Anyone else listen to Q104 in the mornings?

[Guest guest]

My alarm clock woke me up this morning with the usual radio station

playing. This morning on their " love court " a woman called in to

say that she was trying to have a romantic dinner with her husband

or boyfriend and that it was interrupted by an unruly child at the

table next to them. The fight was she felt the manager should be

sent to the table to tell the parents to control their child, where

as her dinner date said maybe a dessert or something could be sent

to settle the child. There was one mom named Lori that called in

and said sometimes it couldn't be helped that some of these children

have special needs (she referenced ADHD and ADD) and that some of

the parents are just lucky to get out (I'm in this catagory here),

to which one of the DJ's, Wild had responded if that is the

case they shouldn't bring their children out to restaurants at all.

Unfortunately most of the listeners agreed with her.. that if a

child is being unruly that the manager should deal with it.. the

parents should pick up and leave .. or should have not come out at

all..

Wow.. so all of us with special needs children should stay home or

find a sitter.. I can't say that I agree with this. I feel, if

it's a family restaurant or they have a kids menu.. then children

should be welcomed.. if you want to have a romantic dinner, and

don't want any other children to ruin the mood.. choose a restaurant

that children won't be an issue.. might cost you more.... but they

do exsist. Some of our therapists actually suggest to take special

needs children out to places like this.. so they can learn how to

behave in social situations... they need to learn while children if

we expect them to be able to do these things as adults.. and the

last thing.. these are children with special needs.. yes they make

cause a scene on occassion.. they may act out.. but they should not

just be left at home.. I've seen typical children who have behaved

just as bad if not worse while out to dinner. I feel more for the

parents. At least our children have somewhat of an excuse and the

few times that someone has come up to me and said something I did

not hesitate to apologize first and educate second. If these

chilren are such an issue do something to help them and the families

that have them.

Ok ok ok.. here I am rambling again.. someone is going to take this

keyboard from me someday..

Just wanted to know what everyone else's thoughts were on this.

J

Olmsted Falls

[Guest guest]

Most of our children with autism have behaviors that are sensory based. A child can get very irritable or defient based on some sort of sensory sensation. My son was like that too. It's very difficult for children with autism to comprehend what is happening around them when their sensory processing is being challenged by any type of sensation depending on your child's make up. To the world our children appear to be unrulely chidren, but to us parents who know our children we deal with it according to how we feel our child can comprehend a response to their behaviors.

I think that if the public knew we had a child with autism as they were seeing it, they would've been more understanding. Our children "look" like typical children. I remember wondering if I should put a tee shirt on my son that read, I have autism, just ask my mom". That way there would be a better understanding, people are alot more understanding when they know what is happening and why. We could even advocate more awareness that way. I might just do that. We need to help others understand our children better.

What do you think?

n

In a message dated 6/1/06 7:31:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time, rmaher1969@... writes:

I'm on both sides of this issue. I have had plenty of scenes with my son in public. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who wants to give me advice on how to "control" my son with a "good smack on the behind" ! I ask them if they are aware that recent studies have shown that aversives aren't effective with children with autism and that even Lovaas has denounced the use of punishment...blah..blah...blahh. If the person is still within ear shot they are usually standing there with a stupified look on their faces and I go back to wrestling my son away from the lobster tank! HOWEVER, I have also left within the first ten minutes of a movie, left a cart full of groceries, and left the zoo when my son reached "his point of no return".

Our kids need to learn by doing. And if that means taking him out and having to leave after ten minutes, it's annoying, but it helps him to learn appropriate social behaviors.

Generally speaking, most ppl are very understanding once they are aware of the fact that my son has autism. I feel that if we inconvience some ppl, Oh well. Would a store clerk ever admonish a mother of a blind girl who bumps into the apple cart spilling the apples..NO! Our society requires special restrooms for the disabled, special parking, special ramps to enter and exit. Just because my son's disability isn't visable to most people doesn't make it less of a disability. And he is entitled to the same respect that anyone would give to a person in a wheel chair. I get annoyed when I can't get past a wheelchair in a narrow isle. BUT I would never say that they don't have the right to be there. I hate the fact that I have to park 100 yards away from the store entrance becuase of handicapped parking. Maybe they should all just stay home or have their special times to go shopping so that the rest of us aren't annoyed? Yeah right! I'd be shot for suggesting it! The same rules apply to my son. I have found that once ppl are aware of my son's disability, most will leave us alone.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/1/2006 12:47:03 PM Eastern Standard Time, rmaher1969@... writes:

Maybe they should all just stay home or have their special times to go shopping so that the rest of us aren't annoyed? Yeah right! I'd be shot for suggesting it! The same rules apply to my son. I have found that once ppl are aware of my son's disability, most will leave us alone.

