Death

September 10, 2006

ummmmm how do you know all of this?...i have a different perspective

on death. our minds are our souls that will live on and experience

many things until we have our rebirth, if we choose to, and then

life here starts all over again in a new temple. my thoughts from

being a buddhist. might be wrong and might be right...who knows. i

don't fear death at all...after all its something we all have to

do. namaste, nan

>

> DEATH

>

> Do you fear death? A friend once asked me... I replied by

saying.... In death you wont feel hurt, you wont feel the negative

thoughts and feelings, this living world can give you, you wont feel

pain... yet you wont be able to lend help whenever someone needs it,

you wont be able to heal other people's scars, you wont be able to

share positive sights,thoughts and feelings to a person who needs

it... Actually i dont fear death but i fear the thoughts of being

dead.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Try the new Philippines Front Page!

>

September 24, 2006

My father passed away in march of this year. My mother died in june

2001. Both of them were very close to mykids. When my mom died I

didn,t know how to handle it. Jake, my youngest who's now 6, is

severly autistic and didn't understand and was only 2. My oldest,

Brenden, was 4 and he really had trouble with it. When my Dad died

this year, Brenden handled things much better. I was very honest

with him about what was going on. Dad had cancer and was sick for a

while. When we would talk about his papa jim in the days shortly

after, he got the giggles, and handled things in his own way. The

hospice workers said this is a very normal way to react to death.

Kids handle it in their own way and there is no wrong way. And just

because they don't cry dosen't mean they're not upset. Just be

honest with your kids. I don't know if your school can do this, but

we are in the mehlville school district in missouri (excellent aba

program for autistic kids) and Brenden's school got us in touch with

a berevement councilor and it was free. They came to my house and

talked with us and gave us a good foundation on how to handle all of

it. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. And don't forget, kids

are way tougher than we are. Just be honest and they'll be ok .

Chrissy

mother of Brenden adhd

and autistic

September 24, 2006

Hi:

I'm so sorry to hear of your children's grandfathers passing. Death is never easy, even to us adults. Sometimes very hard to face, accept, and explain. My thoughts go out to your family during this difficult time.

I'm not an expert or anything, but my family has just faced the death of my baby girl who was only 18 months old. I was honest with all 4 of my other children ages 10, 8, 5, and my autistic child who was almost 4 at the time.

I explained that their baby sister had died. That she was now a beautiful angel. I told them when we went to the funeral home, would be in her casket, but she no longer feels any pain. I told them that after that day we would no longer see except in pictures. They were all allowed to draw a picture for her and put in her casket and then place a photograph of themselves with her to keep forever. They were allowed to ask any questions and I answered all of them honestly including the ones I didn't know answers for I said I don't know. Even now when they ask about their baby sister I am honest.

My 10 and 8 year old understand the finality of death. They were able to see their sister and say good-bye. They were not forced to go up to the casket at all but I felt it important that they be present. They both went up, put their pictures they drew in and told their sister good-bye. My 5 year old went up and put her pic in and said good-bye. She was very matter of fact and just said is dead now. But that is how that age is. She will repeat it even now as a way of confirming it to herself. My now 4 year old autistic daughter saw her sister and said that's my . She touched her hand and said bye . She now visits the cemetary with me and says that her is an angel. My little ones I'm sure don't understand the big picture, but as a family I felt that it was important to be honest. The hardest question that all my children have asked is Why?

I hope you can find the right words to explain to your children. I do understand the difficulty in doing this. But if you follow their lead, many times they will show you just how much info they need by the questions they ask. I would also encourage them to be completely open and honest with their feelings. Sometimes, children can take cues from us, and if we act as though we don't want to discuss something, they will hide their feelings and be afraid to ask and that's not really healthy for the grieving process. Sometimes the conversations that I've had with my older children get very in depth about their sister. Even though it is hard for me at times, I still continue openly and honestly. They learn so much from us.

My thoughts and prayers for your family.

