Guest guest Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hello to all, this is fantastic conversation, and exactly what all of us should be doing. The more we talk about this 'stuff' the more we can learn how to 'cope' with the negative 'stuff'. In my experience, my mother carried on like absolutely nothing was any different, which in her eyes there wasn't. However I always felt different, I wanted someone to explain to me - let alone explain to all the people that were pointing and asking. We now live in a society which is becoming more and more 'accepting' of differences between everyone (even though we have a huge way to go yet). Im comparing my childhood at school with my daughters (both of us have BPES), our school classroom is proof of this. Yeh way to go... My husband and 2 sons who dont have BPES never talk about it, never discuss it and don't really understand what all the fuss is about. However I have spent many years teaching my daughter how to deal with 'stuff'. All of my children are confident and happy with who they are, the only difference with my daughter is I have told her if someone asks about her eyes, she can explain to them in her own words, this then gives them knowledge, and as I have always said on this network, knowledge is everything. (I used to give her the choice in different situation - if she wanted me to explain or if she didnt want to explain, or if she wanted to explain - she now does it without thinking if it is required - she is 10 yrs old) Infact one of her friends once asked her mum if she could have eyes like Emy (my daughter), because she looked so different and beautiful. Another friend who works in media said she would make a great model with her unique look. Obviously sometimes people ask silly things, or are simply rude, for those of you who know me you will understand, when I simply say SMILE. I have taught my daughter this and it works for us. She is a very confident happy and loving child. - and both of us are great at smiling at strangers, people soon take their gaze away from our eyes.... I am a personal development trainer and I sing in a band on stage. So as you can imagine I meet a lot of new people, they walk in they look at this large, blonde, lady who is smiling and warm, that's what they need to know. They may notice my eyes, but so....if they ask me I will tell them, most of the time noone mentions it. That's ok. Me and my husband have created a good life for our children and I think this is the most important thing. (except the 14yr old is getting a bit confused, but Im hoping this is hormones - otherwise we are in big trouble). This is my experience and I completely understand that others have had different experiences, I would love to talk to anyone who would like to share theres. Lets keep talking Clare and Emy Hertfordshire, UKGood Day <foxl202@...> wrote: WOW! You’ve got a big heart, to offer up an explanation to people who even have the nerve to ask you about Aedan’s eyes, my hats off to you. First - you owe no one an explanation about your child’s eyes or nose or feet and to even take the time to explain any reason for them is detrimental to Aedan and your self. That’s why he needs a machine to stop the idiots from asking mommy stupid questions, he feels embarrassed and he is very aware of what’s going on. If you continue to address questions about his eyes he will withdraw and not enjoy being in your presence in public, we all go through the idiot questions sometimes it’s better to walk away . Second - every thing he believes in will come from you, the stronger you are the stronger he will become your only as strong as your weakest link. Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can understand about his eyes and the need for surgery and then ending this cycle of explanations and excuses to stupid people who have no right to even think they can ask. Finally (when you can’t walk away) learn to divert stupid questions especially if your son is in your presence, if the lady at the check out counter asks about your son’s eyes ask her (how much was that). She will get the message. I’m sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember how much I hated being with my mother in public. Every time I started feeling good about my self some idiot would ask about my eyes and I became embarrassed when she started giving reasons. I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the impression she was not! My father always had his mean face on in public no one asked him anything and if someone dared to ask, he would ask them (“is that any of your business”). So guess who made me feel good about my self and who I enjoyed being in public with. Brings words and photos together (easily) withPhotoMail - it's free and works with . Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2006 Report Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi Clare, Great words. I find it really reassuring to read your comment. I feel more or less the same way. When people ask me in a nice way what is wrong with my eyes, I offer them an explanation. People who are rude can't hurt me anymore. I just don't need to have anything to do with them and indeed just smile. But I nearly never get a rude comment. In my opinion we can't and we should not neglect the fact that we look different. It's OK. People respect us for who we are and not for what we look like. I try to raise my own son with not to many complexes. I don't want him to have a negative attitude towards non-BPES'ers. Most people are wonderfull. I always hear that after a while people don't notice anymore that my eyes are different. This, for me, proofs that it's not about the way we look but about the way we are. I look different and people can ask I don't care (anymore). Hope to read more Jeroen > > WOW! You've got a big heart, to offer up an explanation to people who even have the nerve to ask you about Aedan's eyes, my hats off to you. > First - you owe no one an explanation about your child's eyes or nose or feet and to even take the time to explain any reason for them is detrimental to Aedan and your self. > That's why he needs a machine to stop the idiots from asking mommy stupid questions, he feels embarrassed and he is very aware of what's going on. > If you continue to address questions about his eyes he will withdraw and not enjoy being in your presence in public, we all go through the idiot questions sometimes it's better to walk away . > Second - every thing he believes in will come from you, the stronger you are the stronger he will become your only as strong as your weakest link. > Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can