Re: married?

[Guest guest]

i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you

guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:53:01 PM Central Daylight Time,

tshindle@... writes:

> There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My perception

> has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and protector,

> so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are valid

> arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The

> fact

> is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a

> wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are.

I tend to agree with you. Even in this day and age, I think the man is

looked upon as the aggressor (sexually) and from an ignorant point of view,

how could a disabled man be an aggressor? It sounds ridiculous, but hell -

many people ARE ridiculous. I also think women have an easier time adjusting

(can't find a more appropriate word) to their disability. Just my opinion...

Amy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time,

codemann@... writes:

> You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is

> compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be

> impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong...

>

You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving

pregnancy and/or not losing their baby.

-Amy

[Guest guest]

" There are a fair

number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys

talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled

men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. "

Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, for example

non disabled women to be their partners - and that for disabled girls/women it's

more difficult. And it seems that way to me, because women are usually

representing the more sensible sex and they just seem to be more thrilled about

having to take care of all the physical needs of their partners, if they have

to.

Of course, this is just my point of view on this and I never had any luck with

guys till now, so that's probably why I have this opinion... But really..., is

it just me or have you noticed how many stunning beautiful girls there are

around, being married to some guys who are just about nothing special

physically? And how many guys with not so good looks get all of the beautiful

girls?

That's what I noticed and I wonder why is it like that?

Best wishes,

Radmy

[Guest guest]

LMAO

Those Two wrote:Yes. Polyamory is to pagans just as serial monogamy is to

Catholics. Sex

and religion in one post! *HOOYAH*

Sarcastically,

Lori

> Re: married?

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> > do you have a pic of you and your husband?.

> > whered u meet

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> >

[Guest guest]

Radmila,

I think your point about stunning women marrying average looking men is

accurate, that does happen more than the reverse. However, I do not agree

about that point when you change the discussion to women (disabled or not)

and disabled men. Tom is one of three disabled men I have known that met

someone while they were disabled. However, there are numerous women on this

list who have met someone and I can come up with at least 2 other couples

where the woman is disabled, but the man is not. And, that is only in the

circle of disabled people I know, which is about 80% men, 20% women. So, it

seems disproportionate. Could it be traditional society values that still

are present underneath despite the clear changes that have occurred on the

surface of Western culture? Like the man is supposed to take care of the

wife, which may make it more difficult for disabled men to find a woman to

take care of them. This is just something I am battling with now, hoping

for an answer of some sort.

Re: married?

" There are a fair number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no

talk of guys talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult

for disabled men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had

luck. "

Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, for

example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for disabled

girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me, because women

are usually representing the more sensible sex and they just seem to be more

thrilled about having to take care of all the physical needs of their

partners, if they have to.

Of course, this is just my point of view on this and I never had any luck

with guys till now, so that's probably why I have this opinion... But

really..., is it just me or have you noticed how many stunning beautiful

girls there are around, being married to some guys who are just about

nothing special physically? And how many guys with not so good looks get all

of the beautiful girls?

That's what I noticed and I wonder why is it like that?

Best wishes,

Radmy

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support, Ken

Re: Re: married?

Amen brother!

[Guest guest]

Tom,

Glad to hear you have had some success. Provides a little hope to me. My

dry spell is almost like the planet on the movie Dune.

Re: Re: married?

I have had a girlfriend for about 7 months now, the first in about 8 years.

Helluva dry spell, huh? I was engaged before but that fell apart. My

current girlfriend used to work as a PA long before I knew her. She didn't

tell me at first because she didn't want me to think she was just interested

in me in that way.

Tom

> I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the

> answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in

> reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are a fair

> number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys

> talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled

> men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck.

>

[Guest guest]

Actually I want to get a more updated family pix. This is the 4 or

5th time I've willingly shorn myself. I just HATE pix of myself. I

do have some pix of the kids a la Sinead O'Connor though.

> ,

> You mean you didn't post the head shaven pic? Oh now that would

have been a hoot!

