Re: Question re agressive behavior toward mom

[Guest guest]

One thing I can tell you is that the aggressive behavior towards mom is a sign that she's the person he feels most safe and secure with and therefore can act out more without fear. If he's more on the add side she may want to look into the feingold diet which eliminates a lot of food additives and has had great results with behaviors. I also found that corn causes almost immediate tantrumming and aggression in my son. It's in sooo many products in the form of corn syrup, dextrose, maltidextrin etc. It's not as hard as it seems to eliminate and she may want to test it and see. She should also look into verbal behavior therapy for behavior modification www.drcarbone.net it has great results.

In a message dated 9/19/2004 8:07:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Charweiner@... writes:

Hello everyone!I'm hoping you can help my daughter. She has a 3 1/2 yr old highly-functioning autistic son (only child). Her estranged husband is in the military and lives on the west coast, whereas she lives in the southeast; hence, no help from him. His mother and father live in the same city as my daughter, but will not keep their only grandchild for even an hour because they are "afraid" they cannot take care of him. He is a very loving child although hyperactive and sometimes agressive if he does not get his way. His mother is very small in stature (4'11") and his father is 6'5". The child takes his stature from his father and is almost as tall as his mother. The point I am trying to make is that he is large and very strong for his age and for some reason is more agressive toward his mother than anyone else. My husband and I kept him last night to give her a break and when she came to pick him up today, he screamed, hit, punched, scratched and one of his punches caused her a very red eye which will probably be black tomorrow. She is kind to him, doesn't spank, and plays with him all the time. She does, however, say the "no-no" words a lot because he is always into something and she has to put him in time out quite frequently. She is highly upset over this and cries when he acts like this toward her because she thinks he doesn't love her. He does not act this way toward my husband or myself except on a very small scale when he is upset. My daughter is at her wit's end. She has no help except my husband and myself. I work and my husband travels with his job a lot, so we aren't much help either. The child takes risperdol and clonidine. The clonidine seems to help with his sleep but we're wondering if the risperdol helps at all. We took him to a specialist in Louisiana about a year ago. She ran a gammet of tests, put him on numerous vitamins and minerals and put him on a GFCF diet. We kept him on the diet for about 8 months but it didn't seem to help his ADHD much. We took him off the GF but continue to keep him on the CF since he seems to be allergic to milk. His local neurologist told my daughter to take him off the diet for awhile to see if there was any difference and we didn't notice any, so we took him off. It saved her lots of money buying the special foods also. We will be willing to do anything to get this child on track. He is a special, sweet little boy and we adore him. He is the apple of our eyes and is extremely intelligent. How can we get him to be more loving toward his mother? He rides the bus to/from school (kindergarten) and hits her, etc., when he gets off the bus also. Do you think he just doesn't want to stop what he is doing because it is pleasurable to him and he takes it out on his mom? Is there anyone out there who has had similar problems? We will be so appreciative of any suggestions you can give us. Thank you so much!Loving Mamaw of Hunter

[Guest guest]

My opinon is he his mad when mommy leaves him , but he does not know how to tell her or show her that. Which he has to go too school ,and she needs a break once in a while also. You are right about the tantruming they will do it most for the person they are most comfortable with. Plus they know what they can get away with. I just heard of a supplement all natural tri-cag and tri-mag its suppose to help reduce stress, anxiety , and help with better restness and calming. Its a capsule so they would have to be mixed in food ,but its worth a shot. Also has she tried the epsom salt baths? Has she tried maybe bringing him back a present when shes away ? I do that for my daughter shes 6 needless to say everytime I pick her up from school she wants a present ,but it could be something from the dollar store. It works for me !!! Can she pick him up from school? Maybe he would like that better for a while instead of the bus ride? Just a few thoughts. You can e-mail me anytime dannilynn@...

[Guest guest]

Has the school district's behavioral specialist been called? Just a

thought. She might be able to get some advice from that person if she

just calls direct and asks (I sometimes like to take the 'ignorance

of red tape procedure' approach!).

Good luck!!

>>

> In a message dated 9/19/2004 8:07:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Charweiner@a... writes:

> Hello everyone!

