How is everyone doing?

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to point out that if your son is getting worse since he

was diagnosed with NLD instead of AS, perhaps it is because they are

treating him for NLD he doesn't have instead of the AS he does have.

All the characteristics you listed for NLD are part of AS after all,

but AS goes further than that. (Read the DSM IV TR for Asperger

Disorder).

" The legal issues are in my oldest sister's hands as she is executor

and I trust her judgement, it's just tiresome dealing with my sibs

sometimes. "

Short of contesting the will, you have no choice but to do what your

sister wants, so free your mind from the garbage and let her handle

it, but be prepared for her to exhaust all of your inheritances over

dealing with you brother legally.

" I tried to be kind to him at the mass for mom whereas my other sibs

gave him the cold shoulder for his lack of concern during mom's

illness. I keep in mind that he and I went through the same abusive

childhood I did and he may have done what was necessary for him to

stay sane but I still think he could have given in a little to make

amends before mom died. "

Unless you can get into his head, you have no way of knowing what he

is thinking. I think it is unreasonable to expect an immediate

resumption of communication with him. But perhaps over the course of

years, you two ould rebuild some bonds. Recognize that by doing so,

however, your sisters may disown you. It sounds like they are more

for " taking sides " then becoming a family unit.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to point out that if your son is getting worse since he

was diagnosed with NLD instead of AS, perhaps it is because they are

treating him for NLD he doesn't have instead of the AS he does have.

All the characteristics you listed for NLD are part of AS after all,

but AS goes further than that. (Read the DSM IV TR for Asperger

Disorder).

" The legal issues are in my oldest sister's hands as she is executor

and I trust her judgement, it's just tiresome dealing with my sibs

sometimes. "

Short of contesting the will, you have no choice but to do what your

sister wants, so free your mind from the garbage and let her handle

it, but be prepared for her to exhaust all of your inheritances over

dealing with you brother legally.

" I tried to be kind to him at the mass for mom whereas my other sibs

gave him the cold shoulder for his lack of concern during mom's

illness. I keep in mind that he and I went through the same abusive

childhood I did and he may have done what was necessary for him to

stay sane but I still think he could have given in a little to make

amends before mom died. "

Unless you can get into his head, you have no way of knowing what he

is thinking. I think it is unreasonable to expect an immediate

resumption of communication with him. But perhaps over the course of

years, you two ould rebuild some bonds. Recognize that by doing so,

however, your sisters may disown you. It sounds like they are more

for " taking sides " then becoming a family unit.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/26/2007 5:58:58 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

Funny that Aspies, who are supposed to have no empathy, can theoretically stand in Cho's shoes and possibly see things from his perspective. TomAdministrator

Someone put a stone out in memory of the shooter. My mother said that they should pick up that stone and throw it at whoever put it down there. I pointed out that if people had been that compassionate before the shooting it probably wouldn't have happened. All I got was a hmmpf, and I walked off before I could hear the rest.

See what's free at AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/26/2007 5:18:25 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes:

This Cho stuff is the bullies pointing to the victims and saying why did you get mad?

That is amusing isn't it? My former friends used to torment me unmercifully until I had had enough and came after them. They'd be all laughter and smiles pushing me around, breaking my things, etc., but would be completely shocked when I made a go at them. They'd always go home and tell their parents, who would call mine, and I would end up in trouble. Bloody lucky they were: I could have claimed self-defense and been in the right on many occasions.

Some people are just pigs like that. Still, what Cho never realized is that letting them live would have been worse than killing them. My tormentors all have bad lives now. They would have been spared that and my life ruined had I done anything to them.

It does amaze me that people are shocked by things like this. Even more, it amazes me that people have more sympathy for the victims than for the shooter. Had they just paid more attention earlier and done something about the bullies, then it wouldn't have happened. I know that not everyone's life will be perfect and not all attacks will be stopped, but it can be lessened.

It is just a shame that we let our children, and many adults, be such savages. Like I've said, if they just killed the bullies, I wouldn't care in the least.

See what's free at AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

>

> It brought up memories from my past about how I was bullied.

Sometimes

It all depends on how you file those parts of experience. I am

reminded from time to time, that people will expect you to carry

loads while heaping their stuff on you. I was mostly quiet. Perhaps

Cho had to endure listening. as a quiet person sometimes people use

you to make themselves feel better. They get you to listen to them

ask your advice because you read the assignment.

Actually I used to make things, small things with googly eyes and

with sticks and see a commerically made product and copy it, myself.

This drew attention. I was shy so I was ok with people approaching

me, but they would use me to do stuff for them make stuff for them.

