Agree to disagree but I would like to post my arguments Re: issues

[Guest guest]

I know that not every one will agree and that is fine but I

will share my reasons why this just seems very

unprofessional to me.

1. Statistically you are increasing your chances for a

deviant to be toileting your child. In 3 different states

that I know personally, this would be against policy.

The argument that it is fine with a male teacher helping

with their daughter toilet because they are fine with a

female with their son just does not stand up to statistics

as to who is molesting smaller children, male or female. I

am speaking of elementary school students here. I do not

know what I am going to do when my son is in Middle School

or H.S but I do know that at our elementary school, another

child who happens to have Down Syndrome as my son does ALSO

goes to the nurses office. They give him his privacy but

keep the door cracked just a little bit because even in 5th

grade he will sometimes goof around or forget to wash his

hands, etc. He still needs assistance with hygiene

regarding bowel movements, also. So the nurse is there

when needed. But he does NOT go into the bathroom with all

the other little boys. He is protected, the other children

are protected, and the school is protected. Kids sometimes

get caught up in stupid games and it just is not worth

putting every one at higher risk.

2. The nurse in the school should be doing this. Or a

nurse aid. Or an aid that has been screened, trained, and

is assigned to your child. If the male is an aid, I guess

that is between you and the school but I would not be so

trusting and I am shocked that the school is so lax in its

policy. I believe this is just naive. The more training

the person has the more credibility and the teachers are

expected to do too much as it is. In other words, nurse to

trained aid and down the ladder but the teacher, unless

specifically assigned and willing, should not be put in

this position. None of the teachers at my son's school

assist ANY children when they have a potty accident. The

children are taken to the nurses office. I have

contributed MANY clothes to the community box for emergency

changes for ALL sizes of kids. These are all in the nurses

office.

3. No one can guess who, when, or where someone might harm

a child but you increase your risk to your child if you do

not study the facts. Some male (and yes, I know female

too) persons are IN the field of child care or teaching for

the very reason of gaining your trust to take advantage of

children. This does not just happen in large cities. This

happens everywhere.

If I were a classroom teacher, I would NOT be putting

myself in danger of a lawsuit. (I am not speaking of

special education teachers highly trained and certified. I

am speaking of classroom teachers, some certified for

special needs, but that are teaching all kids in an

inclusive setting. I am not sure how I would feel if my

child were at a school specific to my child's diagnosis.

If that were the case, I would expect the staff to be

highly trained to care for the children in all

circumstances but I would STILL frown on community toilet

training.

4. One of the things that children need to learn is how

to be appropriate and what IS appropriate. They need to

understand boundaries. A little girl that is told that it

is OK to go to the bathroom with a male teacher may go to

the bathroom with another male teacher or an older male

student. Strict and safe boundaries need to be set and

taught early, especially with children that may not reach a

maturity level of understanding as soon as others. Just

that fact that there were doors not shut is a sign of lax

policy, if you ask me. School should not be a place where

toilet training is taught by " observation " . Save that for

home. " Privacy " is what should be taught along with proper

toilet procedures.

5. Children with certain special needs are more vulnerable

to mental/physical/sexual abuse in school restrooms by

other students. While this is perhaps not the " norm " , it

is happening WAY too much in our society for us to not put

simple rules in place that protect our children as a

precaution. I mean, it just isn't that hard for the

schools to implement a process that assists in keeping ALL

parties a bit more safe. The children that need assistance

in toilet training should have the privacy of being

assisted in a private bathroom, where other students are

not privy to their specific need of assistance! Those are

just appropriate boundaries.

I am not advocating scaring our children to death. But

really, there are ways of increasing our children's safety

in this warped world we live in, if only we were to study

the issues and spend a little time thinking it through.

Besides the fact that our children should be given the best

chance to be free from humiliation. This is not a 3 year

old in Pre K. These are students in elementary school.

You do not always know if a non-verbal child may be

embarrassed by " needing help " with their toilet. Give them

respect!

Again, I am not disrespecting any of those that do not

agree with me. I can agree to disagree. As for me, I will

fight for what seems a reasonable adaption to a policy of

the school if it does not protect my child, emotionally,

physically, and psychologically.

Kiersten

[Guest guest]

Kiersten,

I totally agree with your statements regarding a male person assisting children

in the bathroom, and I think you raised some very valid points. It is not ok to

allow a male teacher to assist any child in the bathroom and any male teacher

using a bit of common sense would stear clear of any situations that would imply

physical contact of an intimate nature with a child leaving himself open to all

kinds of accusations. Also, I do not see how a regular teacher can be expected

to take time out to deal with situations that are unrelated to teaching and take

time away from the class as a whole.

