Re: Ashamed and Afraid

[Guest guest]

Marie ~

I totally feel for you. I was thinking about sending a message that would

have almost sounded exactly the same. The only difference with mine is I'm

having some light shortness of breath too. I'm worried that my port may have

slipped or that for some reason my hialated hernia is back (which was fixed at

the same time as my surgery). I had a fill last month it was very small .2cc so

I have a total of 2.8 cc in my 4 cc band. I do know that a few days ago I had a

binge day of a lot of chocolate but I think that was a side effect (emotional

eating) of the way I have felt for the last few months.

I'm very curious to see what kind of responses you get because hopefully they

will give me some direction or inspiration too.

I don't have my next appointment until Oct 2nd, but if the shortness of breath

thing keeps up I will be going in sooner.

Audrey H

Dr. Oh 08/02/05

295/193/198/150

high/low/now/goal

Marie <catgal1968@...> wrote:

OK everyone,

I have to come clean. I have been on a major plateau for many many months, but

recently, my weight has began creeping up! I have gained a total of 12 pounds

from my low point. This makes me feel awful, ashamed, and scared, not feelings

that are condusive to weight loss. I am going for a fill today and would not be

surprised if I lost a lot of my fluid. I am afraid that my port, or tubing is

leaking or that my tubing has disconnected. I have not been able to control my

eating lately and it scares the heck out of me. My stomach has been upset lately

too, on and off, which also makes me fear that my band has slipped. No reflux or

anything, just an ache.

I know I have a problem with compulsive, emotional, and boredom eating, which is

why I was banded in the first place. So I am not surprised that I am having

trouble because I can eat anything. It's just very discouraging.

What am I doing about it? Going for a fill, going to the gym to treadmill or

going for walks if it's nice out, using guided imagery CD's, seeing my therapist

tonight where I will bring this up, and God willing, getting back to basics

after this fill.

Anyone else have some advice for someone that feels out of control?

Thanks,

Marie

Dr. Gellman - 10/27/04

Highest Recorded Weight - 318

Pre-Sugery Weight - 301.2

Low Weight - 235

Current Weight - 247 (UGH!)

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Audrey,

Thanks so much for your kind response. It is nice to know that there is

someone else in this boat with me. We have to get the water out so we don't

sink and start rowing like mad.

I went for me fill and to my shock and horror, the Dr. pulled out 2 of the 2.1

cc's I had put in at my last fill. I was very discouraged when he only bumped

me back up to 2.1. I told him that I was gaining weight and when he asked me

what I was eating, I LIED!!!! That's right. I was too ashamed to tell him that

the night before, I had eated 2 slices of pizza, a light ice cream cone, AND a

bag of popcorn. UGH!

I went to my therapist last night and outed myself to her as well. She is

going to work with me for the next month on getting through this rough time.

Last night I was starving and had soup for dinner and was still feeling

emotionally hungry. I was very dissapointed. I listened to one of my guided

imagery CD's.

This morning, I am eating 6oz of yogurt for breakfast and it is actually

making me FULL. Maybe there is some hope for me after all!

Watch out for your shortness of breath. Even if you have to see your GP about

it.

---------------------------------

Stay in the know. Pulse on the new .com. Check it out.

[Guest guest]

, you are doing all the right things, you are getting " back in the saddle "

so to speak!

Many of us have plateaued and gained a bit, and the mutual support we

can give each other is the best way we can all get restarted! I too have gained

about 12 pounds -- please God may it remain just 12 and go back down again!

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives!

Tonight is also Rosh Hashonah, the Jewish New Year and time of renewal.

It's a time we thank God for the many blessings we have received and ask for

forgiveness for the things we have done wrong, to others and to ourselves. May

we all look forward to the new year, to peace in the world, and peace in our

hearts.

G. in Olympia 255/150 low/162 now/140goal. 12/03 Dr. Kuri

C-)

[Guest guest]

Marie,

Up 12 isn't like up 75. Up 12 is manageable, changable, fixable.

