Re: co workers who are inappropriate

[Guest guest]

Hi Ann

I was faced with a similar incident only at my daughters elem. school. I had

a father tell the administrator and myself that Sara should not be in Reg

Ed, that the retarded kids should go to their own room/own school ........... I

imagined he also wanted Sara to go to this Sped Island/world where she

wouldn't burden people like him. The only thing I said to him was " feel very

blessed right now with your healthy child, because one day something horrific

might happen to your child, niece, God child, grandchild that could force you

into my and Sara's world and that you might be walking in my shoes one day

because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked away without saying anything

............ good thing to, I might have been tempted to expose his pompous

nature

<----- alternative word for a bad word lol.

Kathy mom to Sara 14 ........... Ive only encountered a few bullies in my

life, I do believe they are in the minority

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

I feel for you. We have heard the " short bus " comedy routine too. I

decided that it wasn't worth anything past saying, " My son rides the short

bus... " and just letting that hang in the air. Sometimes they apologized

and sometimes they just laugh. I feel that those who take it like your

coworker are ignorant and nothing you say is going to make any REAL

difference any way. So, in my opinion, she is making a big enough jerk of

herself in front of everyone on her own. I do think some sensitivity

training might be in order, but talking directly to her probably won't do

anything.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Kym...mom to 5 including (9ds)...who is blessed and lucky to have had

3 of my 5 children ride the short bus.

[Guest guest]

I am very proud of you for confronting them....I have called out ppl on the

short bus...some very close to me who actually doesnt 'see' Sydnie riding

it...but its the point....those folks were pitiful actually when called out...I

laughed cause I knew they didnt mean it and I gave them something to think

about.

As for the one...well....I guess she should have thought about it huh? I'd do

what you think you need to do. If she's running her mouth and being

pissy...give her something to be pissy about if you think she actually would be

reprimanded.

I once had a situation that was verrrrrry close to me. A friend of mine posted

an image on her friends myspace....a pic of a bus that said you ride the short

bus dont u? I was floored!!! Knowing this was odd and not to mean harm...I

emailed her and said whats wrong with the short bus...she said nothing why?

Thats when I asked what she was thinking. Now let me remind you our girls are

very close......I talk to her every day ...see her most of that time. She said

it was an inside joke, had nothing to do with anything. Your kid dont ride the

short bus...rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she didnt get it!!! I said I realize that but

she could....but still ...the inside joke was...when her step daughter was 2 she

pointed at one and said jessica rides that bus...or something to that ...not

knowing what she was saying...well H and J busted out laughing that it came from

a 2 yr old...ok so why were they laughing? short bus? hellloooooooo She still

said it was an inside joke had nothing to do with me and didnt understand. I

dropped it but not without her hearing what I had to say about it.

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can hear

everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my child has

Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous other

derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed the four

of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two who were

unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and apologizing

profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice women who had made a

gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally different response. One

decided to say she was admonishing the others (she wasn't in my opinion) and the

fourth got mad at me and told me I had no right to take it " personally. " She has

been running her mouth since. Now I really would like to hurt her-professionally

and " personally. " But even more then

that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently wrong

and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do that? Is it

worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing the entire

staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me? What really ticked

her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought if these are grown women

behaving like this then what will there children act like to my kids? Not

specifically their kids but you know what I mean. I couldn't help it. I just sat

at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds and Jake 5)start school next Monday

and so it begins. The whole school thing. How is Amelia going to handle it? How

is Jake going to perceive his sister now that he is in public school and subject

to the product of piss poor parenting that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I

am so glad that we have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths about

not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for " perfect "

person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL get to be

healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So why is it that

anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for the bullies? I feel

exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal with the class bully. I

had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me. Apparently not.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/24/2006 1:55:25 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

b4alltoday@... writes:

The only thing I said to him was " feel very

blessed right now with your healthy child, because one day something

horrific

might happen to your child, niece, God child, grandchild that could force

you

into my and Sara's world and that you might be walking in my shoes one day

because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked away without saying anything

That isn't the only thing you said to him....that was everything in a

nutshell!!! Good going!

Loree

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/24/2006 2:17:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

drf218@... writes:

I have used that analogy myself. I said something like, " I hope your child

or loved one never has an accident that leaves them mentally disabled, that

would be terrible for them to have a parent feel the way you do "

(something like that, I blurted it out)

but it's true-I wish people would just put themselves in our shoes for one

minute!