How interesting. I can see both sides and have been on both sides! I also wonder how much fuss they were having to put up with. Some kids even giggle out loud and you can get dirty looks while other people will be less critical and more understanding with little kids.

Once in a fabric store, a kid was wailing away. Soon the mother finished getting her supplies and dragged him out the door. It was sure nicer without the screamer but I've BTDT (Been There Done That) so I felt for the mom more than a typical person might. I'm getting some fabric cut and the cutting lady remarks that the child was such a loud spoiled child! I smiled and said, "Good thing I left my loud spoiled kids at home today!" lol. She just kind of looked at me, smiled and finished cutting.

OTOH (on the other hand), when my ds (dear son) would start getting "revved up," I knew he was going to scream and tantrum. So I would finish shopping or the errand right away to get out of there asap (as soon as possible). He would never get over it quickly, I knew. One time, I delayed my departure and had one more stop to make. I had to drop my sewing machine off at the shop to get repaired. It took all of 4 minutes to drop it off and write my name on a card. My 8 yo had the fun job of staying the car with the screamer until I came out, then we were going home. I run out only to see a lady standing at my car. She started yelling at me. It was so awful. I didn't get a word in edgewise. She was threatening to call child services and did I know he screamed the ENTIRE TIME I was gone? (duh, did she know screaming was his primary means of communication? lol) I cried all the way home. I didn't know he had autism at the time. So I felt like an incredible failure. But, we were usually good about leaving when he started making noise. However, he did make noise at times in public and there was no way around it. People were incredibly rude to me because of it. I have many stories and battle scars.

SO, long story short, lol, if I am at a restaurant without kids and there is a noisy kid nearby bothering us and the parents show no sign of leaving soon, I would ask the waiter/waitress if we could move to another table farther away. We have done this before for when people are smoking when our seat is two inches from the smoking section and we are gagging on smoke. Then everyone is fairly happy that way.

RoxannaThe only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.Edmond Burke

[Guest guest]

Thanks, , I will.

----- Original Message -----

From: smdscott141

Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2006 3:59 PM

Subject: [ ] Re: Anyone else listen to Q104 in the mornings?

This is a great forum, but let your comments be heard where it can count! wildeandfee@... >> My alarm clock woke me up this morning with the usual radio station > playing. This morning on their "love court" a woman called in to > say that she was trying to have a romantic dinner with her husband > or boyfriend and that it was interrupted by an unruly child at the > table next to them. The fight was she felt the manager should be > sent to the table to tell the parents to control their child, where > as her dinner date said maybe a dessert or something could be sent > to settle the child. There was one mom named Lori that called in > and said sometimes it couldn't be helped that some of these children > have special needs (she referenced ADHD and ADD) and that some of > the parents are just lucky to get out (I'm in this catagory here), > to which one of the DJ's, Wild had responded if that is the > case they shouldn't bring their children out to restaurants at all. > Unfortunately most of the listeners agreed with her.. that if a > child is being unruly that the manager should deal with it.. the > parents should pick up and leave .. or should have not come out at > all.. > > Wow.. so all of us with special needs children should stay home or > find a sitter.. I can't say that I agree with this. I feel, if > it's a family restaurant or they have a kids menu.. then children > should be welcomed.. if you want to have a romantic dinner, and > don't want any other children to ruin the mood.. choose a restaurant > that children won't be an issue.. might cost you more.... but they > do exsist. Some of our therapists actually suggest to take special > needs children out to places like this.. so they can learn how to > behave in social situations... they need to learn while children if > we expect them to be able to do these things as adults.. and the > last thing.. these are children with special needs.. yes they make > cause a scene on occassion.. they may act out.. but they should not > just be left at home.. I've seen typical children who have behaved > just as bad if not worse while out to dinner. I feel more for the > parents. At least our children have somewhat of an excuse and the > few times that someone has come up to me and said something I did > not hesitate to apologize first and educate second. If these > chilren are such an issue do something to help them and the families > that have them. > > Ok ok ok.. here I am rambling again.. someone is going to take this > keyboard from me someday.. > > Just wanted to know what everyone else's thoughts were on this. > > J> Olmsted Falls>

[Guest guest]

When I tried to email this person it came back to me with an

incorrect address error. After poking around the q104 website I

found the address is dave.popovich @ cbsradio.com

I sent my email this afternoon...

