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Here's your daily giggle, hope you like it.

a

> >

>

> > > A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively

> > > mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents

> > > knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were

> > > probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town

> > > had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he

> > > would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see

> > > them individually. So the mother sent her 8 year old first, in the

> > > morning, with the older boy set to see the clergyman in the

> > > afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the

> > > younger boy down and asked him sternly, " Where is God?! " The boy's

> > > mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his

> > > mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question

> > > in an even sterner tone, " Where is God?! " Again the boy made no

> > > attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and

> > > shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, " WHERE IS GOD?! " The

> > > boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove

> > > into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older

> > > brother found him in the closet, he asked, " What happened? " The

> > > younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, " We are in BIG

> > > trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did

> > > it!! "

> > >

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  • 5 months later...
Guest guest

Good one Kay....you could be right about the spirochete theory too, two years

ago celebrating my mother's birthday I had a few drinks....not enough to get me

drunk but I was deathly ill for three days afterward, wishing for death. They

say alcohol and Lyme don't mix for good reason I guess.

Hugs,

Marta

--

do you suppose it might work on spirochetes??? LOL

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade

>class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an

>experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of

>whiskey, and two worms.

> " Now, class. Observe closely the worms, " said the professor

>putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water

>writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

>The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed

>painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

> " Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment? " the

>professor asked.

>ny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and

>wisely, responded, " Drink whiskey and you won't get worms? >>

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  • 5 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

THE MERMAID

Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of

the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for

granting each of them a wish.

One of the guys just doesn't believe it and say, " Okay, if you can really

grant wishes, then double my IQ. " The mermaid says, " Done. "

Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it

with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, " Triple my IQ. "

The guy starts spouting out all the mathematical solutions to problems that

have been stumping scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says

to the mermaid, " Quintuple my IQ. " The mermaid looks at him and says,

" You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make

a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider. "

The guys says, " Nope, I want you to increase my IQ times five and if you

don't do it, I won't set you free. " " Please, " says the mermaid, you don't

know what you're asking. It'll change your entire view on the universe.

Won't you ask for something else, A million dollars, anything? "

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his IQ

increased by 5 times it's usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said,

" Done. "

And he became a woman.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

Thats cute. Best laugh I have had all week-pain and all!!!

>From: " Aisha Elderwyn " <aisha@...>

>Reply-onelist

> " Wuttke " <rwuttke@...>, " Jeff Young "

><Shadowfall@...>, " Jan " <JinJan@...>, " Sell "

><heathersell@...>, " chronic chatter " <ChronicChatteronelist>,

> " Being Sick Community List " <onelist>

>Subject: Fw: Joke

>Date: Wed, 8 Mar 2000 12:19:19 +1100

>

>From: " Aisha Elderwyn " <aisha@...>

>

>Thank you to Dookster for this gem...

>

>Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

>The first one tells her friends, " My son is a Priest.

>When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'. "

>The second one chirps " My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room,

>everyone calls him 'Your Grace'. "

>The third Catholic lady says smugly, " My son is a Cardinal. When he walks

>into a room, everyone calls him 'Your Eminence'. "

>The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies

>all ask, " Well...?

>She replies, " My son is a 6' 2 " , hard-bodied stripper and hung like a

>hippo.

>When he walks into a room, people say, "

>

> 'Oh, my God...'

>

>

>

>

>

>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>eGroups.

>The best way to communicate by email in a group.

>Start your own free email group!

>1/1885/2/_/_/_/952478509/

>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

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Guest guest

What is CFS? See I am new to all of this stuff and would like to know all

that I can? I have had some really bad drs over the yrs so I am not sure of

what it is that I should look for? I finally just got told about the fibro

thing recently and I know I have been suffering with this for yrs. Any

information you can give me would be greatly appreciated/ I really have

enjoyed your emails. You sound like a very good person with an exceptionally

good sense of humor for all that you have been through. I try really hard to

be strong like that too. I am really looking forward to your next email. I

would like to thank you for all the inspiration you have given me especially

since I have only been on here a few weeks. You have made me really feel

welcome and I do appreciate that very much. Sorry for all the babbling.

