update

[Guest guest]

HI Vivian:

Thanks for the update. Good luck with the child study team meeting. We

were quite pleased once we could get the mental health professionals

together with the educators how things finally moved ahead for Steve's

treatment. It sounds like there will be no more falling through the cracks

in your family!

Good luck on the insurance angle. Please keep us posted. Take care,

aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

At 06:20 PM 6/2/99 -0700, you wrote:

>From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

>Well, tomorrow we have a Child study team meeting with

>all the " big Dept. " heads for our county. They put

>their heads together and figure out what else can be

>done for a child that is seeming to fall though the

>cracks. Also........in the afternoon we have a initial

>parent appt. with a Dr. who is supposed to be the OCD

>expert in this area.(Dr. Riechler) Our son will

>go Mon. (he has already said he doesn't want to go,

>but we are running out of options here)Our health

>insurance is checking into coverage for this Dr. " he

>is very expensive and does not fall under Group

>Healths' codes " So in the meantime I am going anyway

>and I hope we can have at least some help insurance

>wise.Sorry I have not been able to keep up with the

>list. I have had to remove the key board and mouse

>every time so my son does not use the computer. It

>makes it more difficult for everyone but in the long

>run it's best. vivian in Wa.St.

>

>

>_________________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

It's good that you can get all the " biggie " 's to meet and discuss a plan for

your son. You are lucky to find a good Doc. I don't like our doc. But, I have

to live with it for now.

As far as the restricting the computer usage for your son. You can setup a

password and not to take away the keyboard and mouse. There are two different

ways to setup the password. Easier one is the screen saver password. The

ultimate one is bios password which blocks you from running without the right

password after a reboot. If you need further information, you can email me:

tchao@....

Good luck on your meeting.

TC

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

We have a problem with our son understanding that the world does not

revolve around him. Since he was 5 he has not been allowed to butt into

conversations, and now at 12 he still does. If he has something to say he

will say it. We have even ignored him and finished our conversation(without

stopping to tell him to wait) and he just kept on talking like we heard him!

We have 2 younger children so we have to watch a lot. We put him on a point

sheet program and so far that seems to be helping, but the jury is still out

on it. Is there a connection I wonder between OCD and social awareness?

C.

[Guest guest]

Is your son on any meds? My son was not able to emotionally handle

everything until he had been on Anafranil (clomiprimine) for at least 4

months. He has small bouts of depression and extreme anger now but they are

few and far between. Before we started the meds it was almost non-stop! He

even once thought he saw the gates of heaven in the clouds and believed it

was a sign from God that he was supposed to die. He cried uncontrollably for

2 hours because he needed to die. There was no good reason for his anger, it

didn't take much to set him off. It controlled so much of our lives, there

was nothing else. The clomiprimine is the only thing that that has saved out

family from complete insanity!!! Also, perhaps you should look into help for

yourself. This seratonin imbalance can run in families and an experience such

as dealing with this can lead even the least sensetive into anxiety or

depression. I was already taking prozac to even out my PMS symptoms to it

helped a little when going through his problems. Good luck!!

C.

[Guest guest]

Hi Vivian:

Wow, you certainly had a rough weekend. I hope you are doing a bit better

now. It certainly seems that this new counselling appointment sparked your

son's OCD and high anxiety. It must have been very disappointing to you

and the family that this happened.

How we learned to deal with this anxious avoidance and very difficult

behavior was slowly in fits and starts. One thing that helps is having a

professional who understands how people behave with high anxiety and who is

willing to make home visits. That way your son does not have two new

things to deal with at once, a new office for therapy and a new counselor.

Has your new counselor had much experience with treating severe anxiety

disorders?

When they have these attacks as much as we want to negotiate with them and

talk about how their behavior is self-defeating, this does not work. I

have spent hours trying to rationalize with total fear and every minute was

more than a waste, they were also a frustration. Unfortunately there is no

point letting them know their behavior is irrational when they are in such

a state. It can actually escalate things.

It is better to ask what he is worried will happen. That way you can learn

how he is looking at things, how his irrationality works, and it might

distract him a bit from his fear. If he says his friends will see him, why

does that worry him? Try to joke about it and tell him how worried you are

that your friends will see you there, maybe even people that you work with,

etc. Then you might lose your job, then you will have to do...... Lay it

on thick. The more ridiculous you are the better you will get his

attention and distract him from his anxiety. The idea is to try to joke

and put a light mood on things. Hard to do, but with practice it really

helps. You are trying to diffuse a very tough situation.