understand about his eyes and the need for surgery and then ending this cycle of explanations and excuses to stupid people who have no right to even think they can ask. > Finally (when you can't walk away) learn to divert stupid questions especially if your son is in your presence, if the lady at the check out counter asks about your son's eyes ask her (how much was that). > She will get the message. > > I'm sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember how much I hated being with my mother in public. Every time I started feeling good about my self some idiot would ask about my eyes and I became embarrassed when she started giving reasons. > I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the impression she was not! > My father always had his mean face on in public no one asked him anything and if someone dared to ask, he would ask them ( " is that any of your business " ). > So guess who made me feel good about my self and who I enjoyed being in public with. > > > --------------------------------- > Brings words and photos together (easily) with > PhotoMail - it's free and works with . > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2006 Report Share Posted February 13, 2006 than you Clare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 > > WOW! You've got a big heart, to offer up an explanation to people who even have the nerve to ask you about Aedan's eyes, my hats off to you. > First - you owe no one an explanation about your child's eyes or nose or feet and to even take the time to explain any reason for them is detrimental to Aedan and your self. > That's why he needs a machine to stop the idiots from asking mommy stupid questions, he feels embarrassed and he is very aware of what's going on. > If you continue to address questions about his eyes he will withdraw and not enjoy being in your presence in public, we all go through the idiot questions sometimes it's better to walk away . > Second - every thing he believes in will come from you, the stronger you are the stronger he will become your only as strong as your weakest link. > Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can understand about his eyes and the need for surgery and then ending this cycle of explanations and excuses to stupid people who have no right to even think they can ask. > Finally (when you can't walk away) learn to divert stupid questions especially if your son is in your presence, if the lady at the check out counter asks about your son's eyes ask her (how much was that). > She will get the message. > > I'm sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember how much I hated being with my mother in public. Every time I started feeling good about my self some idiot would ask about my eyes and I became embarrassed when she started giving reasons. > I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the impression she was not! > My father always had his mean face on in public no one asked him anything and if someone dared to ask, he would ask them ( " is that any of your business " ). > So guess who made me feel good about my self and who I enjoyed being in public with. > > > --------------------------------- > Brings words and photos together (easily) with > PhotoMail - it's free and works with . > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 I have been reading your posts and I worry so much about my daughter. She is only 18 months. Right now people ask sometimes, but I explain it, she doesn't know. Why I worry is because, when I was a child, the constant questioning and explaining, it made me feel bad about myself. I am sure it made me stay in my " safety zones " I remember how relieved I felt after high school! I can't say I got teased much, just seemed I had to explain too often, it gets old. Now with my daughter, many times we are enjoying ourselves, having fun, and someone will ask " what's wrong with her eyes " or I love this one " can she see at all " This strikes me as odd because she is running around and into everything... I guess I just don't see what others do. That's how it is for me. I feel fine, I think I am accepted, then ultimately, something will happen and remind me, that maybe I am not accepted. I so don't want this for Lily. What can I do? Friends say well people are just curious it's not meant to be hurtful. Of course I know that but it just makes you feel so conspicuous. > > > > > > > > > WOW! You've got a big heart, to offer up an explanation to > > people who even have the nerve to ask you about Aedan's eyes, my > > hats off to you. > > > First - you owe no one an explanation about your child's eyes > or > > nose or feet and to even take the time to explain any reason for > > them is detrimental to Aedan and your self. > > > That's why he needs a machine to stop the idiots from asking > > mommy stupid questions, he feels embarrassed and he is very aware > of > > what's going on. > > > If you continue to address questions about his eyes he will > > withdraw and not enjoy being in your presence in public, we all go > > through the idiot questions sometimes it's better to walk away . > > > Second - every thing he believes in will come from you, the > > stronger you are the stronger he will become your only as strong > as > > your weakest link. > > > Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can understand > > about his eyes and the need for surgery and then ending this cycle > > of explanations and excuses to stupid people who have no right to > > even think they can ask. > > > Finally (when you can't walk away) learn to divert stupid > > questions especially if your son is in your presence, if the lady > at > > the check out counter asks about your son's eyes ask her (how much > > was that). > > > She will get the message. > > > > > > I'm sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember how much I > hated > > being with my mother in public. Every time I started feeling good > > about my self some idiot would ask about my eyes and I became > > embarrassed when she started giving reasons. > > > I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the impression she was > > not! > > > My father always had his mean face on in public no one asked > him > > anything and if someone dared to ask, he would ask them ( " is that > > any of your business " ). > > > So guess who made me feel good about my self and who I enjoyed > > being in public with. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Brings words and photos together (easily) with > > > PhotoMail - it's free and works with . > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.