Hello and help

[Guest guest]

>

so what

> he likes to wear long pants and dress shoes... he looks nice and it

> makes him feel good... who cares what time of year it is... or if

it

> is in fashion... I can go on and on... but won't... thanks for the

> input if anyone else has anything to share please do.... thank you

> for helping me. Talk to you soon.

>

> Rose

>

I can tell you that I over dress in almost every situation and that

it may bug people but they live!! The only time weather is an issue

is when it is 40 and he refuses to wear pants and socks. then the

school will report you. you may find he is simply a trendsetter and

in 2 years everyone will wear what he is. If not supporting him in

his right to choose is important so whatever to the school.

I wanted to tell you what a wize man said to me once many years ago.

He said of his very low functioning child-- If I look I see myself,

perhaps an expanding of my traits and mannerisms and thoughts but me

and my wife. your son is part of your genetics and his responses may

be your own if they were magnified. His likes and dislikes,

sensitivities magnifications of your own. Put yourself in his

place. What if material felt scratchy (so much so that you may claw

at yourself, but you had to wear it) Or light was so bright that

your eyes teared but people told you you must endure it. or sound

that was so loud you were brought to tears, but other laugh at the

melodious tones. many everyday things are torture but us and our ASD

children are told that this is socialization. That we must conform

But no one is to be forced to conform to us. I mentioned I am vegan

but I never force people to eat what I do. That may be torture, but

I do cook them what they like even if it the most tender rare piece

of meat. There are likely many demands placed on your child that

make him feel inferior and unworthy. he is entitled to disagree and

find what troubles him and if possible remove the irritant. when you

do this you may find that your child is very much like you and your

spouse. Good luck. Harry Potter is a good film to watch of a teen

abandonded, and not given enough information to protect himself. He

finds solace in teaching what he knows best, and people see his true

nature. this is bridge building (try it) I am not discounting your

efforts to date. i find i think sideways to others and if I could

lend them my eyes it would all be clear. (of course they may go

insane) who knows

[Guest guest]

>

> " IT's not unusual for my to buy a couple identical pairs of pants and

> 3 or 4 of the same shirt... when you find something that works for

you

> hold on to it. "

>

> I'm pretty much the same way. I've got a bunch of identical shirts.

>

> My dress shoes are all the same style also primarily because they

feel

> great on my feet, but since I wore them every day to work I rotated

> them so that they would have time to " ait out. "

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

even if my clothes are not identical I buy the same color or style all

the time. My hair is the same mostly since high school. I think

changing my part borders on panic that I might become someone else.

Actually my resistance to change is sometimes that that changing a

thing about me may change me and I am afraid of that (perhaps your son

feels this way) He is afraid to lose what he has gained in terms of

himself. Clothing choice may bespeak lots of things. Standards,

focus, attention to detail. color preference. It may say come here or

go away even look but don't speak. Most people cannot read the aspie

signs. but many of us are faulted for not reading the NT signs

[Guest guest]

>

> He does great with family and really has blossomed when we are

> around them but have never done well in groups I think he cannot

> filter all the infromation coming in at him at once.

>

> Rose

>

I think many aspies would tell you one or two people is fine but

greater than that and trouble starts. although I can watch a group

of people and observe as long as no one is talking to me. in a way I

have silent conversations this way. agreeing with some noting

displays of others. it is my very own mutual of omaha wild human

kingdom. By the way it was 2 years into my own sons Dx that I

realized I was AS. It was slow and the revelation were sometimes

painful.

When i thought back to the number of times i played normal. how much

i prefered to live in a book because the characters in my head made

sense played fair and had morals. how much I practiced social

situations, went over them in my head. how many times i had in an

effort to gain a friend would make them things or explain an assigned

reading. That I would copy them to fit in all the while being bored

out of my mind.. in college I didn't bother and did far better when i

released myself from the forced stress.

In social situations I was accused of purposfully talking above

people heads, or quoting shakespere or period speaking(because i

liked it) not to hurt others But that is a long story. When I

realized it all made sense in terms of AS. i really forgave myself

for never fitting in. i didn't have to pretend or feel bad or force

myself(by giving myself away to help anyone i met so I could feel

better) I didn't feel that I had to be so perfect that i would not

be questioned (well working on that)

People make us feel bad for being good at things (brain things mostly)

but play football and for some reason one is G'd like Ok well I like

uncle AL better

[Guest guest]

>

> ,

> Thank you for your input, could it be the simplicity of the

> clothing and the ease of use that makes it so appealing? Mitch is

> the same way- ;0) he does not like to have to think about what

> matches... UNLESS he is dressing up then everything has to be

> perfect- grey pants & jacket- bright red or maroon tie and a grey or

> black shirt... almost monocromatic- except for the tie. Very Very

> picky when it comes to dressing up.

