Guest guest Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 thi is so true and I would never just take someones advice... I always think things through and make sure his doctors know what we are trying and not trying. Thanks. Rose -- In , environmental1st2003 <no_reply@...> wrote: > > It is rare that a doctor or a professional who does NOT have AS can > completely understand those who do have it. > > AS people are quiet by nature, and sometimes we find it hard to > express ourselves orally. But as you see here, we can talk at great > length with logic and make sense. You can learn a lot from us, but > remember to use common sense before acting on what you hear, and > medical advice should come only from a professional. > > Tom > Administrator > > > > > > > tom > > You make a good point however the proffesionals cannot give the > insight to a parent like all of you have. Experience is a great > teacher and your life experience is helping us in ways that doctors > cannot. this is why i requested to join the group for your life > experiences... WEG I cannot help Mitch in any way if I do not > understand how his mind. You all are the best. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2007 Report Share Posted July 22, 2007 Hi Rose and welcome to the forum. I realise at this moment I am coming in late on this particular discussion and have not read any of the other responses pertaining to this (reading in order of posts here). However just wanted to ask firstly, does your son want more social contact? My son is 13 (dx HFA) and in most part he likes social contact, but only some - he fast realised that 'mainstream' children can be very cruel - he has also realised some adults are not nice either :-( I was wondering if your son did want access to social contact then perhaps other aspies? You perhaps own a computer what about your son accessing online groups? > > Hi everyone, My name is Rose and I am the parent of a 14 yr old with > Aspergers' BiPolar and ADHD- after 9 years of grueling meds and too > many doctors to count we hope we have a correct diagnoisis. Here is > one of our many issues with our boy. My biggest concern is trying to > help him deal and find a way to handle the social aspects of life > while also maintaning his wonderful personality and intelligence. the > reason I joined this group is because of the information pages and > what they contained. I love the fact that this group is based on the > fact that what my son has is not a disorder but rather an asset. I > need help on how to guide him to utilize this asset and make it work > for him in the real world. Any and all ideas are welcome and we are > more than willing to try to help him find his way. My fondest wish is > that my boy will be able to do what he loves and work in the real > world, at something he truly loves doing. thanks to all in advance > for any and all input. > > Rose > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2007 Report Share Posted July 22, 2007 " Beilieve me I know he is frustrated and feels like no one understands him, and to be honest most of the time we do not. " I think it is important that he has someone who does understand him - therefore I still think him having access to others on the spectrum could be beneficial. As for the issues concerning washing etc, sometimes aspies have difficulties with what are called 'excutive fuctioning', learning strategies that have worked for others on the spectrum and especially those that other aspies have come up with theirselves might be beneficial. Also something called 'Social stories' by Carol Grey I have been told are fairly useful. I haven't used 'Social Stories' myself, as although I understand such theoretically often I myself do not understand a lot of social stuff (I am dx Aspergers). > > Hi Ender, > It is a bit of missed social activies due to his lack of interest > and inablility to handle large groups and is apathy and > unwillingness to take on regular responsibilities of daily life, > coupled with a huge sense of what is right and wrong in his eyes and > being completely unable to comprimise. (There is are not any issues > with bullies as of yet) He is better than he was we enrolled him in > a special school called Hammitt > (http://www.thebabyfold.org/progserv/hammittschool.html)and he has > grown in leaps and bounds in the social area, but he craves > friendship and has none in our town. I guess I just worry he needs > so much but we are unable to fill those needs and it is very > frustrating. i know I am blathering but it is so nice to talk to > someone who knows what I am talking about. Currently he is on 3 > medications and they seem to be working pretty well for him. > concerta for the ADHD, Risperdal for the BIPolar and Neurontin for > the skin sensitivity and the BiPolar. I have researched and > researched the diagnosises, the medications, the doctors, the > counselors and have learned a ton of information and some of the > symptoms and signs are there just as with any " disorder " and some > are not...it is a guessing game as to what will work with him and > what will not. Beilieve me I know he is frustrated and feels like > no one understands him, and to be honest most of the time we do > not. There is s world and our world, I DO NOT want to > change my funny, charming,intelligent, wonderful son, I do however, > want to at least help him gain the skills that our society deems > neccesary for him to exist in the world. .My main issues to cut to > the chase are hygiene- (hairwashing is a 1 or 2 times every 2 weeks- > a major battle, I believe it is due to hypersensitive skin...face > washing, and brushing of teeth all are a major battles) and Changing > of clothes on a daily basis. Ya know if I could get this part of it > handled, I believe I could help him in other areas. > Thanks for listening to me rant...lol. > > ROse > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2007 