I have always told my girls, whom I happen to think are gorgeous, that they

should never use or think their looks are so important. To remember that at

any moment they could lose them and if they base their whole lives on the way

they look they will be very shallow girls with nothing to offer the world.

Same kind of principal. I told my Caleb who is a great athelete to remember

it is a gift from GHod and use it wisely and never take it for granted. God

gave it and he can take it back. To bad more people didn't understand this

concept.

Loree

[Guest guest]

Ann,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't say how to handle it . I'm

sure if that were me, my initial reaction would be of anger and death (hers)

lol

I would probably wait a few days to calm down, then you will be emotionally

able to better handle it. I wouldn't let it go, tho'. Since this is your

place of work, you don't want to jeopardize your job. Personally, I would

say this is a form of harassment, whether intended towards you or not. Women

(or men) don't have to tolerate overhearing dirty jokes and sexual comments

in the workplace, you shouldn't have to put up with this either.

I don't know what type of work you do but it appears to me, work wasn't

getting done at that particular moment.

Are you able to speak with a HR person? Maybe get some advice as to what

your rights are in the workplace.

Sorry I couldn't be more help.

Di

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous

other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed

the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two

who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and

apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally

different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others (she

wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since. Now I

really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even

more then

that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she

showing the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from

me? What really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought

if these are grown women behaving like this then what will there children

act like to my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I mean.

I couldn't help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds

and Jake 5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school

thing. How is Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive his

sister now that he is in public school and subject to the product of piss

poor parenting that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad that we

have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths

about not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

" perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL

get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So

why is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for

the bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal

with the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

Apparently not.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

I have used that analogy myself. I said something like, " I hope your child

or loved one never has an accident that leaves them mentally disabled, that

would be terrible for them to have a parent feel the way you do "

(something like that, I blurted it out)

but it's true-I wish people would just put themselves in our shoes for one

minute!

Di

Re: co workers who are inappropriate

Hi Ann

I was faced with a similar incident only at my daughters elem. school. I

had

a father tell the administrator and myself that Sara should not be in Reg

Ed, that the retarded kids should go to their own room/own school

............ I

imagined he also wanted Sara to go to this Sped Island/world where she

wouldn't burden people like him. The only thing I said to him was " feel

very

blessed right now with your healthy child, because one day something

horrific

might happen to your child, niece, God child, grandchild that could force

you

into my and Sara's world and that you might be walking in my shoes one day

because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked away without saying

anything

............ good thing to, I might have been tempted to expose his pompous

nature

<----- alternative word for a bad word lol.

Kathy mom to Sara 14 ........... Ive only encountered a few bullies in my

life, I do believe they are in the minority

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

You probably won't be able to change her attitude yourself. Some people

never " get it. " ... or don'r get it under it hits close to home (i.e. someone in

the family is effected).

But if your co-workers are will to get on board with reminding her when she

is out of line and making it clear THEY don't condone her attitude, at least

she'll stay in line.

- Becky

In a message dated 8/24/2006 6:18:13 PM Eastern Standard Time,

atate526@... writes:

But even more then

that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do that?

Is

it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing the

entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me?

[Guest guest]

I am fortunate that I have not run into this yet with Reece, but man, I tell you

what...I am normally a very professional, mature person....but the FIRST time

somebody says something ignorant like that, you're gonna have to call the police

because my fists will be flying. The uncontrollable anger I feel just having to

think about this and what I would do WHEN it happens to me is making my stomach

turn.

I feel this same way sometimes about the families in Ukraine and other places

who hide their children with Down syndrome in orphanages, waiting for them to

die. Do you know that many people (ordinary citizens) in Ukraine believe the

only reason Americans adopt children with special needs is for body parts? Not

only do I love and cherish my son more than life itself, but knowing the way he

would be treated if we even VACATIONED in Ukraine makes me sick. It makes me

cling to those children who are waiting even harder, and is what drives me to

" advertise " Reece's Rainbow so much....I want the rest of the DS community to

understand the reality of life for these kids elsewhere, and through all of your

own individual hardships as biological parents, to HELP ME give these children

the loving families they deserve.

www.reecesrainbow.com

Re: co workers who are inappropriate

Hi Ann

I was faced with a similar incident only at my daughters elem. school. I had

a father tell the administrator and myself that Sara should not be in Reg

Ed, that the retarded kids should go to their own room/own school ...........

