Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:53:01 PM Central Daylight Time, tshindle@... writes: > There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My perception > has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and protector, > so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are valid > arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The > fact > is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a > wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are. I tend to agree with you. Even in this day and age, I think the man is looked upon as the aggressor (sexually) and from an ignorant point of view, how could a disabled man be an aggressor? It sounds ridiculous, but hell - many people ARE ridiculous. I also think women have an easier time adjusting (can't find a more appropriate word) to their disability. Just my opinion... Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time, codemann@... writes: > You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is > compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be > impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong... > You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving pregnancy and/or not losing their baby. -Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 " There are a fair number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. " Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me, because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the physical needs of their partners, if they have to. Of course, this is just my point of view on this and I never had any luck with guys till now, so that's probably why I have this opinion... But really..., is it just me or have you noticed how many stunning beautiful girls there are around, being married to some guys who are just about nothing special physically? And how many guys with not so good looks get all of the beautiful girls? That's what I noticed and I wonder why is it like that? Best wishes, Radmy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 LMAO Those Two wrote:Yes. Polyamory is to pagans just as serial monogamy is to Catholics. Sex and religion in one post! *HOOYAH* Sarcastically, Lori > Re: married? > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > do you have a pic of you and your husband?. > > whered u meet > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Radmila, I think your point about stunning women marrying average looking men is accurate, that does happen more than the reverse. However, I do not agree about that point when you change the discussion to women (disabled or not) and disabled men. Tom is one of three disabled men I have known that met someone while they were disabled. However, there are numerous women on this list who have met someone and I can come up with at least 2 other couples where the woman is disabled, but the man is not. And, that is only in the circle of disabled people I know, which is about 80% men, 20% women. So, it seems disproportionate. Could it be traditional society values that still are present underneath despite the clear changes that have occurred on the surface of Western culture? Like the man is supposed to take care of the wife, which may make it more difficult for disabled men to find a woman to take care of them. This is just something I am battling with now, hoping for an answer of some sort. Re: married? " There are a fair number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. " Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me, because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the physical needs of their partners, if they have to. Of course, this is just my point of view on this and I never had any luck with guys till now, so that's probably why I have this opinion... But really..., is it just me or have you noticed how many stunning beautiful girls there are around, being married to some guys who are just about nothing special physically? And how many guys with not so good looks get all of the beautiful girls? That's what I noticed and I wonder why is it like that? Best wishes, Radmy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Thanks for the support, Ken Re: Re: married? Amen brother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Tom, Glad to hear you have had some success. Provides a little hope to me. My dry spell is almost like the planet on the movie Dune. Re: Re: married? I have had a girlfriend for about 7 months now, the first in about 8 years. Helluva dry spell, huh? I was engaged before but that fell apart. My current girlfriend used to work as a PA long before I knew her. She didn't tell me at first because she didn't want me to think she was just interested in me in that way. Tom > I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the > answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in > reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are a fair > number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys > talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled > men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Actually I want to get a more updated family pix. This is the 4 or 5th time I've willingly shorn myself. I just HATE pix of myself. I do have some pix of the kids a la Sinead O'Connor though. > , > You mean you didn't post the head shaven pic? Oh now that would have been a hoot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 - I've been noticing that too and wondering. I thought about creating a poll of sorts on that question, but I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested. I have know a few guys with different forms of MD that were married though. > I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the > answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in > reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are a fair > number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys > talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled > men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!! > i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you > guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My perception has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and protector, so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are valid arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The fact is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are. Tom Re: Re: married? > > > I have had a girlfriend for about 7 months now, the first in about 8 years. > Helluva dry spell, huh? I was engaged before but that fell apart. My > current girlfriend used to work as a PA long before I knew her. She didn't > tell me at first because she didn't want me to think she was just interested > in me in that way. > Tom > > > I haven't caught up on this marriage discussion yet. So, I may have the > > answer to this question later without a response to my question. But in > > reading the topic of marriage, I have noticed something. There are a fair > > number of married women and women with boyfriends, but no talk of guys > > talking about girlfriends or wives. So, is it more difficult for disabled > > men to find a partner? I am curious, because I have never had luck. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 What do you mean... " how did you guys configure such a thing????? " ? Re: married? i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 See, I'm really confused now because I've always thought this was true too. It seemed like my disabled guy friends in college always dated more. I figured it was that whole " nuturing instinct " women had. , Ken, Tom, guys what do you think??? > Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me, because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the physical needs of their partners, if they have to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong... Take Care, Cody Namesnik codemann@... Re: married? When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 That's a good point , my girlfriend has that personality and always goes out of her way to make sure I'm comfortable. One of my problems in the past was my own attitude. I considered myself undesirable. Any affection I would get I would pass off as pity. So there may have been opportunities that I was too thickheaded to pick up on! Re: married? > See, I'm really confused now because I've always thought this was true > too. It seemed like my disabled guy friends in college always dated > more. I figured it was that whole " nuturing instinct " women had. > , Ken, Tom, guys what do you think??? > > > > > > Well, I've always thought that it's easier for disabled men to find, > for example non disabled women to be their partners - and that for > disabled girls/women it's more difficult. And it seems that way to me, > because women are usually representing the more sensible sex and they > just seem to be more thrilled about having to take care of all the > physical needs of their partners, if they have to. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Yep, and I'm sure many people see a man in a wheelchair and assume that he can't perform at all to begin with. Again, ridiculous to assume. Tom Re: Re: married? > In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:53:01 PM Central Daylight Time, > tshindle@... writes: > > > > There's always hope, even though I was starting to wonder. My perception > > has always been that the man was supposed to be the provider and protector, > > so the typical woman wouldn't see me as a suitable mate. There are valid > > arguments for both sides, but being a man, thats the way I saw it. The > > fact > > is that there are both men and women out there who can look beyond a > > wheelchair and get to know a person for who they are. > > I tend to agree with you. Even in this day and age, I think the man is > looked upon as the aggressor (sexually) and from an ignorant point of view, > how could a disabled man be an aggressor? It sounds ridiculous, but hell - > many people ARE ridiculous. I also think women have an easier time adjusting > (can't find a more appropriate word) to their disability. Just my opinion... > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 jenny, i missed your intro to the grp (Accidently deleted) but i see you have sma and gave birth to your children. id love to hear more about this. ive always wanted to have children mysekf (im 23, sma 2) but thought the risk would be to great as my lung cap. is only around 20-25%, although i am still fairly strong physically. Id be interested in hearing the details of your pregnancy, precautions you took, etc. nekrosys wrote:When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!! > i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you > guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 I find this comment very disturbing and is the complete opposite to my own experience in Canada. I will occasionally go for the yearly medical review and since my mid-20's all I've been told is " you know you can have a child, many women with your disability have children " . My response has constantly been, well I'm not married yet nor are there any prospects. Which brings me to the discussion regarding men vs. women with disabilities and their social appeal to the opposite sex. It has been my lifelong experience that men with disabilities have had no issues with regards to attracting an able bodied partner. My theory has always been, women can just see the person and not look to the physical, which also supports the beautiful women dating unattractive men theory. However, in the contrary, men often are looking for the " prize " that they can display on their arm. I am not saying this is the case for everyone, clearly it is not based on the women online. It does seem however, that in my circle, lawyers and other professionals, they feel that they've worked hard and " deserve " the beautiful wife/ home etc. A woman with a disability isn't considered sexy and is viewed as a burden. Hence, I have been told numerous times, by men and women, your a very attractive, well educated, well travelled, warm and funny, why are you single? My answer lies above. Steff 32, very single P.S. I have had a long-term relationship but being in the " dating " world, at my age, is a whole different ball game. Re: married? When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!! > i wanna get married of course.....like anyone else........how did you > guys configure such a thing????? i need some advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 very well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Was anyone here at the FSMA conference in Chicago in 2001? There was a woman on one of the panels (I think her name was Amy) who was married and had a daughter. Her husband and daughter were both at the conference with her. From what I remember, she had type II. She finally found a doctor willing to follow her pregnancy and it was video taped and archived at a major hospital (don't remember which one). She said her breathing actually got better as she went further along into her pregnancy. She said she thought that the baby helped to lift her up. She had scoliosis. Her doctors delivered her daughter by c-section with no complications. I don't remember all of the details of it, but from what I do remember it sounded like she did fine. Does anyone else remember her or know her? Re: Re: married? In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time, codemann@... writes: > You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is > compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be > impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong... > You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving pregnancy and/or not losing their baby. -Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 I'm not sure what to say here. I have read a great deal about " adaptive " sex, sexuality, and relationships but not much of it applies to me personally. Other than not being able to have stand-up sex (of course) I don't have many limitations as far as positions go and stuff like that. Yeah, I need help getting INTO the position, but once I'm there... I do know some men who were high-quads who have been in LTRs. I assume that there were some kinds of physical displays of affection involved, but as for the mechanics, I can only imagine. I believe there are other focused on this subject (anybody know the names). Perhaps somebody in there can give better advise. I'm sure your not alone in this. Lori > RE: Re: married? > > > > --- > what do you do when your lover is 33, has type I/II > and cant move at all? I need to be held and have > affection....have tried in Knoxville....no luck.... > > > Those Two <those2@...> wrote: > > The word you are looking for is " polyamorous. " > > Allow me to quote from > > PolyamorySociety.org: > > > > Polyamory is a lovestyle. It holds the belief that > > human > > beings have the ability to love more than one > > person > > intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple > > relationship. Polyamory is about maturity and > > overcoming our jealousies. > > > > I didn't ask you because, well, you know how > > opinionated we both are. The > > amount of time we'd need to devote to make-up sex > > would leave little left > > for anything else. > > > > Lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 Well I'm not having any luck either. Maybe this is too personal. Just ignore me if it is, but what do you mean by " him and I can't even do it together. " Sex? Or am I misinterpreting something? Lori > Re: Re: married? > > How the heck do you even get to that point? I can't > find anyone that wants to be with me...because of > Matt...who is the one with I/II... and him and I can't > even do it together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 I know a lady here in Houston who has sma II and 3 beautiful/healthy kids. She works full time too. Re: Re: married? In a message dated 8/17/2002 3:55:41 PM Central Daylight Time, codemann@... writes: > You should note, not all sma ladies can have a baby. If your anatomy is > compromised in anyway, pregnancy would not be advised. As a it may be > impossible to carry the child thru. Correct me if I'm wrong... > You're correct. I've never heard of a woman with SMA I/II surviving pregnancy and/or not losing their baby. -Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2002 Report Share Posted August 17, 2002 I agree...it is not always advisable. Re: married? When you get married and have kids be prepared for the medical professionals to throw a fit! When I went - actually was forced to see - a geneticist, she said that I was correct in my understanding of genetics that my progeny would only have SMA if my husband carried a recessive gene for it. I feel like shoving my daughter in the face of the one uppity doctor that refused to read my ultrasound because he was dead set on me having an abortion! Grrr!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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