Re: my treatments + controlling husband

[Guest guest]

I was in a similiar situation & waited for it to get physical before i left he

controlled all the money & assets so i have nothing & been staying in a shelter

since week 4 in treatment, i wont lie it has been terribly rough for me but

still better than being sick & walking on eggshells...just wanted to share my

experience.

Blessed be marie---------

Sent from AT & T's Wireless network using Mobile Email

- [ ] my treatments + controlling husband

hello group,

sorry i havent wrote for a while, well i've deceided to leave my abusive husband

and go stay with my daughter and her husband while i go through treatment, I

thought long and hard about it and i know it's for my best interest in leaving

my husband behind. i still love him an might always love him, but however he has

clearly not shown me real love, not the kind of love a person deserves, he would

tell me loves, be all lovey dovey and i'd start to become very happy with us and

life, then baaammmm! he'd do something to knock me down and make me cry

everytime! damn him i was so angry at him tonight because he will belittle me,

then get me upset in tears the whole nine yrds over this past weekend, then he

comes home from work everynight acting like nothing happen, he doesnt talk to me

though but he'll call his buddies and be laughing and carring on, and talken

about getting together this weekend with them, he doesnt even bother to come up

to me and tell me he's sorry, he simply dont give a shit, he knows i'm getting

my liver biopsy next  week and i'll be starting treatment soon, but he is so

selfish and self centered all he cares about is himself and it hurts so much

because i always would fall for his fake phoney love he would pretend to give

me. just last weekend he was so great, passionate, romantic and very helpful

around the house and telling me that he wants to take care of me while i go

through treaments, i dont understand how someone can be so cruel. i've been

sleeping in the living room! can u believe that? and i pay the damn rent too!

have been since we moved in in april, he didnt have a job at the time, now he

has a job but blows his money doesnt give me any for the damn rent and bills,

talk about a low life scum, then he has the nerve to kick me out of MY bedroom!

he says it's his apartment, yet i pay for everything! I just cant do this

anymore, i have to be emotionally right be before i start treatment, so i'm

going to forefit my apartment and go live with my daughter, they are very

supportive and love me very much, i am so happy to have such a loving daughter

and son n law to help me through this. although it sadens me to think about my

husband not being there for me, i dont understand why it hurts me so much the

things he does to me i mean why do i still care for this man? he's been

physically abusive and verbally for yrs now, how could i still love a man for

choking me? and holding me down on the bed and shoving his middle finger up my

nose twisting it until it popped and blood gushes out? what in the hell is wrong

with me, i should have left him a long time ago, now my self esteem is so damn

low, i feel like shit, like my chances for love, true love is lost forever, i'm

42 and i fear i'll be by myself for the rest of my life. with this damn illness

who knows how long life's going to be!

i am so sad and confused, i just hate feeling like this guys, i feel like a

little girl again, it really sucks, i want to love myself and take care of

myself

missy

[Guest guest]

thank you Rain, i hate how these men treat us women, i would have given my life for this man, i dont know if i can ever trust any man ever again

From: Rain Beau <annamariestitt@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 10:26:18 PMSubject: Re: [ ] my treatments + controlling husband

I was in a similiar situation & waited for it to get physical before i left he controlled all the money & assets so i have nothing & been staying in a shelter since week 4 in treatment, i wont lie it has been terribly rough for me but still better than being sick & walking on eggshells...just wanted to share my experience.Blessed be marie---------Sent from AT & T's Wireless network using Mobile Email- [ ] my treatments + controlling husbandhello

group,sorry i havent wrote for a while, well i've deceided to leave my abusive husband and go stay with my daughter and her husband while i go through treatment, I thought long and hard about it and i know it's for my best interest in leaving my husband behind. i still love him an might always love him, but however he has clearly not shown me real love, not the kind of love a person deserves, he would tell me loves, be all lovey dovey and i'd start to become very happy with us and life, then baaammmm! he'd do something to knock me down and make me cry everytime! damn him i was so angry at him tonight because he will belittle me, then get me upset in tears the whole nine yrds over this past weekend, then he comes home from work everynight acting like nothing happen, he doesnt talk to me though but he'll call his buddies and be laughing and carring on, and talken about getting together this weekend with