Don't make it overwhelming. Do the right things, follow the rules.

Soup isn't a rule.

I understand the fear part. I have a terrible fear of failure. I try

very hard not to feel ashamed. The reason is that shame is very self-

defeating and will put me in the same cycle of eating and not

exercising that made me obese in the first place. Don't get me

wrong, I do get discouraged but every meal where I make the right

choices is a win. Every time I exercise is a win. I try and measure

my life in 7 day increments and make sure that there are way more

many wins than losses. A loss isn't one cookie, either. A loss is 5

cookies. One cookie isn't how I became obese. One cookie isn't going

to make me feel ashamed, either. There are days, by the way, that I

have eaten 5 cookies. But I get back in the saddle the next meal and

try and stay in the saddle just as long as possible.

I love my band. I get frustrated when I see crazy extra pounds creep

on for no good reason. But I know that I can use this as a tool for

the rest of my life. So can you.

All the best,

[Guest guest]

Friday, September 22, 2006, 2:16:08 PM, you wrote:

> I understand the fear part. I have a terrible fear of failure. I try

> very hard not to feel ashamed. The reason is that shame is very self-

> defeating and will put me in the same cycle of eating and not

> exercising that made me obese in the first place

Absolutely right. We've all failed at " diets " of various sorts many

times. I don't think anyone chooses the band as a " first choice "

before ever trying to lose with some other method.

And we're all very familiar with shame, as tons of shame are dumped on

obese people...after all we're so darn stupid we can't even push

ourselves away from the table, so we must be dumber than rocks...etc,

etc. We've all heard it a million times, whether from coworkers,

" friends " , doctors, siblings, parents, and so forth.

And then there's the shame from failing at WW, JC, LAWL, and all the

others....

But the shame is over. And NO ONE HERE is ever going to shame you. I

can guarantee that....or if they do I'll be sure they don't do it here

again.

dan

--

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....

[Guest guest]

---Hi band sisters;

I loved your email on this topic. I have been suffering from

emotional eating lately. I was banded in April with enthusiasm

brewing over. Now, I have not had such good luck with my fills and I

feel like catgal. I am so afraid that my port is dislocated or I have

a leak. I feel like I can stuff stuff stuff. Yes, I end up feeling

very full but I have never felt sick and I can eat almost anything

except rice. I really want to get back on track. Pick myself up by my

bootstraps so to speak and get a healthy body. Let's do this. I

know protein is first. I don't do that well either. I don't like meat

very much. I need to get off of my duff and start using my brain. I

get lazy and think this fat is going to go away one day and I wake up

and more is on. I have gone from 281 to 241 right now. I lost a lot

of it during pre band for my pre op. It is frustrating. I have been

binging for day's. I am back in my old thinking, I am going to diet

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. God help me. I am pleading. I do

wonder if I should have just taken the tuffer but surer road.

Bypass. Anyway, I am banded and want to get back to basics. I also

have the guided imagry. I just got it and slipped already and missed

a night of listening. Thank you all for your replies on this topic.

Good luck Cat. We can do this. Let's stick together.

In , " " <chaiuka2000@...> wrote:

>

> Marie,

>

> Up 12 isn't like up 75. Up 12 is manageable, changable, fixable.

> Don't make it overwhelming. Do the right things, follow the rules.

> Soup isn't a rule.

>

> I understand the fear part. I have a terrible fear of failure. I

try

> very hard not to feel ashamed. The reason is that shame is very

self-

> defeating and will put me in the same cycle of eating and not

> exercising that made me obese in the first place. Don't get me

> wrong, I do get discouraged but every meal where I make the right

> choices is a win. Every time I exercise is a win. I try and measure

> my life in 7 day increments and make sure that there are way more

> many wins than losses. A loss isn't one cookie, either. A loss is 5

> cookies. One cookie isn't how I became obese. One cookie isn't

going

> to make me feel ashamed, either. There are days, by the way, that I

> have eaten 5 cookies. But I get back in the saddle the next meal

and

> try and stay in the saddle just as long as possible.