Report Share Posted July 22, 2007 " ...not so much to change him to conform but I like the idea Tom gave to strip away the socialtal notions and be who he was intended to be. What really ticks me off is that everyone we deal with insists that he conform and that just ticks me off... so what he likes to wear long pants and dress shoes... he looks nice and it makes him feel good... who cares what time of year it is... or if it is in fashion... I can go on and on... but won't... thanks for the input if anyone else has anything to share please do.... thank you for helping me. " I have gotten sick of being told to conform/fit in throughout my life and I have tried at times, it didn't work and at times when I have been trying to fit in, I have actually being accused of trying to be different! Now I just have given up on such. I have never had an interest in fashion, other than historically and what drives such; but as for having and wearing the latest fashion/fads/celebs etc - I really don't care. Thing is now I realise that some do actually envy the fact I have my own style, own thoughts and the fact I do not adhere to social conformity - not all will admit such, but many non aspies would I suspect love just to be theirselves and yet are scared to stand out and not fit in. Tom gave a very good example why non aspies 'goof off' in the work place, because I believe they want to fit in with others and be popular - but I personally believe if you are being paid to do a job, that is what you do and you do your best - that this isn't appreciated always confuses me and likely confuses many others on the spectrum. I am here to work, I am working, why is this deemed bad? > > Hello Tom, > A heart felt thank you, the information is wonderful, In all my > research I have not been able to talk to anyone who is AS and there > in lies my frustration, how can I help him if I can not understand > what it is he is. That being said i will take your advice and look > at the pod casts and see about joining the group for non AS family > members, but would still like to stick around and listen and ask for > advice from you who understand what Mitch is going through on a > daily basis. > > Yes all of you are very chatty and very inteligent as far as I can > see. There are some very thought provoking conversations going on > in here. All I can say is well done. > > I will take you up on your invitation to stay ;0) and please be > assured all of you that I am not going to be posting a lot I really > need to " see " into what it is Mitch " sees " and you all can help me > with my quest, not so much to change him to conform but I like the > idea Tom gave to strip away the socialtal notions and be who he was > intended to be. What really ticks me off is that everyone we deal > with insists that he conform and that just ticks me off... so what > he likes to wear long pants and dress shoes... he looks nice and it > makes him feel good... who cares what time of year it is... or if it > is in fashion... I can go on and on... but won't... thanks for the > input if anyone else has anything to share please do.... thank you > for helping me. Talk to you soon. > > Rose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2007 Report Share Posted July 22, 2007 " This group is founded on the idea that we should all accept ourselves, but not be too complacent either. Most of us here have fashioned out some kind of living for ourselves, or at least have managed to find some online friends, or have become a bit more optimistic about ourselves, which in many cases is more than meds and therapy have done. " Oh I remember first arriving in this group and at the time was at the point people in my life were pointing out I was likely aspie, although I sought a diagnosis (I needed to know personally for myself). When I arrived here at first I was rather wary - living in this world had already made me feel as if I was abnormal in some way and I was scared that I would yet again be treated as such. I was very nervous at first and often when I posted initially I would say things like 'I hope that makes sense'. Basically I always was doubting that I would be understood as offline I have a lot of difficulties interacting and often people just do not understand what I am trying to get across. I guess I also lacked a lot of confidence when I first arrived at this forum and often apologised a lot too - this was pointed out to me by one of the people from the forum. After being here a while I began to realise that I wasn't considered 'abnormal' and that people did understand and could relate to what I was saying and I to them and I also realised I didn't need to constantly apologise for basically being me (but that is how the world had made me feel). > > " Yes all of you are very chatty and very inteligent as far as I can > see. There are some very thought provoking conversations going on > in here. All I can say is well done. " > > Well, as I said earlier, we all have different levels of > functionality, but we say and post here is what goes on inside our > heads. The problem, as you say, is that most people cannot see > inside our heads. > > I don't know if you have ever seen that old bugs bunny cartoon where > this construction worker is tearing down a building, and in the > cornerstone is a box. Within the box is a frog, who promptly gets > out and dances and sings. > > The construction worker thinks there is money in this so he brings > the frog to a talent agency, but all the frog will do there > is " Brrrrrrrrrrrroooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk! " > > Not dissuaded, the optimistic construction worker gathers together > all the money he has and buys a theatre and sends out fliers. People > rush in to see the frog, who is singing and dancing back stage, but > when the curtain is lifted... > > " Brrrrrrrrrrrroooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk! " > > He winds up