Re: hi everybody - Don

[Guest guest]

Oh Cheryl, honey, you just broke my heart.

You did not knowingly pass this virus on to your children. Please do not feel guilty about that. I know that horrible guilt that can consume us. I have dealt with this one for years but in different situations. Only one that involves Hep C. I had a hard time, and still sometimes do, not blaming myself for our financial situation. Before I got sick I was bringing in 72G a year. Now I am on disability and I'm bringing in a whopping 12+G. Big financial hit. Needless to say, we feel it. I had to sell my house, we lost 2 cars and in my head it was all my fault. Lots of hours of therapy later I know it's not, but the thought creeps in sometimes.I had a car accident about 15 years ago. Dummy here decided that she needed to trade in her piece of crap paid for car for a new one on the day of my HS reunion.

Yep, I was going to pull up in a new car. Didn't happen that way. My son and I were just about to pull into the car lot. I was stopped had my turn signal on to turn left into the dealership when some idiot slammed into the back of my car. My car went across 2 lanes of oncoming traffic and landed in a ditch on the other side of the road. My son was hurt. Neck and back injuries. I was hurt as well but he had it worse. I carried that guilt around for so long. If I had only not been so stupid that day.. If this if that.... I about ate myself up with guilt. We get dealt a hand of cards. Sometimes we have a great poker hand and sometimes we have to wait for the flop and hope that we can at least make a pair out of the crap we were dealt. After going thru treatment for 48 weeks I firmly believe that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

But the guilt you are carrying will kill you. Please, please get some counseling to work on this. There is no shame in seeing a counselor. I did it for years. For years after that dumb accident that totaled my car and for many years after tx. The psychologist finally made me realize that this wasn't something I did intentionally. I didn't ask for Hep C and neither did you. You didn't wish this on your children but it's there. Get your son tested and hopefully he doesn't have the virus. If he does, then you deal with it for both of them. But in either case, it's not your fault. Please believe me on this... You didn't do this to your children. It just happened. Let me know if I can help you in any way. Please?Hugs,Teri ________________________________From: "Honey1962@..." <Honey1962@...> Sent: Thu, July 29, 2010 7:03:21 AMSubject: Re: [ ] hi everybody - Don Hi Don,Thanks for checking on us, we need it sometimes. I have been so busy with watching 8 kids everyday lol, worried about my liver biopsy results and the thought of starting tx. But most of the time I am worried for my children. I get so angry sometimes that I passed this dreadful disease to my daughter and then the worry about whether my son

has it also just consumes my life. I want so much to figure a way to not to be so hard on myself but I can't. So thanks again for the love and good energy you give us all!! We also really appreciate it! Cheryl in land >

[Guest guest]

CherylI agree with Teri about the guilt that we heap on ourselves for something that was out of our control.I was one of those horrible drunks, that continued drinking throughout my pregnancy. An alcoholic can find a way to even blame themselves for the virgin birth, never mind the birth of their own child. When he was about 18 months old, I began to notice that the speaking he had been doing up until then, was just about entirely gone. Thus started numerous rounds with Dr's etc. However, for a while, I was positive that my drinking had affected my precious baby's life and the guilt just about swallowed me up. Shortly after he was 2, a wonderful centre for special children, accepted him for their program. Also, testing let us know that he was suffering

from repeated ear infections. What I did end up learning during that period, was that no matter what might be wrong - beating myself up with guilt was not going to make it better. I had to suck it up and do what was the very best for my child right then.Of course, eventually the ear infections were brought under control and when that son began talking again, there was absolutely no baby talk whatsoever. In grade 1, he even won a speaking award at the regular school he was attending. Today, he's a very intelligent 31 yr old, that only gets tripped up because he wants to pursue so many different avenues that he can't seem to settle on one direction.There is a saying in AA - Screw Guilt!! Guilt is not going to get the job done and the past is now past and can not be changed. Work in today only, so that you are available to do the very best for all of your children.Gloria Hi Don, Thanks for checking on us, we need it sometimes. I have been so busy with watching 8 kids everyday lol, worried about my liver biopsy results and the thought of starting tx. But most of the time I am worried for my children. I get so angry sometimes that

I passed this dreadful disease to my daughter and then the worry about whether my son has it also just consumes my life. I want so much to figure a way to not to be so hard on myself but I can't. So thanks again for the love and good energy you give us all!! We also really appreciate it! Cheryl in land In a message dated 7/29/2010 2:19:16 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, ludichrist2000 writes:

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,You just made my day. Thank you. Hugs,Teri From: "Honey1962@..." <Honey1962@...> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 8:07:28 AMSubject: Re: [ ] hi everybody - Don

Gloria,

You are so right, I am pissed at myself for wasting my time on something I cannot change. I tell my kids this all the time and now I am guilty of the same thing. Thank you all so much from this group for all the support. I am going to stop it and put all my focus on trying to get through tx, and if that doesn't work I am going to try to live the most healthy life I can.