I

imagined he also wanted Sara to go to this Sped Island/world where she

wouldn't burden people like him. The only thing I said to him was " feel very

blessed right now with your healthy child, because one day something horrific

might happen to your child, niece, God child, grandchild that could force you

into my and Sara's world and that you might be walking in my shoes one day

because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked away without saying anything

........... good thing to, I might have been tempted to expose his pompous

nature

<----- alternative word for a bad word lol.

Kathy mom to Sara 14 ........... Ive only encountered a few bullies in my

life, I do believe they are in the minority

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

Ann,

I'm sorry for what happened. It was awful and I'm sure we can all

appreciate the feelings it must have evoked in you.

I would just offer two things:

1. There have been and will always be 'bullies.' Big ones, little ones,

rich ones, poor ones, etc. Walk into a Wal Mart at 9:30 at night and watch

how children are being treated by their parents when they should be/need to

be in bed. It starts young. Children/adults who weren't treated right will

always try to find someone else to make fun of. It's the ugly side of human

nature.

2. You have made a difference. What you did will change those 4 women,

including the one who isn't responding very well. I have had to say things

several times to people who were terribly inappropriate. Keep doing what

you're doing.

God bless you,

Eleanor

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous

other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed

the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two

who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and

apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally

different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others (she

wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since. Now I

really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even more

then that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing

the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me? What

really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought if these

are grown women behaving like this then what will there children act like to

my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I mean. I couldn't

help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds and Jake

5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school thing. How is

Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive his sister now that

he is in public school and subject to the product of piss poor parenting

that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad that we have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths about

not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

" perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL

get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So why

is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for the

bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal with

the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

Apparently not.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Ann,

I totally understand what you mean and hate that you went through this with

co-workers knowing that you have to face them each day. I recently wrote an

article for the Exceptional Parent Magazine on Bullying in Schools for the

Special Needs child. This article will come out in the September " Back to

School " issue. Part of this article addresses how adults in our lives speak and

act and how that affects bullying in schools.

I wish that I had a great solution to your problem. I would suggest that

before you report her decide how that is going to affect your work experience.

Will it make it worse? If so, rethink it. If you don't think it could get any

worse any way, then go ahead and report her! Does she have children of her own?

Perhaps you can talk with her and try to make her understand that her actions

and words not only affect you, but also her children and ALL of her children's

friends because when they hear that kind of negative talk they will bring it to

school and use it to hurt others.

Best of Luck!

Kristy

www.imdsa.com

[Guest guest]

I really like that idea! I have never been approached where someone just out

right said something so rude, but I wiill keep this in mind in case it does

happen or it happens to someone I know

Kristy

I have used that analogy myself. I said something like, " I hope your child

or loved one never has an accident that leaves them mentally disabled, that

would be terrible for them to have a parent feel the way you do "

(something like that, I blurted it out)

but it's true-I wish people would just put themselves in our shoes for one

minute!

Di

[Guest guest]

Im sorry he would have hit the floor!!!!!!!

Re: co workers who are inappropriate

Hi Ann

I was faced with a similar incident only at my daughters elem. school. I had

a father tell the administrator and myself that Sara should not be in Reg

Ed, that the retarded kids should go to their own room/own school ...........

I

imagined he also wanted Sara to go to this Sped Island/world where she

wouldn't burden people like him. The only thing I said to him was " feel very

blessed right now with your healthy child, because one day something horrific

might happen to your child, niece, God child, grandchild that could force you

into my and Sara's world and that you might be walking in my shoes one day

because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked away without saying anything

........... good thing to, I might have been tempted to expose his pompous

nature

<----- alternative word for a bad word lol.

Kathy mom to Sara 14 ........... Ive only encountered a few bullies in my

life, I do believe they are in the minority

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

Ive told this story before....maybe here. I confronted a comedian once talking

about R ppl. We were all hanging out afterwards and I mentioned it to him...the

other comedian whom we've become 'close' with and often talk.....said NO YOU

NEED TO LISTEN....I had already mentioned it to him. So he listened, said he

wasnt going to change things because everything is for shock factor...which I

can see thats their 'job' but still. I said but I bet the next time you'll use

that on stage you'll think of me. ..huh? The next time we seen our 'friend' on

stage.....Hoop was performing too...he started on that bit and changed it to 'a

bunch of mexicans....ok maybe not much better but at least my presence changed

something.