You are right to work on a strong negative consequence to encourage your

son to face up to his fears. This does make us feel heartless but it is

early steps on the path to ridding your family from having OCD boss you

around all the time. However I would use something that you can

definintely follow through on. So when you say you cannot guarantee he can

stay in your home, this is not perceived as a definite, real threat, but

seems more like nagging. Perhaps you can find something else he really

cares about and use that as the negative consequence. When we first

started this we could hardly find anything, now we create things for the

tough times when we need to use negative consequences. However, you have

to be willing to make them very unhappy to help them change this behavior.

Always using positive consequences is more effective. So beforehand, try

to anticipate he will resist change, set up the reward system for his

cooperation. For example, a reward for bossing back his OCD anxiety and

getting into the car, another specific one for going to the appointment,

another for behaving reasonably at the appointment, etc. On top of this you

need to heap on tons of praise and encouragement.

Please do not believe your son when he tells you his family is causing so

much hell in his life. The opposite is true. I think many of us put up

with what I call " verbal diarrhea " during OCD attacks. We set up our

family contract with specific negative consequences for being rude and

disrespectful and learned to follow through consistently each time.

and I would support each other and marvel at our new found toughness and in

a few months the verbal diarrhea really declined. This is still a problem

from time to time but slowly it continues to improve.

One thing I had to learn was to be as good an actor about things as Steve

is. I try never to let him think I do not know how to handle things. At

first I was very open and honest about how I was at the end of my rope,

etc. etc. This scared him as much as his OCD. So I just pretend that I am

in control, know what I am doing, our family is not a democracy, etc. etc.

even when I am freaking inside and fearful. Both and I have been

very, very scared of Steve and what he might do, to himself and to us, but

I did my best never to show it. Now we no longer have this fear.

What you did with your dog was great. One of the best things I finally

taught myself was that I did not have to stay in a tough situation - I

could give myself time out. I would tell Steve, well it looks like I am

not making much headway here, I need a time out to regroup and I'll be

back. Also our animals give unconditional love and remind us we need to

give our kids a bit more room at times. We have a new kitten and I see

fussing over her like he used to over our boys and she loves it. The

boys fuss over her too. I am a great believer in pet therapy all around.

Good luck Vivian, take care, aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

" an OCD-mom who is always working on her toughness and resilience in this

journey with OCD "

At 08:30 AM 8/9/99 -0700, you wrote:

>From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

>I had posted to this list about our Family

>Preservation Counselor coming for closure. I asked her

>not to come. She didn't have any new information for

>us and agreed that it would not have any benefits for

>our sons treatment. She was dissappointed though. I

>asked her to call when she got some new info and that

>I would be happy to meet with her. Our new counseling

>appointment on Friday didn't go well. This was for

>Family Counseling with a new therapist. Everyone was

>ready but right before we were to leave, our son asked

>where is this place? He panicked and said he couldn't

>go there! One of his friends might see him. I talked

>to him outside the bathroom door (this is where most

>of our communicating in crisis takes place) and let

>him know that he was not being rational. After 5

>minuets I left, telling him that if he couldn't go to

>family counseling as agreed that I wasn't able to

>gaurantee his being able to stay in the home. He asked

>if the counselor could call him. She didn't want to do

>that because it might set up a habit of him not coming

>at all. I wanted her to call him. I had said to him

>that he better answer the phone if it rings. Oh well.

>Here the three other family members where, getting

>alot of amazing remarks from the counselor about our

>coping and family structure.

> It has been really difficult for me this

>weekend. There was a big blow up that I had to deal

>with on Friday night....and on Sunday.....I have been

>telling our son that I can't deal with him....(not

>very re-assuring but honest)and talking about how

>maybe leaving the home would be a good thing. He could

>get good schooling, be away from this family that he

>says causes so much hell in his life.......he says

>that is not being very supportive.......he needs to be

>listend to....needs a puching bag (we will get

>one)........I told him it needs to work the other way

>around too!(to be able to listen to us) So what a

>delima....I need to gather up some strength. He made

>the remark to me after the blow-up on Sunday how he

>was depressed. I realized I was too and told him so. I

>went and brushed the dog, Which took 2 hrs. She liked

>it and so did I, less hair to vacuum up on the floors!