taking the frog to the construction site and puts the > frog in the cornerstone for the new building and seals it up. > > AS people are like that frog, and a select few people are like that > construction worker. > > > > " I will take you up on your invitation to stay ;0) and please be > assured all of you that I am not going to be posting a lot I really > need to " see " into what it is Mitch " sees " and you all can help me > with my quest, not so much to change him to conform but I like the > idea Tom gave to strip away the socialtal notions and be who he was > intended to be. " > > I think the more question you ask the better. If you just sit > silently and watch, you may misunderstand some of the things that > happen here. > > For instance, as you can see, we are in the midst of a number of > conversations which might appear topical to anyone. But they are in > fact reflective of our perseverative interests, which is why for > example, you could go back three years and see is talking about > pretty much the same things in many cases. > > Do we ever get tired of the same old things? Some do but many don't. > > " What really ticks me off is that everyone we deal with insists that > he conform and that just ticks me off...' > > Well, there is no crime in wanting him to conform. The problem is > that he can never completely conform. Recently, Scherer at > Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto identified the GENES which autistics > have. This means that we are built a certain way, and not much will > change us in terms of therapy or medication. (No therapy or > medication will change your eye color for example.) But medication > does help with co-morbidities, and therapy helps to the extent that > it can relieve stress and give us coping mechanisms to deal with the > real world. > > The biggest misconception about AS people is that people think we > are just social rejects who are not willing to make the changes > necessary to fit in. That is untrue. Even when we make the changes, > people sense enough differences in us that we just are not accepted. > As much as society promotes tolerance, we can accept others, but > others cannot accept us, which is why most of us struggle, except > those like Bill Gates and Speilberg, who have AS and managed > to break free of the reigns and harnesses put on them. > > This group is founded on the idea that we should all accept > ourselves, but not be too complacent either. Most of us here have > fashioned out some kind of living for ourselves, or at least have > managed to find some online friends, or have become a bit more > optimistic about ourselves, which in many cases is more than meds > and therapy have done. > > Tom > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2007 Report Share Posted July 23, 2007 " I have never had an interest in fashion, other than historically and what drives such; but as for having and wearing the latest fashion/fads/celebs etc - I really don't care. " Thing is now I realise that some do actually envy the fact I have my own style, own thoughts and the fact I do not adhere to social conformity - not all will admit such, but many non aspies would I suspect love just to be theirselves and yet are scared to stand out and not fit in. " I have a green jacket with loads of patches on it and an Indiana type hat I take out with me when I hike. People think it is cool. Some people think I am a park ranger. Some people think I am a boy scout. I've found lots of people ask me for directions when I wear this jacket, and they ask me questions about nature. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2007 Report Share Posted July 23, 2007 , Hi and thanks for the input... I believe we are going to try and get him involved in a group but have not had the time to find one in our area... and finances are not the best to be transporting... we are in the stages of getting help and respite for him and us... you are right... he needs to be in a group of AS that way he does not feel so strange.... more of a fit for him. Rose > > > > Hi Ender, > > It is a bit of missed social activies due to his lack of interest > > and inablility to handle large groups and is apathy and > > unwillingness to take on regular responsibilities of daily life, > > coupled with a huge sense of what is right and wrong in his eyes > and > > being completely unable to comprimise. (There is are not any issues > > with bullies as of yet) He is better than he was we enrolled him in > > a special school called Hammitt > > (http://www.thebabyfold.org/progserv/hammittschool.html)and he has > > grown in leaps and bounds in the social area, but he craves > > friendship and has none in our town. I guess I just worry he needs > > so much but we are unable to fill those needs and it is very > > frustrating. i know I am blathering but it is so nice to talk to > > someone who knows what I am talking about. Currently he is on 3 > > medications and they seem to be working pretty well for him. > > concerta for the ADHD, Risperdal for the BIPolar and Neurontin for > > the skin sensitivity and the BiPolar. I have researched and > > researched the diagnosises, the medications, the doctors, the > > counselors and have learned a ton of information and some of the > > symptoms and signs are there just as with any " disorder " and some > > are not...it is a guessing game as to what will work with him and > > what will not. Beilieve me I know he is frustrated and feels like > > no one understands him, and to be honest most of the time we do > > not. There is s world and our world, I DO NOT want to > > change my funny, charming,intelligent, wonderful son, I do however, > > want to at least help him gain the skills that our society deems > > neccesary for him to exist in the world. .My main issues to cut to > > the chase are hygiene- (hairwashing is a 1 or 2 times every 2 weeks- > > > a major battle, I believe it is due to