>

> All these idosyncrasys (sorry my spelling is atrocious) make for a

> very interesting life in my house.

>

> Rose

>

>Idosyncraticies huh? just another business as usual day

[Guest guest]

>

>

> In a message dated 7/18/2007 4:04:22 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> no_reply writes:

>

> When I buy clothes, I make sure that things match then so that I

don't have

> to fool with putting together outfits later. Being able to

practically get

> dressed in the dark and not having to worry about things going

together.

>

This is very like me. If I cannot put it together at the store or

buy in mind with matching a particular item I get frantic. and may

search for years to replace a favorite item.

As far as men's dress I do stick to the standards. Grey(not to light)

or in my mind cheap grey charcoal, black, navy, white. very picky

about red (very)The look of the fabric and its quality (anything

likely to pill is a no)plain and elegant. (people sometimes ask me

to dress them) I would wear suits myself if i wouldn't get stared at

so much. I do not wear mens clothes but occasionally I will buy

stuff in the children department. except for heels I buy shoes in

the boys dept. I have been known to buy boys dress shoes to wear

with jeans (or this style in the womens shoe dept) Sooo picky about

clothes uhhh no not really. not much Heh heh. so I am a bit

rigid, actually sometimes I even drive me nuts. but I have been told

I do have excellent taste(keeps me from buying many things, as I

cannot bear to spend on a one time thing)

[Guest guest]

My there was so much I agree with

Aliens, don't be yourself

sizing up the natives

feeling your in a hostile environ

Hey was that just the story of my life? Who told, I didn't even know

you spoke to my family or had their phone numbers

Don't be sad I like being a Lab rat most of the time. Lady rats are

often problematic. I got to the end and wish I could say something

better. you do have an excellent sense of humor, and a very concise

brain pattern of thought. Wow Aspie compliments (not the way they

seem on tv shows huh??) well I liked all the analogies

> live in a world that can't/won't understand you and your most solid

> fact about it is the it's populated by beings that don't behave

> rationally most of the time it is real easy to get paranoid.

>

Lab rats in psych lab in many way lead

> a more interesting life than me... I get up and go to gym and " run

on

> my exercise wheel, " come home eat my rat pellets (a bowl of

oatmeal)

> go to work where I solve puzzles (run mazes) eat some more pellets

> (tuna or turkey sandwich), repeat last two steps, run more mazes,

go

> home, go to the gym, run in the wheel some more, push some weights

> around, go home, eat pellets (chicken breast and broccoli), go to

> bed, repeat from beginning ad nauseoum .. real lab rats get visits

> from lady lab rats once and a while, I think the rats have a better

> agents. Don't get me wrong it's no a bad life I'm comfortable and

not

> unhappy alone but not really lonely... But it would be nice to have

a

> live person to talk to now and then, typing here helps but it's not

> the same...

>

> This has taken a different course than I had intended and I've

gotten

> rather depressed in the last few minutes... I've babbled enough for

> now... If I can remember the point I was going for I'll come be and

finish.

>

> Ender

>

[Guest guest]

>

> One of the things you can dispense with if you are anti-social is a

> wardrobe.

>

>

>

> From an Aspie point of view, being social is pointlessly expensive.

> From our perspective, people do not like PEOPLE. They like IMAGES

> that people present. It costs money to maintain images: " In "

> clothing, flashy cars, jewelry, expensive haircuts, manicures.

>

> Some of the most deep and insightful people I have ever met are

HERE

> in this forum, but because of the way we Aspies dress, I doubt

> anyone walking down the street would give us a second glance.

>

> I dress up nicely for business, but once people get to know me,

they

> feel I am too " deep. " By contrast, I feel that such people are

> too " shallow " ...but always well-dressed.

>

> Yes, for Aspies dress can be functional only. But our clothes are

> also representative of what we like and who we are. Lots of times

> the clothes people wear they wear because society tells them that

> that is what they have to wear to be " in. "

>

> I've known women who spend hours fussing over make-up, hair, and

> what to wear. Men too.

I have particular tastes but I do suffer socially for it. i wear

what I like and what is comfortable. I almost never wear make-up or

do my hair (fairly rare) I like to pick fast and for it too represent

my mood. sometimes dressing up is to boost my confidence(often the

effect is negative)It has nothing to do with others. but it gets

unwanted attention. I try to stay aloof when I don't want

attention. So alot

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Your story is very similar to mine... and now I am begining to wonder

if I have a slight case or is it just wishful thinking... I remember

thinking everyone was out to get me and I never could read facial

expressions well and still don't I have a hard time when someone is

teasing me if the teasing is subtle... Mitch is the same.. one of the

reasons we crash is because we are so alike... which to be honest

scares me a bit. 's story, My story and the stories of all of

you have some very similar traits and then some not similar traits...

it give me pause to think. Thanks for your input as this all

regardless of how I think, meant to help me understand and help

Mitch... and it is. Thanks

Rose

[Guest guest]

I agree and believe it or not I understand... it is society that

does not and therin is most of the problem. Other than health

concerns, which are the biggest in my book... I let him be. It is

the best way for him to become.

rose

..