TERIMommy to 5, 10 HH, le, 8 HH, Brittany, 5 HH; , 4 HH, Autistic, feeding disorder; , forever 18 months, 13 days HLHS (Modified Norwood with Sano shunt; coarctation; Glenn & tricuspid valve repair, g-tube; became an Angel 6-22-06--I love you baby girl--Always & Forever))carepage name: Girlhttp://www.carepages.com/Login?seed=844556http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/p/peanutbutter5/http://knightfamily-adventures.blogspot.com/

death

hello i have posted a few times on here my 2 sons are hfa and mr well their grandfather died to day suddenly at a flea market the kids were not there ,but i wasnt sure the best way to deal with a death close to the family like this is we never had experienced this with them .it is my ex husbands father they were visisting their daddy when this happened they are coming back early ( well to grams cuz i had prior commitments)so my ex can make arrangments and so forth .i know my son knows some what he mentions steve irwins death and mr rodgers still talks about him even years after the event .so i was wondering the best way to handle this i want to take them to the viewings and the funeral but i dont know what to expect with them and what i should do to prepare them they are 12 and 10 i dont want to have them freak but i honestly do not know how they will deal with it .so basically what do i do to be there for them and explain to them and have them there with their daddy to say good bye to their pappy ( i have 2 other kids one is 15 amd understands the other is 3 and i wont take her she is to little to understand so any suggestions on any of this would be greatly appreciated

September 25, 2006

When my father in law passed away a few years ago, we planted a tree in his memory at church. We also had a dear friend bring us a beautiful birdbath for our backyard to serve as a reminder of Granddaddy. The kids go visit the tree at least once a year and like to see how it has grown and we talk about how time has passed and they too have grown, but they will never forget their grandfather. The birdbath was an excellent idea. Unlike a tree, we can take it with us if we ever decide to move. The kids like having it in the backyard.

Re: death

My father passed away in march of this year. My mother died in june 2001. Both of them were very close to mykids. When my mom died I didn,t know how to handle it. Jake, my youngest who's now 6, is severly autistic and didn't understand and was only 2. My oldest, Brenden, was 4 and he really had trouble with it. When my Dad died this year, Brenden handled things much better. I was very honest with him about what was going on. Dad had cancer and was sick for a while. When we would talk about his papa jim in the days shortly after, he got the giggles, and handled things in his own way. The hospice workers said this is a very normal way to react to death. Kids handle it in their own way and there is no wrong way. And just because they don't cry dosen't mean they're not upset. Just be honest with your kids. I don't know if your school can do this, but we are in the mehlville school district in missouri (excellent aba program for autistic kids) and Brenden's school got us in touch with a berevement councilor and it was free. They came to my house and talked with us and gave us a good foundation on how to handle all of it. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. And don't forget, kids are way tougher than we are. Just be honest and they'll be ok .Chrissymother of Brenden adhdand autistic

September 25, 2006

I agree I think it is probably best to include your children in the services. My

son is almost eight and his little brother passed away at seven weeks two days

after he turned five and I did not include him in the services and I think

because of that it has been harder for me to get him to understand. I am

pregnant noww and he asked me if nikolas was coming back. Whatever you decide to

do I wish you all the best!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Re: death

Hi:

I'm so sorry to hear of your children's grandfathers passing. Death is never

easy, even to us adults. Sometimes very hard to face, accept, and explain. My

thoughts go out to your family during this difficult time.

I'm not an expert or anything, but my family has just faced the death of my baby

girl who was only 18 months old. I was honest with all 4 of my other children

ages 10, 8, 5, and my autistic child who was almost 4 at the time.

I explained that their baby sister had died. That she was now a beautiful

angel. I told them when we went to the funeral home, would be in her

casket, but she no longer feels any pain. I told them that after that day we

would no longer see except in pictures. They were all allowed to draw a

picture for her and put in her casket and then place a photograph of themselves

with her to keep forever. They were allowed to ask any questions and I answered

all of them honestly including the ones I didn't know answers for I said I don't

know. Even now when they ask about their baby sister I am honest.

My 10 and 8 year old understand the finality of death. They were able to see

their sister and say good-bye. They were not forced to go up to the casket at

all but I felt it important that they be present. They both went up, put their

pictures they drew in and told their sister good-bye. My 5 year old went up and

put her pic in and said good-bye. She was very matter of fact and just said

is dead now. But that is how that age is. She will repeat it even now

as a way of confirming it to herself. My now 4 year old autistic daughter saw

her sister and said that's my . She touched her hand and said bye

. She now visits the cemetary with me and says that her is an

angel. My little ones I'm sure don't understand the big picture, but as a

family I felt that it was important to be honest. The hardest question that all

my children have asked is Why?

I hope you can find the right words to explain to your children. I do

understand the difficulty in doing this. But if you follow their lead, many

times they will show you just how much info they need by the questions they

ask. I would also encourage them to be completely open and honest with their

feelings. Sometimes, children can take cues from us, and if we act as though we

don't want to discuss something, they will hide their feelings and be afraid to

ask and that's not really healthy for the grieving process. Sometimes the

conversations that I've had with my older children get very in depth about their

sister. Even though it is hard for me at times, I still continue openly and

honestly. They learn so much from us.

My thoughts and prayers for your family.