hypersensitive skin...face > > washing, and brushing of teeth all are a major battles) and > Changing > > of clothes on a daily basis. Ya know if I could get this part of it > > handled, I believe I could help him in other areas. > > Thanks for listening to me rant...lol. > > > > ROse > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 > > I understand but getting Mitch to understand is more of the issue. > He sees other kids who do not have Aspergers and they are helped > with their problems whatever they may be, and then here he is and he > gets so frustrated... wanting to be " normal " I tell him he is normal > for him... and for us and we are the ones that matter...We try very > hard to reassure him that he is and we love him no matter > what. He said to me yesterday " I have Aspergers? Why does that > sound familiar? " We have told him before but there are no > information packets written for teenage boys about what to expect > with aspergers. I understand why... but that does not help me. I > really want to take a bit of everyone's conversations and let him > see them...I beleive it would help him. > > Rose Aspergers isn't a disease. there is no rash or Epi pen for an acute attack, no glycerine tab. It is a different way of thinking and being but it isn't wrong and it doesn't need to be fixed but translation has to be worked out. You must translate this world and his world. He may look at things more honestly. he will be a truer friend, an honest worker, an idealist. that isn't a bad thing. Like Raven's son he may turn to writing philosophy, medicine, history fantasy. He will even be truer to his hobbies. As can be your friend in a supported community or an enemy when one is mocked. It can be a loving place or a wasteland. That is where you come in Rose. He can never feel broken, just a different model. cars have different models and features and while not everyone wants every feature all have value to some. Mitch will need to find his own space. You help him to be unafraid to reach his goals, you are the lighthouse guiding him into shore safely. He still has to steer though and that is a parents worry, but that is the way it must be he has to pilot his own ship, he has to (study people) to read his own maps (you are doing what any parent does showing him the way. Loving who he is(and making him feel secure and whole) The world storms and he must survive those storms. While AS doesn't make him broken he must still do the work I am a jewess, I fought with a Rabbi once who said because we are the chosen people we don't have to do anything but be. I argued that we must do our own work, being chosen means nothing witout our own effort and that in the end of days his non-effort would bring punishment. The Lord help those that help themselves. As is no different. Time and circumstance (you are his environment, his advocate, his teacher, and he is all of those things to you. I am not saying that it will be smooth sailing all the time. it won't but mostly I feel with my own child that bringing the world to him in manageable chunks while also keeping it at bay is my job. My son's job is to be a sponge. I guess I am also manipulative. If I know he has an issue with something I undertake it and then give it to him to handle. I work on each thing teaching him(by hit and miss) what he needs to make something ok. The germ thing For example we got a book about germs, we went online and looked at how germs get in and what was clean and dirty. i wash his clothing everyday, point out inconsistancies in germ removal. Washing hands after toileting, washing cuts and even being stinky. well I could go on but it gets pretty graphic. We even went online and looked at medical posters to see where stuff went and what it looked like. that eased him. I also need to know things, to calm me down. how a thing works could also work for you. Plus you can learn alot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 > > It is rare that a doctor or a professional who does NOT have AS can > completely understand those who do have it. > > AS people are quiet by nature, and sometimes we find it hard to > express ourselves orally. But as you see here, we can talk at great > length with logic and make sense. You can learn a lot from us, but > remember to use common sense before acting on what you hear, and > medical advice should come only from a professional. > > Tom > Administrator > I am being bold in adding this It is my view Mimi's that AS individuals value choice and the right to gather information to choose. we respect free will and take responsibility seriously and while we may give opinion none of us would want you to take what we have written blindly without doing your own math. We would not want to cause any harm by our ideas. this is a thing that is very strong in myself and anything I take up I take up fully. Literally putting my soul on the line. I intend no harm, but in 3rd party situation everything is not knowable. I am very careful in what I commit to. Once I saved a person's life against their will, I have ever wondered if it was the right thing to do. On the surface, perhaps yes but what if I prolonged his suffering by my act. I did act, and quickly and I supported him when that person went to the hospital and beyond. anyway the point was everything has a consequence, a life after the moment decision was made. You the parent are the conscience party. We are only voices in the fog. I hope I can convey how deep this is for me anyway as I would not want to put words in the mouth of others. You may find your own child is also imbued with this feeling of duty. (as pehaps yourself) many of us. Myself certainly, feel tremendous loss over things that do not affect us personally. I have often been accused of parenting adults, being an enabler, trying to protect those that will take advantage. This is one reason I hide from people. the desire to aide, anyway I am getting lost