scared

[Guest guest]

Ok...someone talk me out of it! I feel like throwing in the towel right now.

Since starting birth control in order to try to regain my cycle, I have gained

7 pounds (it's only been 2 weeks). I feel bloated, puffy, and crabby, and I'm

hungry all of the time. With my past of eating disorders, I feel like I'm on the

edge of a clif. Not feeling like I'm in control of how much I weigh is very

scary to me. I feel like I'm going to keep going up and up until I'm back to

where I started 3 years ago. My natural urge is to start restricting calories

again and doing lots more cardio, but my mind knows that I shouldn't. Another

part of me is feeling like not exercising and eating whatever b/c I'm not in

control anyway. I'm sorry if this all sounds crazy and if you stop reading, i

don't blame you. It's nice just to write some of this down, b/c I feel ashamed

to tell anyone face to face. I know that at 115 (where I was in the fall), i

looked sickly and too skinny, but now at 127, I feel huge

and gross. Again, I realize that my problems are insignificant compared to many

others, but I'm so tired of arguing with myself and being obsessed with every

calorie. I'm tired of having no energy and I'm tired of never being happy with

myself. No need to respond to this if you don't want to. I know it all sounds

contradictory and crazy, but it's how I'm feeling and i just wanted to write it

down. If you're still reading, thanks for listening

Tara

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