>Well the details get lenghty! I will stop. Thanks for

>being there when I vent. On a hopeful note .....we

>have an appointment with the new PDoc on

>Wednesday.Will let you know how that goes. Vivian in

>Wa. St.

>

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

I'm so sorry that things are not going well!

Hopefully the pdoc will have some suggestions.

I wish I could help you in some way, other than

just listening. But I've got big ears and a bony

shoulder that you are welcomed to.

****HUGS**** to you Vivian!

mary from La.

ruth porter wrote:

> From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

> I had posted to this list about our Family

> Preservation Counselor coming for closure. I asked her

> not to come. She didn't have any new information for

> us and agreed that it would not have any benefits for

> our sons treatment. She was dissappointed though. I

> asked her to call when she got some new info and that

> I would be happy to meet with her. Our new counseling

> appointment on Friday didn't go well. This was for

> Family Counseling with a new therapist. Everyone was

> ready but right before we were to leave, our son asked

> where is this place? He panicked and said he couldn't

> go there! One of his friends might see him. I talked

> to him outside the bathroom door (this is where most

> of our communicating in crisis takes place) and let

> him know that he was not being rational. After 5

> minuets I left, telling him that if he couldn't go to

> family counseling as agreed that I wasn't able to

> gaurantee his being able to stay in the home. He asked

> if the counselor could call him. She didn't want to do

> that because it might set up a habit of him not coming

> at all. I wanted her to call him. I had said to him

> that he better answer the phone if it rings. Oh well.

> Here the three other family members where, getting

> alot of amazing remarks from the counselor about our

> coping and family structure.

> It has been really difficult for me this

> weekend. There was a big blow up that I had to deal

> with on Friday night....and on Sunday.....I have been

> telling our son that I can't deal with him....(not

> very re-assuring but honest)and talking about how

> maybe leaving the home would be a good thing. He could

> get good schooling, be away from this family that he

> says causes so much hell in his life.......he says

> that is not being very supportive.......he needs to be

> listend to....needs a puching bag (we will get

> one)........I told him it needs to work the other way

> around too!(to be able to listen to us) So what a

> delima....I need to gather up some strength. He made

> the remark to me after the blow-up on Sunday how he

> was depressed. I realized I was too and told him so. I

> went and brushed the dog, Which took 2 hrs. She liked

> it and so did I, less hair to vacuum up on the floors!

> Well the details get lenghty! I will stop. Thanks for

> being there when I vent. On a hopeful note .....we

> have an appointment with the new PDoc on

> Wednesday.Will let you know how that goes. Vivian in

> Wa. St.

>

> _____________________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Vivian,

I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I

know to some extent what those blowups can be like and

how draining it can be. I don't have much in way of

suggestions for you, but just wanted to offer a little

support. We all need to vent sometimes.

I wish you well, Wednesday!

in PA

--- ruth porter <ruth2b4@...> wrote:

> From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

> I had posted to this list about our Family

> Preservation Counselor coming for closure. I asked

> her

> not to come. She didn't have any new information for

> us and agreed that it would not have any benefits

> for

> our sons treatment. She was dissappointed though. I

> asked her to call when she got some new info and

> that

> I would be happy to meet with her. Our new

> counseling

> appointment on Friday didn't go well. This was for

> Family Counseling with a new therapist. Everyone was

> ready but right before we were to leave, our son

> asked

> where is this place? He panicked and said he

> couldn't

> go there! One of his friends might see him. I talked

> to him outside the bathroom door (this is where most

> of our communicating in crisis takes place) and let

> him know that he was not being rational. After 5

> minuets I left, telling him that if he couldn't go

> to

> family counseling as agreed that I wasn't able to

> gaurantee his being able to stay in the home. He

> asked

> if the counselor could call him. She didn't want to

> do

> that because it might set up a habit of him not

> coming

> at all. I wanted her to call him. I had said to him

> that he better answer the phone if it rings. Oh

> well.

> Here the three other family members where, getting

> alot of amazing remarks from the counselor about our

> coping and family structure.

>

> It has been really difficult for me this

> weekend. There was a big blow up that I had to deal

> with on Friday night....and on Sunday.....I have

> been

> telling our son that I can't deal with him....(not

> very re-assuring but honest)and talking about how

> maybe leaving the home would be a good thing. He

> could

> get good schooling, be away from this family that he

> says causes so much hell in his life.......he says

> that is not being very supportive.......he needs to

> be

> listend to....needs a puching bag (we will get

> one)........I told him it needs to work the other

> way

> around too!(to be able to listen to us) So what a

> delima....I need to gather up some strength. He made

> the remark to me after the blow-up on Sunday how he

> was depressed. I realized I was too and told him so.