J

> > >

> > > My alarm clock woke me up this morning with the usual radio

> > station

> > > playing. This morning on their " love court " a woman called in

> to

> > > say that she was trying to have a romantic dinner with her

> husband

> > > or boyfriend and that it was interrupted by an unruly child at

> the

> > > table next to them. The fight was she felt the manager should

> be

> > > sent to the table to tell the parents to control their child,

> > where

> > > as her dinner date said maybe a dessert or something could be

> sent

> > > to settle the child. There was one mom named Lori that called

> in

> > > and said sometimes it couldn't be helped that some of these

> > children

> > > have special needs (she referenced ADHD and ADD) and that some

> of

> > > the parents are just lucky to get out (I'm in this catagory

> here),

> > > to which one of the DJ's, Wild had responded if that

is

> > the

> > > case they shouldn't bring their children out to restaurants at

> > all.

> > > Unfortunately most of the listeners agreed with her.. that if

a

> > > child is being unruly that the manager should deal with it..

> the

> > > parents should pick up and leave .. or should have not come

out

> at

> > > all..

> > >

> > > Wow.. so all of us with special needs children should stay

home

> or

> > > find a sitter.. I can't say that I agree with this. I feel,

> if

> > > it's a family restaurant or they have a kids menu.. then

> children

> > > should be welcomed.. if you want to have a romantic dinner,

and

> > > don't want any other children to ruin the mood.. choose a

> > restaurant

> > > that children won't be an issue.. might cost you more.... but

> they

> > > do exsist. Some of our therapists actually suggest to take

> > special

> > > needs children out to places like this.. so they can learn how

> to

> > > behave in social situations... they need to learn while

children

> > if

> > > we expect them to be able to do these things as adults.. and

the

> > > last thing.. these are children with special needs.. yes they

> make

> > > cause a scene on occassion.. they may act out.. but they

should

> > not

> > > just be left at home.. I've seen typical children who have

> behaved

> > > just as bad if not worse while out to dinner. I feel more for

> the

> > > parents. At least our children have somewhat of an excuse and

> the

> > > few times that someone has come up to me and said something I

> did

> > > not hesitate to apologize first and educate second. If these

> > > chilren are such an issue do something to help them and the

> > families

> > > that have them.

> > >

> > > Ok ok ok.. here I am rambling again.. someone is going to take

> > this

> > > keyboard from me someday..

> > >

> > > Just wanted to know what everyone else's thoughts were on

this.

> > >

> > > J

> > > Olmsted Falls

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

n,

Yep, it does work. Our whole family has autism T-shirts and ppl will stop us to ask questions!

----- Original Message -----

From:

Sent: 6/1/2006 8:03:11 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] Re: Anyone else listen to Q104 in the mornings?

Most of our children with autism have behaviors that are sensory based. A child can get very irritable or defient based on some sort of sensory sensation. My son was like that too. It's very difficult for children with autism to comprehend what is happening around them when their sensory processing is being challenged by any type of sensation depending on your child's make up. To the world our children appear to be unrulely chidren, but to us parents who know our children we deal with it according to how we feel our child can comprehend a response to their behaviors. I think that if the public knew we had a child with autism as they were seeing it, they would've been more understanding. Our children "look" like typical children. I remember wondering if I should put a tee shirt on my son that read, I have autism, just ask my mom". That way there would be a better understanding, people are alot more understanding when they know what is happening and why. We could even advocate more awareness that way. I might just do that. We need to help others understand our children better. What do you think? n In a message dated 6/1/06 7:31:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time, rmaher1969@... writes:

I'm on both sides of this issue. I have had plenty of scenes with my son in public. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who wants to give me advice on how to "control" my son with a "good smack on the behind" ! I ask them if they are aware that recent studies have shown that aversives aren't effective with children with autism and that even Lovaas has denounced the use of punishment...blah..blah...blahh. If the person is still within ear shot they are usually standing there with a stupified look on their faces and I go back to wrestling my son away from the lobster tank! HOWEVER, I have also left within the first ten minutes of a movie, left a cart full of groceries, and left the zoo when my son reached "his point of no return". Our kids need to learn by doing. And if that means taking him out and having to leave after ten minutes, it's annoying, but it helps him to learn appropriate social behaviors. Generally speaking, most ppl are very understanding once they are aware of the fact that my son has autism. I feel that if we inconvience some ppl, Oh well. Would a store clerk ever admonish a mother of a blind girl who bumps into the apple cart spilling the apples..NO! Our society requires special restrooms for the disabled, special parking, special ramps to enter and exit. Just because my son's disability isn't visable to most people doesn't make it less of a disability. And he is entitled to the same respect that anyone would give to a person in a wheel chair. I get annoyed when I can't get past a wheelchair in a narrow isle. BUT I would never say that they don't have the right to be there. I hate the fact that I have to park 100 yards away from the store entrance becuase of handicapped parking. Maybe they should all just stay home or have their special times to go shopping so that the rest of us aren't annoyed? Yeah right! I'd be shot for suggesting it! The same rules apply to my son. I have found that once ppl are aware of my son's disability, most will leave us alone.

[Guest guest]

Becky - Thanks for making me smile! It's been quite some time since

anyone (other than family)gave me unsolicited advice, but I always came

up with a comeback well after the incident. But if I ever see that

little old man at the library again, I've got my reply ready!! Chris

--- In , " rmaher1969@... " <rmaher1969@...>

wrote:

>

> I'm on both sides of this issue. I have had plenty of scenes with my

son in public. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone

who wants to give me advice on how to " control " my son with a " good

smack on the behind " ! I ask them if they are aware that recent

studies have shown that aversives aren't effective with children with

autism and that even Lovaas has denounced the use of

punishment...blah..blah...blahh. If the person is still within ear

shot they are usually standing there with a stupified look on their

faces and I go back to wrestling my son away from the lobster tank!

>....

>

[Guest guest]

Ladies, Thanks for sharing the stories. I have our own ones and will write them one I am not in crazy hurry as I am today...running late for everything already! Have a wonderful day :-) Trish <minniemimi1@...> wrote: When Noah was 3 1/2 and McKenzie was 2, My dd, Deb, took both of them to Mass while their Dad had the other 2 at Abbey's basketball game. They sat with my mom in the 2nd last pew. OK, I'm sure they weren't great, but they weren't being what some would consider to be "bad". These 2

older ladies came in and sat next to them. They all had to squeeze in. All through Mass, these ladies continued to throw dirty looks at the kids and at Deb. Finally, my dd just took them out. At the end of the Mass, one of the ladies looked at my mom and made the comment, "She should NOT bring those children to church until they can learn to behave themselves." Now, my mom knows these ladies, and could have taken the easy way out, by simply nodding her head and not acknowledging that these are her great-grandchildren. But not MY mom.... She looked them squarely in the eye and said, "Look... they were sitting here before you were. If you didn't like it, YOU could have left. I'm sure God is happy to have MY grandaughter here with MY great-grandchildren!!! These ladies left with an embarrassed look on their faces. My dd saw the whole thing as she was just coming back to meet my mom. She glanced over at them,

and they looked away. "Way to go, Gramma Dot!!!" My mom is 83. Both my parents are as proud of Noah as they are of all their 13 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren. They acknowledge his autism and encourage our efforts to recover him. They respect his restricted diet, and always have gf/cf food in their house. I wish the world was full of people like them.I didn't mean to ramble, but I get so infuriated with people who think that their own children never bothered anybody else. I am all for removing a child when he or she begins to disrupt "paying customers" in a restaurant..special needs or not. But absent loud crying or screaming, children should not be banned from church...especially when a "cry room" in not available. Maybe churches should incorporate "grouch rooms" for those who want to pray in complete silence. What about those who come into church with heavy perfumes??? I have had to leave many

times, because the mix of heavy scents has sent me into an asthma attack!!! What about people with colds??? Who wants to sit next to them and even shake their hand when they are hacking away and blowing their noses??? I am sorry, Ann, that this person was so rude to you. Children have a right to be in church. With so many people falling away from Religion, I am pleased to sit by families with little ones. And let's face it, some Priests and Ministers can deliver some pretty dull Sermons, so it's the kids around me who deliver God's message! Keep bringing to church. He belongs there and has a right to be there... besides, his questions about how Jesus and your Dad died are legitimate questions for a child to ask in church. You are going to run into negative people everywhere you go. They are the ones I feel sorry for. These are the kind of people who think their own grandchildren are perfect, because