them, he doesnt even bother to come up to me and tell me he's sorry, he simply dont give a shit, he knows i'm getting my liver biopsy next week and i'll be starting treatment soon, but he is so selfish and self centered all he cares about is himself and it hurts so much because i always would fall for his fake phoney love he would pretend to give me. just last weekend he was so great, passionate, romantic and very helpful around the house and telling me that he wants to take care of me while i go through treaments, i dont understand how someone can be so cruel. i've been sleeping in the living room! can u believe that? and i pay the damn rent too! have been since we moved in in april, he didnt have a job at the time, now he has a job but blows his money doesnt give me any for the damn rent and bills, talk about a low life scum, then he has the nerve to kick me out of MY bedroom! he says it's his

apartment, yet i pay for everything! I just cant do this anymore, i have to be emotionally right be before i start treatment, so i'm going to forefit my apartment and go live with my daughter, they are very supportive and love me very much, i am so happy to have such a loving daughter and son n law to help me through this. although it sadens me to think about my husband not being there for me, i dont understand why it hurts me so much the things he does to me i mean why do i still care for this man? he's been physically abusive and verbally for yrs now, how could i still love a man for choking me? and holding me down on the bed and shoving his middle finger up my nose twisting it until it popped and blood gushes out? what in the hell is wrong with me, i should have left him a long time ago, now my self esteem is so damn low, i feel like shit, like my chances for love, true love is lost forever, i'm 42 and

i fear i'll be by myself for the rest of my life. with this damn illness who knows how long life's going to be!i am so sad and confused, i just hate feeling like this guys, i feel like a little girl again, it really sucks, i want to love myself and take care of myself missy

[Guest guest]

I know how you feel it hurts to feel so betrayed by someone who said they would

love & protect you..lies...lies...lies! I try & not think too much about it now

i have enough to think about with tx & working on housing, i am in a nice

shelter & its a safe place to Heal for the time being i only hope my sdi comes

soon

Blessed be marie---------

Sent from AT & T's Wireless network using Mobile Email

- [ ] my treatments + controlling husband

hello group,

sorry i havent wrote for a while, well i've deceided to leave my abusive husband

and go stay with my daughter and her husband while i go through treatment, I

thought long and hard about it and i know it's for my best interest in leaving

my husband behind. i still love him an might always love him, but however he has

clearly not shown me real love, not the kind of love a person deserves, he would

tell me loves, be all lovey dovey and i'd start to become very happy with us and

life, then baaammmm! he'd do something to knock me down and make me cry

everytime! damn him i was so angry at him tonight because he will belittle me,

then get me upset in tears the whole nine yrds over this past weekend, then he

comes home from work everynight acting like nothing happen, he doesnt talk to me

though but he'll call his buddies and be laughing and carring on, and talken

about getting together this weekend with them, he doesnt even bother to come up

to me and tell me he's sorry, he simply dont give a shit, he knows i'm getting

my liver biopsy next  week and i'll be starting treatment soon, but he is so

selfish and self centered all he cares about is himself and it hurts so much

because i always would fall for his fake phoney love he would pretend to give

me. just last weekend he was so great, passionate, romantic and very helpful

around the house and telling me that he wants to take care of me while i go

through treaments, i dont understand how someone can be so cruel. i've been

sleeping in the living room! can u believe that? and i pay the damn rent too!

have been since we moved in in april, he didnt have a job at the time, now he

has a job but blows his money doesnt give me any for the damn rent and bills,

talk about a low life scum, then he has the nerve to kick me out of MY bedroom!

he says it's his apartment, yet i pay for everything! I just cant do this

anymore, i have to be emotionally right be before i start treatment, so i'm

going to forefit my apartment and go live with my daughter, they are very

supportive and love me very much, i am so happy to have such a loving daughter

and son n law to help me through this. although it sadens me to think about my

husband not being there for me, i dont understand why it hurts me so much the

things he does to me i mean why do i still care for this man? he's been

physically abusive and verbally for yrs now, how could i still love a man for

choking me? and holding me down on the bed and shoving his middle finger up my

nose twisting it until it popped and blood gushes out? what in the hell is wrong

with me, i should have left him a long time ago, now my self esteem is so damn

low, i feel like shit, like my chances for love, true love is lost forever, i'm

42 and i fear i'll be by myself for the rest of my life. with this damn illness

who knows how long life's going to be!

i am so sad and confused, i just hate feeling like this guys, i feel like a

little girl again, it really sucks, i want to love myself and take care of

myself

missy

[Guest guest]