> >

> so what

> > he likes to wear long pants and dress shoes... he looks nice and

it

> > makes him feel good... who cares what time of year it is... or

if

> it

> > is in fashion... I can go on and on... but won't... thanks for

the

> > input if anyone else has anything to share please do.... thank

you

> > for helping me. Talk to you soon.

> >

> > Rose

> >

> I can tell you that I over dress in almost every situation and

that

> it may bug people but they live!! The only time weather is an

issue

> is when it is 40 and he refuses to wear pants and socks. then the

> school will report you. you may find he is simply a trendsetter

and

> in 2 years everyone will wear what he is. If not supporting him

in

> his right to choose is important so whatever to the school.

> I wanted to tell you what a wize man said to me once many years

ago.

>

> He said of his very low functioning child-- If I look I see

myself,

> perhaps an expanding of my traits and mannerisms and thoughts but

me

> and my wife. your son is part of your genetics and his responses

may

> be your own if they were magnified. His likes and dislikes,

> sensitivities magnifications of your own. Put yourself in his

> place. What if material felt scratchy (so much so that you may

claw

> at yourself, but you had to wear it) Or light was so bright that

> your eyes teared but people told you you must endure it. or sound

> that was so loud you were brought to tears, but other laugh at the

> melodious tones. many everyday things are torture but us and our

ASD

> children are told that this is socialization. That we must conform

>

> But no one is to be forced to conform to us. I mentioned I am

vegan

> but I never force people to eat what I do. That may be torture,

but

> I do cook them what they like even if it the most tender rare

piece

> of meat. There are likely many demands placed on your child that

> make him feel inferior and unworthy. he is entitled to disagree

and

> find what troubles him and if possible remove the irritant. when

you

> do this you may find that your child is very much like you and

your

> spouse. Good luck. Harry Potter is a good film to watch of a

teen

> abandonded, and not given enough information to protect himself.

He

> finds solace in teaching what he knows best, and people see his

true

> nature. this is bridge building (try it) I am not discounting

your

> efforts to date. i find i think sideways to others and if I could

> lend them my eyes it would all be clear. (of course they may go

> insane) who knows

>

[Guest guest]

>

>> That is something that can be learned, though. Tact is something

some people

> are born with, but most have to learn it. A simple way to look at

it is to

> think before speaking, " would I get upset if someone said that to

me? " That's

> a good start, but isn't perfect for us, because sometimes that

thing might not

> bother us at all, but would really hurt or anger someone else.

>

> I handle that by keeping my own council most of the time, unless I

know the

> people and know how far I can go. I also try not to be blunt and

wave off

> certain kinds of questions, like what to I think about a person's

clothes, hair,

> or what do I think about someone who isn't around at the moment.

Those kinds

> of things are just begging for trouble.

>

some of the biggest trouble I get into is that I do say things that

would not bother me and people think I am hypocritial. until they

challange it and I am not.

and we all have taboo topics (or known catalytic responses)

[Guest guest]

I second that Hear Hear...

> > By the way, I am not a doctor, so everything I just said you ought

> > to run past a professional.

> >

> > Tom

> > Administrator

> >

> Tom in that meeting I mentioned the doctors turned to myself and

> another mom and acknowledged that we are the experts. but just like

> professionals we have different opinions. your input was sound and

> pragmatic far more valuable than a " professional "

>

[Guest guest]

Believe this Mitch and I both go through this do I look alright and

if there is no one there to confirm we will change our clothes to

something we know looks alright... very rarely do we deviate from

what works.

Rose

> >

> > One of the things you can dispense with if you are anti-social

is a

> > wardrobe.

> >

> >

> >

> > From an Aspie point of view, being social is pointlessly

expensive.

> > From our perspective, people do not like PEOPLE. They like

IMAGES

> > that people present. It costs money to maintain images: " In "

> > clothing, flashy cars, jewelry, expensive haircuts, manicures.

> >

> > Some of the most deep and insightful people I have ever met are

> HERE

> > in this forum, but because of the way we Aspies dress, I doubt

> > anyone walking down the street would give us a second glance.

> >

> > I dress up nicely for business, but once people get to know me,

> they

> > feel I am too " deep. " By contrast, I feel that such people are

> > too " shallow " ...but always well-dressed.

> >

> > Yes, for Aspies dress can be functional only. But our clothes

are

> > also representative of what we like and who we are. Lots of

times

> > the clothes people wear they wear because society tells them

that

> > that is what they have to wear to be " in. "

> >

> > I've known women who spend hours fussing over make-up, hair, and

> > what to wear. Men too.

