holiday message, well year round really but at a time > when people are supposed to feel fellowship (not to be confused with > commerical frenzy) that is the real meaning of human values and > empathy, wanting others to share comfort. Happiness doesn't do the > feeling justice. How about wanting other to feel their own value > through the eyes of another that can appreciate their uniqueness with > honor rather than explaination. I am very glad you feel real. mimi > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hello All, especially Mimi, I am sorry to say that my sensitivity to faces, although not related to any learned ideal of beauty, is the face itself, not perceived merit of any other learned association. It is an inborn reaction, not an opinion about the person, and it has not changed at least back to age 6. Nothing in my feelings or feeling perception has changed since I was 6. At age 7 I saw for the first time someone who really fit the image, both face and personality. I never saw anyone like that before; she did not remind me of anyone, but it clicked with something in my inborn psychological make-up. Other than what I saw, I did not feel like I knew anything about her, it was a pure perceptual reaction, and the result was an intense, unconditional love, and a need to be with her. But not knowing what she needed or wanted, I had no idea what to offer, so I was never with her. To be with her or someone like her would be the highest level of happiness possible for me. Being so developed by age 7, it is non-sexual, but since I have no post-pubescent sexuality, the term " non-sexual " does not mean the same for me as it would said by someone who has an opposing sexuality to compare it with. Zylon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Raven wrote: >When a 'professional' says, " This is true about Asperger Syndrome " >they fail to take into account that as a non-AS person, they are >perceiving this disorder through their own non-AS eyes If we cannot go by what the people who invented the term " Asperger Syndrome " say it means, then by what definition can we use to determine whether we are aspie or not? Zylon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hello Mimi and all, If someone I love hurts me, I would first make sure that person understands the situation, and if the hurt does not stop, it would be good to find another if possible. This does not mean that I stopped loving that person. In fact, my love is unconditional; once I love someone, it is forever. This is not always good, but it is the way I am. I have never experienced having to reject someone because they hurt me; the only way that someone I love has hurt me is by them disapearing from me, by either death, rejection, or by being pulled from me by someone else. So they are gone, all gone. I am not the type to hold back my feelings when in situations where such discussions are appropriate, such as here. But the one danger comes when my age and gender gets into it. Before I reveal myself, you must think of me as a 7 year old, because I am psychologically the same now as when I was 7 (. Except for all the knowledge which I absorbed during all the time since I was 7).and from 7 I never asked to get any older. I also did not ask to be the gender that I am. You could say that I am a very knowledgeable 7 year old girl who has a disease which makes me look like a man. There are powerful prejudices against men, but this should not be unless the person wants to be a man and/or has the psychological properties of a man. I know that it is normal to change with age, but I cannot even imagine changing. I am me and thats all I can be, puberty notwithstanding. Zylon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 " When a 'professional' says, " This is true about Asperger Syndrome " they fail to take into account that as a non-AS person, they are perceiving this disorder through their own non-AS eyes " Zylon said: " If we cannot go by what the people who invented the term " Asperger Syndrome " say it means, then by what definition can we use to determine whether we are aspie or not? " Zylon We must use their definition. However, I do not believe we are oblidged to assume, like they do, that AS is a disability. It CAN be a disability, but in many if not most instances, it is a difference that causes no real disabilities at all, and many of us have abilities that non-Aspies do not have. (Synesthesia is one of these abilities.) Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Who told you that your development stopped when you turned 7? And why do you use that age as a cut off? That you may have the thoughts, feelings, and attitudes of a seven year old is rather an arbitrary age assignation. I do not say that in an accusatory or mean way. It's just that many of us here seem to have retained many of the feelings, emotions, and beliefs we had as children, and as such can see the world as children, but despite this fact, INTELLECTUAL growth and development carried on into adulthood. Viewed in scriptural terms, Aspies who have retained many of their childhood thought processes could be seen by God as " innocent " and Biblically, this is how he would want all men and women to be. The meek shall inherit the earth, the Bible says. If you do believe that 7 is the cut off age for you, that is fine, but I think you should not bash yourself over the head with guilt for this, nor do I think you should limit yourself by forever assuming that you have been capable or are incapable of thinking of the things in terms of your actual age. Tom Administrator I am not the type to hold back my feelings when in situations