in my point. What other people take for granted, may bring me to my knees with tears. yet what outrages many may get a laugh from me. it depends on wether i place value on it(in my way of thought) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 > > After being here a while I began to realise that I wasn't > considered 'abnormal' and that people did understand and could relate > to what I was saying and I to them and I also realised I didn't need > to constantly apologise for basically being me (but that is how the > world had made me feel). > > > I was accused of always needed to prove myself my motives my thinking. Of driving my point to hard. of being over sensititive etc etc, after being here a while the world that I fought with so often made a place for me. I made sense and others made sense. If I wrote something confusing I wasn't banned from humanity (I could explain, refine and reword and things got better) Situations weren't dire life and death disapproval. I fully imersed myself in my world and now I am better at knowing how to protect myself from overstimulation. How to let go of misunderstanding, where I can have a voice and when to be cautious. even how to weigh my efforts so as not to get burned or burned out. I get low as many of us do. we disallusion easily, are mortally wounded when we are betrayed, hide for weeks and months (sometimes i only interact with others by watching and being silent) to me that is interaction because I have taken in data. But s last few posts about strategy in social setting and escape routes is myself as well. Yet we all are different and do different things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 > > I have a green jacket with loads of patches on it and an Indiana > type hat I take out with me when I hike. People think it is > cool. Some people think I am a park ranger. Some people think I am a > boy scout. I've found lots of people ask me for directions when I > wear this jacket, and they ask me questions about nature. > > Tom > Administrator > I have to laugh as this is a non-verbal cue. Likely you know the answers. You look like a knowledgeable trustworthy person. It is that energy vampires read these cues too (so maybe not so funny) but you can talk with attire if people are willing to listen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 10:16:12 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: by the way was fascinated by the art work and photos posted here... (except for the nude- he said "ewww yuck next pic please" under his breath...LOL) we printed a few for his walls and he was interested in reading the Aspergian Miracle Web page as well, then had to find cuniform writing to print so he could study it. Right up his alley. Rose I believe that one was put up by a member in her own section. I haven't looked at those in a long time though. The picture change now and then. I will put up some of my animal pictures and pictures from my travels and the place in Alabama. If you are interested, I could try to find some of those old pics and put up some, if you and your son like pictures of buildings, like the old barns and churches. The pictures of my collections are something new, mostly because I was looking for something to do that didn't involve going out in the high summer heat. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 10:16:12 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: by the way was fascinated by the art work and photos posted here... (except for the nude- he said "ewww yuck next pic please" under his breath...LOL) we printed a few for his walls and he was interested in reading the Aspergian Miracle Web page as well, then had to find cuniform writing to print so he could study it. Right up his alley. Rose I believe that one was put up by a member in her own section. I haven't looked at those in a long time though. The picture change now and then. I will put up some of my animal pictures and pictures from my travels and the place in Alabama. If you are interested, I could try to find some of those old pics and put up some, if you and your son like pictures of buildings, like the old barns and churches. The pictures of my collections are something new, mostly because I was looking for something to do that didn't involve going out in the high summer heat. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 I really appreciate your thoughts and insights and wanted all of you who have posted here to understand that I am only looking for insight and information. is doing well and my only thought in this process is to try to understand how he thinks. I figured if I understood his thought process a little better I would be able to better communitcate with him. I have researched and read and re-read all kinds of books, pamplets, web pages, info sheets, spoken to many many doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, peers, teachers, principals and on and on.... I cannot count the amount of information i have already gathered. That being said, the most informative and helpful information I gathered here in this forum from people who actually live with AS everyday. This helps me to understand Mitch and IF I understand him, I can help him find his path in life, whatever that may be. I hold no ideal for him, I only want him to be happy and sucessful at whatever it is he decides to do. In a way I am like that mother bear, who wants to protect her cub from any harm. I want him to explore and find out on his own, but God help the person who gets in his way or tells him he cannot do it...I WILL step up and let them know that CAN'T never did anything. (don't worry I do know when to step back and let him fight his own battles) I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing. So THANK YOU to everyone for your overwhelming responses and giving me insight to what it is like to live with AS. All of your comments were heartfelt and have helped me