Do their work. It taught me a lot. how to catagorize people, how to

identify types. I withdrew further.

This Cho stuff is the bullies pointing to the victims and saying why

did you get mad?

Once 2 police officers pulled me(and a female friend) over(males)

They impounded a car I had borrowed(grey area) I wasn't doing

anything illegal. A car repair shop had loaned it to me. The police

said my name wasn't on the registration. It was a Sat night. After

they towed the car they tried to hit on me/us, but mostly me for some

reason. When I rebuffed them, they asked why are you being like that

we are trying to be nice to you.

What they had been was manipulative, creul, sleazy, and abusive.

they had stranded me and hoped to capatalize on my defenselessness.

My gender(culturally expected response) my coping skills and

reasoning pehaps saved me from harm.

Perhaps if I had lived that 100 more times than I did or a 1,000. I

may have reacted differently. Society cannot say, Wow, we are all

shocked by this, who saw that coming. Apparently everyone saw it

coming but no one worked on having a positive interaction, everyone

deffered to the next guy, by high school, you are sort of all done.

[Guest guest]

I am scrambling with the pressures of college for myself and IEP

meetings for my son. The selling of a home I built, the realization

that if you are lucky you may find 1 person in your life that will not

take advantage of you. Everyone else should come with varing warning

labels. i think I am just in; make it to the finish line mode. (I run

this way far too often) Then, I worry I am missing stuff. It takes 3

days of no noise to calm me down when I have been like this for months

straight. Then I feel guilty:) Yes; type A personality. But really

that is how I push myself to keep going. It is a coping mechinism

(otherwise I would get a cave and a sign that read " keep out " ).

[Guest guest]

" Society cannot say, Wow, we are all shocked by this, who saw that

coming. Apparently everyone saw it coming but no one worked on

having a positive interaction, everyone deffered to the next guy, by

high school, you are sort of all done. "

What I find interesting is that people here have a lot of compassion

for Cho himself whereas pretty much the rest of society does not.

None of us here approve of what he did (as far as I know), and none

of us probably ever will.

But we all seem to have the ability to separate action from person

while the rest of the society EQUATES action with person.

Whereas we see that one action does not make the person, society

seems to say that one action IS the person.

Funny that Aspies, who are supposed to have no empathy, can

theoretically stand in Cho's shoes and possibly see things from his

perspective.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" Society cannot say, Wow, we are all shocked by this, who saw that

coming. Apparently everyone saw it coming but no one worked on

having a positive interaction, everyone deffered to the next guy, by

high school, you are sort of all done. "

What I find interesting is that people here have a lot of compassion

for Cho himself whereas pretty much the rest of society does not.

None of us here approve of what he did (as far as I know), and none

of us probably ever will.

But we all seem to have the ability to separate action from person

while the rest of the society EQUATES action with person.

Whereas we see that one action does not make the person, society

seems to say that one action IS the person.

Funny that Aspies, who are supposed to have no empathy, can

theoretically stand in Cho's shoes and possibly see things from his

perspective.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" It takes 3 days of no noise to calm me down when I have been like this

for months straight. Then I feel guilty:) Yes; type A personality. But

really that is how I push myself to keep going. It is a coping mechinism

(otherwise I would get a cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

I think that when you give yourself breaks, you need to do so without

guilt. We are taught that how hard we work describes how strong we are

as individuals. I agree with this concept. But I also believe that " all

work and no play makes ny a dull boy " and that playtime, and rest

and relaxation gives us fuel to wrok harder.

You mention that you are currently without love in your life. Then love

yourself. Doing so may give you the personal strength you need to carry

on.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" It takes 3 days of no noise to calm me down when I have been like this

for months straight. Then I feel guilty:) Yes; type A personality. But

really that is how I push myself to keep going. It is a coping mechinism

(otherwise I would get a cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

I think that when you give yourself breaks, you need to do so without

guilt. We are taught that how hard we work describes how strong we are

as individuals. I agree with this concept. But I also believe that " all

work and no play makes ny a dull boy " and that playtime, and rest

and relaxation gives us fuel to wrok harder.

You mention that you are currently without love in your life. Then love

yourself. Doing so may give you the personal strength you need to carry

on.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

I'm plodding. With the sense of personal security I've had ever since

I've been in the AS scene, and certainly not going backwards, but

seething frustrating slowness of going forwards.

>

> How is everyone doing?

>

> I mean, generally speaking?

[Guest guest]

I'm plodding. With the sense of personal security I've had ever since

I've been in the AS scene, and certainly not going backwards, but

seething frustrating slowness of going forwards.

>

> How is everyone doing?

>

> I mean, generally speaking?