where such discussions are appropriate, such as here. But the one danger comes when my age and gender gets into it. Before I reveal myself, you must think of me as a 7 year old, because I am psychologically the same now as when I was 7 (.Except for all the knowledge which I absorbed during all the time since I was 7).and from 7 I never asked to get any older. I also did not ask to be the gender that I am. You could say that I am a very knowledgeable 7 year old girl who has a disease which makes me look like a man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hi Zylon, I meant to welcome you earlier, but I haven't had much time to post lately. This caught my eye and I just had to make a few comments. I personally see aspergers as an ability not a disablity, I can do all kinds of stuff that most people can't. Alot of things I can do in half the time also. There are all kinds of ways of addapting to circumstances, that can make differences a benifit to everyone. I find I have very intuned sences, I can smell and hear, and taste things, I can tell what Ingredients are used in cooking something just by smell and taste, I can hear things very far off, if there are no other noises, these things do come in handy from time to time. I am sure you have all kinds of stuff you can do that other people around you can't do. In the links section is a link to an old moderators site here is a copy of that link http://www.creative-minds.info/Lorelei/Home.htm Check it out, and find out more about yourself and others, you may find you have advantages you never even knew you had. Beth, Co-administratorenvironmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote: "When a 'professional' says, "This is true about AspergerSyndrome" they fail to take into account that as a non-AS person, they are perceiving this disorder through their own non-AS eyes"Zylon said:"If we cannot go by what the people who invented the term "Asperger Syndrome" say it means, then by what definition can we use to determine whether we are aspie or not?"ZylonWe must use their definition. However, I do not believe we are oblidged to assume, like they do, that AS is a disability. It CAN be a disability, but in many if not most instances, it is a difference that causes no real disabilities at all, and many of us have abilities that non-Aspies do not have. (Synesthesia is one of these abilities.)TomAdministrator Access over 1 million songs - Music Unlimited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Dear Beth, I agree with you and Tom. I personally see my AS as a set of abilities. LIke being left handed in a very right handed society - there were many difficulties fitting in and finding a way to cope with a majority that are different and convinced consciously or unconsciously that their way is the only one, correct way of doing and percieving. I was fortunate to find myself into a psychotherapy venue - Carl Jung's work - that celebrates each individual's uniqueness and attempts to aid an indivdual to find their own way in society. Jung was a maverick, and a rogue - that too - but he spent days and months on his own. The Analysts I trained with and also saw as a analysand - helped me to claim my differences - even though AS was not understood and I was not diagnosed in the fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and early nineties - I " learned " to support my differences - find ways to meet my needs even though these did not seem to go with what general psychology " said " was correct - to find my own space and way of doing things that supported my abilities. All of us are unique individuals. Adverse outer pressure to do things in a way that people who have the so called, " Neural Typical " brain configuration - say is the way to do things - does have adverse effects on us. I personally need a very strong routine that includes periods of rest, relaxation exercises, eating and physical exercise - as well as complete silent times that are built into my day, week, month and year - in order to feel and be balanced and able to use the gifts that have been given to me. Others need other things that they need to explore and find. I sense that we with AS need to advocate for finding our strengths and gifts and educating others so that we can take a valuable place in society. Thanks! Deborah > > " When a 'professional' says, " This is true about Asperger > Syndrome " they fail to take into account that as a non-AS person, they > are perceiving this disorder through their own non-AS eyes " > > Zylon said: > > " If we cannot go by what the people who invented the term " Asperger > Syndrome " say it means, then by what definition can we use to > determine whether we are aspie or not? " > > Zylon > > We must use their definition. However, I do not believe we are > oblidged to assume, like they do, that AS is a disability. It CAN be a > disability, but in many if not most instances, it is a difference that > causes no real disabilities at all, and many of us have abilities that > non-Aspies do not have. (Synesthesia is one of these abilities.) > > Tom > Administrator > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Access over 1 million songs - Music Unlimited. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 I felt that I developed my moral, work, and relationship/loyality views at age 5 that hasn't changed much if any. Many of the things that annoyed mme then annoy me now. A lot happened in the middle and adult reflection continues to make sense of it but I did not stop emotional progression beyond age 5 mimi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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