>

> I love my band. I get frustrated when I see crazy extra pounds

creep

> on for no good reason. But I know that I can use this as a tool for

> the rest of my life. So can you.

>

> All the best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thursday, September 21, 2006, 9:40:01 AM, you wrote:

> I have to come clean. I have been on a major plateau for many

> many months, but recently, my weight has began creeping up! I have

> gained a total of 12 pounds from my low point. This makes me feel

> awful, ashamed, and scared, not feelings that are condusive to

> weight loss. I am going for a fill today and would not be surprised

> if I lost a lot of my fluid.

Not necessarily. Sure, you could have a leak, but not likely. Your

band does what it wants to do. So does your stomach. It is surely

possible for things to " settle in place " and affect your tightness.

> I am afraid that my port, or tubing is

> leaking or that my tubing has disconnected. I have not been able to

> control my eating lately and it scares the heck out of me.

Even if you're VERY tight you can overeat. Been there, done that,

especially with soft things.

> My

> stomach has been upset lately too, on and off, which also makes me

> fear that my band has slipped. No reflux or anything, just an ache.

>

And eating wrong things, or too much, will also cause stomach upset,

whether you get reflux or not. Slips are not likely.

> I know I have a problem with compulsive, emotional, and boredom

> eating, which is why I was banded in the first place. So I am not

> surprised that I am having trouble because I can eat anything. It's just very

discouraging.

>

If you can eat anything, there are two things....first, get a fill and

your band checked. Second, work on NOT eating that bad stuff. Even a

tight band won't stop eating soft stuff, high calorie stuff, and all

that. The band is a helper, but can't do its job without your

cooperation.

> What am I doing about it? Going for a fill, going to the gym to

> treadmill or going for walks if it's nice out, using guided imagery

> CD's, seeing my therapist tonight where I will bring this up, and

> God willing, getting back to basics after this fill.

All of those sound good. You'll be back on track soon, I'm sure.

>

> Anyone else have some advice for someone that feels out of control?

Have been, but not now. But did all of the things you describe, and

they did it for me.

dan

--

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....

[Guest guest]

,

Perhaps it's appropriate that we begin a new at this time. I am trying to be

very aware of what I do and put into my mouth. It's not easy, but I must do it,

or face the price of weight, which I do not want.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

,

Thanks so much for your reply. You are right. I am looking at things from a

very negative perspective right now. I need to look at the things that I do

right as well as the things that are not. I still am not feeling full after

sensible sized meals. I am hoping that my fill " kicks in " in a week or so, if

not, I will go back for another. I want to feel my band working for me again.

I want to know that the tool is there working for me.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Hi. I just joined this group and was reading over your all's stuff.

Looks like I am in the right place to help me get back on track. I had

surgery two years ago and I've lost over 100 pounds. But here lately -

well the past six months or so - I've not been good like I know I

should. I'm glad I am not a failure at this and that other's are

struggeling as well. Thanks for posting up on here. It is helping me.

[Guest guest]

Thanks . It is overwhelming to me to see just how many others are out

there that are experiancing a similar situation to mine. It's nice to know that

we are not alone and that we are certainly not unique in the situation. Knowing

folks like you are out there in the fight with me is very comforting.

---------------------------------

Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

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[Guest guest]

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 4:25:36 PM, you wrote:

> Hi. I just joined this group and was reading over your all's stuff.

> Looks like I am in the right place to help me get back on track. I had

> surgery two years ago and I've lost over 100 pounds. But here lately -

> well the past six months or so - I've not been good like I know I

> should. I'm glad I am not a failure at this and that other's are

> struggeling as well. Thanks for posting up on here. It is helping me.

You sound totally normal to me. At least as normal as any of us are.

I lost my weight quickly, from 323 to 209, within a year. (Yeah, guys

almost always lose faster...it isn't fair). Since then I've been in

the " teens " (209-219) for over two years. My goal says it is 199,

though now it is 189, and I'm focusing again on eating right, etc. The

years in the teens have been great, and I have no complaints. I'm

much more active, healthy, happy, and all that. But I now have a

renewed drive to " get into the ones " (199 or lower), and ideally 189.