>

> I have particular tastes but I do suffer socially for it. i wear

> what I like and what is comfortable. I almost never wear make-up

or

> do my hair (fairly rare) I like to pick fast and for it too

represent

> my mood. sometimes dressing up is to boost my confidence(often

the

> effect is negative)It has nothing to do with others. but it gets

> unwanted attention. I try to stay aloof when I don't want

> attention. So alot

>

[Guest guest]

LOL

> >

> > ,

> > Thank you for your input, could it be the simplicity of the

> > clothing and the ease of use that makes it so appealing? Mitch

is

> > the same way- ;0) he does not like to have to think about what

> > matches... UNLESS he is dressing up then everything has to be

> > perfect- grey pants & jacket- bright red or maroon tie and a

grey or

> > black shirt... almost monocromatic- except for the tie. Very

Very

> > picky when it comes to dressing up.

> >

> > All these idosyncrasys (sorry my spelling is atrocious) make for

a

> > very interesting life in my house.

> >

> > Rose

> >

> >Idosyncraticies huh? just another business as usual day

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Rose...

I put a few ideas together in what I wrote that got part of me into a

sort of mobus loop... about my sister, her kids and a number of other

things that I won't go into now... well that thought drove what I was

trying say way off the mark I had intended... I had gotten my

depression meds adjusted a couple months back (the old one weren't

working anymore) and the new ones sort of enhance my ability to

multitask thinking about things. I was writting in a foreground

process but concerns over the nephews got churning too. Since I've

been on the new meds easier to start stuff in the back ground almost

too easy, I've had a few ideas get loose in background processing by

I had noticed them a sooner and got them stopped be for chewed in to

the forground...

Being an Aspie is not something you would want for yourself or any

one you care about. But as disabilities go it is less debilitating

than most... In a way I think I was lucky that AS wasn't in the books

when I was a kid... I had to learn systems for dealing with being

different... In the process of finding ways to cope, I learned a lot

of things that I can apply to other problems that other people

wouldn't think of... My two older nephews had the misfortune of being

diagnosed with " learning disorders " one with dyslexia the other mild

ADHD. Rather than helping them find ways to compensate for their

problems and turn them to their advantage (like I did) the were

allowed to avoid dealing with their problems and view themselves as

crippled. In my view being labeled by the system has left them with

permanent handicaps and that is horribly wrong... The only point of

labeling a problem is to find a way to correct it or a way to

mitigate it. But instead of teaching coping skills they were taught

that they were defective...

Yes I have problems but I know they can be worked around some how and

I can do just about anything I want to if I put my mind to it... (one

of the exception is to be an Olympic gymnast, running the clock back

on my body to say age 6 and spending the next 20years doing the prep

work is not a doable at this time, but it's a neat dream... and I can

get in good enough shape to be able to learn to do some of the skills

that won't land me in traction or a wheel chair like

Reeves... It's god to know your limitations but you don't have to be

bound by them...

Yeah, I do live the life of a lab rat but It's my choice to do it...

solving puzzles is fun, and I've gotten the enjoy my time on the

exercise wheel, it's a stepping stone to learning a few gymnast

skill, and the short chubby nerdling thinks the still short but

increasingly hunky jock guy that looks back at him from the mirror

now is a pretty cool dude.

And the lady lab rat thing... Is sort of a dark joke with myself...

Human males like the males of every species are born with the goal of

seeing to it that their genes represented tin the next generation...

Like a lot of Aspies sex is not that important to me and what's

involved (the exchange of body fluids) I find to be rather gross at

best. At age 55 I'm still a virgin... and T'vr never kissed a girl

(or a guy) and I'm not into hugging people either.

Anyway what I intended to say was there is a down side to AS but it

doesn't need to be disabling but it's a matter of how you approach it

and whether you have the guts to make it work for you. Don't let

them short change him by " helping " be not making him find ways to use

the gifts he has to make up for the few he doesn't... It takes

work... Like I was luck people figured I was just a regular kid and I

should be able to do what other kids could do... Having a dx give

you, and his support team an idea of where Mitch's

weaknesses are and the things you need to help him work out for

himself. I had to work it all out on my own without knowing what I

was dealing with. I think the key is to help Mitch find the solution

for himself...

Sorry my first it this got so distorted but I think this is a lot

closer to the truth...

Ender

At 10:41 AM 7/19/2007, you wrote:

>Ender,

>You and the others in this group are helping me in more ways than I

>can count..... I really apprecieate all your openess- I know that the

>things you tell me in here can make you feel depressed and I am not

>going to sit here and tell you it will be alright... I can empathize

>with what you are going through, and even relate in some manner as I

>to do the same thing in and out every day and see the same people, so

>we do have some things alike.... I have been married to a wonderful

>man for 23 years and I get lonely all the time- sometimes I wonder if

>I am not a bit of an aspie myself... as a child I always was parinoid

>that the other kids were talking about me and I have always not gotten

>the joke as they say.... I know genetics play a part but wonder as I

>watch the issues he goes through and remember feeling the same way

>when I was young....