I'm hoping you can help my daughter. She has a 3 1/2 yr old

highly-functioning autistic son (only child). Her estranged husband

is in the military and lives on the west coast, whereas she lives in

the southeast; hence, no help from him. His mother and father live

in the same city as my daughter, but will not keep their only

grandchild for even an hour because they are " afraid " they cannot

take care of him. He is a very loving child although hyperactive

and sometimes agressive if he does not get his way. His mother is

very small in stature (4'11 " ) and his father is 6'5 " . The child

takes his stature from his father and is almost as tall as his

mother. The point I am trying to make is that he is large and very

strong for his age and for some reason is more agressive toward his

mother than anyone else. My husband and I kept him last night to

give her a break and when she came to pick him up today, he

screamed, hit, punched, scratched and one of his punches caused her a

very red eye which will probably be black tomorrow. She is kind to

him, doesn't spank, and plays with him all the time. She does,

however, say the " no-no " words a lot because he is always into

something and she has to put him in time out quite frequently. She

is highly upset over this and cries when he acts like this toward

her because she thinks he doesn't love her. He does not act this

way toward my husband or myself except on a very small scale when

he is upset. My daughter is at her wit's end. She has no help

except my husband and myself. I work and my husband travels with

his job a lot, so we aren't much help either. The child takes

risperdol and clonidine. The clonidine seems to help with his

sleep but we're wondering if the risperdol helps at all. We took

him to a specialist in Louisiana about a year ago. She ran a gammet

of tests, put him on numerous vitamins and minerals and put him on

a GFCF diet. We kept him on the diet for about 8 months but it

didn't seem to help his ADHD much. We took him off the GF but

continue to keep him on the CF since he seems to be allergic to

milk. His local neurologist told my daughter to take him off the

diet for awhile to see if there was any difference and we didn't

notice any, so we took him off. It saved her lots of money buying

the special foods also. We will be willing to do anything to get

this child on track. He is a special, sweet little boy and we

adore him. He is the apple of our eyes and is extremely

intelligent. How can we get him to be more loving toward his

mother? He rides the bus to/from school (kindergarten) and hits

her, etc., when he gets off the bus also. Do you think he just

doesn't want to stop what he is doing because it is pleasurable to

him and he takes it out on his mom? Is there anyone out there who

has had similar problems? We will be so appreciative of any

suggestions you can give us. Thank you so much!

> Loving Mamaw of Hunter

[Guest guest]

I hope your grandson has early intervention plan with the school

district. First, you have to get school assessement and determine

eligibility. Once, eligibility is determined there are many services

and supports that can be implemented, which might include speech, OT,

behavior therapy and many more. Your daughter should contact her

local school district for more information. She may also benefit from

talking to adovocate. The special education process can be confusing

and frustrating. She can start advocate search with local Autism

Support Group.

The good news about your grandson hitting your daughter, it often

means that is where the child feels safe enough to strike out. For

many autistic people, their days are filled with overwhelming anxiety

and/or sensory overload. There are therapies that can help with

both...I know from expereince, my son is 12 and he was very much like

what you describe your grandson to be like. My son's behavior has

improved dramatically over the years.

> >>

> > In a message dated 9/19/2004 8:07:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> > Charweiner@a... writes:

> > Hello everyone!

> I'm hoping you can help my daughter. She has a 3 1/2 yr old

> highly-functioning autistic son (only child). Her estranged

husband

> is in the military and lives on the west coast, whereas she lives

in

> the southeast; hence, no help from him. His mother and father

live

> in the same city as my daughter, but will not keep their only

> grandchild for even an hour because they are " afraid " they cannot

> take care of him. He is a very loving child although hyperactive

> and sometimes agressive if he does not get his way. His mother is

> very small in stature (4'11 " ) and his father is 6'5 " . The child

> takes his stature from his father and is almost as tall as his

> mother. The point I am trying to make is that he is large and

very

> strong for his age and for some reason is more agressive toward

his

> mother than anyone else. My husband and I kept him last night to

> give her a break and when she came to pick him up today, he

> screamed, hit, punched, scratched and one of his punches caused her

a

> very red eye which will probably be black tomorrow. She is kind

to

> him, doesn't spank, and plays with him all the time. She does,

> however, say the " no-no " words a lot because he is always into

> something and she has to put him in time out quite frequently.

She

> is highly upset over this and cries when he acts like this toward

> her because she thinks he doesn't love her. He does not act this

> way toward my husband or myself except on a very small scale when

> he is upset. My daughter is at her wit's end. She has no help

> except my husband and myself. I work and my husband travels with

> his job a lot, so we aren't much help either. The child takes

> risperdol and clonidine. The clonidine seems to help with his

> sleep but we're wondering if the risperdol helps at all. We took

> him to a specialist in Louisiana about a year ago. She ran a

gammet

> of tests, put him on numerous vitamins and minerals and put him

on

> a GFCF diet. We kept him on the diet for about 8 months but it

> didn't seem to help his ADHD much. We took him off the GF but

> continue to keep him on the CF since he seems to be allergic to

> milk. His local neurologist told my daughter to take him off the

> diet for awhile to see if there was any difference and we didn't

> notice any, so we took him off. It saved her lots of money buying

> the special foods also. We will be willing to do anything to get

> this child on track. He is a special, sweet little boy and we

> adore him. He is the apple of our eyes and is extremely

> intelligent. How can we get him to be more loving toward his

> mother? He rides the bus to/from school (kindergarten) and hits

> her, etc., when he gets off the bus also. Do you think he just

> doesn't want to stop what he is doing because it is pleasurable

to

> him and he takes it out on his mom? Is there anyone out there

who

> has had similar problems? We will be so appreciative of any

> suggestions you can give us. Thank you so much!

> > Loving Mamaw of Hunter

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much, one and all, who answered me with suggestions for my

daughter. She does absolutely everything she can for him, and I know she has

been to the school board special meetings, met with teachers, etc., regarding

his education, therapies, etc. He is receiving everything, as far as I know,

that he can receive, including SSI benefits and extra therapies that we pay for

personally. It is so nice to have people to " talk " to that understands your

problems and sympathizes with you. THANKS!!