> I

> went and brushed the dog, Which took 2 hrs. She

> liked

> it and so did I, less hair to vacuum up on the

> floors!

> Well the details get lenghty! I will stop. Thanks

> for

> being there when I vent. On a hopeful note .....we

> have an appointment with the new PDoc on

> Wednesday.Will let you know how that goes. Vivian in

> Wa. St.

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

My daughter had a hard time with the med's

causing stomach problems, so the Dr. prescribed

Prevacid which did the trick.

I sure hope things start looking up for you and

your family. I know what a toll this takes on

everyone.

Take care Vivian, you are in my thoughts!

mary from La.

ruth porter wrote:

> From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

> I have not posted for while about how things are

> going, so here goes. We had an appt. with the p-doc

> last wed. He commented how miserable our son was. He

> feels that he needs to be on medication. Even ofered

> some samples to try. Our son is still not willing to

> take it. He did say he would try Kava Kava. This p-doc

> suggested St. s Wort. Apparently he was envolved

> in a study with this herbal remedy. We will give it a

> try. I am wanting to continue with this P-doc to build

> repore. When school starts there might be a change of

> heart regarding meds. The p-doc said that when our son

> was on meds before (Luvox) that he would have never

> had him take them for as long as the other doc. did

> because of the intense stomach cramps and discomfort.

> He suffered bad stomach aches and the other doc. said

> to take pepsid ac. The new doc said that after a week

> or so the side effects should be gone. If not he would

> have switched meds. Has any one else on this list had

> trouble with side effects? How long did they last? Did

> they go away completely? We are also looking at the

> posibility of having long term residential treatment

> if things don't get easier this year. Our son is 15

> and it is hard to know what is the best thing to do.

> Things have been better at home, and he has been

> trying hard to work on issues. There is still much

> ground to cover. The hardest part is to morn the

> family life we are missing out on because of the OCD.

> I am learning more each day. Thanks for all the great

> posts on schooling. This group is fantastic! Welcome

> back and welcome to the new comers!. Vivian in

> Wa. St.

>

> ---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

Thanks for the update. I am glad to see that there

has been some improvement for your family. We were

told as long as we are making little bits of progress

we are headed in the right direction.

My son takes Prozac and has for a year. He had some

stomach upset at first, but it subsided. He

occasionally has a little bit of upset stomach if he

doesn't eat when he takes his meds. Other than that,

not much in the way of side effects, only postive

results!

I know what you mean about mourning, but after the

mourning period, the sun will shine again!

Take care,

in PA

--- ruth porter <ruth2b4@...> wrote:

> From: ruth porter <ruth2b4@...>

>

> I have not posted for while about how things are

> going, so here goes. We had an appt. with the p-doc

> last wed. He commented how miserable our son was. He

> feels that he needs to be on medication. Even ofered

> some samples to try. Our son is still not willing

> to

> take it. He did say he would try Kava Kava. This

> p-doc

> suggested St. s Wort. Apparently he was envolved

> in a study with this herbal remedy. We will give it

> a

> try. I am wanting to continue with this P-doc to

> build

> repore. When school starts there might be a change

> of

> heart regarding meds. The p-doc said that when our

> son

> was on meds before (Luvox) that he would have never

> had him take them for as long as the other doc. did

> because of the intense stomach cramps and

> discomfort.

> He suffered bad stomach aches and the other doc.

> said

> to take pepsid ac. The new doc said that after a

> week

> or so the side effects should be gone. If not he

> would

> have switched meds. Has any one else on this list

> had

> trouble with side effects? How long did they last?

> Did

> they go away completely? We are also looking at the

> posibility of having long term residential

> treatment

> if things don't get easier this year. Our son is 15

> and it is hard to know what is the best thing to do.

> Things have been better at home, and he has been

> trying hard to work on issues. There is still much

> ground to cover. The hardest part is to morn the

> family life we are missing out on because of the

> OCD.

> I am learning more each day. Thanks for all the

> great

> posts on schooling. This group is fantastic! Welcome

> back and welcome to the new comers!. Vivian

> in

> Wa. St.

>

> ---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana:

Thanks for the update.