To HoneyBunny, mamma to Amber, I guess life itself is just one continuous

improvisation. I often feel a bit raw around the edges myself, wondering if I'm

doing the right thing or if I'm being too drastic. I say go with your

instincts; think things through, yes, but then do what you really feel deep down

is the right thing to protect your child. They need you for that and that is

what being a mother is all about. Nobody can truly prepare you for parenting

and certainly not parenting a child with special needs, every child and every

situation is different, but it sounds like you are doing a good job and it

sounds like you already have a good idea about when to be diplomatic and when to

hit hard! I wish you well.

Eunice

mamma to Zacky 8 y/o with DS, and 11

Agree to disagree but I would like to post my arguments

Re: issues

I know that not every one will agree and that is fine but I

will share my reasons why this just seems very

unprofessional to me.

1. Statistically you are increasing your chances for a

deviant to be toileting your child. In 3 different states

that I know personally, this would be against policy.

The argument that it is fine with a male teacher helping

with their daughter toilet because they are fine with a

female with their son just does not stand up to statistics

as to who is molesting smaller children, male or female. I

am speaking of elementary school students here. I do not

know what I am going to do when my son is in Middle School

or H.S but I do know that at our elementary school, another

child who happens to have Down Syndrome as my son does ALSO

goes to the nurses office. They give him his privacy but

keep the door cracked just a little bit because even in 5th

grade he will sometimes goof around or forget to wash his

hands, etc. He still needs assistance with hygiene

regarding bowel movements, also. So the nurse is there

when needed. But he does NOT go into the bathroom with all

the other little boys. He is protected, the other children

are protected, and the school is protected. Kids sometimes

get caught up in stupid games and it just is not worth

putting every one at higher risk.

2. The nurse in the school should be doing this. Or a

nurse aid. Or an aid that has been screened, trained, and

is assigned to your child. If the male is an aid, I guess

that is between you and the school but I would not be so

trusting and I am shocked that the school is so lax in its

policy. I believe this is just naive. The more training

the person has the more credibility and the teachers are

expected to do too much as it is. In other words, nurse to

trained aid and down the ladder but the teacher, unless

specifically assigned and willing, should not be put in

this position. None of the teachers at my son's school

assist ANY children when they have a potty accident. The

children are taken to the nurses office. I have

contributed MANY clothes to the community box for emergency

changes for ALL sizes of kids. These are all in the nurses

office.

3. No one can guess who, when, or where someone might harm

a child but you increase your risk to your child if you do

not study the facts. Some male (and yes, I know female

too) persons are IN the field of child care or teaching for

the very reason of gaining your trust to take advantage of

children. This does not just happen in large cities. This

happens everywhere.

If I were a classroom teacher, I would NOT be putting

myself in danger of a lawsuit. (I am not speaking of

special education teachers highly trained and certified. I

am speaking of classroom teachers, some certified for

special needs, but that are teaching all kids in an

inclusive setting. I am not sure how I would feel if my

child were at a school specific to my child's diagnosis.

If that were the case, I would expect the staff to be

highly trained to care for the children in all

circumstances but I would STILL frown on community toilet

training.

4. One of the things that children need to learn is how

to be appropriate and what IS appropriate. They need to

understand boundaries. A little girl that is told that it

is OK to go to the bathroom with a male teacher may go to

the bathroom with another male teacher or an older male

student. Strict and safe boundaries need to be set and

taught early, especially with children that may not reach a

maturity level of understanding as soon as others. Just

that fact that there were doors not shut is a sign of lax

policy, if you ask me. School should not be a place where

toilet training is taught by " observation " . Save that for

home. " Privacy " is what should be taught along with proper

toilet procedures.

5. Children with certain special needs are more vulnerable

to mental/physical/sexual abuse in school restrooms by

other students. While this is perhaps not the " norm " , it

is happening WAY too much in our society for us to not put

simple rules in place that protect our children as a

precaution. I mean, it just isn't that hard for the

schools to implement a process that assists in keeping ALL

parties a bit more safe. The children that need assistance

in toilet training should have the privacy of being

assisted in a private bathroom, where other students are

not privy to their specific need of assistance! Those are

just appropriate boundaries.

I am not advocating scaring our children to death. But

really, there are ways of increasing our children's safety

in this warped world we live in, if only we were to study

the issues and spend a little time thinking it through.

Besides the fact that our children should be given the best

chance to be free from humiliation. This is not a 3 year

old in Pre K. These are students in elementary school.

You do not always know if a non-verbal child may be

embarrassed by " needing help " with their toilet. Give them

respect!

Again, I am not disrespecting any of those that do not

agree with me. I can agree to disagree. As for me, I will

fight for what seems a reasonable adaption to a policy of

the school if it does not protect my child, emotionally,

physically, and psychologically.

Kiersten