Re: Re: Martian Men and aliens among us...

[Guest guest]

And then theres me, a strange one indeed.

LMAO :-)

At times I think like a lady, and at other times like a man.

Sometimes Im not here on Earth at all, but flying out there in the great inbetween.

And I know that even with all our hardships, in the end, each of us will be ok.

No matter what.

love

don in ks

Okay Gloria, now you are reminding me of books that have described marriage. When I was married the first time, to an absolute jerk that I know refer to as my son's sperm donor, I bought this book... He hated that I bought it and threw it away, I bought it again and again. I finally read the darn thing. It's called "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them" I thought I was reading my life story. It really let me know what I had to do, and I did it. I got out. But it's a really good book... might make some sense out of the way that hubby of yours has been acting.

Hugs from Gurnee... and my computer has finally made it into my office! YAY!

Teri

________________________________From: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Fri, July 23, 2010 10:05:34 PMSubject: Re: [ ] Sad days... I have always believed that to have a good marriage each needs to honour the other's differences; but, must have communication not presumption. My husband is definitely not a communicator and I was the 3rd chatter box that he

picked!! However, he never had to worry that my up and downs had anything to do with him. I'm the wife, that would communicate that loudly, not hint!!I was reading some kind of self-help book a few years back and got such a laugh out of one of the sections, I had to read it to my husband. It was pointing out these two separate personalities. The first was called the Dead Sea - he/she keeps everything inside just like the Dead Sea. The other personality was called the Babbling Brook - he/she tells you everything right down to the size of underwear etc. etc. Trouble was, after a few years of marriage, the babbling brook realizes that he/she doesn't really know all that much about the Dead Sea. However, the Dead Sea figures that he/she knows the babbling brook away too much. Well, that definitely defined him and IHowever, I also believe

that the book called "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" should be almost the bible on marriages. There is a chapter in there about how men, when they are facing a dilemma, usually go to their "caves" to think it all over. I learned a valuable lesson from that because prior to reading about it, I was always trying to pull him out of his funks. Then all of sudden he would go into one of his rages and I was blamed for almost being born. So, after I read the book and because I am an independent cuss, I would let him stay in his cave and just carry on. Sometimes, as I was passing him staring at his computer, I'd just say - remember, I'm not coming to get you.Well, when he so desperately wanted to stay in his cave at the beginning of this year, definitely I went to the cave mouth and TOLD him he had to come out. There was no time for him to be hiding away

because I needed him. I remember him trying to tell me, in about mid March, that he thought that he should go back into his childhood and research why he is the way he is!! At the moment, I just nodded my head; but, inside I was livid!!! He's 68 yrs old and 21 yrs sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The time to go back into his childhood was NOT then. I needed him!! Well, we see where it all got me huh?? So, he was not ever really there to be of any emotional support for me in those cancer days and now - he can wallow around in his childhood all he wants. Perhaps before he leaves this life, he'll finally figure out that basically by the time you are 38, 48, 58 or 68, your childhood has been long over and you are the person that you are!! If you don't like who you are - then work on changing it!!It sounds like perhaps Rick is a

lot like my husband and a whole lot of men.. You are right to not get too close to his cave and let him work out his feelings for his father himself. It is great that you don't really need to start treatment just yet and get a few more things in your lives straightened away first. That way, perhaps Rick won't have to suddenly find that the whole world is on his shoulders. Yet, he'd just have to suck it up, if you really really needed to start tx. Gloria________________________________

[Guest guest]

TrudyThat's exactly where I really believed that we were finally getting to. I'm not him and he's not me!! I think different and feel different toward any given thing that comes up, than he thinks and feels. Of course, we are not twins!! Kinda figured that life was designed that way, so that we could raise children! One parent would always end up caring more about the child learning how to cope with the world eventually and mother would always be there to try to soothe the upset emotions.I also believe that we are attracted to our opposites most times. I'm the chatter box to his deep thinking and lots more of those kinds of opposites. Hell, I'm the chatter box to my son's

intense deep thinking as well; but, at least he has a bit of wit about

it. There was the time, that a young lady friend of my son's was missing her Mom and all her chatter. So, my son offered to rent me out to her. I almost fell over laughing at that one.Recently, I told my husband that if he really wanted to live with his clone, why doesn't he just move his sister over here. There sure wouldn't be much talking; but a whole lot of the uni-brow looks and the snippy remarks. The two of them flew out to Toronto back in 2004. I refused to go because I'd just gotten back from a 17 day vacation to California with my mother a few months before. Besides, I've always heard how hot it gets in Toronto in August. They were also going there to partake in 3 back to back baseball games between the Jays and the Red Sox. I went down to Vancouver to pick them up and while his sister and I were on the back of the ferry - she's telling me how very much he missed me. I asked

what in heavens name, was she talking about. So she described coming back to the room, flopping on the bed and immediately using the clicker and there was no further need to talk to each other!! Oh, I said - in other words, all you two missed was the fact that I could hold a conversation for all three of us. What a laugh!!However, the reasons that this marriage finally broke, I believe, was because he allowed that particular sister, his daughter, his son and the son's wife to say negative things about me and yet not one of them every came directly to me!!! Instead, the whole lot do it behind your back and then lie about it. If he had actually ever honoured me over and above them, he would never have allowed that kind of interference - so I was done. Even today, he asked me if I really believed that the sister was in touch with his son etc. I told him that

I knew it was true, because of words that his daughter-in-law used in an e-mail even though, we had not spoken face to face in at least a year.I'm done for two reasons - 1) he betrayed my absolute trust in him and 2) in trying to cover up his behaviour, he bold faced lied to me twice within seconds. That was really it for me!!Gloria LOL. My hubby and I can diffuse what we see starting into a " sticky " situation or disagreement by saying( me to him) " Dont try to " fix" it, just listen, Mr. Hunter-Gatherer! Or ( him to me) come out of your " nesting" mode and work with me". And many other little witty mars vs. Venus attributes. We have come to realize & accept our differences and then laugh about how we " hear" or " see" the SAME things in a totally different way. And then understand how we are inclined towards opposite reactions ( or in HIS case, no

reaction. Men!) But I feel lucky (and t-I-r-e-d... LoL )that we have finished the DRAMA of youth and worked out our areas of uniqueness to each other. The tetter-totter mostly stays evenly balanced. Respect, Compassion and a strong dose of Humor are the blocks that hold up our balance board! And it's all wrapped up in my best friend, His Majesty. He opens up to me when he is ready. And eventually able. Sometimes I have to mull over something important for a while, but I always know I won't be right with it till I've opened up to him also. Now before you feel any twinge of jealousy, let me admit that in any given week we alternately could strangle each other.! And THAT'S called MARRIAGE. LOL. wouldn't trade it for anything, anybody. Trudy up too late in OK...againhttp://facebook. com/people/ andTrudy- Kinsey/134046087 7 " "A well- behaved woman never made history"...Mae Westhttp://oktravels. wordpress.

com http://allrecipes. com/cook/ TrudyK/profile.

aspx On Jul 23, 2010, at

11:41 PM, Teri Gottlieb <theresagottlieb> wrote: ____________ _________ _________ __