Guest guest Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 Hi Rob, Good thing us " yanks " have a sense of humor. LOL! We are in the U.S. and I can honestly say we have never had anyone make a negative comment about Micah's eyes. And I only remember one child ever even asking about him and that was right after his surgery when his incisions were still red. But then again - I'm not sure you can really tell Micah has Bleph after his surgery. However - I get comments ALL THE TIME about adoption, the kids not looking like me, questions about whether they are biological siblings, etc. I think a lot of people here are nosey and just assume everything is their business so they don't hesitate to ask questions that may not be their place to ask. I've decided it must be my job to educate the masses on adoption. April --- Clare Teale <clareteale@...> wrote: > Hi Rob, this is my view - and please note its only > my view on my own experience and my daughters > experience. > > I think the situation of negative comments is the > same in the world, I think its all to do with our > own attitude towards our life. > > My daughter and I are very happy confident people > and smile a lot! After a few issues at school and > when emy was a baby (everyone thinks they own them > then, BPES or no BPES). We no longer have issues > with people's comments, because we dont look for > them anymore. > > We are just us, and happy to be us, and if anyone > looks, we smile and hold our heads high. > > Clare > > > > > Rob <r.watson@...> wrote: > grandphant wrote: > > I'm 100% > > comfortable with myself some total stranger walks > up and verbally > > " smacks " me back down. > > OK. This is a worry. Now, I'm starting to see an > interesting pattern > here. I hope I'm not out of line, but I am very > interested in the > differences one encounters in different societies. > (Call me a pervert, > but I find this stuff interesting. Get over it.) > > I see a lot of references in this forum of folks > (or, more worrying, > their children) being exposed to overt negative > 'abuse' or comments on > their appearance due to BPES, and I'm wondering if > that's an occurrence > that's limited, like 'imperial' measurements, to > just one country in the > whole world (yes, you, you know who you are), or > whether it's more > widespread. Y'see, I've NEVER, in 40-mumble years of > living with > *severe* BPES, been exposed (apart from a very > occasional and mild > high-school taunt - nothing a quick punch up the > throat couldn't fix > immediately) to any overt negative comments on my > (or my child's) > appearance, here in Oz. Yet folks from other > countries (or at least > one), are exposed to abuse - so it seems - as a > regular occurrence. > > I'm wondering: in which societies do people > experience regular negative > comments on your (or children's) appearance, and do > folks in other > societies/countries not? If so, any theories as to > why? Very intriguing. > > Sorry, I don't mean to seem to be picking on our > " Seppo[1] " > brethren/sistren, but this is quite interesting to a > weirdo like me. > > P'raps I should start a group 'poll' for this. > I dunno. > > > Sorry, not always this bitter. > > Don't apologise. I like my chocolate, my beer and my > coffee bitter, like > my women. > > Rob W > [1] Seppo: Abbreviated rhyming slang: Short for > " Septic tank " , which > rhymes with " Yank " . Sorry, I couldn't help myself > there. > > > Quote
Guest guest Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 Hi Rob I think this is interesting also. I am an American, have BPES so does my dad and my daughter. I am also bilingual(Spanish and English) and also will add I am an American of Irish/German heritage. I like how Clare said, when they are babies, everyone comments, as if they " own them " . That's what I found with my daughter and my mom said the same thing about me (many observers when I was a baby). I think very hard about this because I worry for my daughter, did I receive many negative comments? No, but what I did experience was that, I am feeling accepted, etc., and then a comment or question " smacks you down " without warning. No it is not malicious, but yes it tends to make you feel odd at times. The most questions, stares, negativity that I have encountered, occurred when I traveled in places in the world that are more or less homogeneous... everyone trying to put me into a " category " more or less. It is much more diverse where I live. I think (but maybe I am wrong)you were making vague references to the US? Maybe I can try to explain it this way, if it seems we US citizens are more worried, it's not because we get " abused " more ( I would argue actually we may get abused less than others)it's because of other cultural influences, which are many and varied and you probably get cable TV so I don't need to get into too much detail... However, it just so much depends on the person. I am always amazed at how large the US is and really how small our representation is on this board. Amongst the US, you will find people of every possible personality, background, belief system... and the list goes on. Also you really cannot compare, my generation with, say my grandfather's, we talk about our feelings excessively, parents are known to exhaust others with concern for their children. > > I'm 100% > > comfortable with myself some total stranger walks up and verbally > > " smacks " me back down. > > OK. This is a worry. Now, I'm starting to see an interesting pattern > here. I hope I'm not out of line, but I am very interested in the > differences one encounters in different societies. (Call me a pervert, > but I find this stuff interesting. Get over it.) > > I see a lot of references in this forum of folks (or, more worrying, > their children) being exposed to overt negative 'abuse' or comments on > their appearance due to BPES, and I'm wondering if that's an occurrence > that's limited, like 'imperial' measurements, to just one country in the > whole world (yes, you, you know who you are), or whether it's more > widespread. Y'see, I've NEVER, in 40-mumble years of living with > *severe* BPES, been exposed (apart from a very occasional and mild > high-school taunt - nothing a quick punch up the throat couldn't fix > immediately) to any overt negative comments on my (or my child's) > appearance, here in Oz. Yet folks from other countries (or at least > one), are exposed to abuse - so it seems - as a regular occurrence. > > I'm wondering: in which societies do people experience regular negative > comments on your (or children's) appearance, and do folks in other > societies/countries not? If so, any theories as to why? Very intriguing. > > Sorry, I don't mean to seem to be picking on our " Seppo[1] " > brethren/sistren, but this is quite interesting to a weirdo like me. > > P'raps I should start a group 'poll' for this. I dunno. > > > Sorry, not always this bitter. > > Don't apologise. I like my chocolate, my beer and my coffee bitter, like > my women. > > Rob W > [1] Seppo: Abbreviated rhyming slang: Short for " Septic tank " , which > rhymes with " Yank " . Sorry, I couldn't help myself there. > > > Quote
Guest guest Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 Good way to look at it April !! karen Quote
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2006 Report Posted April 6, 2006 > The most questions, stares, negativity that I have encountered, > occurred when I traveled in places in the world that are more or less > homogeneous... everyone trying to put me into a " category " more or > less. It is much more diverse where I live. That's an interesting point. If people are used to seeing " different " others, they tend to be more accepting of differences. I've noticed similar trends as immigration patterns have changed over the decades. Even today, in places where not many immigrants settle, the locals there are less accepting/understanding of " different " folks. > I think (but maybe I am wrong)you were making vague references to the > US? Maybe I can try to explain it this way, if it seems we US > citizens are more worried, it's not because we get " abused " more ( I > would argue actually we may get abused less than others)it's because > of other cultural influences, which are many and varied and you > probably get cable TV so I don't need to get into too much detail... > However, it just so much depends on the person. I am always amazed at > how large the US is and really how small our representation is on > this board. Amongst the US, you will find people of every possible > personality, background, belief system... and the list goes on. Also > you really cannot compare, my generation with, say my grandfather's, > we talk about our feelings excessively, parents are known to exhaust > others with concern for their children. I travelled to the US three times about ten years ago - fascinating experiences - and found the locals there to be extremely polite and tactful. That's why I was moved to ask, since some peoples' reports on this forum seemed so different from my own experiences there. Mind you, my three visits were to Raleigh NC, Raleigh NC and - wait for it- Raleigh NC, perhaps not a very representative sampling (althoguh I did also spend a day in each of SF and LA). Didn't mean to upset anyone. Just exploring an idea in my own blundering tactless way. I think I'll pull my head in for a while... Rob W. Quote
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