>

>Rose

[Guest guest]

Mimi,

thanks for the help.... i will try the shampoo thing.. I usually

let him pick it out and if he likes the smell he usually will use

it... just not as often as I feel he needs to. The toothbrush

thing... we are working on.. and no he does not like his face to get

wet either. It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for him

to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

such is life. Thanks I will try out some of your ideas...

Rose

> >

> > Hi Ender,

> > It is a bit of missed social activies due to his lack of

interest

> > and inablility to handle large groups and is apathy and

> > unwillingness to take on regular responsibilities of daily life,

> > coupled with a huge sense of what is right and wrong in his eyes

> and

> > being completely unable to comprimise.

>

> There is s world and our world, I DO NOT want to

> > change my funny, charming,intelligent, wonderful son, I do

however,

> > want to at least help him gain the skills that our society deems

> > neccesary for him to exist in the world.

>

> Hello I am mimi. If I may jump in a moment. You need to first

build

> a bridge to his world and help him visit yours so that as a family

> you share. If you can do this you can reason with him and have

him

> realize that you love him, value him, and want to help him achieve

> what he wants.

>

> .My main issues to cut to

> > the chase are hygiene- (hairwashing is a 1 or 2 times every 2

weeks-

>

> > a major battle, I believe it is due to hypersensitive

skin...face

> > washing, and brushing of teeth all are a major battles) and

> Changing

> > of clothes on a daily basis. Ya know if I could get this part of

it

> > handled, I believe I could help him in other areas.

> > Thanks for listening to me rant...lol.

> >

> > ROse

> My son is only 6. He also dislikes the bathing thing and I do not

> fight with him every day more like 3 times a week. we don't fight

> anymore. i wash him. i get the temp where he likes it. i use a

> shampoo that is called Rainbow. It is made of non-irritating

> sufercants. so no eye burning. we do a psudo-bath. I run the

water,

> but the tub doesn't fill up. I only pour water over his head to

wet

> and rinse. We have come to this after long discussion and

> agreement. the wahing is for him and right now he values

being " not-

> stinky " I also wash our dogs for him so he can pet them. so the

> need for washing is reinforced for other important " people " , Also

> obtaining friends is easier when one smells better.

>

> Tooth brushing maybe a sensory issue too. Ravi actually prefers

> mint, but doesn't like it to stay on his tongue. i have a

washcloth

> and I will wipe his tongue afterward and then use water. he also

> hates to have his face wet. the point of my recount is that

perhaps

> small things get in the way of the action and he hasn't been able

to

> communicate the roadblocks.

>

> As far as clothing goes. I make sure he changes at night. the

> clothes are wisked away and washed immeadiatily and if it is that

a

> shirt is a preference, it is available the next am. Maybe even

get

> multiple shirts. i have heard parents say they just get 3 of the

> same shirt, shoes pants shorts etc. i also ask what he wants to

> wear. texture can play a big role and sometimes I make a mistake

and

> a shirt never gets worn. (he hates plackets)

>

[Guest guest]

thank you Ender for your honesty. i have a clearer picture of who

you are and that in the long run helps me help mitchell... yes you

are right, I do not want his Dx to become an excuse for him nor do I

want to label him as special needs, however, the stigmata attached

to any " mental defect " is huge and people look at me and say oh you

poor thing... then i get angry... I am not looking for a pity party

nor anyone's sympathy, I am trying to explain why Mitch is the way

he is... I usually give up and now I do not say anything at all

unless they bring it up. I feel like he needs to find his own way

with guideance from us... I do not want to dictate what or how he

should be doing things... I just want to see him do, and be happy.

If that means he plays video games for 8 hours straight and goes to

bed... so be it. (just an example of this past week, he is not

always like that, goes in spurts with the games, puzzles, chess,

japanese culture, ancient egypt and on & on..) however, his

interests are so eclectic and unusual for someone his age... it is

hard for him to find others like him. Oh, gee this is so

frustrating trying to explain it all. I know he gets lonley and

wants friends, but he also is happy to play lego's for hours on end

and has a hard time stopping to eat. Home is the safe zone... we

try to make it a place where there is no judgement and he can be

himself without recrimination...I am hoping that by doing this he

can expand on his interests and find something that suits him for

his choice of work... (leaning towards botnay, herbology, and

landscaping)

Ok I just looked back at what I wrote... blathering... sorry... I

just have had no one to talk to about this who understands what he

is going through, what we are going through. Thank you for

listening... i am going to sign off for now.