[Guest guest]

" I'm plodding. With the sense of personal security I've had ever since

I've been in the AS scene, and certainly not going backwards, but

seething frustrating slowness of going forwards. "

I have felt a similar sort of serenity and security since I have been

diagnosed, but no real forward progress either. People do not seem to

want to know what AS is and so I am sort of stuck not being accepted

even as I accept myself.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

I go along quite far with your view. I absolutely regard these

massacres as created by the school system and a sign that it is

imploding, breaking up violently because it doresn't work and is a

violence to all the lives put through it.

I would add to it the moral caution that you have to take totally

opposite views of the gunman in cases where the shooting is confined to

the bullies or where it's a random murder of innocent third parties. In

the late survival phase of my struggle against school, I needed to

cling on to the near-future objective of speaking out for myself after

I had left school. That would have been taken away from me by being an

innocent third party victim of a gun massacre.

In the Hungerford massacre (England 1987, long before the AS era) it

came out in the media that the gunman had been laughed at for having no

friends, by some of the more socially successful folks in that small

town. Nobody ever said a word about those folks bearing the real

original guilt for the murders, or about banning such behaviour.

Hungerford was rapidly forgotten as just an aberrant event.

While in my life no one took a shred more seriously my idea of " anti-

ribald policy " and everyone I knew continued unaffected by Hungerford

to openly take the view that it is expedient to retain the power to

behave socially unjustly sometimes.

>

> It does amaze me that people are shocked by things like this. Even

more, it

> amazes me that people have more sympathy for the victims than for the

shooter.

> Had they just paid more attention earlier and done something about

the

> bullies, then it wouldn't have happened. I know that not everyone's

life will be

> perfect and not all attacks will be stopped, but it can be lessened.

[Guest guest]

I go along quite far with your view. I absolutely regard these

massacres as created by the school system and a sign that it is

imploding, breaking up violently because it doresn't work and is a

violence to all the lives put through it.

I would add to it the moral caution that you have to take totally

opposite views of the gunman in cases where the shooting is confined to

the bullies or where it's a random murder of innocent third parties. In

the late survival phase of my struggle against school, I needed to

cling on to the near-future objective of speaking out for myself after

I had left school. That would have been taken away from me by being an

innocent third party victim of a gun massacre.

In the Hungerford massacre (England 1987, long before the AS era) it

came out in the media that the gunman had been laughed at for having no

friends, by some of the more socially successful folks in that small

town. Nobody ever said a word about those folks bearing the real

original guilt for the murders, or about banning such behaviour.

Hungerford was rapidly forgotten as just an aberrant event.

While in my life no one took a shred more seriously my idea of " anti-

ribald policy " and everyone I knew continued unaffected by Hungerford

to openly take the view that it is expedient to retain the power to

behave socially unjustly sometimes.

>

> It does amaze me that people are shocked by things like this. Even

more, it

> amazes me that people have more sympathy for the victims than for the

shooter.

> Had they just paid more attention earlier and done something about

the

> bullies, then it wouldn't have happened. I know that not everyone's

life will be

> perfect and not all attacks will be stopped, but it can be lessened.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/28/2007 5:47:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, megaknee@... writes:

In the Hungerford massacre (England 1987, long before the AS era) it came out in the media that the gunman had been laughed at for having no friends, by some of the more socially successful folks in that small town. Nobody ever said a word about those folks bearing the real original guilt for the murders, or about banning such behaviour. Hungerford was rapidly forgotten as just an aberrant event.While in my life no one took a shred more seriously my idea of "anti-ribald policy" and everyone I knew continued unaffected by Hungerford to openly take the view that it is expedient to retain the power to behave socially unjustly sometimes.

That's my point of view. If those other kids didn't like these people, just leave them alone. The kid wouldn't have liked it much, but being tormented day in and day out is worse. That's why I wouldn't have any sympathy for the victims, if they were the guilty party. Unfortunately, the shooters tend to hit innocents instead. At Columbine, they hit the library when it was the jocks who tormented them most. Jocks? IN a library? Well, given that the public school libraries around here are the big "hook up" spot, aside from the bathrooms, then maybe they were.

We used to refer to public schools are baby sitting centers. Now they are brothels. It was bad enough when you knew all those people were fooling around at home, but now they do it at school. That would be really hard to take, in addition to all the rest. No wonder there are more school shootings and attacks than there used to be. My bet is that it will only get worse.

And of course, the shooter and the guns will bear the blame, not the beastial (on many levels) behavior of the victims or the dismal failure that is the US public school system.

