Re: Re: [it's not jeopardy

[Guest guest]

We honestly don't get any questions about Micah's eyes

anymore. After his icisions faded out - I don't think

anyone has asked. But I identified with the message

below because I get all of the stupid questions people

ask about adoption. " Are they your kids? " " What

happened to their REAL mom? " (I have snot on my shirt

- I'm the REAL mom!) And the one I really don't like

right now is, " Are they REAL brothers and sisters? "

(People always want to know if the kids are

biologically related. And, no, they all have

different birthparents.)

The kids are old enough now they are VERY aware of

what people are asking, as well as our answers. So I

answer for what my kids need to hear - not what

strangers need to hear. YES they are mine. I am

their REAL mom. Yes they are REAL brothers and

sisters and we are a REAL family.

I agree - a lot of raising kids is the self-confidence

we instill in them. I never worry about irritating a

nosey stranger. But I am very careful about making

sure my kids know they are loved and our family is

forever.

April Eisele, Colorado, USA

Wife to Jon

Mommy to Mira, Micah & Misha

--- Good Day <foxl202@...> wrote:

>

> WOW! You’ve got a big heart, to offer up an

> explanation to people who even have the nerve to ask

> you about Aedan’s eyes, my hats off to you.

> First - you owe no one an explanation about your

> child’s eyes or nose or feet and to even take the

> time to explain any reason for them is detrimental

> to Aedan and your self.

> That’s why he needs a machine to stop the idiots

> from asking mommy stupid questions, he feels

> embarrassed and he is very aware of what’s going on.

> If you continue to address questions about his

> eyes he will withdraw and not enjoy being in your

> presence in public, we all go through the idiot

> questions sometimes it’s better to walk away .

> Second - every thing he believes in will come from

> you, the stronger you are the stronger he will

> become your only as strong as your weakest link.

> Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can

> understand about his eyes and the need for surgery

> and then ending this cycle of explanations and

> excuses to stupid people who have no right to even

> think they can ask.

> Finally (when you can’t walk away) learn to

> divert stupid questions especially if your son is

> in your presence, if the lady at the check out

> counter asks about your son’s eyes ask her (how much

> was that).

> She will get the message.

>

> I’m sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember

> how much I hated being with my mother in public.

> Every time I started feeling good about my self some

> idiot would ask about my eyes and I became

> embarrassed when she started giving reasons.

> I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the

> impression she was not!

> My father always had his mean face on in public no

> one asked him anything and if someone dared to ask,

> he would ask them (“is that any of your business”).

> So guess who made me feel good about my self and

> who I enjoyed being in public with.

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

thanx April.

[Guest guest]

Hi Min, you just get better and better and speaking this stuff!! Yeh Go Min.. You already know all of my stuff of how to deal in schools, however I would say that I think at this age are much more about excepting of other children for who they are, they havent picked up any 'habbits' yet. I would probably inform Jasmine in her words, so if a child does ask she can answer in her words.... if she feels necessary. ie: Your eyes are big, and mine are small! You will probably find that the other children wont ask - if they do an answer of any description would be sufficient. You could always tell the teacher in the room who could respond if she needs too - but I think you will find it will be ok, after a day or two they will know her as beautiful, happy, fantastic Jasmine and that will be enough. Keep it up, you are an amazing mum, and Jasmine

is an amazing daughter. One day I would love to come over and meet you and your family.....soon I hope.. love clareminnielin202 <minnielin202@...> wrote: This is a fabulous conversation! I'm catching up on my reading and just can't seem to shut my laptop off!I have a question to the group and those who are experienced with kids with BPES and school. Do you think a pre-emptive strike against the teasing in school is helpful to the children or harmful? I have a soon to be a 2 yr (Jasmine) who will attend preschool this fall. I'm not too worried about teasing in preschool, but do worry when she will attend kindergarden. Of course by this time she will have her first surgery.I also agree about not making such a big deal

out of her eyes, but I do plan on educating her on BPES and how to handle the idiots out there. But do you think speaking to her future classmates about BPES goes against this thought?I would love to learn about other's experiences. I've been teased in school which my parents didn't do anything about it; nor educated me on my eyes, nor gave me the confidence I needed to face the cruel words. But over the years, I've learned to gain this confidence on my own and vow to instill it into Jasmine. Each time I go and read the entries in this group, I get more and more impressed with the diversity of this "rare" disorder. This group proves that what is considered rare may no longer be true. I am very confident and hopeful that Jasmine WILL have a better childhood than I did. And partly that is because this group exist!From what I gathered from the entires that are a few very

important teps to remember: believe that BPES is really not a big deal; instill confidence in your kids by having confidence in yourself; and to educate the kids and show them there are no reasons for shame-only reasons for pure beauty that they posess.So any feedback from parents out there with kids in school, what your plans are or what you've done so far will be greatly appreciated!Thanks,Min>> > WOW! You've got a big heart, to offer up an explanation to people who even have the nerve to ask you about Aedan's eyes, my hats off to you.> First - you owe no one an explanation about your child's eyes or nose or feet and to even take the time to explain any reason for them is detrimental to Aedan and your self.> That's why he needs a machine to stop the idiots

from asking mommy stupid questions, he feels embarrassed and he is very aware of what's going on.> If you continue to address questions about his eyes he will withdraw and not enjoy being in your presence in public, we all go through the idiot questions sometimes it's better to walk away .> Second - every thing he believes in will come from you, the stronger you are the stronger he will become your only as strong as your weakest link. > Third - explaining to him in a manner a child can understand about his eyes and the need for surgery and then ending this cycle of explanations and excuses to stupid people who have no right to even think they can ask.> Finally (when you can't walk away) learn to divert stupid questions especially if your son is in your presence, if the lady at the check out counter asks about your son's eyes ask her (how much was

that).> She will get the message. > > I'm sorry if I sound a little upset, I remember how much I hated being with my mother in public. Every time I started feeling good about my self some idiot would ask about my eyes and I became embarrassed when she started giving reasons.> I was comfortable with my eyes, it gave the impression she was not!> My father always had his mean face on in public no one asked him anything and if someone dared to ask, he would ask them ("is that any of your business").> So guess who made me feel good about my self and who I enjoyed being in public with.> > > > ---------------------------------> Brings words and photos together (easily) with> PhotoMail - it's free and works with

Mail.>

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[Guest guest]

Yes, Yes, Yes, there's nothing like a good pre-emptive strike for a few good reasons. First so the your Childs teacher will be informed and there will be no room for error. If a teacher asks your child about their eyes it blows their confidence and trust in that teacher. meet everyone the principal, assistant principal anyone that your child will come in contact with, make it known that your a parent that will take any transgression seriously. I’m not saying be a pain in the butt When the teacher knows you and the principal knows you and the assistant principal knows you, they know your child! Those three people will not tolerate any teasing or name calling Working in your child’s advantage. There is a disadvantage if your child gets into trouble they tend to be harder on that child, their zero tolerance policy is pushed to its limits for you and

they have higher expectations in your child.

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