Oh MissyIf I only had a dime for every time I asked myself the same questions about the marriage I've just had to leave!! This husband was never physically violent; but, definitely passive/aggressive. Usually, he did not express much of an opinion on anything and no matter what was going on, he would just continue to do any and every thing his way. Then, he would turn around and accuse me of trying to control him!!!! In the 21 yrs that we were together, I can not tell you one thing that he ever saw fit to change about himself, even though he demanded change from me.Truly, I lived on hope for probably the last 5 or 6 years of my marriage. That was about the time I was doing my first

treatment. I so believed in him as having high integrity, high values and high principals that I always thought it was my fault when we would have our troubles. Now I'm finally able to see beyond those fantasies.The night before my last shot this past January, his temper blew the roof off the house because he'd heard what I said to my HepC nurse. Simply, I had told her that it was truly my intention to become involved in the HepC cause, no matter what it was. That was the beginning of having to listen to him going off regularly, trying to point out all my defects of character (at least as he sees it). Even when I received the horrible news that I had liver cancer, two weeks after treatment!! He acted like he was trapped in a marriage that he certainly did not want to be in any longer. Also, as if that wasn't bad enough - he did not ever see that his adult children's treatment of me was sick at any

level!! Nope, it was all my fault, period.I begged him to leave me in March, so that I could face surgery, knowing what would be on the other side. Instead of just leaving, he tried to go around and show everyone my offer, so that he could prove that I was kicking him out. By the time I had to go to the city for my surgery, I wasn't sure that he would be there until we were well on our way. Two days after getting home, after two weeks in the hospital - he goes off on me again. Two days out of major surgery!!!We finally signed a Separation Agreement on the 16th of June and then, at the beginning of October, he managed to give me enough money, that I could get out of the old 24' (20' really) travel trailer and buy this 39' 5th wheel. I can't even begin to tell you how much happier I am now!! It's been very difficult to accept that I doubt he really ever truly loved me; because, how

can one love another, when they don't love themselves?? I see now that he certainly did not have the strength of character that I thought he did. It has made me very sad to realize that I honestly loved this man and still have tremendous feelings for the other him. You see, I truly believe that his evil twin took over last January. This happened one other time in our marriage and it was as horrible then, as it has been this time. So, yes, I can say that I love the other man in his body; but, I'm just getting over a deep hatred for the evil twin. However, I am definitely not giving in, even if that wonderful husband returns. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused in two other relationships and for just about 20 yrs with this man, I believed that I was incapable of living with another man as though those 2 were. Yet, it was a shock to suddenly realize, that the horrible verbal

abuse was definitely worse than being hit. Words never go away like a bruise!!Now for me, I am definitely not looking for another relationship. I'd rather live alone with my dog and with the numerous friends that I have in both sexes. Obviously I have never had much luck in the partnership picking and certainly don't have time to pick another controlling mate.Yet, I get a giggle from everyone when I say "hell, if there is to be another man in my life, he sure better come with a few $$". Only then can I fathom putting up with any selfish behaviour. In the meantime, I am definitely never lonely!! The absolute lonliest feeling in the world, is when one is alone in a relationship. That was definitely the last 5 or 6 yrs of my marriage.Gloria

hello group,

sorry i havent wrote for a while, well i've deceided to leave my abusive husband and go stay with my daughter and her husband while i go through treatment, I thought long and hard about it and i know it's for my best interest in leaving my husband behind. i still love him an might always love him, but however he has clearly not shown me real love, not the kind of love a person deserves, he would tell me loves, be all lovey dovey and i'd start to become very happy with us and life, then baaammmm! he'd do something to knock me down and make me cry everytime! damn him i was so angry at him tonight because he will belittle me, then get me upset in tears the whole nine yrds over this past weekend, then he comes home from work everynight acting like nothing happen, he doesnt talk to me though but he'll call his buddies and be laughing and carring on, and talken about getting together this weekend with them, he doesnt even bother to come up to me and tell

me he's sorry, he simply dont give a shit, he knows i'm getting my liver biopsy next week and i'll be starting treatment soon, but he is so selfish and self centered all he cares about is himself and it hurts so much because i always would fall for his fake phoney love he would pretend to give me. just last weekend he was so great, passionate, romantic and very helpful around the house and telling me that he wants to take care of me while i go through treaments, i dont understand how someone can be so cruel. i've been sleeping in the living room! can u believe that? and i pay the damn rent too! have been since we moved in in april, he didnt have a job at the time, now he has a job but blows his money doesnt give me any for the damn rent and bills, talk about a low life scum, then he has the nerve to kick me out of MY bedroom! he says it's his apartment, yet i pay for everything! I just cant do this anymore, i have to be emotionally right be before

