How To Live In A Delightfully Uncrowded World

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Article Title:

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How To Live In A Delightfully Uncrowded World

Article Description:

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Don't be a lemming! Lemmings are creatures that do the same

thing as everyone else does, and even at the same time. For most

of us, our lives are chaotic and irritating. Read on to learn

how you can make your life much more simple and less stressful,

without resorting to extreme measures like moving into the

country.

Additional Article Information:

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1196 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line

Distribution Date and Time: 2006-09-07 12:00:00

Written By: M. Dale

Copyright: 2006,

Contact Email: mailto:james.m.dale@...

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How To Live In A Delightfully Uncrowded World

Copyright © 2006 M. Dale,

Don't be a lemming! Lemmings are creatures that do the same

thing as everyone else does, and even at the same time. Lemmings

work hours are 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. with an hour off (between

12:00 p.m. and 1:00 p.m.). The lemming slumps into his car or on

the train and goes to work at the same time as every other

lemming. The lemming gets married in June and vacations in the

summer. Saturday night is date night, even when the lemming's

fur turns white. The lemming has the same conversations with the

same people every day. " How 'bout those Dodgers? They need a

long-ball hitter / top notch closer. "

Lemmings leave home, because of the bad commute, an hour or more

before 9:00 a.m. The return commute, because of the time of day,

takes the same amount of time. Upon arriving home, the still

commute-trembling lemming turns on the same television station,

drinks the same drink and interacts or doesn't interact, in the

exact way he has done every other day of his life with his

significant other. Every holiday is celebrated " on " the

designated day.

Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November.

Christmas is celebrated on the 25th day of December. The lemming

makes his doctor's appointment at the same time as four other

lemmings have scheduled their appointments (usually 9:00 a.m.).

The lemming drives his child to school at the exact same time as

every other parent does. The lemming speaks in, and listens to,

endless clichés all day. " How are you? " " I'm fine. " " How are

you? " " I'm fine. " In political discussions, everyone in the

room can predict, before he speaks, exactly what the lemming will

say. This is true of almost every other utterance the lemming

makes.

How can the lemming turn into a happy, fulfilled, interesting (to

himself and others) human? How does he escape Lemmingland

without moving to Big Sky Country and giving up great

restaurants, plays, concerts (with good orchestras) lectures and

other big city delights? The answer is simple. Think!

Specifically, as a start to his personal thinking solutions, he

should consider the following ideas:

Live Where You Work

Even grubby Dallas is now developing downtown lofts. Manhattan,

Los Angeles and most other big cities are developing, or have

developed, places to live downtown, near offices and big city

entertainment, within strolling distance of charming restaurants,

lectures halls, playhouses, grocery stores where you can buy

supplies without parking in Disneyland-like lots.

If you love the suburbs, the lawns, the crabgrass parties, the

hiking trails, LIVE THERE. Get a job, work from your home or

open a business near your suburban home. If you want big city

entertainment, take the train, the bus or the car to the city in

after-traffic hours.

What is the most stressful part of your day (unless you are a

member of a swat team)? It isn't the time spent in your office

preparing a presentation. It isn't time spent in class teaching

kids. It is the time in the car following red tail lights or on

the train trying to read your paper while a strap hanger's

clothing or body parts brush across your face!

If You Must Commute

Take the freeway or the train when it is empty. Get on the

freeway or the train at 5:00 a.m. or 10:00 a.m., not at 7:00 a.m.

Return at 3:00 p.m. or 8:00 p.m., not at 6:00 p.m. Enjoy an

uncrowded commute. If you use public transit, take along those

big earphones that either play soothing music or, even better,

block out all sounds, including the braying of the cell phone

donkeys. Think of the special pleasure that you will have when

the cell phone idiot starts bleating into his phone about his

big, pending deal or about his child's athletic prowess, of

reaching into your briefcase or bag and ostentatiously putting

the sound blockers on your ears. The loud sigh that you utter as

privacy enters your life will irritate the donkey and make the

other commuters envious.

What If Your Spouse Or Significant Other (S.O.) Is A Night Person

And You Are A Morning Person?

If your s.o. naturally arises at 10:00 a.m. and consequently

makes the late commute and your circadian rhythm puts you on the

freeway or in the train at 5:00 a.m., there is still time when

you are together. You will be relaxed together in an unfrazzled

state.

Dining Out

Get to the restaurant either at the moment it opens or an hour

before it closes. You can eat at the best place in town without

crowds and without overworked, testy waiters.

Don't dine out on Friday or Saturday night.

Plays

Go to the matinee.

Marketing

Do it at 5:00 a.m. or 8:00 p.m. You will be cruising alone down

the aisles checking nutrition labels, comfortable in the

knowledge that, when you are ready to check out, you won't be in

a line in which a senior lady carefully counts out coupons,

disputes prices, chats with the cashier about her grandchildren

or carefully searches her purse for her checkbook or for loose

change (all, of course, after her entire basket of goods have

been entirely rung up)!

Office And Shop Living

Even if your door is " always open " ; keep it closed. If you must,

put a sign on the door that says, " This door is open, please come

in. " At least you will block out the sounds of clichés being

uttered, especially during top cliché times; arriving at work or

leaving work.

If nothing else succeeds, retreat into what the Japanese call

their " wa " . In an island overpopulated for hundreds of years,

the Japanese learned early to find their calm center (their wa)

and retreat there even in the middle of a clamoring fish market.

What If You Are Single And Don't Want To Be?

Do you really think that you will find Mr. Right or Ms. Willing

in a singles bar or other meat market? Go to a gathering of

other people who have similar interests. Bird watching,

astronomy, Israel, environment protection. Not only will these

meetings usually be small, they will be focused on matters that

you care about. You are happy even if you don't connect with a

soulmate.

Appointments

Make the first appointment of the day with the health provider or

hair cutter before her schedule gets jammed up with the flustered

" I'm so sorry that I made you late " person. If you can't make

the first appointment, make the last one when the servitor is

rushing to get home.

Flights

Take the first flight of the day when the entire system hasn't

yet been thrown off by events that happened across the country or

across the world. For the first flight, it is more likely that

the plane will be overnight at your departure gate.

Holidays

Do not celebrate Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day. Celebrate on

the following Sunday. Celebrate Christmas on the following

Sunday. As a bonus, think of the after Christmas sales. Do

travel on Thanksgiving and on Christmas. You will be alone on

the flight. The lemmings have filled the planes a day or two

before Thanksgiving or Christmas.

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Written by: M. Dale

Jim can be reached by email at:

james.m.dale@...