The BMI chart says I need to be at something like 173 to be " normal " ,

but I've never been normal, never will be. I'm one who is

legitimately big boned, legitimately pretty muscular, and all the

residual fat will always be there. I did have a tummy tuck, which

helped greatly (though not in weight loss, just mobility and to some

extent appearance). But I know I'll never have arms or thighs done,

and my butt doesn't need it.

So....as long as you're happy with where you are, that's what counts.

I've seen too many people who start at 400, set a goal of 150 (which

is for most of them unrealistically low), but " settle " for 250, for

example. Nothing wrong with that at all. We all tend to set goals

that are too low (no, I'll never be able to fit into that prom dress

again) to be realistic. As long as we're healthier and happier, that's

what matters. Even losing a third of our obesity is great.

dan

--

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....

[Guest guest]

,

Better solution for my pizza needs and maybe yours -

1 low carb multi grain tortilla

2 tablespoons pizza sauce

2 oz part skim mozzarella cheese

pineapple tidbits

2 oz thin sliced Canadian Bacon

Toast tortilla in 450 degree oven til crispy. Take out of oven and put

on pizza toppings. Back in oven for cheese to melt and canadian bacon

to get warm.

Not nearly the calorie killer of regular slice of pizza, especially

the carbs. I ate half of the tortilla pizza for dinner and another

quarter later as a snack. The number of calories for the whole thing

is about 380. That would be reduced primarily by cutting back on the

cheese. It is, perhaps, not the best band food but it keeps my

calories in check and allows me to have the pizza experience. I also

ate steamed broccoli with this meal.

Hope that helps.

[Guest guest]

It is my experience that people lie to their doc because they fear the

reaction! No one wants to be demeaned, lectured, treated like

yesterday's garbage!

I recently had a bad experience with a doc and now am going to accept

what I consider a lesser surgical skill, but a better bedside manner.

Rather than have a great surgeon reposition my band, I will be having

someone I have a good gut feeling about remove my band. I do not want

my esophogus to be my pouch!!!!!!!!

It is foolish to lie to your doc; however, I really do understand WHY we

do it.

Good luck with the future and take each day as it comes. []

>

> > I went for me fill and to my shock and horror, the Dr. pulled out

> > 2 of the 2.1 cc's I had put in at my last fill. I was very

> > discouraged when he only bumped me back up to 2.1. I told him that

> > I was gaining weight and when he asked me what I was eating, I

> > LIED!!!! That's right. I was too ashamed to tell him that the

> > night before, I had eated 2 slices of pizza, a light ice cream cone,

AND a bag of popcorn. UGH!

>

> Remember, lying to your doc is like lying to your lawyer, spouse, or

> yourself. You're not fooling any of them. And I'll bet the doc knew

> you were lying. Remember the Eagles' song: " Lying Eyes " ? You just

> can't hide those lying eyes.

>

> But sounds like you're now headed in right direction, and you can keep

> it up.

>

> dan

>

> --

> Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

> Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

> 323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....

>

[Guest guest]

Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 3:22:46 AM, you wrote:

> It is my experience that people lie to their doc because they fear the

> reaction! No one wants to be demeaned, lectured, treated like

> yesterday's garbage!

I understand that. But if that's the case the MOST IMPORTANT thing

you can do is FIND A NEW DOC. Period.

> I recently had a bad experience with a doc and now am going to accept

> what I consider a lesser surgical skill, but a better bedside manner.

> Rather than have a great surgeon reposition my band, I will be having

> someone I have a good gut feeling about remove my band. I do not want

> my esophogus to be my pouch!!!!!!!!

Sounds smart to me.

> It is foolish to lie to your doc; however, I really do understand WHY we

> do it.

Sure, we all lie sometimes....but it almost always gets us into bigger

trouble.

dan

--

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....