I appreciate this group so much, because it is here that I am the most honest. I try to look strong and determined to my kids, but when I am feeling down I tend to vent it on here.

You all are the best!

Cheryl

In a message dated 7/31/2010 4:22:55 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, gadamscan (DOT) ca writes:

[Guest guest]

CherylThat is the very best way to do it!! Our kids don't have to know how scared Mommy really is hey??Gloria

Gloria,

You are so right, I am pissed at myself for wasting my time on something I cannot change. I tell my kids this all the time and now I am guilty of the same thing. Thank you all so much from this group for all the support. I am going to stop it and put all my focus on trying to get through tx, and if that doesn't work I am going to try to live the most healthy life I can.

I appreciate this group so much, because it is here that I am the most honest. I try to look strong and determined to my kids, but when I am feeling down I tend to vent it on here.

You all are the best!

Cheryl

In a message dated 7/31/2010 4:22:55 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, gadamscan (DOT) ca writes:

CherylI agree with Teri about the guilt that we heap on ourselves for something that was out of our control.I was one of those horrible drunks, that continued drinking throughout my pregnancy. An alcoholic can find a way to even blame themselves for the virgin birth, never mind the birth of their own child. When he was about 18 months old, I began to notice that the speaking he had been doing up until then, was just about entirely gone. Thus started numerous rounds with Dr's etc. However, for a while, I was positive that my drinking had affected my precious baby's life and the guilt just about swallowed me up. Shortly after he was 2, a wonderful centre for special children, accepted him for their program. Also, testing let us know that he was suffering from repeated ear infections. What I did end up learning during that period, was that no matter what might be wrong - beating myself up with guilt was not going to make it better. I had to suck it up and do what was the very best for my child right then.Of course, eventually the ear infections were brought under control and when that son began talking again, there was absolutely no baby talk whatsoever. In grade 1, he even won a speaking award at the regular school he was attending. Today, he's a very intelligent 31 yr old, that only gets tripped up because he wants to pursue so many different avenues that he can't seem to settle on one direction.There is a saying in AA - Screw Guilt!! Guilt is not going to get the job done and the past is now past and can not be changed. Work in today only, so that you are available to do the very best for all of your children.Gloria

Hi Don,

Thanks for checking on us, we need it sometimes. I have been so busy with watching 8 kids everyday lol, worried about my liver biopsy results and the thought of starting tx. But most of the time I am worried for my children. I get so angry sometimes that I passed this dreadful disease to my daughter and then the worry about whether my son has it also just consumes my life. I want so much to figure a way to not to be so hard on myself but I can't. So thanks again for the love and good energy you give us all!! We also really appreciate it!

Cheryl in land

In a message dated 7/29/2010 2:19:16 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, ludichrist2000 writes:

[Guest guest]

TeriWish I could really live that motto too!! But, it sure seems to take me a whole lot of pain before I get there sometimes.Gloria

Gloria,I like that.. Screw guilt! I may adopt that as my new motto!Hugs,Teri From: Gloria <gadamscan (DOT) ca> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 3:22:39 AMSubject: Re: [ ] hi everybody - Don

CherylI agree with Teri about the guilt that we heap on ourselves for something that was out of our control.I was one of those horrible drunks, that continued drinking throughout my pregnancy. An alcoholic can find a way to even blame themselves for the virgin birth, never mind the birth of their own child. When he was about 18 months old, I began to notice that the speaking he had been doing up until then, was just about entirely gone. Thus started numerous rounds with Dr's etc. However, for a while, I was positive that my drinking had affected my precious baby's life and the guilt just about swallowed me up. Shortly after he was 2, a wonderful centre for special children, accepted him for their program. Also, testing let us know that he was suffering

from repeated ear infections. What I did end up learning during that period, was that no matter what might be wrong - beating myself up with guilt was not going to make it better. I had to suck it up and do what was the very best for my child right then.Of course, eventually the ear infections were brought under control and when that son began talking again, there was absolutely no baby talk whatsoever. In grade 1, he even won a speaking award at the regular school he was attending. Today, he's a very intelligent 31 yr old, that only gets tripped up because he wants to pursue so many different avenues that he can't seem to settle on one direction.There is a saying in AA - Screw Guilt!! Guilt is not going to get the job done and the past is now past and can not be changed. Work in today only, so that you are available to do the very best for all of your children.Gloria