Rose

-- In , " Ender ( WIggin) "

<enderwiggin52@...> wrote:

>

> Hi Rose...

>

> I put a few ideas together in what I wrote that got part of me

into a

> sort of mobus loop... about my sister, her kids and a number of

other

> things that I won't go into now... well that thought drove what I

was

> trying say way off the mark I had intended... I had gotten my

> depression meds adjusted a couple months back (the old one weren't

> working anymore) and the new ones sort of enhance my ability to

> multitask thinking about things. I was writting in a foreground

> process but concerns over the nephews got churning too. Since

I've

> been on the new meds easier to start stuff in the back ground

almost

> too easy, I've had a few ideas get loose in background processing

by

> I had noticed them a sooner and got them stopped be for chewed in

to

> the forground...

>

> Being an Aspie is not something you would want for yourself or any

> one you care about. But as disabilities go it is less

debilitating

> than most... In a way I think I was lucky that AS wasn't in the

books

> when I was a kid... I had to learn systems for dealing with being

> different... In the process of finding ways to cope, I learned a

lot

> of things that I can apply to other problems that other people

> wouldn't think of... My two older nephews had the misfortune of

being

> diagnosed with " learning disorders " one with dyslexia the other

mild

> ADHD. Rather than helping them find ways to compensate for their

> problems and turn them to their advantage (like I did) the were

> allowed to avoid dealing with their problems and view themselves

as

> crippled. In my view being labeled by the system has left them

with

> permanent handicaps and that is horribly wrong... The only point

of

> labeling a problem is to find a way to correct it or a way to

> mitigate it. But instead of teaching coping skills they were

taught

> that they were defective...

>

> Yes I have problems but I know they can be worked around some how

and

> I can do just about anything I want to if I put my mind to it...

(one

> of the exception is to be an Olympic gymnast, running the clock

back

> on my body to say age 6 and spending the next 20years doing the

prep

> work is not a doable at this time, but it's a neat dream... and I

can

> get in good enough shape to be able to learn to do some of the

skills

> that won't land me in traction or a wheel chair like

> Reeves... It's god to know your limitations but you don't have to

be

> bound by them...

>

> Yeah, I do live the life of a lab rat but It's my choice to do

it...

> solving puzzles is fun, and I've gotten the enjoy my time on the

> exercise wheel, it's a stepping stone to learning a few gymnast

> skill, and the short chubby nerdling thinks the still short but

> increasingly hunky jock guy that looks back at him from the mirror

> now is a pretty cool dude.

>

> And the lady lab rat thing... Is sort of a dark joke with

myself...

> Human males like the males of every species are born with the goal

of

> seeing to it that their genes represented tin the next

generation...

> Like a lot of Aspies sex is not that important to me and what's

> involved (the exchange of body fluids) I find to be rather gross

at

> best. At age 55 I'm still a virgin... and T'vr never kissed a

girl

> (or a guy) and I'm not into hugging people either.

>

> Anyway what I intended to say was there is a down side to AS but

it

> doesn't need to be disabling but it's a matter of how you approach

it

> and whether you have the guts to make it work for you. Don't let

> them short change him by " helping " be not making him find ways to

use

> the gifts he has to make up for the few he doesn't... It takes

> work... Like I was luck people figured I was just a regular kid

and I

> should be able to do what other kids could do... Having a dx give

> you, and his support team an idea of where Mitch's

> weaknesses are and the things you need to help him work out for

> himself. I had to work it all out on my own without knowing what

I

> was dealing with. I think the key is to help Mitch find the

solution

> for himself...

>

> Sorry my first it this got so distorted but I think this is a lot

> closer to the truth...

>

> Ender

>

>

> At 10:41 AM 7/19/2007, you wrote:

>

> >Ender,

> >You and the others in this group are helping me in more ways than

I

> >can count..... I really apprecieate all your openess- I know that

the

> >things you tell me in here can make you feel depressed and I am

not

> >going to sit here and tell you it will be alright... I can

empathize

> >with what you are going through, and even relate in some manner

as I

> >to do the same thing in and out every day and see the same

people, so

> >we do have some things alike.... I have been married to a

wonderful

> >man for 23 years and I get lonely all the time- sometimes I

wonder if

> >I am not a bit of an aspie myself... as a child I always was

parinoid

> >that the other kids were talking about me and I have always not

gotten

> >the joke as they say.... I know genetics play a part but wonder

as I

> >watch the issues he goes through and remember feeling the same way

> >when I was young....

> >

> >Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Rose,

I myself have found that I go through periods where showering does not

seem important. I went through a phase where I was obsessive about

washing, hair & makeup rituals took enormous amounts of time, though I

was in beauty school at the time. It was never about having the

approval of anyone.