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous

other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed

the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two

who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and

apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally

different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others (she

wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since. Now I

really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even more

then that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing

the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me? What

really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought if these

are grown women behaving like this then what will there children act like to

my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I mean. I couldn't

help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds and Jake

5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school thing. How is

Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive his sister now that

he is in public school and subject to the product of piss poor parenting

that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad that we have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths about

not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

" perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL

get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So why

is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for the

bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal with

the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

Apparently not.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

It is interesting that this was mentioned. I know of

a mom that had little to no patience with kids that

were different. As it turns out, she was in a car

accident that left her youngest child of 12 like a

child of 4. Man I have seen some big turn arounds

before but this one was HUGE. She became very humbled

I guess that is the best way to describe it.

B

--- Kristy Colvin <imdsapresident@...> wrote:

> I really like that idea! I have never been

> approached where someone just out right said

> something so rude, but I wiill keep this in mind in

> case it does happen or it happens to someone I know

> Kristy

>

> I have used that analogy myself. I said something

> like, " I hope your child

> or loved one never has an accident that leaves them

> mentally disabled, that

> would be terrible for them to have a parent feel the

> way you do "

> (something like that, I blurted it out)

> but it's true-I wish people would just put

> themselves in our shoes for one

> minute!

> Di

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list.

> Just hit reply for messages to go to the sender of

> the message.

>

[Guest guest]

Its called Mama Bear Syndrome

B

--- Angie Tate <atate526@...> wrote:

> Im sorry he would have hit the floor!!!!!!!

> Re: co workers who are

> inappropriate

>

>

> Hi Ann

>

> I was faced with a similar incident only at my

> daughters elem. school. I had

> a father tell the administrator and myself that

> Sara should not be in Reg

> Ed, that the retarded kids should go to their own

> room/own school ........... I

> imagined he also wanted Sara to go to this Sped

> Island/world where she

> wouldn't burden people like him. The only thing I

> said to him was " feel very

> blessed right now with your healthy child, because

> one day something horrific

> might happen to your child, niece, God child,

> grandchild that could force you

> into my and Sara's world and that you might be

> walking in my shoes one day

> because no one is promised tomorrow. " He walked

> away without saying anything

> ........... good thing to, I might have been

> tempted to expose his pompous nature

> <----- alternative word for a bad word lol.

>

>

>

> Kathy mom to Sara 14 ........... Ive only

> encountered a few bullies in my

> life, I do believe they are in the minority

>

> ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

> ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

> ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

> ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

>

> As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

> Josh. 24:15

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list.

> Just hit reply for messages to go to the sender of

> the message.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ann,

{{{{{{{{{{ HUG}}}}}}}}}}

I like Di's advice........ if an employee was sexually harassing another

employee, HR would want to know to document this behavior......... if

the co-worker continued to be crass and insensitive to a person who has

informed them that they were offended by hearing negative comments about

disabled children because the had a child with a disability, imagine

what they might be like after a few drinks when out with a customer,

etc...... this person's mouth is a liability to the company, and HR

folks hate liabilites to the company :-) I think that most other

employees would support you, if they heard the entire true story, but

the truth most likely won't come out if she's running her mouth at the

water cooler :-) So I (sadly) agree that you do have to think about how

it would be to work with her after a reporting........ you don't want to

make you job unpleasant 24/7 because of a nasty, mean-spirited person.

I think that most people who make rude/insensitive/inappropriate

comments are more like the first two co-workers you mentioned..........

didn't really think, got caught up in the conversation, and were

horrified to learn that they had offended someone in such a way. It's

not great, but at least they were educated, and it changes their

behavior the next time, then they've learned. The others are a big

problem, and the kind that won't go away, sadly. Ann, you managed

amazingly well, in the face of such a nasty person.