TERI

Mommy to 5

, 10 HH, le, 8 HH, Brittany, 5 HH; , 4 HH, Autistic, feeding

disorder; , forever 18 months, 13 days HLHS (Modified Norwood with Sano

shunt; coarctation; Glenn & tricuspid valve repair, g-tube; became an Angel

6-22-06--I love you baby girl--Always & Forever))

carepage name: Girl

http://www.carepage: <http://www.carepages.com/Login?seed=844556>

s.com/Login?seed=844556

http://www.babieson: <http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/p/peanutbutter5/>

line.com/babies/p/peanutbutter5/

http://knightfamily: <http://knightfamily-adventures.blogspot.com/>

-adventures.blogspot.com/

death

hello i have posted a few times on here my 2 sons are hfa and mr well

their grandfather died to day suddenly at a flea market the kids were

not there ,but i wasnt sure the best way to deal with a death close

to the family like this is we never had experienced this with them .it

is my ex husbands father they were visisting their daddy when this

happened they are coming back early ( well to grams cuz i had prior

commitments)so my ex can make arrangments and so forth .i know my son

knows some what he mentions steve irwins death and mr rodgers still

talks about him even years after the event .so i was wondering the

best way to handle this i want to take them to the viewings and the

funeral but i dont know what to expect with them and what i should do

to prepare them they are 12 and 10 i dont want to have them freak

but i honestly do not know how they will deal with it .so basically

what do i do to be there for them and explain to them and have them

there with their daddy to say good bye to their pappy ( i have 2 other

kids one is 15 amd understands the other is 3 and i wont take her she

is to little to understand so any suggestions on any of this would be

greatly appreciated

September 25, 2006

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE THOUGHTS AND ADVICE I DID FIND OUT FROM MY EX THAT HE WILL BE CREMATED AND THEY WILL HAVE A MEMORIAL FOR HIM ON SATURDAY .I WILL HAVE THEM THERE FOR THAT AND I TOLD THEM TONIGHT I AM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THEY UNDERSTOOD BUT THEY DO KNOW AND ARE DEALING OKAY WITH IT SO FAR .I WILL BE THERE FOR THEM AND MY EX THROUGH THIS ,I REALLY AM NOT SURE WHAT THEY FEEL FOR THEY DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT OR SHOW IT AND SINCE IT BEING NEW THEY REALLY HAVNT SAID MUCH ON IT .BUT I WILL DO LIKE HAS BEEN MENTIONED AND ANSWER HONESTLY EVERY QUESTION THEY DO ASK .THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS . VICKIE <rkgirl24@...> wrote: I agree I think it is probably best to include your children in the services. My son is almost eight and his little brother passed away at seven

weeks two days after he turned five and I did not include him in the services and I think because of that it has been harder for me to get him to understand. I am pregnant noww and he asked me if nikolas was coming back. Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best! Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld Re: deathHi: I'm so sorry to hear of your children's grandfathers passing. Death is never easy, even to us adults. Sometimes very hard to face, accept, and explain. My thoughts go out to your family during this difficult time. I'm not an expert or anything, but my family has just faced the death of my baby girl who was only 18 months old. I was honest with all 4 of my other children ages 10, 8, 5, and my autistic child

who was almost 4 at the time. I explained that their baby sister had died. That she was now a beautiful angel. I told them when we went to the funeral home, would be in her casket, but she no longer feels any pain. I told them that after that day we would no longer see except in pictures. They were all allowed to draw a picture for her and put in her casket and then place a photograph of themselves with her to keep forever. They were allowed to ask any questions and I answered all of them honestly including the ones I didn't know answers for I said I don't know. Even now when they ask about their baby sister I am honest. My 10 and 8 year old understand the finality of death. They were able to see their sister and say good-bye. They were not forced to go up to the casket at all but I felt it important that they be present. They both went up, put their pictures they drew in and told

their sister good-bye. My 5 year old went up and put her pic in and said good-bye. She was very matter of fact and just said is dead now. But that is how that age is. She will repeat it even now as a way of confirming it to herself. My now 4 year old autistic daughter saw her sister and said that's my . She touched her hand and said bye . She now visits the cemetary with me and says that her is an angel. My little ones I'm sure don't understand the big picture, but as a family I felt that it was important to be honest. The hardest question that all my children have asked is Why? I hope you can find the right words to explain to your children. I do understand the difficulty in doing this. But if you follow their lead, many times they will show you just how much info they need by the questions they ask. I would also encourage them to be completely open and