for whatever reason, they don't even know them! Their loss!!!!!!!!!... You hit the nail on the head! -Trish>> and I were at Sunday Mass one day. We went to the 10:30 mass(big mistake) which is usually jam packed. We ended up standing behind the last pew ,with an older couple sitting down in the pew. kept asking me questions about how my dad and Jesus died. We were wispering and I was trying to quiet him even more. The older gentleman turned around and said to us Can't you at least be quiet during the Consecration? I thought we were being quiet, but I guess not enough. Anyhow, we left before receiving Communion and I called the Pastor the next day. We agreed that we should go to thelater mass. The only thing that I can think about that couple

is that I feel sorry for their grandchildren.> Ann> ----- Original Message ----- > From: kneeleee@... > > Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2006 8:24 PM> Subject: Re: [ ] Anyone else listen to Q104 in the mornings?> > > In a message dated 6/1/2006 12:47:03 PM Eastern Standard Time, rmaher1969@... writes:> Maybe they should all just stay home or have their special times to go shopping so that the rest of us aren't annoyed? Yeah right! I'd be shot for suggesting it! The same rules apply to my son. I have found that once ppl are aware of my son's disability, most will leave us alone.> How interesting. I can see both sides and have been on both sides! I also wonder how much fuss they were having to put up with. Some kids even giggle out loud and you can get dirty looks

while other people will be less critical and more understanding with little kids. > > Once in a fabric store, a kid was wailing away. Soon the mother finished getting her supplies and dragged him out the door. It was sure nicer without the screamer but I've BTDT (Been There Done That) so I felt for the mom more than a typical person might. I'm getting some fabric cut and the cutting lady remarks that the child was such a loud spoiled child! I smiled and said, "Good thing I left my loud spoiled kids at home today!" lol. She just kind of looked at me, smiled and finished cutting. > > OTOH (on the other hand), when my ds (dear son) would start getting "revved up," I knew he was going to scream and tantrum. So I would finish shopping or the errand right away to get out of there asap (as soon as possible). He would never get over it quickly, I knew. One time, I delayed my departure and had one more

stop to make. I had to drop my sewing machine off at the shop to get repaired. It took all of 4 minutes to drop it off and write my name on a card. My 8 yo had the fun job of staying the car with the screamer until I came out, then we were going home. I run out only to see a lady standing at my car. She started yelling at me. It was so awful. I didn't get a word in edgewise. She was threatening to call child services and did I know he screamed the ENTIRE TIME I was gone? (duh, did she know screaming was his primary means of communication? lol) I cried all the way home. I didn't know he had autism at the time. So I felt like an incredible failure. But, we were usually good about leaving when he started making noise. However, he did make noise at times in public and there was no way around it. People were incredibly rude to me because of it. I have many stories and battle scars. > > SO, long story short,

lol, if I am at a restaurant without kids and there is a noisy kid nearby bothering us and the parents show no sign of leaving soon, I would ask the waiter/waitress if we could move to another table farther away. We have done this before for when people are smoking when our seat is two inches from the smoking section and we are gagging on smoke. Then everyone is fairly happy that way. > > Roxanna> The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.> Edmond Burke> > > > *Just Some Group Notes:> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > We can help raise money for ASO (Autism Society of Ohio). Just by using a charity based search engine. Search for anything you need info on. 2 steps: Just click on the link then type in Autism Society of Ohio and hit verify. Then type in your search word. heres the link: http://www.goodsearch.com> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > When Adding to your email address book, don't forget to include the s in groups. Here is the complete address: > > > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > Our Parent Contact list - see a printable list or add your contact info:> > See the printable list: /database?method=reportRows & tbl=2 & sortBy=1 & sortDir=down & startAt= & prntRpt=1> > Add your contact info here: /database?method=addRecord & tbl=2> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > Would you like to invite a friend to our group?> Would you like to handout information about our group to your area meeting?> Just print out some handouts from this link:> http://f4.grp.fs.com/v1/AIN0RLAa_M73oRrFIxpAYAoyKhpUQjhAQwLZyn-aHudv5wBIo5CIDOYwMaYSuKIwsAQHkU2a2WBN2D3h6hU6ig/ -Handout.doc> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > See our group photo albums or Add your family photo album here:> http://health.ph./group/ /photos> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~> > is a networking and support group> of "Parent to Parent for Autism".> Website: http://hometown.aol.com/parentschat/homepage.html> > ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ > > > >