Fatboys Christmas

[Guest guest]

Hello and merry Christmas, I didn't get to read every body's mail yesterday morning. My daughter and I had an early day and left at six thirty in the morning for Dylan's appointment. We had to be there at eleven o'clock. It was raining and made for a longer trip than normal. The weather delayed us almost one hour. Good thing we left early. We received the news we were hoping for, and Dylan is now three years cancer free. This was an event for me also. It was and has been the longest that I've been on my legs in years. I took my time, took things slow, and rested every Chance I had. When we got home I was too exhausted to sit at the computer and read all that went on yesterday. Before I go any farther your need to be reminded that I'm being taken care of. The computer is not even mine, and I'm only a guest on line with AOL. My daughter set me up an email address so that I could have something to do while I'm trying to get back on my feet

again. It is going to be a long process. This is why I don't spend time in the groups, it is not out of disrespect of our moderator. My comments are mostly directed towards the group as a whole, and to a person if ask. All you people amaze me and the encouragement I receive from you I could never express in words. So thanks! But now to my point. I'm not really the person to talk to about relationships. I've been married twice and both have failed, the married part anyways. Friendships is another story. Depression is a lonely world. ....... Been there.... I mentioned in another note earlier I left the army early With an irregular heart beat. that was just part of the story. I was discharged in 1977 and never really came home until 1990. The people that have been in the military can understand where I am going with this. Depression is a blue time for anybody. Mine was complicated by my irregular heart beat as most of the anti depressant drugs agitated the

heart condition. It took some one who was not afraid to make herself venerable in our relationship to bring me home. Venerability is the ability to open ones self up to except anything that might change ones emotions. Bare with me please, the person that cared enough to put her self in this kind of position for me took some awful abuse. And took it for a long time. She didn't have to. She wanted to. Even in the friendships that we developer here in the group all, if you look at them honestly, start with putting our self's in a position that people could hurt each other as well as help. To me the common ground is helping each other even if it does hurt. I really wasn't ready to talk when I was ask. Somebody took the time opened them self up and were not afraid of what they were going to hear. The difference here though is we all have a common ground in our illness. To me it makes becoming venerable a little easier or maybe safer. Look I still have a

lot of problems with my depression but to the memory of that one person that was not afraid of what others would think and stood by me all those years, I look in earnest for that next person. This is the part I call encouragement. God bless you all. Now I look for those same people and try to put myself in that same position for them. It is just amazing how many people out there are looking too. Sometimes I get burned bad, but I have started some beautiful friendships that have lasted to this day. You know it is Christmas, I have missed too many already I do not want to miss any more. I'm back now it don't matter about my health any more. This was really where I was going with my other mail and never got there. In summing all this up, our wounds never stay open forever. Some take longer than others, some take allot more care and special dressings, and some heal on their own. But in all circumstances their is always a

scar that remains. it is the scar that reminds us when we do heal that we don't really want to go back. This eventually fades and this too takes time! You know I better quit before this turns to spam. Remember even if I don't write I'm still reading all your mail. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! HANG IN THERE!!!!!! fatboytimcollins@

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