more than I can say. I will contiune to post (very few) and see what is happening in here. If I have an issue I will post a new thread and again ask for help. by the way was fascinated by the art work and photos posted here... (except for the nude- he said " ewww yuck next pic please " under his breath...LOL) we printed a few for his walls and he was interested in reading the Aspergian Miracle Web page as well, then had to find cuniform writing to print so he could study it. Right up his alley. Rose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Rose wrote: " ... <snip> ... after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing ... <snip> ..." Rose, I am wading in late on this topic because I was away on business these past couple of weeks when you have been posting. Like you, I was told to give up on my AS child very early in the game and like you, I refused to give up on my AS child. I, too, am AS and my son is AS with multiple co-morbid disabilities. Doctors and other alleged professionals who deal with AS but who do not have AS themselves are doommongers and fearmongers of the highest degree in my opinion (based on personal experience). Perhaps it will bring you some modicum of relief to check out my son's website (he just turned 12) to help you continue to feel settled with your decision to continue helping Mitch be the person he is. Please click on http://www.thisislewis.net and read what is posted. Also, read his latest extensive interview with Donna for Irked Magazine by clicking HERE . And to get a sense of how he perceives the world, you can listen to the MIC podcast by clicking HERE to hear my son discuss a number of things from his recent interview with world renown autistic author, Donna to his views on life in general and quite a bit in between. Raven Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing. " I've had some professionals tell me that in the past children like my son would have been locked away in institutions and forgotton about, I have had others say I should put him in care and forget about him and other such horrible things. This is my child, my son; it saddens me what some attitudes are, saddens, appals, scares :-( > > I really appreciate your thoughts and insights and wanted all of you > who have posted here to understand that I am only looking for > insight and information. is doing well and my only thought > in this process is to try to understand how he thinks. I figured if > I understood his thought process a little better I would be able to > better communitcate with him. I have researched and read and re- read > all kinds of books, pamplets, web pages, info sheets, spoken to many > many doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, peers, teachers, principals > and on and on.... I cannot count the amount of information i have > already gathered. That being said, the most informative and helpful > information I gathered here in this forum from people who actually > live with AS everyday. This helps me to understand Mitch and IF I > understand him, I can help him find his path in life, whatever that > may be. I hold no ideal for him, I only want him to be happy and > sucessful at whatever it is he decides to do. > > In a way I am like that mother bear, who wants to protect her cub > from any harm. I want him to explore and find out on his own, but > God help the person who gets in his way or tells him he cannot do > it...I WILL step up and let them know that CAN'T never did anything. > (don't worry I do know when to step back and let him fight his own > battles) > > I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors > telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him > up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my > child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed > should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their > settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of > doing. > > So THANK YOU to everyone for your overwhelming responses and giving > me insight to what it is like to live with AS. All of your comments > were heartfelt and have helped me more than I can say. I will > contiune to post (very few) and see what is happening in here. If I > have an issue I will post a new thread and again ask for help. > > by the way was fascinated by the art work and photos posted > here... (except for the nude- he said " ewww yuck next pic please " > under his breath...LOL) we printed a few for his walls and he was > interested in reading the Aspergian Miracle Web page as well, then > had to find cuniform writing to print so he could study it. Right up > his alley. > > Rose > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing. " I've had some professionals tell me that in the past children like my son would have been locked away in institutions and forgotton about, I have had others say I should put him in care and forget about him and other such horrible things. This is my child, my son; it saddens me what some attitudes are, saddens, appals, scares :-( > > I really appreciate your thoughts and insights and wanted all of you > who have posted here to understand that I am only looking for > insight and information. is doing well and my only thought > in this process is to try to understand how he thinks. I figured if > I understood his thought process a little better I would be able to > better communitcate with him. I have researched and read and re- read > all kinds of books, pamplets, web pages, info sheets, spoken to many > many doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, peers, teachers, principals > and on and on.... I cannot count the amount of information i have > already gathered. That being said, the most informative and helpful > information I gathered here in this forum from people who actually > live with AS everyday. This helps me to understand Mitch and IF I > understand him, I can help him find his path