Can we ever be Normal ?

January 2, 2003

Fred, you and I have gone round the table on what constitutes " normal " .

\Take my word for it....even us average folks are not as normal as some of us

thinks we are. I dont think ANYONE is " normal " . Its a relative term subject

to individual perception. As for me....I know Im not like anyone else so I

guess that makes me abnormal, subnormal, supernormal, but not normal. I

look in the mirror and see someoen who s a scant five feet tall (statuesque

by your standards I know) but I see just a short person who looks like they

weigh 350 pounds. I could be skin ans bnes ans still see an obese person

looking back at me. I really dotn think this is particularly a dwarf

thing...Its a human thing.

Apryl

January 2, 2003

O.K., so it's the " Festive Season " and we have loads of time on our hands,

and so we can think! And as we ALL know, it is very dangerous to think! Too

many truths come out, too many 'facts of life'. Stuff we normally bury in

the every day pile of crap we deal with during the rest of the year.

So, yer, I got to thinking, can we EVER be " Normal " ?

During New Years Eve celebrations, a few of the neighbours were in our

house. It's tradition, we go from door to door.

Anyway, one of them picked up a newsletter with an article of mine in. He

sat reading it. Then got to my punch line " Dwarfs never grow old " and

didn't get the joke. He asked me, with a hurt look on his face, if I meant

we die young! I tried to explain the joke, but it fell on deaf ears. He

persisted about dwarfs dying, asking if any of us DO die young! I tried the

" But there are over 200 different types of Dwarfism " line, and still it

didn't register.

Then he came out with a bute! Now, you have to remember this guy has been

our neighbour ever since we had this house built, some 25 years now! He

comes out with, " Yes, but Fred, you see, we've always thought of you as

normal, and nothing else. "

Now, taken on face value, yer, I was supposed to take that as some sort of

compliment. Some sort of re-assurance? Re-assurance about WHAT?

Put his statement another way, and we get, " Well, of course Fred, WE all

know you are a dwarf, you are different, but we take all this into account,

and just accept you as normal. "

Was I supposed to thank him?

Then the thinking began! Here are Lin and I, living as man and wife,

surrounded by all these so called " Normal " people. We have both had

professional lives, we have done as much, if not more, than all the

neighbours put together. We HAVE lead, 'normal' lives!

Just how much acceptance, do Lin and I believe we have carved out for

ourselves, and how does it compare with reality?

We can all make lists of occasions, happenings and incidents when something

happens to bring home to us, that nope, we are most definitely NOT accepted

as normal!

How many of us have been told " Ah, but we don't think of you as a dwarf, you

are just you. " ? When in fact, they are saying the very opposite!

I drink with a group of guys who I have known for years! Yet, there are

times, when a comment is made which bursts my " dream bubble " and brings me

back down to earth with a bang! Comments, which underline the blunt fact

than NO WAY, do they, or have they, EVER really accepted me as Normal!

All the fighting, all the demanding, all the proof I have ever offered to

folks, actually counts for not one jot!

What does one do, what CAN one do, to once and for all, tear down this flag

of " difference " ?

There again, (I'm still thinking), are we trying to make INvisible, what is

most definitely very plainly VISible? How can we totally expect to be

accepted as 'Normal' when being this size, we are most definitely NOT

normal?

Am I ever going to win this battle? A battle which I has now raged for the

past 58 years!

I've just finished the Armistead Maupin book " Maybe the Moon " , which, like

everyone else, I just couldn't put down. But the title reminded me of

something a very dear friend used to always say to me: " Fred, don't cry for

the moon. " Meaning, don't try for the impossible.

Is the quest to be accepted as Normal, a typical case of crying for the

moon?

January 2, 2003

Fred,

The dictionary meaning of normal:

1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern,

level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight;

normal

diplomatic relations.

With this meaning, those of us that are achondraplasia's would be considered

normal dwarves because achondraplasia has the greatest number of dwarves.

2. Biology. Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable

abnormalities or deficiencies.

This means, in my opinion, that no human is normal if you look at hem close

enough they would have some abnormality. Feet too big or small, bald or too

much hair, limp, arms too long or short, nose too big, etc.

That is why on this list we say AP or average Person instead of NP Normal

Person. I used to call my husband a normal person and after I thought about