honest with their feelings. Sometimes, children can take cues from us, and if we act as though we don't want to discuss something, they will hide their feelings and be afraid to ask and that's not really healthy for the grieving process. Sometimes the conversations that I've had with my older children get very in depth about their sister. Even though it is hard for me at times, I still continue openly and honestly. They learn so much from us. My thoughts and prayers for your family. TERIMommy to 5, 10 HH, le, 8 HH, Brittany, 5 HH; , 4 HH, Autistic, feeding disorder; , forever 18 months, 13 days HLHS (Modified Norwood with Sano shunt; coarctation; Glenn & tricuspid valve repair, g-tube; became an Angel 6-22-06--I love you baby girl--Always & Forever))carepage name: Girlhttp://www.carepage: s.com/Login?seed=844556http://www.babieson: line.com/babies/p/peanutbutter5/http://knightfamily: -adventures.blogspot.com/ death hello i have posted a few times on here my 2 sons are hfa and mr well their grandfather died to day suddenly at a flea market the kids were not there ,but i wasnt sure the best way to deal with a death close to the family like this is we never had experienced this with them .it is my ex husbands father they were visisting their daddy when this happened they are coming back early ( well to grams cuz i had prior commitments)so my ex can make

arrangments and so forth .i know my son knows some what he mentions steve irwins death and mr rodgers still talks about him even years after the event .so i was wondering the best way to handle this i want to take them to the viewings and the funeral but i dont know what to expect with them and what i should do to prepare them they are 12 and 10 i dont want to have them freak but i honestly do not know how they will deal with it .so basically what do i do to be there for them and explain to them and have them there with their daddy to say good bye to their pappy ( i have 2 other kids one is 15 amd understands the other is 3 and i wont take her she is to little to understand so any suggestions on any of this would be greatly appreciated

September 25, 2006

My dd was 12 when my mom, grandma and grandpa passed away within a 4 month period. She understood death, at least that they were gone and not coming back. The biggest problem I had with her was to let her know what was appropriate to say and do in advance. That was the hard part because she is very literal (as many are) and does not understand many of the socially appropriate ways to act and what not to say so as to not hurt someones feelings or offend them simply by stating a fact. For example, that doesn't look like grandma, it looks like a mummy. All skinny and wrinkled. (my mother passed away from cancer and so was VERY emaciated and looked older than she was.) To me, I could handle that ok, but to my sister etc, something like that might have thrown her over the edge. So I took her in to view grandma prior to the "public" viewing with she, her older (nt) sister and I. We understand her and know it is not meant the way it sounds and explained to her why she could

not say whatever. BUT let me stress, in her case, she was not overly close to my mother so when a child is very close to the deceased, it may be different. I just did the explaining over and over in advance what to expect etc with her and then that and it seemed to work. Good luck and God bless and good job being a good mom to care so much and make sure they are involved in the other parents family too even though that is often not easy for us as moms, it is usually best for the kids! DeeDee mom of Aslynne 15 nt, Elissa 13 AS, adhd, odd mood disorder nos and possibly bi polar disorder and Tynan 6 ? we are undergoing testing right now. Seems more "normal" than his 13 yr old sis but not really "normal" compared to others his age etc. vickie <blackfoot124@...> wrote: hello i have posted a few times on here my 2 sons are hfa and mr well their grandfather died to day suddenly at a flea market the kids were not there ,but i wasnt sure the best way to deal with a death close to the family like this is we never had experienced this with them .it is my ex husbands father they were visisting their daddy when this happened they are coming back early ( well to grams cuz i had prior commitments)so my ex can make arrangments and so forth .i know my son knows some what he mentions steve irwins death and mr rodgers still talks about him even

years after the event .so i was wondering the best way to handle this i want to take them to the viewings and the funeral but i dont know what to expect with them and what i should do to prepare them they are 12 and 10 i dont want to have them freak but i honestly do not know how they will deal with it .so basically what do i do to be there for them and explain to them and have them there with their daddy to say good bye to their pappy ( i have 2 other kids one is 15 amd understands the other is 3 and i wont take her she is to little to understand so any suggestions on any of this would be greatly appreciated

All-new - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster.

September 25, 2006

I think everyone somewhere knows that death is outrageous and that's what I tell kids. And that Jesus told us that it is something to be overcome ( 8:51) and that people mostly die because they give up or think they have to. Kids can understand that, whether they like it or not.