in life, whatever that > may be. I hold no ideal for him, I only want him to be happy and > sucessful at whatever it is he decides to do. > > In a way I am like that mother bear, who wants to protect her cub > from any harm. I want him to explore and find out on his own, but > God help the person who gets in his way or tells him he cannot do > it...I WILL step up and let them know that CAN'T never did anything. > (don't worry I do know when to step back and let him fight his own > battles) > > I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors > telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him > up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my > child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed > should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their > settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of > doing. > > So THANK YOU to everyone for your overwhelming responses and giving > me insight to what it is like to live with AS. All of your comments > were heartfelt and have helped me more than I can say. I will > contiune to post (very few) and see what is happening in here. If I > have an issue I will post a new thread and again ask for help. > > by the way was fascinated by the art work and photos posted > here... (except for the nude- he said " ewww yuck next pic please " > under his breath...LOL) we printed a few for his walls and he was > interested in reading the Aspergian Miracle Web page as well, then > had to find cuniform writing to print so he could study it. Right up > his alley. > > Rose > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 4:06:09 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: I added some pics of myself, usually I take very bad pictures, these are not the best or the worst. anyway I like pictures of barns churches buildings, I even liked the tanks. One of your "shells" is pink tipped does that denote something in particular? I'll look for ones of the barn and churches, they should be on one of these disks. If not, I'm got some that I took with film camera and I should be able to scan them and then post them. As for the shells, I found a list of what they are on the company website, the company I bought them from that is. The pink is probably the purple and was used for test purposes. Thanks about the tanks. They weren't easy to do because there was a lot of detail on them and the lighting isn't very good in here. 1.Target Practice (blue) 2.Armor piercing discarding sabot* (black tip with very heavy tungsten penetrator showing) 3.Armor piercing (black) 4.High explosive incendiary (yellow/red) 5.High explosive (yellow) 6.High Pressure Gun Proof Test (purple) 7.Propellant Test (yellow with somewhat faded black text)Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 4:06:09 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: I added some pics of myself, usually I take very bad pictures, these are not the best or the worst. anyway I like pictures of barns churches buildings, I even liked the tanks. One of your "shells" is pink tipped does that denote something in particular? I'll look for ones of the barn and churches, they should be on one of these disks. If not, I'm got some that I took with film camera and I should be able to scan them and then post them. As for the shells, I found a list of what they are on the company website, the company I bought them from that is. The pink is probably the purple and was used for test purposes. Thanks about the tanks. They weren't easy to do because there was a lot of detail on them and the lighting isn't very good in here. 1.Target Practice (blue) 2.Armor piercing discarding sabot* (black tip with very heavy tungsten penetrator showing) 3.Armor piercing (black) 4.High explosive incendiary (yellow/red) 5.High explosive (yellow) 6.High Pressure Gun Proof Test (purple) 7.Propellant Test (yellow with somewhat faded black text)Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing. " What you have experienced is what I frequently witness as an AS advocate. Doctos are " professionally distant " and they believe this causes them to be " objective " and " realistic. " What they do is look at the child's case and estimate how much effort it would take the child to help himself/herself and whether or not the child is capable of self-motivation. Then they look at how much help a child will need and whether or not that help can be provided in the real world. Lastly, they evaluate whether or not the parent is up to the challenge. Sometimes a doctor knows that a child will be able to improve on their own and with a parent's support, but they believe the parent is not up to the challenge, and so residential treatment is suggested. The parent then goes away believing that it is the child's problem and not their own. You are the type of parent who believes in exhausting every avenue to ensure that her child gets what he needs. You are actually one of a minority, which is why doctors are NOT inclined to believe that you will be able to do what you need for your child. It is NOT prejudice on their part exactly. They are making a forecast based on what they have seen before. Most parents SAY they have the stamina to do what needs to be done, but they do NOT. You do have the stamina. So just keep doing what you are doing and things will surely improve. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. I reufse to let their settling for mediocrity be the basis on what my son is capable of doing. " What you have experienced is what I frequently witness as an AS advocate. Doctos are " professionally distant " and they believe this causes them to be " objective " and " realistic. " What they do is look at the child's case and estimate how much effort it would take the child to help himself/herself and whether or not the child is capable of self-motivation. Then they look at how much help a child will need and whether or not that help can be provided in the real world. Lastly, they evaluate whether or not the parent is up to the challenge. Sometimes a doctor knows that a child will be able to improve on their own and with a parent's support, but they believe the parent is not up to the challenge, and so residential treatment is suggested. The parent then goes away believing that it is the child's problem and not their own. You are the type of parent who believes in exhausting every avenue to ensure that her child gets what he needs. You are actually one of a minority, which is why doctors are NOT inclined to believe that you will be able to do what you need for your child. It is NOT prejudice on their part exactly. They are making a forecast based on what they have seen before. Most parents SAY they have the stamina to do what needs to be done, but they do NOT. You do have the stamina. So just keep doing what you are doing and things will surely improve. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > > " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors > telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him > up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my > child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed > should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. > The > parent then goes away believing that it is the child's problem and not > their own. > Most parents SAY they have the stamina to do what > needs to be done, but they do NOT. > > Tom > Administrator > It had not occured to me this way, but that is what I have seen over and over and with my own child. Each time I was cautioned by dr's, and family to give up before I started. I have gone to confrences attended advocacy training, gone to parent leadership series, spoke to dr's and met parents that look for fairy dust. Something that leaves them to vacation, eat out, get any babysitter, or watch american idol on TV. But as Tom has said there is another faction, a secret society if you will of people like you that are unwilling to ensure their own child's failure. Life is precious, but it still suprises me when I see parents give up and give away their children. I know there are those that have tried everything and that was the right answer, but I know children that languish in placements that don't need to be there. Anyway Tom you have given me a new perspective on the medical profession. (I simply thought they were weak willed and cruel, while also being pompous and inflated) They couldn't do it so what made them think I could. In fact sometimes the size of a parent plays a role, I kept being told that at 3 he could hurt me at 6 or 7 or 8 I would be over powered. Anyway I am glad you are doing what you are doing Rose for yourself and your son. Don't be shy, I was quite whiney until it dawned on me that here I wasn't an alien. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > > " I know that may sound extreme, but after listening to doctors > telling me I should put my son in residential treatment, or give him > up because he will always be with us... I refuse to accept that my > child, who is very intelligent, and does have the skills to succeed > should be placed on a shelf to gather dust. > The > parent then goes away believing that it is the child's problem and not > their own. > Most parents SAY they have the stamina to do what > needs to be done, but they do NOT. > > Tom > Administrator > It had not occured to me this way, but that is what I have seen over and over and with my own child. Each time I was cautioned by dr's, and family to give up before I started. I have gone to confrences attended advocacy training, gone to parent leadership series, spoke to dr's and met parents that look for fairy dust. Something that leaves them to vacation, eat out, get any babysitter, or watch american idol on TV. But as Tom has said there is another faction, a secret society if you will of people like you that are unwilling to ensure their own child's failure. Life is precious, but it still suprises me when I see parents give up and give away their children. I know there are those that have tried everything and that was the right answer, but I know children that languish in placements that don't need to be there. Anyway Tom you have given me a new perspective on the medical profession. (I simply thought they were weak willed and cruel, while also being pompous and inflated) They couldn't do it so what made them think I could. In fact sometimes the size of a parent plays a role, I kept being told that at 3 he could hurt me at 6 or 7 or 8 I would be over powered. Anyway I am glad you are doing what you are doing Rose for yourself and your son. Don't be shy, I was quite whiney until it dawned on me that here I wasn't an alien. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > like pictures of buildings, like the old barns and churches. The pictures of > my collections are something new, mostly because I was looking for something > to do that didn't involve going out in the high summer heat. > > I added some pics of myself, usually I take very bad pictures, these are not the best or the worst. anyway I like pictures of barns churches buildings, I even liked the tanks. One of your " shells " is pink tipped does that denote something in particular? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > like pictures of buildings, like the old barns and churches. The pictures of > my collections are something new, mostly because I was looking for something > to do that didn't involve going out in the high summer heat. > > I added some pics of myself, usually I take very bad pictures, these are not the best or the worst. anyway I like pictures of barns churches buildings, I even liked the tanks. One of your " shells " is pink tipped does that denote something in particular? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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