See what's free at AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

" I go along quite far with your view. I absolutely regard these

massacres as created by the school system and a sign that it is

imploding, breaking up violently because it doresn't work and is a

violence to all the lives put through it. "

Society, in all its levels of depravity, will never take responsibility

for what happened because they have come to see their view as right.

Society does not understand the impact it has on people who are young

and impressionable.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I go along quite far with your view. I absolutely regard these

massacres as created by the school system and a sign that it is

imploding, breaking up violently because it doresn't work and is a

violence to all the lives put through it. "

Society, in all its levels of depravity, will never take responsibility

for what happened because they have come to see their view as right.

Society does not understand the impact it has on people who are young

and impressionable.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/28/2007 3:42:19 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, julie.stevenson16@... writes:

"It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a cave and a sign that read "keep out")."I'd like a vacant cave right about now.

Yes, that is a very common sentiment.

See what's free at AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

" It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a cave and a sign

that read " keep out " ). "

I'd like a vacant cave right about now.

>

> I am scrambling with the pressures of college for myself and IEP

> meetings for my son. The selling of a home I built, the realization

> that if you are lucky you may find 1 person in your life that will

not

> take advantage of you. Everyone else should come with varing warning

> labels. i think I am just in; make it to the finish line mode. (I

run

> this way far too often) Then, I worry I am missing stuff. It takes

3

> days of no noise to calm me down when I have been like this for

months

> straight. Then I feel guilty:) Yes; type A personality. But really

> that is how I push myself to keep going. It is a coping mechinism

> (otherwise I would get a cave and a sign that read " keep out " ).

>

[Guest guest]

Someone wrote: " " It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a

cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

answered: " I'd like a vacant cave right about now. "

I am sorry to say that I have just found out that the last cave was

rented for the season just last night and I haven't a cave to hide out

in either. Anyone having a spare cave to rent, please advise the

Administrators at SS and we will see that it is rented immediately and

at a reasonable price. :-o

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmmmm do I spot a niche? - business proposal; renting out caves

to aspies, maybe even with the possibility to buy and own one's own

cave 'subject to status' (Mmmmmmm they always add that line) :-)

The original line I quoted was from Mimi.

" " It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a

> cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

>

> answered: " I'd like a vacant cave right about now. "

>

> I am sorry to say that I have just found out that the last cave was

> rented for the season just last night and I haven't a cave to hide

out

> in either. Anyone having a spare cave to rent, please advise the

> Administrators at SS and we will see that it is rented immediately

and

> at a reasonable price. :-o

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmmmm do I spot a niche? - business proposal; renting out caves

to aspies, maybe even with the possibility to buy and own one's own

cave 'subject to status' (Mmmmmmm they always add that line) :-)

The original line I quoted was from Mimi.

" " It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a

> cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

>

> answered: " I'd like a vacant cave right about now. "

>

> I am sorry to say that I have just found out that the last cave was

> rented for the season just last night and I haven't a cave to hide

out

> in either. Anyone having a spare cave to rent, please advise the

> Administrators at SS and we will see that it is rented immediately

and

> at a reasonable price. :-o

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Raven -

Just to let you know that I have taken one of the caves on my

brother's farm that joins three thousand acres of protected wilderness

and it has really helped me to let go of deep rooted stress of being

around people and crazy society stuff - the other cave is currently

empty . . .

And when buying a sewing machine via the local used bargain paper - my

Aspie brother whispered to ask the lady if she had anything else she

wanted to sell - she did! A tipi and a canvass cabin tent . . . so he

went by her place after he attended the nearby auction and hauled them

home in his truck and they are ready to go out on the land!

Best wishes,

Zarin

" " It is a coping mechinism (otherwise I would get a

> cave and a sign that read " keep out " ). "

>

> answered: " I'd like a vacant cave right about now. "

>

> I am sorry to say that I have just found out that the last cave was

> rented for the season just last night and I haven't a cave to hide out

> in either. Anyone having a spare cave to rent, please advise the

> Administrators at SS and we will see that it is rented immediately and

> at a reasonable price. :-o

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Zarinangel wrote: " Just to let you know that I have taken one of the

caves on my brother's farm that joins three thousand acres of protected

wilderness and it has really helped me to let go of deep rooted stress

of being around people and crazy society stuff - the other cave is

currently empty . . .

And when buying a sewing machine via the local used bargain paper - my

Aspie brother whispered to ask the lady if she had anything else she

wanted to sell - she did! A tipi and a canvass cabin tent . . . so he

went by her place after he attended the nearby auction and hauled them

home in his truck and they are ready to go out on the land! "

I'm thinking it's time for a road trip. :-D

Raven

Co-Administrator