i start treatment, so i'm going to forefit my apartment and go live with my daughter, they are very supportive and love me very much, i am so happy to have such a loving daughter and son n law to help me through this. although it sadens me to think about my husband not being there for me, i dont understand why it hurts me so much the things he does to me i mean why do i still care for this man? he's been physically abusive and verbally for yrs now, how could i still love a man for choking me? and holding me down on the bed and shoving his middle finger up my nose twisting it until it popped and blood gushes out? what in the hell is wrong with me, i should have left him a long time ago, now my self esteem is so damn low, i feel like shit, like my chances for love, true love is lost forever, i'm 42 and i fear i'll be by myself for the rest of my life. with this damn illness who knows how long life's going to be!

i am so sad and confused, i just hate feeling like this guys, i feel like a little girl again, it really sucks, i want to love myself and take care of myself

missy

[Guest guest]

So, Missy - please don't feel alone in your circumstances. I do not even pretend to understand the reason why a spouse could become so cruel, when we are so ill. But, both marie and myself have gone through it. My heart goes out to marie because of where she has had to land!! At least I had other resources and it sounds like, as much as you don't like it, at least you have a loving daughter and son-in-law.Please, both of you, look after yourselves first and even if it is really difficult - look in the bathroom mirror at least every morning and say to that person - I am worth more than being treated like this!!! You truly are worth more and no matter how long it takes - you keep talking

to that person in the mirror, until you believe it down to the bottom of your soul.I too will try to heed my own advice. My mirror is not in the bathroom; but, it is right there when I'm getting ready for the day.Gloria

I was in a similiar situation & waited for it to get physical before i left he controlled all the money & assets so i have nothing & been staying in a shelter since week 4 in treatment, i wont lie it has been terribly rough for me but still better than being sick & walking on eggshells...just wanted to share my experience.

Blessed be marie---------

Sent from AT & T's Wireless network using Mobile Email

- [ ] my treatments + controlling husband

hello group,

sorry i havent wrote for a while, well i've deceided to leave my abusive husband

and go stay with my daughter and her husband while i go through treatment, I

thought long and hard about it and i know it's for my best interest in leaving

my husband behind. i still love him an might always love him, but however he has

clearly not shown me real love, not the kind of love a person deserves, he would

tell me loves, be all lovey dovey and i'd start to become very happy with us and

life, then baaammmm! he'd do something to knock me down and make me cry

everytime! damn him i was so angry at him tonight because he will belittle me,

then get me upset in tears the whole nine yrds over this past weekend, then he

comes home from work everynight acting like nothing happen, he doesnt talk to me

though but he'll call his buddies and be laughing and carring on, and talken

about getting together this weekend with them, he doesnt even bother to come up

to me and tell me he's sorry, he simply dont give a shit, he knows i'm getting

my liver biopsy next week and i'll be starting treatment soon, but he is so

selfish and self centered all he cares about is himself and it hurts so much

because i always would fall for his fake phoney love he would pretend to give

me. just last weekend he was so great, passionate, romantic and very helpful

around the house and telling me that he wants to take care of me while i go

through treaments, i dont understand how someone can be so cruel. i've been

sleeping in the living room! can u believe that? and i pay the damn rent too!

have been since we moved in in april, he didnt have a job at the time, now he

has a job but blows his money doesnt give me any for the damn rent and bills,

talk about a low life scum, then he has the nerve to kick me out of MY bedroom!

he says it's his apartment, yet i pay for everything! I just cant do this

anymore, i have to be emotionally right be before i start treatment, so i'm

going to forefit my apartment and go live with my daughter, they are very

supportive and love me very much, i am so happy to have such a loving daughter

and son n law to help me through this. although it sadens me to think about my

husband not being there for me, i dont understand why it hurts me so much the

things he does to me i mean why do i still care for this man? he's been

physically abusive and verbally for yrs now, how could i still love a man for

choking me? and holding me down on the bed and shoving his middle finger up my

nose twisting it until it popped and blood gushes out? what in the hell is wrong

with me, i should have left him a long time ago, now my self esteem is so damn

low, i feel like shit, like my chances for love, true love is lost forever, i'm

42 and i fear i'll be by myself for the rest of my life. with this damn illness

who knows how long life's going to be!

i am so sad and confused, i just hate feeling like this guys, i feel like a

little girl again, it really sucks, i want to love myself and take care of

myself

missy