I also buy and wear only what is comfortable. My children say I'm a

" fashion don't " . I also buy several of the same items, jeans, tshirts,

etc.. if it fits, plus I hate shopping. Since having children my

priorities have changed and wearing makeup is only done when going to a

function. I was never one to dress up as I am rough on my clothes and

tend to ruin things.

I have been told that I tend to be tactless and am still learning at age

37 how and when to keep my mouth shut. It was a problem at times when I

worked in a salon.

Making friends is difficult and I really have only met new people when I

volunteer at the school my children attend. Being forced to be around

people is annoying. When I was younger I had only one or two good

friends but they have moved and as of now are very rarely in touch. I

am married, have three children, two dogs and sisters + a brother whom

I'm close to and find that this is enough for me.

I won't be posting much for awhile as some upcomming unavoidable events

have got me overwhelmed. I'm having a hard time just thinking about it.

One way I cope is to make a list and check each chore/event off as it

gets done and over with. : )

Kim

>

> Mimi,

>

> thanks for the help.... i will try the shampoo thing.. I usually

> let him pick it out and if he likes the smell he usually will use

> it... just not as often as I feel he needs to. The toothbrush

> thing... we are working on.. and no he does not like his face to get

> wet either. It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for him

> to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

> such is life. Thanks I will try out some of your ideas...

>

> Rose

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

thanks for the input, i believe i am getting the jist of this and

have some ideas from all of you and some of my own to try and see if

thisi will help him. Not that he really needs help per say, but I

need help to understand him and help him learn to navigate society.

Hope your upcoming events are not too horrible for you... I will say

a prayer for ya.

Rose

> >

> > Mimi,

> >

> > thanks for the help.... i will try the shampoo thing.. I usually

> > let him pick it out and if he likes the smell he usually will use

> > it... just not as often as I feel he needs to. The toothbrush

> > thing... we are working on.. and no he does not like his face to

get

> > wet either. It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for

him

> > to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

> > such is life. Thanks I will try out some of your ideas...

> >

> > Rose

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/19/2007 2:32:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes:

some of the biggest trouble I get into is that I do say things that would not bother me and people think I am hypocritial. until they challange it and I am not.and we all have taboo topics (or known catalytic responses)

It is hard to know what someone will be offended by or not. That can even vary depending on their mood. One day they might find a joke funny but the next they might get angry. I think it also depends on how much they like you. If they like you, they will put up with more, if they are neutral less so and if they don't like you, watch out.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/19/2007 2:32:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes:

some of the biggest trouble I get into is that I do say things that would not bother me and people think I am hypocritial. until they challange it and I am not.and we all have taboo topics (or known catalytic responses)

It is hard to know what someone will be offended by or not. That can even vary depending on their mood. One day they might find a joke funny but the next they might get angry. I think it also depends on how much they like you. If they like you, they will put up with more, if they are neutral less so and if they don't like you, watch out.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/19/2007 4:04:54 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, 6emini@... writes:

I myself have found that I go through periods where showering does notseem important. I went through a phase where I was obsessive aboutwashing, hair & makeup rituals took enormous amounts of time, though Iwas in beauty school at the time. It was never about having theapproval of anyone.

I go through cycles like that too. There are times that I won't bathe until I can't stand being around myself and other times I might shower 2 or 3 times per day. It just depends. However, I never go out in public smelly or anything like that. If I get a little ripe because it is hot or whatever, then that just happens.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/19/2007 4:04:54 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, 6emini@... writes:

I myself have found that I go through periods where showering does notseem important. I went through a phase where I was obsessive aboutwashing, hair & makeup rituals took enormous amounts of time, though Iwas in beauty school at the time. It was never about having theapproval of anyone.

I go through cycles like that too. There are times that I won't bathe until I can't stand being around myself and other times I might shower 2 or 3 times per day. It just depends. However, I never go out in public smelly or anything like that. If I get a little ripe because it is hot or whatever, then that just happens.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/20/2007 2:01:20 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I can remember my grandmother talking about having to undergo lessons in "ettiquette" and "deportment." These things should be taught in the present day so that kids have a social definition to strive for. Then anyone who acts above their age won't be such a reject, and those who are socially clueless will have a better chance at succeeding.It IS important for people to have friends. was right when he posted words to this effect. But in addition to helping your young one learn how to interact with others his own age, another goal ought to be to teach Mitch adult social ettiquette so that he can come into adulthood with most of that already under his belt.TomAdministrator

I agree with you that etiquette and deportment should be taught. It hasn't been for some time, and it shows in our society. So many people, especially the young ones, are so rude, vulgar and barely in control that it is scary. They should be taught how to behave and uncivil behavior should be a punishable offense like it used to be. In the Civil War, especially in the South, it was not uncommon for an officer's mess to have a container on the table, and every time a member of the mess swore (and using words so mild to be considered quaint today) they had to put money in it as punishment. Even some of the enlisted messes did something like that.