I have to say, my kids have heard and experienced much less of such talk

from other children then I've heard from adults (friends, strangers,

entertainers). has been included since kinder, and in 2nd

grade they gave all 5 2nd grade classes a " diversity/disability "

awareness talk, and encouraged them to be kind and patient to everyone,

etc. (didn't single anyone out as disabled though). The kids just know

that " she's " , and they accept her as she is. Our first real

" incident " was last year, where one girl was very nasty on the

playground because wanted to turn the jump rope all the time,

rather than jumping. This kid should have been happy that she got to

jump more, but was mad that wasn't " following the rules. "

Nipped in the bud by the observant RSP, and this girl (once she

understood that wasn't comfortable jumping when kids turned

the rope, but still wanted to play with the other girls) became very

compassionate and would remind others that " gets to be the

spinner " .

is very sensitive to the R word, and has occasionally spoken up to

kids not to use it. However, I don't think that anyone has ever said

anything bad to her about her sister, and they've been at the same

school until today ( started middle school today). So, it will be

interesting to be with new kids who don't know her little sister, and

see how kids talk. I'm thinking will become a bit tougher this

year :-(

I think the worst person I know is someone who is/was a friend, but uses

the R word frequently in casual conversation. I told her that it

bothered me when she did that, thought it was rude, etc. blah blah blah

big soapbox discussion... what she got from that I found out by her

telling another mutual friend (who told me my " education " wasn't

working) is that she told her " I can't say retard around , she

doesnt' like it " , rather than understanding this was an objectionable

word all around. Funny thing is too, her daughter has several LDs and

an IEP, and is really slow academically, yet she'd be racing to the

school to complain if another kid called hers a retard! This woman is

so clueless about so many things, I've given up trying to change her,

but I have used her as an example to , how bad habits can stick

with us long into adulthood (presuming we want to change, and in this

case, she doesn't care about changing, she just doesn't want another

discussion with me, LOL), so that's why we parents care so much about

keep kids from getting bad habits! Told her that this woman was one of

those kids throwing the R word around on the bus at age 8, and still

does it at 38.... maybe she can't stop?

Yes there are bullies everywhere, but I'm starting to think that in

terms of children with disabilities, the adults are worse and less

educated than their classmates. Good luck, and I hope that woman does

something painful like sprain her ankle really bad.......... then you

can organize sack races at the company picnic and laugh at her for not

winning :-)

Yikes, only 40 minutes til the first ones get out of school........

where did my " first day of school " go????

, mom to (10), (8 DS), and Sammy (6)

Di wrote:

> Ann,

> I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't say how to handle it

> . I'm

> sure if that were me, my initial reaction would be of anger and death

> (hers)

> lol

> I would probably wait a few days to calm down, then you will be

> emotionally

> able to better handle it. I wouldn't let it go, tho'. Since this is your

> place of work, you don't want to jeopardize your job. Personally, I would

> say this is a form of harassment, whether intended towards you or not.

> Women

> (or men) don't have to tolerate overhearing dirty jokes and sexual

> comments

> in the workplace, you shouldn't have to put up with this either.

> I don't know what type of work you do but it appears to me, work wasn't

> getting done at that particular moment.

> Are you able to speak with a HR person? Maybe get some advice as to what

> your rights are in the workplace.

> Sorry I couldn't be more help.

>

> Di

> co workers who are inappropriate

>

> I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who

> understand

> where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

> hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

> child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and

> numerous

> other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I

> emailed

> the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The

> two

> who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful.

> Crying and

> apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

> women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a

> totally

> different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others

> (she

> wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

> right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since.

> Now I

> really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even

> more then

> that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

> wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

> that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she

> showing the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help

> from

> me? What really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I

> thought

> if these are grown women behaving like this then what will there children

> act like to my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I

> mean.

> I couldn't help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia

> 6-ds

> and Jake 5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school

> thing. How is Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive

> his

> sister now that he is in public school and subject to the product of piss

> poor parenting that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad

> that we

> have evolved.

>

> I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths

> about not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

> " perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we

> don't ALL

> get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So

> why is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are

> fodder for

> the bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to

> deal

> with the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

> Apparently not.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great

> rates

> starting at 1¢/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I can totally relate. I had a similar incident with a male coworker

recently. He asked me if I was “retarded”. I told him not to use that word.

