Guest guest Posted May 22, 2004 Report Share Posted May 22, 2004 On Sat, May 22, 2004 at 07:40:52PM -0000, Wahlestedt wrote: > > Has anyone else encountered a similar situation... one where you are > changing and others seem to want to sabatoge you? I guess you learn > who your friends are when you are down and also when you are up and > I am on my way up baby..... > I've read so much about this topic coming from atheletes and " new " fitness models(few articles in oxygen and fitness Rx). These women talked about while they considered their workouts/nutrition to be a new " lifestyle " a way you live every day and have no problem with doing, other folks see your workout and nutrition habits almost as " obsessive " and they are are intruding on your " lifestyle " where your lifestyle is considered to be something similar to theirs. They can't fathom why someone would prevent themselves from eating whatever whenever they want(my own family doesn't get it and most people I work with don't). The fitness models talk about how they plan things around their " cheat day " and how friends/family may not be understanding at all because for some reason, they see it as " exercising ruling your life " and because that isn't the norm, it's considered abnormal. I guess the thing of it is, while it might be 'suprising' to see your friend roll her eyes, it's not if you take in account what is considered a 'normal' lifestyle where eating/exercising is concerned. The average person does neither well. There's so much media focus on weight loss and 'dieting' I suspect this impacts on some people's tolerance for referring to the topic anymore. Some folks are also tired of seeing women particularly focus on their weight -- so many women of all ages(and men) have eating disorders because of what society tells them is the perfect figure, they overact when someone wants to " lose weight " . All and all, I've learned to keep my mouth shut around some people because I also get the " rolling of the eyes " . Have you talked to her about her reaction to your comment? Maybe if you explain how you felt and what you expect out of a friend(support), she may see things another way. Eve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2004 Report Share Posted May 23, 2004 , I struggle with this all the time. I have been doing BFL for 20 weeks now and it took till about week 12 in challenge one after loosing 17 scale pounds fot anyone other then my BF and the folks in these groups who looke at my pix to even notice. Part of it is that I refuse to buy any new clothes until all, and I mean all of my old ones are falling off. Right now I have one more pair of jeans left, they fit but I am still not comfortable in them. Last week I went to a BBQ with a group of friends many of whom haven't seen me since Christmas/Newyears, nothing! No one said anything. Some of those people were at a party I attended 2 months ago at the end of challenge 1 and same thing nothing. Yet they were all telling me how many points everything I ate was worth, I never said a thing. My BF actually piped up and said I had lost almost 20 lbs and looked great, and then went on to tell whoever was listening about how I work out every day yadda yaddda yaddda (he's great!) So now that I have vented, I know what you mean!. I figure one day when I show up in a new outfit looking snazzy they'll all think " When did that happen?' Oh well. My BF keeps telling me that I need to compliment myself because I am not doing it for them right? Yep he's right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2004 Report Share Posted May 25, 2004 Hi , I just saw your post as I only jump on the board 1 or 2x a week, but I had to comment. I think that many people, when they hear a friend is starting any kind of lifestyle change, have this type of reaction because it reminds them that they are maybe not taking care of themselves they way they should be, and/or they feel defensive, as though your choice to make a change in your life is a reflection on them and their lifestyle choices. They feel guilty. When people sabotage you it's a way to try keep you from moving forward, so they don't feel like they are left behind. Many people are not even conscious that this is how they feel, and/or would not admit to it. I encountered this reaction quite a bit when I first became vegetarian back in the day. Suddenly, when I told carnivorous friends about my decision, they became extremely defensive about eating meat. This is without me being preachy or trying to convert anyone. I don't want anyone telling me how to live my life so I don't preach to anyone about how they should live theirs. Fortunately I know live in sunny Colorado where healthy lifestyles & fitness are pretty much the norm! My advice is to hold true to your convictions, and remember you are doing this for yourself and no one else. Only you know what is best for you. Other people's reactions to your decision to improve your quality of life are a reflection of their own emotional state, and are no reflection on you. If your friend continues to react to you this way, you may want to take her aside and explain you've decided you want to do better for yourself; and that you she shouldn't feel threatened by that decision. A true friend would want you to be the best person you could be, and anything less is petty and selfish. That should stop the eye rolling. > Get this... I went to the dinner... at my best friends house who > knows I am working " a program " (and whom I have given over the top > support during her divorce this pasat year). I had one meal in the > car before going in so stayed off chips easily. Dinner came and I > had my serving of meat and carbos. Dessert came... really fattening > but I decided to go with the flow and have a small small serving. I > had to interven though as I was not serving and a large portion was > being heaped onto my plate so I joked about my weight in tomorrow. > I got a rolling of the eyes from the " best friend. " I have lost 8 > pounds of body fat already. No one has mentioned it although they > know. I would like for once for someone to tell me " thats great > keep on going " > > Has anyone else encountered a similar situation... one where you are > changing and others seem to want to sabatoge you? I guess you learn > who your friends are when you are down and also when you are up and > I am on my way up baby..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 26, 2004 Report Share Posted May 26, 2004 > > Has anyone else encountered a similar situation... one where you are > changing and others seem to want to sabatoge you? I guess you learn > who your friends are when you are down and also when you are up and > I am on my way up baby..... Funny, my best friend and I both started programs around the same time - me with BFL, she went on South Beach. She came out here this week for my son's wedding and stayed at my house. Just before she came, I asked her what I should buy at the grocery store, so that she would have what she needed in my house to stay on her program. She BURST into tears and I couldn't figure it out, until she finally calmed down enough to tell me that I was the FIRST person of all her friends and family to care enough to even ask about it. She hast lost 16 pounds and no one has even mentoned it and when they have meals together lots of " friends " keep piling stuff on her plate! Sabotage for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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