The DX Abyss - Teri

[Guest guest]

Teri, thank you for this post.

Very informative for anyone facing the DX shock.

I myself could relate to every word.

I am just starting to gain ground in stage 5.

Its taken me two long years to climb up the abyss walls.

My fingers are gripping the rim, and I am looking over the edge.

One day I hope to have the strength to pull myself up, and over the top.

Meanwhile, I will also be reaching downwards, to pull others up behind me.

http://health.dir./group/ /links/004___NEWLY_DIAGNOSED_____001252416175/SHOCK___GRIEF___DEPRESSION_001260093807/

love

don in ks

Sophie...

I'm pretty sure I am about to tell you something you have heard before... but possibly not. When dealing with a devastating illness (which right now this is devastating to you) or a loss, there are 5 stages of grief that you go thru. Pretty much everyone reacts in these same ways... some get stuck in one stage for longer until they pass into the next. Hopefully this will help you.

Stage One: Denial - "This can't be happening to me" or a complete non acknowledgement of the issue.

Stage Two: Anger - "Why me?" comes into play here.. as well as getting angry at yourself for reacting with anger... I think this is where you are right now.... or somewhere between one and two.

Stage Three: Bargaining - This is where you start to make deals with God or the devil... just make it go away and I'll go to church 3 times a week for the rest of my life... just make this not be happening to me.... (Just an FYI, it doesn't work but you'll still hit this stage)

Stage Four: Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.Stage Five: Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the situation, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that you did nothing to bring this on, it is not your fault Finding the good that can come out of the pain and finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth.

How long it takes to pass thru these stages varies from one person to another.. you can actually be in two stages at once, which I think you are right now... You may be in one of the stages for days or weeks and another for minutes. But we all eventually get to Stage 5. That's where the good stuff happens. That's when you start to get better. Yes, I went thru every stage and I'm sure if you ask some of the people here on this site that have gone thru treatment and come out on the other side like I did, they will tell you the same thing or they will look back and realize that they did go thru these stages. I bet we could get people chiming in right now and telling you what stage they are in.

I am here to tell you this is not a death sentence. I did not make the choice to go thru the treatment. My husband of 4 years at the time and my 25 year old son made the decision. We were sitting in our living room talking about the "what do we do now" this was after I had seen my GP again and a gastro. My husband and son TOLD me I was going to give the treatment a shot because neither one of them wanted to face life without me. Or know that I decided to not do anything and when I was dead they would blame me for not trying. AND THEY TOLD ME THAT. When I started treatment, I was 6 months away from being put on the liver transplant list... along with the Hep C, I kinda had a liking for alcohol. I was not an alcoholic but I did drink. And it wasn't beer, I always hated beer, it was the hard stuff. So I added to

my own liver damage. The doctors, said the odds were against me in both beating this thing and finishing this treatment. There was a trick to it. The trick is finding a great doctor that is willing to do what it takes and has done this a lot. My doctor was very aggressive. Looking back and knowing now what I didn't know then (Hey, that's a Toby song!) he had me on twice the recommended dosages of both Ribavirin and Peg-Interfuron. He explained to me that this would be like chemo... and what he was doing was basically poisoning me to the brink of death and keeping me there for 48 weeks. As I said, he was aggressive and most doctors do not use this protocol. But he did what he had to do to save my life. His success rate for Hep C is 95 percent... The national average is around 40 percent. This man was a Godsend. And both him and his nurse held my hand the entire step of

the way. They called me EVERY day.... even on weekends.. just to check in and make sure I was hanging on and not wanting to give up.

Somehow, somewhere you contacted this virus but you know what? It doesn't matter how you got it. It just matters that you have it. Don't rack your brain trying to figure it out.. it could be that you shared a razor with someone that was infected.. you'll never remember that happening. So don't worry about the how... Don't worry about anything, it's a waste of valuable time. Just work on moving forward, one step at a time.

Back when I went thru treatment, this was in 2005-2006 I never thought to check to see if there was a support group online. Didn't know they existed to be truthful with you. But I told myself and my doctors that if I got thru this I would pay it forward. I was going to help people that were in the situation I was... facing treatment, trying to make the treatment decision and going thru treatment. That is why I am here... and I am here for you. You can message me offline if you'd like, I'll even give you my phone number so you can call whenever you need to... I pretty much never sleep so it's not an issue, if you feel like talking you can call me. We are ALL here to help you. You have a ton of friends right now that you didn't have 24 hours ago. Let us know what you need, questions you might have...

whatever it is we will do what we can to help. You have lots of knowledge and experience on this site... Let us put it to work for you!

Pink hugs,

Teri