One thing came up for me reading what you wrote. You want to find a doc to

prescribe and do CBT. I am not sure how easy that is for anyone anywhere.

We have had to assemble a treatment team for Steve of three mental health

professionals working together to coordinate treatment. The leader is his

psychologist who found/helped us find the other team members, specifically

a CBT therapist, whom he helped to train (Steve is her first OCD client);

and a psychiatrist to handle meds.

I think it is simple economics, here a psychiatrist can make $200+/hour

just listening and writing prescriptions (often less than 1 hour in

duration). CBT takes more time and is not as easy as listening and writing

prescriptions and pays a whole lot less generously. Most CBT practitioners

seem to have master's level credentials or possibly Ph.D.'s in psychology.

Good luck, hope to read more soon about Ava's progress, aloha, kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 03:03 PM 04/11/2000 -0400, you wrote:

> So many times she strikes me as the teenage version of andra. )

> Lesli, I have often had the same thought - in reverse. She has calmed

>down quite a bit and told me that as soon as she got to her Dad's house she

>regretted what she did. When she got there it didn't feel like an

>adventure anymore and she was sorry and somewhat baffled that she had acted

>on it. He said if I took her to UNC she would only get med checks.

> I can't commit to someone out of network w/o making every effort to

>find someone in network, since the extra expense would drastically affect

>our life and would likely be ongoing........after I petition Blue Cross to

>let her have more than 20 visits. I suspect the later will happen,

>and if so, I can ask for the reduction in visitation at that time. I

>took her to him again a few months ago, which is when he diagnosed her

>TTM(Trichotillomania) and sent me looking to find someone with CBT

>training. I will continue to keep you posted and I thank everyone for

>their kind support. Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

Pat,

What wonderful news. I can feel your more relaxed just by your

description! Jonathon has come a long way very fast - I'm sure he'll keep

it up, and if he slips, he's learned how to get back on track!

Please let him know how proud I am of his work! wendy in canada

=========================================

>Hello

>

>Just a little note to tell you 's update. is now

>taking a 20 min shower, which is wonderful, the first 10 min. he

>showers by himself, the last 10 my husband goes in with him. He has

>shown alot of improvement over the last 2 weeks. The reward chart

>seems to be working well with him. He is trying very hard to get

>those stars. He has come a long way but still has a long away to

>go. Are family can function alot more normal. The night time

>screaming and carrying on is down very low. The other night he

>started to have an ocd meltdown, it was 8.30 I said put your shoes on

>were going for a walk, he said your kidding I said no lets go. We

>went around the block, and when we came back he was totally

>diffrent. It seemed to help him alot. I have learned how to handle

>things alot better myself. I guess we are all learning. I hoep he can

>keep it up. Good Luck to all!! >Pst

________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

Dear Pat,

I am so proud of you, your son and your husband for your terrific

teamwork in the face of OCD. It's wonderful to hear about your

progress. I'm so glad to hear of your family getting some well-deserved

peace. Keep up the good work!

Take care,

Lesli

kenliebl@... wrote:

>

> Hello

>

> Just a little note to tell you 's update. is now

> taking a 20 min shower, which is wonderful, the first 10 min. he

> showers by himself, the last 10 my husband goes in with him. He has

> shown alot of improvement over the last 2 weeks. The reward chart

> seems to be working well with him. He is trying very hard to get

> those stars. He has come a long way but still has a long away to

> go. Are family can function alot more normal. The night time

> screaming and carrying on is down very low. The other night he

> started to have an ocd meltdown, it was 8.30 I said put your shoes on

> were going for a walk, he said your kidding I said no lets go. We

> went around the block, and when we came back he was totally

> diffrent. It seemed to help him alot. I have learned how to handle

> things alot better myself. I guess we are all learning. I hoep he can

> keep it up. Good Luck to all!!

>

> Pst

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi:

What wonderful news about 's progress bossing back his OCD. He is

really going in the right direction and it is great to hear that things are

getting a bit easier for the family. Thanks so much for sharing this.

Please tell how impressed I am by his progress and his bravery.

Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

Pat wrote:

>>Hello

>>

>>Just a little note to tell you 's update. is now

>>taking a 20 min shower, which is wonderful, the first 10 min. he

>>showers by himself, the last 10 my husband goes in with him. He has

>>shown alot of improvement over the last 2 weeks. The reward chart

>>seems to be working well with him. He is trying very hard to get

>>those stars. He has come a long way but still has a long away to

>>go. Are family can function alot more normal. The night time

>>screaming and carrying on is down very low. The other night he

>>started to have an ocd meltdown, it was 8.30 I said put your shoes on

>>were going for a walk, he said your kidding I said no lets go. We

>>went around the block, and when we came back he was totally

>>diffrent. It seemed to help him alot. I have learned how to handle

>>things alot better myself. I guess we are all learning. I hoep he can

>>keep it up. Good Luck to all!!

>>

>>Pst

-

[Guest guest]

HI Dana,

Thanks for the update. So glad to hear that Ava is getting new help, in

the form of Reid . You are very fortunate. I'm glad her dad is

being more cooperative, as well. Hope it lasts! The family therapy

sounds like a good idea.

andra had been very moody for the last couple of months. Suddenly,

her mood has lightened, for no apparent reason. She's having much

better insight with her OCD, and she's almost happy-go-lucky. So I'm

counting my blessings, prepared to enjoy it while it lasts.

Take care,

Lesli

Dana Carvalho wrote:

>

> Things have settled down here quite a bit with Ava. Her Dad is being

> more cooperative since we went to mediation. I don't know how long that

> will last but I think he definitely understands that I WILL try to

> revoke his visitation if he undermines my parenting in a way that

> jeopardizes Ava's safety. He also understands that I will be more

> generous with visitation (but never the every other week deal he

> wanted!) if someday it actually serves Ava's needs, not just his own.

>

> Ava had an appointment with Reid today to do some CBT about TTM

> (Trichotillomania). It is a start. I told him I also want him to

> access where she's at OCD-wise and to probe a bit and see whether there

> are other things going on that I don't see that she needs help with. He

> is such a nice man and so, so competent! Her appointment for someone to

> supervise meds and maybe do some family therapy including her Dad,

> re-visit her diagnosis's etc. is in 2 weeks.

>

> For mother's day she gave me a little stuffed rabbit and baby doll from

> " Runnaway Bunny " . She got it because the mom was dressed as a gardener

> and I garden. Then she realized the significance of the baby bunny who

> runs away.......and the momma bunny who ALWAYS finds him. It was sweet.

>

> She is doing better in school with her behavior too. On a scale of 1-5,

> 5 being the best, she has gotten almost all 5's from every teacher every

> day for over a week. Yesterday one of her teachers called me to say Ava

> was dragging her feet in the hall and it scuffed up the floor so she

> told her to stop. She said Ava seemed surprised that her shoe had done

> that, but that when she turned the corner and was out of the teacher's

> sight she kept doing it, only bigger. She was mad that Ava kept

> scuffing the floor after she realized her shoes were doing that and

> wanted to know what she should do. I told her that the voice in Ava's

> head that told her to finish scuffing in time to some rhythm in her

> head, or Ava's need to make the marks match or WHATEVER, was bigger than

> any voice she could come up with so give it up.........and give Ava a

> mop and bucket. She did. Ava cleaned. Happy ending. Jeesh.

>

> Dana in NC

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Old school buds here:

> 1/4057/5/_/531051/_/958529775/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi Dana:

Thanks for the update on Ava. It is great to hear things are going well

and you certainly have access to great docs! Sounds like you had a

wonderful Mother's Day.

What an excellent job you did of explaining difficult behavior to Ava's

teacher so that she didn't just see her as disobedient and intractable. I

hope her teacher realizes how lucky she is to have your help on explaining

what OCD is doing and how she can still hold Ava accountable for the

results of the difficult behaviors.

Take care, aloha, kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 10:07 PM 05/16/2000 -0400, you wrote:

>Things have settled down here quite a bit with Ava. Her Dad is being

>more cooperative since we went to mediation. I don't know how long that

>will last but I think he definitely understands that I WILL try to

>revoke his visitation if he undermines my parenting in a way that

>jeopardizes Ava's safety. He also understands that I will be more

>generous with visitation (but never the every other week deal he

>wanted!) if someday it actually serves Ava's needs, not just his own.

>

>Ava had an appointment with Reid today to do some CBT about TTM

>(Trichotillomania). It is a start. I told him I also want him to

>access where she's at OCD-wise and to probe a bit and see whether there

>are other things going on that I don't see that she needs help with. He

>is such a nice man and so, so competent! Her appointment for someone to

>supervise meds and maybe do some family therapy including her Dad,

>re-visit her diagnosis's etc. is in 2 weeks.