You have to be very careful about friends though. Most of my childhood friends turned out to be not such good friends and betrayed me seriously in my teen years. Most of the others have drifted apart over the years, but that is how it goes some times. I don't consider that a betrayal exactly, though it does bother me that they haven't contacted me in a number of years now.

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In a message dated 7/20/2007 2:13:36 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie in that it plays on people's social fears and bashes people who are too social. You go about your life normally and then these aliens come along and you are forced to change, both in body and mind, to their way of thinking, and abandon your own individual conscience for their social one. If you try to keep your identity, as everyone else gets converted, you suddenly find that YOU are the outcast and alone, and the new people that you are afraid of are the norm.Of course it can also be seen as an anti-communist movie, but when I watch it (The Sutherland version) I like to sometimes watch it from the perspective as pod-people being Aspies and everyone in the world is forced to be like us.

I never did like that movie or its remake. Your points make sense though. It is like the pods were the ultimate NT making machines.

Ghost in the Shell is beginning to talk about that same issue. In that world, there is lots of high technology. Many people also have cyberbrains, which from what I have gathered is a capsule that their living brain lives in and also has a lot of computer tech with it too, giving the person extra abilities. There is a theory there that the cyberbrains are trying to create a sort of "Borg Collective" (not their term but it works here. That makes sense in a way since the cyberbrains are almost always linked to the Internet, and synchronization is needed for optimal performance. They have only just started talking about his, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. I just hope they don't go the route of the Manga, which was very much like Childhood's End. I hated what he did to the Major.

Childhood's End was written by Arthur C. e and seemed to be his vision for the future. Basically what happens is that humanity becomes absorbed by this galactic super being that is primarily energy, is supposed to be the ultimate form of evolution. The problem was that humanity didn't have any say in the matter. The chosen were taken away and basically turned into robots if you will, dancing in huge formations and synching up their minds, etc. The opinion of the class was that the entity was more of a disease than a true life form because it wiped out other species completely and destroyed what made them unique, along with their planet. It is an interesting book, though it was hard to read for me since it goes so much against the grain. However, there was another book written by another author that had humanity rebel, though I haven't read it.

I haven't given away any major details there and if you read the book, my points shouldn't detract from it since they are true to a point, but won't spoil the plot. What I will say was that it is interesting how humanity was kept on ice for a while. When the process began, humanity was given the ability to grow all the food and make all the things that they wanted in such quantities and with such ease that no one had to work or even pay for things. They could just get what they wanted. This had the effect of wiping out drive and trying to better oneself. Life basically became one big party.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/20/2007 2:13:36 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie in that it plays on people's social fears and bashes people who are too social. You go about your life normally and then these aliens come along and you are forced to change, both in body and mind, to their way of thinking, and abandon your own individual conscience for their social one. If you try to keep your identity, as everyone else gets converted, you suddenly find that YOU are the outcast and alone, and the new people that you are afraid of are the norm.Of course it can also be seen as an anti-communist movie, but when I watch it (The Sutherland version) I like to sometimes watch it from the perspective as pod-people being Aspies and everyone in the world is forced to be like us.

I never did like that movie or its remake. Your points make sense though. It is like the pods were the ultimate NT making machines.

Ghost in the Shell is beginning to talk about that same issue. In that world, there is lots of high technology. Many people also have cyberbrains, which from what I have gathered is a capsule that their living brain lives in and also has a lot of computer tech with it too, giving the person extra abilities. There is a theory there that the cyberbrains are trying to create a sort of "Borg Collective" (not their term but it works here. That makes sense in a way since the cyberbrains are almost always linked to the Internet, and synchronization is needed for optimal performance. They have only just started talking about his, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. I just hope they don't go the route of the Manga, which was very much like Childhood's End. I hated what he did to the Major.

Childhood's End was written by Arthur C. e and seemed to be his vision for the future. Basically what happens is that humanity becomes absorbed by this galactic super being that is primarily energy, is supposed to be the ultimate form of evolution. The problem was that humanity didn't have any say in the matter. The chosen were taken away and basically turned into robots if you will, dancing in huge formations and synching up their minds, etc. The opinion of the class was that the entity was more of a disease than a true life form because it wiped out other species completely and destroyed what made them unique, along with their planet. It is an interesting book, though it was hard to read for me since it goes so much against the grain. However, there was another book written by another author that had humanity rebel, though I haven't read it.

I haven't given away any major details there and if you read the book, my points shouldn't detract from it since they are true to a point, but won't spoil the plot. What I will say was that it is interesting how humanity was kept on ice for a while. When the process began, humanity was given the ability to grow all the food and make all the things that they wanted in such quantities and with such ease that no one had to work or even pay for things. They could just get what they wanted. This had the effect of wiping out drive and trying to better oneself. Life basically became one big party.

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