Please let me know what CFS is though.

Tina In Missouri

>From: " Aisha Elderwyn " <aisha@...>

>Reply-onelist

><onelist>

>Subject: Re: Fw: Joke

>Date: Wed, 8 Mar 2000 15:27:57 +1100

>

>Hi Tina,

>

>Welcome to the list! You mentioned on the migraine list that you have

>fibromyalgia? Is that right?? I know alot of people with that and they tend

>to have CFS as well.... I hope that hasn't got you too!

>

>Joke was great hey! That Dookster! Glad to have him on the list - can make

>us laugh everyday!

>

>Hon, if you want to tell us more about you, or if we can help in any way

>all

>you have to do is write! Once again, welcome!

>

>with love

>Aisha.

> ___________________________________

>

>*BEING SICK*

>A global community to support all of us who are struggling with illness,

>injury or disability. http://www.elderwyn.com/community

>

>*ART AUCTION*

>Now in progress....the last piece from this popular series.... " The Witching

>Hour " from The Black Series... Collectors item! This is your last chance to

>own the ORIGINAL painting! For viewings please visit

>http://www.sold.com.au/au/item.asp?itm=252996

>

______________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

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Guest guest

Thank you to Dookster for this gem...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, " My son is a Priest.

When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'. "

The second one chirps " My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room,

everyone calls him 'Your Grace'. "

The third Catholic lady says smugly, " My son is a Cardinal. When he walks

into a room, everyone calls him 'Your Eminence'. "

The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies

all ask, " Well...?

She replies, " My son is a 6' 2 " , hard-bodied stripper and hung like a hippo.

When he walks into a room, people say, "

'Oh, my God...'

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Guest guest

Hi Tina,

Welcome to the list! You mentioned on the migraine list that you have

fibromyalgia? Is that right?? I know alot of people with that and they tend

to have CFS as well.... I hope that hasn't got you too!

Joke was great hey! That Dookster! Glad to have him on the list - can make

us laugh everyday!

Hon, if you want to tell us more about you, or if we can help in any way all

you have to do is write! Once again, welcome!

with love

Aisha.

___________________________________

*BEING SICK*

A global community to support all of us who are struggling with illness,

injury or disability. http://www.elderwyn.com/community

*ART AUCTION*

Now in progress....the last piece from this popular series.... " The Witching

Hour " from The Black Series... Collectors item! This is your last chance to

own the ORIGINAL painting! For viewings please visit

http://www.sold.com.au/au/item.asp?itm=252996

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Guest guest

Have a great day

>

> A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.

>

> Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the

> examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He

> stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and

> relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.

>

> A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the

> woman's doctor and demanded, " What's the matter with you?

> Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and

> seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant? "

>

> The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on

> his clipboard, " Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

Here another joke for the hubbyTina>>The Dead Frog>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->>One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he>Had found a frog.>>The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead.>>The student said it was dead.>>The teacher asked how he knew.>>The boy said, "I pissed in its ear.">>The teacher said, "You what?">>He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it>didn't move. So it must be dead."

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  • 2 months later...
Guest guest

ROFLMBO good one Aisha, you can bet I am passing it around. Thanks

((((((hug))))))

Dorie

All My Pages

Dories Find

it Page Find it Page

Two

Genealogy links Web tv Help

Page Medical

Links Craft

Links

Recipes,

Recipes, Recipes

F-Key:

Backgrounds,Gifs,Midis

F-Key

Link Heaven

My

Folder Dumpster

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  • 2 months later...

>A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an

> >> electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic

> >> navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and

> >> haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer

> >>to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,

>circled, drew

> >> a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign

> >> said " WHERE AM I ? " in large letters.

> >>

> >> People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a

> >> large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, " YOU

> >> ARE IN A HELICOPTER.' The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his

> >> map and determine the course to steer to SEATAC

> >> (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.

> >>

> >> After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the

> >> " YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER " sign helped determine their

> >> position. The pilot responded, " I knew that had to be the

> >> MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct

> >> but completely useless answer. "

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I'd just like to add that this joke was sent to me by a 71 year old lady!! Cool huh! *hugs to all* xox A.

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead.This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!""Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help.""By the way, Doc," the patient adds on his way out, "You have a REALLY nice house."

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  • 1 month later...

GROAN...... ne

----Original Message Follows----

From: " Gwydion Elderwyn " <Gwydion@...>

Reply-egroups

<egroups>

Subject: Joke

Date: Sat, 18 Nov 2000 21:52:12 +1100

A man is sitting at home one night. Suddenly, there's a loud knock at the

door. The man opens the door to find a six-foot beetle standing at the

doorstep.

" Who in the world are you? " he asks.

The beetle responds by attacking the man viciously, with a flurry of kicks

and punches. Then the beetle leaves.

The man crawls into his house and calls an ambulance. At the hospital, the

emergency room intern asks him how it happened. The guy tells him about the

beetle.

" Yes, " the doctor says, with an understanding nod. " There is a nasty bug

going around at the moment... "

The Being Sick Community

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

_________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com.

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GROAN.....

G, where do you find these??????

*giggles*

Gwydion Elderwyn wrote:

> THE SHEPHERDS

>

> Two shepherds were leaning on their crooks at the end of a long hard day of

> shepherding.

>

> The first shepherd asked the second, " So, how's it going? "

>

> The second one sighed and shook his head, " Not good. I can't pay my bills,

> my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me. "

>

> The first one replied, " Well, don't lose any sheep over it. "

>

> The Being Sick Community

>

> Visual problems with colors?

> Click the link below and select the modify link to your right. Then select the

**Send Plain Text Email** option. This will stop you receiving emails with

colored or enlarged fonts.

>

>

> Members Lounge:-

> Photo Album, memorial page, members profiles, birthdays, locations, medical

resources, counselling via email, and a whole bunch of free things.

> http://www.elderwyn.com/members

>

> Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-

> messages/

>

> Chat:-

> Scheduled Daily Chats at # on IRC DALnet.

> chat.html

>

> Sharing our resources:-

> Add a website URL you have found useful.

>

>

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technical or if you are upset by another. The email address for the moderators

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> 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse.

This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.

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and receive no email.

> To modify your subscription settings please visit

mygroups

>

> To subscribe or unsubscribe

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>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you

believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do

even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to

let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

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  • 4 weeks later...

Very funny!! lol That is one of the oldest jokes told in

the Deaf community. :) Thanks for sharing it with us. I

recognized this joke as soon as I started to read it b/c of

my interest in Deaf Culture and American Sign Language.

Thanks for the laugh.

=====

Kristy :)

http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Falls/4659/kristyspage.html

__________________________________________________

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Hope nobody takes offense.

Melinda

P.S. its not dirty :)

-----Original Message-----

From: Suzanne Hunter <shunter@...>

mydragon@... <mydragon@...>

Date: Friday, December 15, 2000 10:53 AM

>A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for

a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not

> be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the

49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet

> behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the

skeleton fully

> clothed and standing upright. They said, " This could be Jimmy Hoffa or

somebody really important. " Two days went by and the construction workers

couldn't stand it anymore, they had to know whom they had found. They called

the police and said, " We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the

closet and we want to

>know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important. " The police said, " It's

not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important. " " Well, who was

it? " " The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-seek Champion. "

>

>--------------------

>

>

>

>

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  • 3 months later...
Guest guest

LMFAO ,

One of my best friends is from SK!!!!! I'm sending this to him

now!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

How are you?

Love Aisha.