>

>For mother's day she gave me a little stuffed rabbit and baby doll from

> " Runnaway Bunny " . She got it because the mom was dressed as a gardener

>and I garden. Then she realized the significance of the baby bunny who

>runs away.......and the momma bunny who ALWAYS finds him. It was sweet.

>

>She is doing better in school with her behavior too. On a scale of 1-5,

>5 being the best, she has gotten almost all 5's from every teacher every

>day for over a week. Yesterday one of her teachers called me to say Ava

>was dragging her feet in the hall and it scuffed up the floor so she

>told her to stop. She said Ava seemed surprised that her shoe had done

>that, but that when she turned the corner and was out of the teacher's

>sight she kept doing it, only bigger. She was mad that Ava kept

>scuffing the floor after she realized her shoes were doing that and

>wanted to know what she should do. I told her that the voice in Ava's

>head that told her to finish scuffing in time to some rhythm in her

>head, or Ava's need to make the marks match or WHATEVER, was bigger than

>any voice she could come up with so give it up.........and give Ava a

>mop and bucket. She did. Ava cleaned. Happy ending. Jeesh.

>

>Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

Dana, in NC,

You sound so much more optomistic this week!

Tim and Clay appear to be relaxed around each other and that seems to

encourage Ava and you to enjoy yourselves and not to worry! Your father's

day story is really refreshing. Lets hope this next year will be one of

positive pains and struggles and that the heartaches of the past of family

conflicts are over! Not to mention regular updates on Clay's attempts to

water ski!

You mention that evoking 'familiar names' helped move things along with

the therapist. This seems to be the way of the world! Since you are taking

Ava to such well respected people, the therapist is wise in moving aside and

recognizing that she is not able to treat Ava in the therapy the other

specialists can provide for ocd. Another positive moment in your life!

Dana, isnt it wonderful to know that someone is listening to you and that

your life is starting to turn around??

big hugs.... wendy, in canada wb4@...

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[Guest guest]

Cheryl in CT,

If Harriet knows that is going to close up when she brings up

negative issues, why does she do it?? There are so many ways of knowing what

is happening without asking a direct question - surely she knows that?? Can

you suggest something to Harriet along these lines? I see from reading to

the end of your post that Glenn has spoken with about speaking up,

lets hope this is a turning point for everyone.

Why would an 11 yo need to go to the gynecologist? She is still a child.

In fact, the later she gets her period the better since it reduces the risk

of breast cancer. Unless the doc suspects something, and clearly indicated

this to you I wouldnt rush to have her go. Now, if she was 15 it would be

another story! btw, I know several 11 yo who have started menustrating, so

if the implication that she's too young is there - bull^%#$!

> She asked why she didn't tell her and again would not speak.

>more silence. <

That sounds accusing to me!! It is too bad about you though. (

>I just don't understand how she can go from a wonderful and giddy mood to

>snap your fingers bad mood. <

Easy - preadolesence and OCD! Tom used to do this all the time! Outside

the door he'd be laughing - walk into the house and be growling at his

father! We learned not to give this behaviour attention since that seems to

encourage it!

Glenn is a wonderful father! He seems to have broken through to and

spending all that time with her seems to have been the perfect thing! Being

her allie could be just what she needs right now! GO GLENN!

take care of yourself, eh? wendy, in canada wb4@...

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[Guest guest]

Gail, in N'Awlins,

Great news with !! I like the feisty side too!

What was that comment about below 60?? Try in the 30's here the last

couple of nights - yikes!!

take care, hi to , wendy, in canada

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[Guest guest]

HI Gail:

Thanks for the upbeat update on . Aren't meds amazing, they give us a

completely different kid. I'll have to watch it or soon I'll need to join

a pharmaceutical fan club!

I was thinking about you when I heard about the school shooting in N`Awlins

today. Hope you are managing okay.

Well done for to resist all her accommodations. We found this a true

sign that things were getting significantly better. Also the school loves

to save the money on the tutor <VBG> Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 12:49 AM 09/26/2000 -0400, you wrote:

>Dear Friends,

>

> Well, looks like we have turned the corner and the meds have kicked

in!!

> has bounced back and is happier, more settled and sleeping somuch

>better. She is starting to resist the accomodations we had put in place,

such

>as a temporary tutor to work with her during gym, as she feels she can keep

>up. I'm delighted to see her channeled feistiness!

>

> The new therapist is working out nicely. really likes her and

>feels comfy with her.

