Re: Gloria - marriage and the like

[Guest guest]

Okay Gloria, now you are reminding me of books that

have described marriage. When I was married the first time, to an absolute jerk that I know refer to as my son's sperm donor, I bought this book... He hated that I bought it and threw it away, I bought it again and again. I finally read the darn thing. It's called "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them" I thought I was reading my life story. It really let me know what I had to do, and I did it. I got out. But it's a really good book... might make some sense out of the way that hubby of yours has been acting. Hugs from Gurnee... and my computer has finally made it into my office! YAY!Teri________________________________From: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Fri, July 23, 2010 10:05:34 PMSubject: Re: [ ] Sad days... I

have always believed that to have a good marriage each needs to honour the other's differences; but, must have communication not presumption. My husband is definitely not a communicator and I was the 3rd chatter box that he picked!! However, he never had to worry that my up and downs had anything to do with him. I'm the wife, that would communicate that loudly, not hint!!I was reading some kind of self-help book a few years back and got such a laugh out of one of the sections, I had to read it to my husband. It was pointing out these two separate personalities. The first was called the Dead Sea - he/she keeps everything inside just like the Dead Sea. The other personality was called the Babbling Brook - he/she tells you everything right down to the size of underwear etc. etc. Trouble was, after a few years of marriage, the babbling brook realizes that

he/she doesn't really know all that much about the Dead Sea. However, the Dead Sea figures that he/she knows the babbling brook away too much. Well, that definitely defined him and IHowever, I also believe that the book called "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" should be almost the bible on marriages. There is a chapter in there about how men, when they are facing a dilemma, usually go to their "caves" to think it all over. I learned a valuable lesson from that because prior to reading about it, I was always trying to pull him out of his funks. Then all of sudden he would go into one of his rages and I was blamed for almost being born. So, after I read the book and because I am an independent cuss, I would let him stay in his cave and just carry on. Sometimes, as I was passing him staring at his computer, I'd just say - remember, I'm not

coming to get you.Well, when he so desperately wanted to stay in his cave at the beginning of this year, definitely I went to the cave mouth and TOLD him he had to come out. There was no time for him to be hiding away because I needed him. I remember him trying to tell me, in about mid March, that he thought that he should go back into his childhood and research why he is the way he is!! At the moment, I just nodded my head; but, inside I was livid!!! He's 68 yrs old and 21 yrs sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The time to go back into his childhood was NOT then. I needed him!! Well, we see where it all got me huh?? So, he was not ever really there to be of any emotional support for me in those cancer days and now - he can wallow around in his childhood all he wants. Perhaps before he leaves this life, he'll finally figure out

that basically by the time you are 38, 48, 58 or 68, your childhood has been long over and you are the person that you are!! If you don't like who you are - then work on changing it!!It sounds like perhaps Rick is a lot like my husband and a whole lot of men.. You are right to not get too close to his cave and let him work out his feelings for his father himself. It is great that you don't really need to start treatment just yet and get a few more things in your lives straightened away first. That way, perhaps Rick won't have to suddenly find that the whole world is on his shoulders. Yet, he'd just have to suck it up, if you really really needed to start tx. Gloria________________________________

[Guest guest]

TeriOh how that book brings back bad memories!! Back about 23 yrs ago, while I was living in yet another abusive relationship, I started with the book "Women Who Love Too Much". Ok, that is probably most of us; but, didn't quite fit all the spaces in that relationship. Then, I found "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them". Well, I'm here to tell you that I honestly thought someone must have had some kind of equipment set up in our home and business, it was that close to the truth. However, he was the Hairdresser that I lived with and yet, it even took me a long time to fully grasp the truth that he was gay and refusing to actually come out. He truly did hate women and yet, his whole world was to make them beautiful. Geez, within about a

year, he had me looking like a frigging barby doll!! Prior to that mistake, I really was the wash and wear perm, jeans and T-shirt type except when working. I was certainly not the barby doll type (never even owned one).No, my husband actually fits much closer to the "Women Who Love Too Much". He's not really comfortable with himself unless he's working. Thus, when he's not - he becomes an absolute jackass. Well, I've put up with too many of those periods in our 20+ yrs and because he betrayed my confidence in him, especially facing cancer - I can't go back. The idiot is 68 yrs old and should have got over his workalcholism years ago or at least while I was facing the liver surgery.You should see him now!!! He actually glows with happiness! He's working for a few hrs right here near where I live tomorrow and then has at least two other jobs lined up that are more long term. Therefore,

his self-worth is right back up to par again - yet his pride won't allow him to accept the harm he did to our marriage because of his own self-centred and egotistical beliefs.Gloria Okay Gloria, now you are reminding me of books that

have described marriage. When I was married the first time, to an absolute jerk that I know refer to as my son's sperm donor, I bought this book... He hated that I bought it and threw it away, I bought it again and again. I finally read the darn thing. It's called "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them" I thought I was reading my life story. It really let me know what I had to do, and I did it. I got out. But it's a really good book... might make some sense out of the way that hubby of yours has been acting. Hugs from Gurnee... and my computer has finally made it into my office! YAY!Teri________________________________ ________________________________

[Guest guest]

Gloria,That book turned my whole world

around. And to think, I had to buy it at least 3 times. He would destroy it every time he found it. Your husband has shown his true colors, he has probably been showing them all along but you've been looking past it for whatever reason. The best revenge is living well and being happy without him. You're on your way to that already. Hugs, Teri ________________________________From: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Sat, July 24, 2010 2:22:42 AMSubject: Re: [ ] Gloria - marriage and the like TeriOh how that book brings back bad memories!! Back about 23 yrs ago, while I was living in yet another abusive relationship, I started with the book "Women Who Love Too Much". Ok, that is probably most of us; but, didn't quite fit all the spaces in that relationship. Then, I found "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them". Well, I'm here to tell you that I honestly thought someone must have had some kind of equipment set up in our home and business, it was that close to the truth. However, he was the Hairdresser that I

lived with and yet, it even took me a long time to fully grasp the truth that he was gay and refusing to actually come out. He truly did hate women and yet, his whole world was to make them beautiful. Geez, within about a year, he had me looking like a frigging barby doll!! Prior to that mistake, I really was the wash and wear perm, jeans and T-shirt type except when working. I was certainly not the barby doll type (never even owned one).No, my husband actually fits much closer to the "Women Who Love Too Much". He's not really comfortable with himself unless he's working. Thus, when he's not - he becomes an absolute jackass. Well, I've put up with too many of those periods in our 20+ yrs and because he betrayed my confidence in him, especially facing cancer - I can't go back. The idiot is 68 yrs old and should have got over his workalcholism

years ago or at least while I was facing the liver surgery.You should see him now!!! He actually glows with happiness! He's working for a few hrs right here near where I live tomorrow and then has at least two other jobs lined up that are more long term. Therefore, his self-worth is right back up to par again - yet his pride won't allow him to accept the harm he did to our marriage because of his own self-centred and egotistical beliefs.Gloria________________________________ Okay Gloria, now you are reminding me of books that have described marriage. When I was married the first time, to an absolute jerk that I know refer to as my son's sperm donor, I bought this book... He hated that I bought it and threw it away, I bought it again and again. I finally read the darn thing. It's called

"Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them" I thought I was reading my life story. It really let me know what I had to do, and I did it. I got out. But it's a really good book... might make some sense out of the way that hubby of yours has been acting. Hugs from Gurnee... and my computer has finally made it into my office! YAY!Teri____________ _________ _________ __ ____________ _________ _________ __