[Guest guest]

-

I've been noticing that too and wondering. I thought about creating a

poll of sorts on that question, but I wasn't sure if anyone would be

interested. I have know a few guys with different forms of MD that

were married though.

> I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the

> answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in

> reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are

a fair

> number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys

> talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for

disabled

> men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck.

>

[Guest guest]

When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical

professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to

see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of

genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a

recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of

the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he

was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!!

> i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you

> guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice!

[Guest guest]

There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My perception

has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and protector,

so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are valid

arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The fact

is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a

wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are.

Tom

Re: Re: married?

>

>

> I have had a girlfriend for about 7 months now, the first in about 8

years.

> Helluva dry spell, huh? I was engaged before but that fell apart. My

> current girlfriend used to work as a PA long before I knew her. She

didn't

> tell me at first because she didn't want me to think she was just

interested

> in me in that way.

> Tom

>

> > I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the

> > answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in

> > reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are a

fair

> > number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys

> > talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for

disabled

> > men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck.

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What do you mean... " how did you guys configure such a thing????? " ?

Re: married?

i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you

guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice!

[Guest guest]

See, I'm really confused now because I've always thought this was true

too. It seemed like my disabled guy friends in college always dated

more. I figured it was that whole " nuturing instinct " women had.

, Ken, Tom, guys what do you think???

> Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find,

for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for

disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me,

because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they

just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the

physical needs of their partners, if they have to.

[Guest guest]

You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is

compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be

impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong...

Take Care,

Cody Namesnik

codemann@...

Re: married?

When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical

professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to

see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of

genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a

recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of

the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he

was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!!

[Guest guest]

That's a good point , my girlfriend has that personality and always

goes out of her way to make sure I'm comfortable. One of my problems in the

past was my own attitude. I considered myself undesirable. Any affection I

would get I would pass off as pity. So there may have been opportunities

that I was too thickheaded to pick up on!

Re: married?

> See, I'm really confused now because I've always thought this was true

> too. It seemed like my disabled guy friends in college always dated

> more. I figured it was that whole " nuturing instinct " women had.

> , Ken, Tom, guys what do you think???

>

>

>

>

> > Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find,

> for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for

> disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me,

> because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they

> just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the

> physical needs of their partners, if they have to.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yep, and I'm sure many people see a man in a wheelchair and assume that he

can't perform at all to begin with. Again, ridiculous to assume.

Tom

Re: Re: married?

> In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:53:01 PM Central Daylight Time,

> tshindle@... writes:

>

>

> > There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My

perception

> > has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and

protector,

> > so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are

valid

> > arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The

> > fact

> > is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a

> > wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are.

>

> I tend to agree with you. Even in this day and age, I think the man is

> looked upon as the aggressor (sexually) and from an ignorant point of

view,

> how could a disabled man be an aggressor? It sounds ridiculous, but

hell -

> many people ARE ridiculous. I also think women have an easier time

adjusting

> (can't find a more appropriate word) to their disability. Just my

opinion...

>

> Amy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

jenny,

i missed your intro to the grp (Accidently deleted) but i see you have sma and

gave birth to your children. id love to hear more about this. ive always

wanted to have children mysekf (im 23, sma 2) but thought the risk would be to

great as my lung cap. is only around 20-25%, although i am still fairly strong

physically. Id be interested in hearing the details of your pregnancy,

precautions you took, etc.

nekrosys wrote:When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical

professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to

see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of

genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a

recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of

the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he

was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!!

> i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you

> guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice!

[Guest guest]

I find this comment very disturbing and is the complete opposite to my

own experience in

Canada. I will occasionally go for the yearly medical review and since

my mid-20's all I've been

told is " you know you can have a child, many women with your disability

have children " . My response

has constantly been, well I'm not married yet nor are there any

prospects.

