When you meet someone, let your first thought be, What can I do for this person?

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---------- Forwarded message ----------From: <kindness@...>Date: 2008/7/17

Subject: KIND WORDS - First ThoughtsKindness@...

KIND WORDSFirst Thoughts

" A Reason to Give " The author wishes to remain anonymousEdited by Shmuel GreenbaumPrinted with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org About ten years ago, I saw a man with a sign at a local shopping center which read, " Need money to get home. " I stopped to talk to this man, and he related a story of discrimination and inability to find work in his area. Though I doubted parts of his story, I told him to go to the local train station, have the ticket agent call me, and I would purchase a ticket for him to take the train on his 1,000 mile journey home. He did so, and I told the ticket agent to make the ticket non-refundable, to be certain the funds were properly applied.

As the years have gone by, I have noted, with some chagrin, the return of this man with various signs and have come to realize that he makes his living in this way. Although I have occasionally chided myself for falling for his story, it may well be that parts of it were true, and perhaps, like all of us, he just needed a vacation from his line of work.

I remind myself that the value and joy of giving is not diminished by the actions or non-actions of the recipient. Otherwise, we might always find ways to be doubtful and cynical about giving. There are many reasons one can find not to give, but one good reason to give that covers all others... Love. Love can never be diminished, but like water, always finds the proper level, then rises to shower us again with is beneficence. Giving, like loving, does the same.

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From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insightsBy Zelig Pliskin Printed with Permission of Shaar Press What are your first thoughts when you meet another person? People who have a strong tendency to be takers, think, " What can this person do for me? " People who have a strong tendency to be critical, think, " What can I find that is negative about this person? " Some people tend to think, " Do I like or respect this person or not? " And others focus on the question, " Do I feel comfortable in the presence of this person? " And yet others think about, " What does this person think of me? "

When you meet someone, let your first thought be, " What can I do for this person? " This way you will view each encounter with a fellow human being as an opportunity to give and help. It is relatively easy to develop the habit of asking this question. At first, we need to deliberately ask ourselves this question over and over again. Asking it enough times, will cause it to pop into your mind automatically. After a while as soon as you meet someone you will hear the question, " What can I do for this person? "

Don't continue to read on right now. Stop for a few minutes, and repeat many times, " What can I do for this person? " Enjoy the process. You can even sing these words with one of your favorite tunes. Feel the joy of elevating yourself.

As you repeat the question, " What can I do for this person? " think of specific people you know. Begin with people you like a lot. Then think of those towards whom you are neutral. Finally think about those with whom you experience difficulty in your dealing with them.

We all need the assistance and encouragement of others at one time or another. Even then we can think about how we can help this person whose help we need. We needn't think of this in terms of bartering: He is doing something for me, so I will do something for him. Rather, this can be viewed as part of our general attitude of wanting to help others even more than we want others to help us. Even if someone has more resources than we do, we still might be able to say or do something to enhance his life.

A friend of the author explained how he became more sensitive to the needs of others:I used to be judgmental towards others. I would automatically focus on, " What is wrong with this person? " and, " What faults can I find? "

I often heard the expression, " When you look for something, you will find it. " I readily found the blemishes, the mistakes, the errors, and the limitations. This caused me considerable frustration, anger, resentment, and cynicism. In general, I looked down at others. Others felt this negative energy emanating from me, and this created difficulties in my getting along with others. What I did was the opposite of what one would do if one wanted to win friends and influence people.

The turning point came when I was advised to keep asking, " What can I do for this person? " At first I balked. " Why should I think of others? Others don't think about what they can do for me. "

" What do you have to lose? " I was challenged. " Your present situation is highly distressful. It makes sense to do all you can to improve things. Try it for a couple of weeks.So I joined the ranks of those who ask, " What can I do for this person? " In the beginning, I heard a cynical inner voice, " Who are you trying to fool? This isn't you. "

But I was committed to try for at least two weeks and I intended to keep my word. In just a few days, I experienced a major shift in the way I felt towards others. It was unbelievable how powerful this was in changing the way others viewed and treated me. Much of the constant stress that I formerly felt melted away. I had more energy than I ever did before and increased joy. I highly recommend this practice for others. And that is what I can do for you.

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