He did not understand even after I explained its meaning and that it is not

a “joke”. Finally he agreed that he would not say it, but wondered if it

would be OK if he used it on others around me. I said NO! It’s disrespectful

and ignorant. I had to explain to him about people’s feelings may be hurt

not just in this situation, but others that he may slur to. We went back and

forth barely speaking for weeks and then it hit the fan when a formal

complaint was filed against him (I had to because others that I supervise

complained about his comments). The owner apologized for his actions and

stated that if he had heard him say what he said that he would have been

fired on the spot. Later this guy came to me and wanted to have a one on one

talk to understand why I think it’s offensive. During the conversation his

cell phone rang. It was a truancy officer looking for the father of…. He

immediately got upset and said “I don’t have kids, you have the wrong

number.” He said it was a wrong number and this person keeps calling and it

upsets him because he and his wife could not have children because of

multiple miscarriages. Being that I have had one, I said to him, you could

never explain to someone what losing a baby is like could you? He said, No.

I said that’s exactly what I mean, you do not know what it’s like to raise a

child with special needs and until you do you will not. You do not know how

hard it can be and how the things that people say can be hurtful until you’

ve walked it. I tried my hardest to explain it to him. Being a MAN, he was

still a little stubborn, but he has gotten better. :-) Anyone else, I just

firmly tell them to either “pick another word”, or say “that’s not nice”. I

may be little, but they know I mean business. Hang in there. Stay strong.

Smile.

, mom to Myah 5.5 (DS) and Shianne (ALMOST 2!!!!!! And sporting the

shiner Myah gave her!)

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous

other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed

the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two

who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and

apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally

different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others (she

wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since. Now I

really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even more

then

that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing

the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me? What

really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought if these

are grown women behaving like this then what will there children act like to

my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I mean. I couldn't

help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds and Jake

5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school thing. How is

Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive his sister now that

he is in public school and subject to the product of piss poor parenting

that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad that we have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths about

not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

" perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL

get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So why

is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for the

bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal with

the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

Apparently not.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

I worked with a couple of women for the last 4 years as a teacher's aide.

Every once in a while, one or 2 of them would make a comments about one of

the LS kids or say the " R " word. They all know about Nic. Usually, (since

they were my acquaintances) I would just say something like " Hey, now, watch

it " or I'd say their name in a " shame on you " way. They always apologized.

It hasn't happened a lot. I think it's how THEY accept your reprimand that

makes the difference on how YOU react later. The woman who is " in denial "

about her rudeness would make me nuts. I'd feel like I have to do or keep

saying something until she " gets " it. Some people just don't though-and then

we just have to move on. I bet, even though she said those things, she knows

you are right (deep down) but her pride refuses to let her show it.

Whether she's showing it or not, you made an impact on her.

Di

co workers who are inappropriate

I had an experience at work which I need to share with those who understand

where I am coming from. I work in an environment of cubicles and you can

hear everything everyone is saying. Four co-workers, two of whom know my

child has Downs were laughing raucously about the " short bus " and numerous

other derogatory name calling of disabled children and I got mad. I emailed

the four of them and called them on the carpet for their behavior. The two

who were unaware of my daughter having DS were truly remorseful. Crying and

apologizing profusely. I accepted their apologies because they are nice

women who had made a gross error in judgement. The other two had a totally

different response. One decided to say she was admonishing the others (she

wasn't in my opinion) and the fourth got mad at me and told me I had no

right to take it " personally. " She has been running her mouth since. Now I

really would like to hurt her-professionally and " personally. " But even more

then that I would like to make her understand that what she did is violently

wrong and I want to make her change her mind. What is the best way to do

that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have her reprimanded? Is she showing

the entire staff how assinine her attitude is without any help from me? What

really ticked her off was that I cried. I cried because I thought if these

are grown women behaving like this then what will there children act like to

my kids? Not specifically their kids but you know what I mean. I couldn't

help it. I just sat at my desk and bawled. The kids (Amelia 6-ds and Jake

5)start school next Monday and so it begins. The whole school thing. How is

Amelia going to handle it? How is Jake going to perceive his sister now that

he is in public school and subject to the product of piss poor parenting

that seems to be everywhere? Gee whiz, I am so glad that we have evolved.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can run their mouths about

not only disabled kids-but anyone who doesn't fit the prototype for

" perfect " person. Guess what? God decided a long time ago that we don't ALL

get to be healthy, rich, white, able bodied, beautiful, and athletic. So why

is it that anyone of us who missed the " perfection " boat are fodder for the

bullies? I feel exactly like I did in school when I knew I had to deal with

the class bully. I had hoped that that sort of crap was behind me.

Apparently not.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.