Which brings me to the discussion regarding men vs. women with

disabilities and their social appeal

to the opposite sex. It has been my lifelong experience that men with

disabilities have had no issues

with regards to attracting an able bodied partner. My theory has always

been, women can just see the

person and not look to the physical, which also supports the beautiful

women dating unattractive men theory.

However, in the contrary, men often are looking for the " prize " that

they can display on their arm. I am not

saying this is the case for everyone, clearly it is not based on the

women online. It does seem however,

that in my circle, lawyers and other professionals, they feel that

they've worked hard and " deserve " the

beautiful wife/ home etc. A woman with a disability isn't considered

sexy and is viewed as a burden.

Hence, I have been told numerous times, by men and women, your a very

attractive, well educated, well

travelled, warm and funny, why are you single? My answer lies above.

Steff

32, very single

P.S. I have had a long-term relationship but being in the " dating "

world, at my age, is a whole different ball game.

Re: married?

When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical

professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see

- a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of

genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a

recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of

the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was

dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!!

> i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you

> guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice!

[Guest guest]

very well said.

[Guest guest]

Was anyone here at the FSMA conference in Chicago in 2001? There was a

woman on one of the panels (I think her name was Amy) who was married and

had a daughter. Her husband and daughter were both at the conference with

her. From what I remember, she had type II. She finally found a doctor

willing to follow her pregnancy and it was video taped and archived at a

major hospital (don't remember which one). She said her breathing actually

got better as she went further along into her pregnancy. She said she

thought that the baby helped to lift her up. She had scoliosis. Her

doctors delivered her daughter by c-section with no complications.

I don't remember all of the details of it, but from what I do remember it

sounded like she did fine. Does anyone else remember her or know her?

Re: Re: married?

In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time,

codemann@... writes:

> You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is

> compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be

> impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong...

>

You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving

pregnancy and/or not losing their baby.

-Amy

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure what to say here. I have read a great deal about " adaptive "

sex, sexuality, and relationships but not much of it applies to me

personally. Other than not being able to have stand-up sex (of course) I

don't have many limitations as far as positions go and stuff like that.

Yeah, I need help getting INTO the position, but once I'm there... I do

know some men who were high-quads who have been in LTRs. I assume that

there were some kinds of physical displays of affection involved, but as for

the mechanics, I can only imagine. I believe there are other

focused on this subject (anybody know the names). Perhaps somebody in there

can give better advise. I'm sure your not alone in this.

Lori

> RE: Re: married?

>

>

>

> ---

> what do you do when your lover is 33, has type I/II

> and cant move at all? I need to be held and have

> affection....have tried in Knoxville....no luck....

>

>

> Those Two <those2@...> wrote:

> > The word you are looking for is " polyamorous. "

> > Allow me to quote from

> > PolyamorySociety.org:

> >

> > Polyamory is a lovestyle. It holds the belief that

> > human

> > beings have the ability to love more than one

> > person

> > intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple

> > relationship. Polyamory is about maturity and

> > overcoming our jealousies.

> >

> > I didn't ask you because, well, you know how

> > opinionated we both are. The

> > amount of time we'd need to devote to make-up sex

> > would leave little left

> > for anything else.

> >

> > Lori

[Guest guest]

Well I'm not having any luck either.

Maybe this is too personal. Just ignore me if it is, but what do you mean

by " him and I can't even do it together. " Sex? Or am I misinterpreting

something?

Lori

> Re: Re: married?

>

> How the heck do you even get to that point? I can't

> find anyone that wants to be with me...because of

> Matt...who is the one with I/II... and him and I can't

> even do it together

[Guest guest]

I know a lady here in Houston who has sma II and 3 beautiful/healthy kids.

She works full time too.

Re: Re: married?

In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time,

codemann@... writes:

> You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is

> compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be

> impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong...

>

You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving

pregnancy and/or not losing their baby.

-Amy

[Guest guest]

I agree...it is not always advisable.

Re: married?

When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical

professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to

see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of

genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a

recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of

the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he

was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!!