Kids don't think death is acceptable at all. When you actually look at it, it's pretty incomprehensible, and again, Jesus showed us that it was something not to be accepted.

with Love,

Francine

September 26, 2006

Vickie,

When my husband’s grandmother died

my son was about 9. He seemed unaffected and went to the funeral without

issue, however he did ask one or two questions, mostly about burial and such

and it was more of a scientific type curiosity than anything emotional. This

was his first experience with death ever. The only fallout we had was that he

began having irrational fears about everyone dying about a week later. He couldn’t

sleep, he was drawing photos of his other great grandmother, my mother and my

headstones in chronological order. Because my husband’s grandmother died

before my grandmother who is older, it made no sense to him.

We did deal with these fears for quite a

while and it got to the point of needing medication for the anxiety. We tried

a hospice support group for kids but that was a disaster for an AS child (or at

least mine) as he appeared insensitive to the other children’s losses.

I think every experience is very different

Charlotte

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of vickie

Sent: Sunday, September 24, 2006

11:49 PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re:

death

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE THOUGHTS AND ADVICE I DID FIND OUT FROM MY

EX THAT HE WILL BE CREMATED AND THEY WILL HAVE A MEMORIAL FOR HIM ON SATURDAY

..I WILL HAVE THEM THERE FOR THAT AND I TOLD THEM TONIGHT I AM NOT REALLY SURE

WHAT THEY UNDERSTOOD BUT THEY DO KNOW AND ARE DEALING OKAY WITH IT SO FAR

..I WILL BE THERE FOR THEM AND MY EX THROUGH THIS ,I REALLY AM NOT SURE

WHAT THEY FEEL FOR THEY DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT OR SHOW IT AND SINCE IT

BEING NEW THEY REALLY HAVNT SAID MUCH ON IT .BUT I WILL DO LIKE HAS BEEN

MENTIONED AND ANSWER HONESTLY EVERY QUESTION THEY DO ASK .THANK YOU ALL FOR

YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS .

VICKIE

<rkgirl24 > wrote:

I agree I think it is

probably best to include your children in the services. My son is almost eight

and his little brother passed away at seven weeks two days after he turned five

and I did not include him in the services and I think because of that it has

been harder for me to get him to understand. I am pregnant noww and he asked me

if nikolas was coming back. Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Re: death

Hi:

I'm so sorry to hear of your children's grandfathers passing. Death is

never easy, even to us adults. Sometimes very hard to face, accept, and

explain. My thoughts go out to your family during this difficult time.

I'm not an expert or anything, but my family has just faced the death of my

baby girl who was only 18 months old. I was honest with all 4 of my other

children ages 10, 8, 5, and my autistic child who was almost 4 at the time.

I explained that their baby sister had died. That she was now a beautiful

angel. I told them when we went to the funeral home, would be in

her casket, but she no longer feels any pain. I told them that after that

day we would no longer see except in pictures. They were all

allowed to draw a picture for her and put in her casket and then place a

photograph of themselves with her to keep forever. They were allowed to ask

any questions and I answered all of them honestly including the ones I didn't

know answers for I said I don't know. Even now when they ask about their

baby sister I am honest.

My 10 and 8 year old understand the finality of death. They were able to

see their sister and say good-bye. They were not forced to go up to the

casket at all but I felt it important that they be present. They both

went up, put their pictures they drew in and told their sister good-bye.

My 5 year old went up and put her pic in and said good-bye. She was very

matter of fact and just said is dead now. But that is how that age

is. She will repeat it even now as a way of confirming it to

herself. My now 4 year old autistic daughter saw her sister and said

that's my . She touched her hand and said bye . She now

visits the cemetary with me and says that her is an angel. My

little ones I'm sure don't understand the big picture, but as a family I felt

that it was important to be honest. The hardest question that all my

children have asked is Why?

I hope you can find the right words to explain to your children. I do

understand the difficulty in doing this. But if you follow their lead,

many times they will show you just how much info they need by the questions

they ask. I would also encourage them to be completely open and honest

with their feelings. Sometimes, children can take cues from us, and if we

act as though we don't want to discuss something, they will hide their feelings

and be afraid to ask and that's not really healthy for the grieving

process. Sometimes the conversations that I've had with my older children

get very in depth about their sister. Even though it is hard for me at

times, I still continue openly and honestly. They learn so much from us.

My thoughts and prayers for your family.

TERI

Mommy to 5

, 10 HH, le, 8 HH, Brittany, 5 HH; , 4 HH, Autistic,

feeding disorder; , forever 18 months, 13 days HLHS (Modified Norwood

with Sano shunt; coarctation; Glenn & tricuspid valve repair, g-tube;

became an Angel 6-22-06--I love you baby girl--Always & Forever))

carepage name: Girl

http://www.carepage: s.com/Login?seed=844556

http://www.babieson: line.com/babies/p/peanutbutter5/

http://knightfamily: -adventures.blogspot.com/