> Two friends from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada were sick of

winter and decided to take a vacation to Australia. When they got

off the plane, still wearing their down jackets, wool hats and

snowboots, they wandered into a pub and sat down. The locals

wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to

the visitors and said, " G'day, mates. Where're you

from? " " Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, " one of the Canadians

replied. " Oh, " said the Aussie, returning to his table. " So where

are they from? " the other locals asked. " Don't know, " replied the

Aussie. " They don't speak English. "

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

This was great Sheena! Made my day! How are you & the family?? I'm very

tired lately....working to many hours...will catch up with the mail later &

post more then....Love, Barb

joke

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little

perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud; " Jeesh. I wonder

what

happened to this Parrot? "

The parrot says, " I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot. "

" Holy shit, " the guy replies. " You actually understood and answered me! "

" I got every word, " says the parrot. " I happen to be a highly

intelligent,

thoroughly educated bird. "

" Oh yeah? " , the guy asks, " Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your

perch without any feet? "

" Well, " the parrot says, " this is very embarrassing but since you asked,

I

wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see

it

because of my feathers. "

" Wow " says the guy, " you really can understand and speak English, can't

you? "

" Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with

reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,

physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really

ought to

buy me. I'd be a great companion. "

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. " Sorry, but I just can't afford

that. "

" Pssssssst " says the parrot, " I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody

wants me

cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make

the

guy an offer! "

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,

he's

interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he

sympathizes, and

he's insightful.

The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the

parrot

goes " Psssssssssssst " and motions him over with one wing. " I don't know

if I

should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman. "

" What are you talking about? " asks the guy.

" When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in

a

sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately. "

" WHAT??? " the guy asks incredulously. " THEN what happened? "

" Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and

began petting her all over " reported the parrot.

" My God! " he exclaims. " Then what? "

" Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick

her

all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down.... "

" WELL??? " demands the frantic guy, " THEN WHAT HAPPENED? "

" Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch " >>

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

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~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

" Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 5 months later...

> > I thought this was so cute....

> >

> >

> > Fairy Godmother

> >

> >

> > After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old started using

her

> > pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother.

> >

> > " Make three wishes, " she told her mother, " and I'll grant them. "

> >

> > Her mom first asked for world peace. swung her wand and

proclaimed

> > the request fulfilled.

> >

> > Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with

a

> > sweep of the pinwheel, obliged.

> >

> > The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her

third

> > wish, " I wish to have a trim figure again. "

> >

> > The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. " I'll need

> > more power for this! " she exclaimed.

>

>

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  • 1 year later...

I want to take a moment to thank you for all your jokes.

The laughter I have had from your messages is great!!

God Bless you

Pamela Rae

-- JOKE

[NewHepSingles] seven dwarfs

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and since they are "THE" Seven Dwarfs,> they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.> > "Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"> > Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in> Rome?"> > The pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and> answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."> > In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around> and gives them a glare, silencing them.> > Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of> Europe?"> > The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No,> Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."> > This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey> turns around and silences them with an angry glare.> > Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in> the world?"> > "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."> > The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the> floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting.........> > "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

Don'tcha just wish!

-----------------

Saint is a the Pearly Gates checking in the latest arrivals.

" what kind of work did you do in your lifetime? " he asked.

" I was a school teacher for 33 years. I taught more than 5,000 boys

and girls how to understand and use the English language effectively

in the world around them, " said the first in line.

" You qualify for heaven, " said St. , " go thru the gates and make

a right to enter heaven. "

The next person said, " I was a car designer. I was responsible for a

designing number of safety features which saved many lives. "

" You qualify for heaven, " said St. , " go thru the gates and make

a right to enter heaven. "

The third person said, " I was the head of an HMO, and I reduced costs

so much that the our company increased their profits every year for 10

years. "

" You qualify for heaven, " said St. , " go thru the gates and make

a right to enter heaven

..

(go down)

..

..

..

..

..

(ready for this?)

..

..

..

But you can only stay for 24 hours "

Stu

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