>

> We are slowly deactivating from our hyper-alert status around here!

>

> And the temperature will sink to 60 degrees tomorrow night! Yeah!

>

>Thanks for all the encouragement!

>Gail in N'Awlins

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

Great news! This has been a huge step for J. he deserves lots of praise -

but dont over do it - he'll get suspicious, knowing J!!!

If you question the psychiatrists medication regime, you could print out

the OCF's med's article and bring it in " to discuss " why he feels his way is

better? I have done this a few times and found if the doc had a valid

arguement, I went with the doc, if not, the doc went with me!! WE really use

the team appoach here!

For the next few weeks, concentrate on reinforcing that the meds take

time and following the psychologists suggestions of pointing out how J's

life could be better. Maybe J will agree to see the pschologist more often

as the meds begin to work, which would take some of the stress off of you!

Do you have a time limit on how long the home school program will be

available for J?

On behalf of the moderators, its our pleasure! Thank you.

take care, wendy, in canada

==========================================================

>hello everyone.....I hope to make this quick. J has started taking celexa.

>The Dr. wanted to get his deep depression addressed and then see how things

>were going. I have to say my impression of this Dr. was not great....but

>hey....we were in his office and J was willing to try meds! We will go back

>Nov. 21st. He started out on 10mg for 6 days and then up to 20 mg. This dr.

>is of the thought that higher doses are not

>as desirer able as length of time taking the meds. We are going to the

>phycologist every other week.He is still workng on getting J to see how

>crummy his life is and that OCD is running the sho. We will be

>starting the home tutor soon. I HATE PAPER WORK with the school district..

>Everything takes SOOOOO long. Well Happy Halloween. and thanks to the GREAT

>moderators!

>Vivian in wa.st.

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[Guest guest]

HI Vivian:

Happy Halloween to you too!

It seems J is on the edge of a great breakthrough in his treatment now he

is addressing his depression. We found this made all the difference to

Steve, although for him the depression continues if he has no meds. The

OCD is quite far in the background of his life.

Perhaps if higher dosages are needed you can give the doc the OCF info on

meds and encourage him to adjust things accordingly. Sometimes the young

bodies of our kids help them to metabolize these meds so fast that taking

more really helps. On the other hand, depression responds to lower dosages

and then J can get started on the CBT and may not need such a high dosage

to get his OCD under control.

Good luck with your paperwork. Enjoy the trick or treaters tonight. Take

care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 05:57 AM 10/31/2000 -0800, you wrote:

>hello everyone.....I hope to make this quick. J has

>started taking celexa. The Dr. wanted to get his deep

>depression addressed and then see how things were

>going. I have to say my impression of this Dr. was not

>great....but hey....we were in his office and J was

>willing to try meds! We will go back Nov. 21st. He

>started out on 10mg for 6 days and then up to 20 mg.

>This dr. is of the thought that higher doses are not

>as desirer able as length of time taking the meds. We

>are going to the phycologist every other week.He is

>still workng on getting J to see how crummy his life

>is and that OCD is running the sho. We will be

>starting the home tutor soon. I HATE PAPER WORK with

>the school district.. Everything takes SOOOOO long.

>Well Happy Halloween. and thanks to the GREAT

>moderators! Vivian in wa.st.

>

[Guest guest]

Leah,

Man, so sorry to hear about your day ;( Here's some positive vibes that

Ashton does well in the new class. I cannot, well I guess I can, believe the

tug of war crap! Some people just do not use their heads, and for that I am

sorry.

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/3/00 3:41:48 PM Pacific Standard Time,

stolzfamily@... writes:

<< nd these are the same people

that if WE swat them on the butt, they are screaming abuse! >>

Sooooo very true ! You hit the nail on the head!

Jeannie

Mom to Mark and

[Guest guest]

S and Jeannie,

thanks for the support and yes mary, i agree too with jeannie....you hit the

nail on the head.......... i am still in shock adn hoping this new teacher is

as good as i think and feel she is......my trust in school officials is

slightly low right now.....take care and thanks to all..... leah

[Guest guest]

Leah,

I'm glad that part is over. I have been thinking about you all day long.

(This would be easier if I really knew you and knew what you looked

like!)

Sorry that they did that to Ashton. Isnt' it terrible that we have to be

everywhere at once to protect our children. And these are the same people

that if WE swat them on the butt, they are screaming abuse!

Please keep us updated on how it is going!

S

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