Re: Need to whine - Gloria

[Guest guest]

Gloria,

I don't know what kind of hell I was in earlier today, but it scared me. Teri thinks that tx may be triggering menopause. My whole body was on fire from the inside out, it was in the 50's today and I am laying in the bed with only my underwear and bra on the window open and a fan on me. It was shortly after that I was standing over the toilet contemplating dumping my new bottle of ribavirin down the drain!! God lord it was crazy. I was having trouble yesterday too, my whole body is peppered with a rash and that is driving me crazy at the moment. I have come back to earth and feeling much better, but I am going to get an anti-depressant as soon as I can.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!!

Love ya

Cheryl

In a message dated 10/17/2010 8:52:11 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, gadamscan@... writes:

Oh Cheryl - I'm sooo sorry to just learn this!!! Here I thought that we weren't much hearing from you because you had been doing so well.Again, I can't stress enough that one should be on an anti-depressant!! Have them upped if you are and yet, still having these feelings.You know, that I know very well about the lack of support, except online!! Yes, the HepC nurses would call; but, I really wasn't on their radar while doing the clinical. Yes, I could always call the clinic; but, my support there was a young man that couldn't be as old as my own son.Cheryl, you also have a daughter that is going to have to face this, as well. I'l bet that you are trying to be strong for her. How well I remember trying to put on that "strong" face!! Yet, if anyone would have actually cared to know how I was feeling, I would burst into tears. Actually, I think I scared one or two people away from asking that question, because I had started crying. So many many times, I just yearned for the husband to actually notice and maybe just give me a hug for no reason!! Didn't happen!!However, you are so, strong enough to fight the dragon!!! Don't ever let it screw with your thinking!! Unfortunately, while I was in hospital for surgery, there was a fella in the next room that was in so much pain, that he even moaned in his sleep. It was because there was such an ammonia build up in his system, it's called ascities. I was going to go over to his room, as I'd met his wife; but, when I got close to the door, he was moaning so loud that I just couldn't bring myself to go in. I did learn later that he actually did receive a transplant some time after I left.Nope, the one thing I've known for ever, is that I definitely do not want to die of liver disease. Long before I ever learned about the HepC dx, I was known to say that it was the organ that I would not want to die from. At least the heart might be quick; but, the liver means years of suffering. Please remember, the way you are feeling now, will not last forever; but, when the liver gets to the real end stage, it's just not the one way ticket we would like to face.Please stay in touch and never avoid again because this tx is so debilitating. Those of us that have faced and made it through tx, know intimately what you are feeling!!! I'm a fan of kicking and screaming in the mattress of your bedroom. If you can get the energy to do it - just go ahead. Who cares if someone hears or sees you doing this. Perhaps they would get some idea of how it feels to be you right now!!!!Luv Gloria

Ramona,

I am having the same issues right now too. I am only on week 9 and have the redipen to do my shots. I am anemic (another 130 a month for procrit). I woke up yesterday with a rash over my entire body, I have been running a fever also and can't stop crying. I am so ready to quit, I can't do this anymore. I am not strong enough, I have no help, no one seems to care but this group and sometimes reading the words of encouragement are just not enough. I wasn't going to post how I am feeling, I emailed Teri for one of her pep talks. But honestly I am ready to throw the towel in, I don't care if I die from this awful thing. It would honestly be better than how I feel right now. I just want you to know you are not alone and I am struggling too and I feel your pain, god do I feel it.

Try to lay down and just rest and keep drinking, its what everyone is telling me.

Huggsss

Cheryl