[Guest guest]

I'm going to make an effort to. I'm also going to make an effort to go to sleep... I am exhausted and can probably sleep without any meds tonight.Night all.Hugs... and off to dreamland,TeriPS. I better not wake up in an hour or I'll be ticked.From: Gloria

<gadamscan@...> Sent: Sun, August 1, 2010 12:53:49 AMSubject: Re: [ ] hi everybody - Don

TeriWish I could really live that motto too!! But, it sure seems to take me a whole lot of pain before I get there sometimes.Gloria

Gloria,I like that.. Screw guilt! I may adopt that as my new motto!Hugs,Teri From: Gloria <gadamscan (DOT) ca> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 3:22:39 AMSubject: Re: [ ] hi everybody - Don

CherylI agree with Teri about the guilt that we heap on ourselves for something that was out of our control.I was one of those horrible drunks, that continued drinking throughout my pregnancy. An alcoholic can find a way to even blame themselves for the virgin birth, never mind the birth of their own child. When he was about 18 months old, I began to notice that the speaking he had been doing up until then, was just about entirely gone. Thus started numerous rounds with Dr's etc. However, for a while, I was positive that my drinking had affected my precious baby's life and the guilt just about swallowed me up. Shortly after he was 2, a wonderful centre for special children, accepted him for their program. Also, testing let us know that he was suffering

from repeated ear infections. What I did end up learning during that period, was that no matter what might be wrong - beating myself up with guilt was not going to make it better. I had to suck it up and do what was the very best for my child right then.Of course, eventually the ear infections were brought under control and when that son began talking again, there was absolutely no baby talk whatsoever. In grade 1, he even won a speaking award at the regular school he was attending. Today, he's a very intelligent 31 yr old, that only gets tripped up because he wants to pursue so many different avenues that he can't seem to settle on one direction.There is a saying in AA - Screw Guilt!! Guilt is not going to get the job done and the past is now past and can not be changed. Work in today only, so that you are available to do the very best for all of your children.Gloria

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl,

I'm Debora from Michigan, 54, type 2b, 9 weeks into Tx. I had five kids to care

for while I was so run down. I was mostly healthy because I had good habits but

after 25 years with HCV the damage was starting to show with fatigue. Then I

found out I had HCV and the shame and guilt set in. I was just praying to get my

kids raised and then I could die. I was also very concerned about my children

but they have not all been tested yet. My husband and two daughters are

negative. That has given me a good, almost positive assurance, that the boys are

also OK. The girls and I shared razors my whole life, not knowing, and my

husband and I had a lot of sex. So, they would have been the ones to get it. I

also nursed my babies. I would feel better if I knew for sure about the boys.

I'll get on that, getting them tested.

But yeah, we women especially, have a lot of guilt. I think we sometimes feel

like we have to feel guilty to pay for our failings. But we can only tell the

truth, make our own changes and go forward. I think that negative thinking - the

guilt cycle, or staying in bad places and then hating yourself for it

contributes to illness. I also didn't tell anyone for years, two of my siblings

still don't know. But, since I made the big decision to start treatment, and had

a succesful first test at 4 weeks, I feel very positive about my future and I

have been telling people and NOT caring what they think about me. It's funny

that I could have finished treatment and never told but there was some self

respect in forgiving myself enough to be able to tell others and not let them

judge me and not shaming myself any more.

I don't remember your stats, Cheryl. Please share them again so we know your

story and can follow you through your treatment. We all need each other here.

Tell about your daughter too, how old is she? That must be very hard on you with

your daughter. Big hug for you in that. Is she going to do treatment too?

Share more, Cheryl,

Love, Debora in Michigan

> ________________________________

>

>

> Gloria,

>

> You are so right, I am pissed at myself for wasting my time on something I

> cannot change. I tell my kids this all the time and now I am guilty of the

> same thing. Thank you all so much from this group for all the support. I am

> going to stop it and put all my focus on trying to get through tx, and if

that

> doesn't work I am going to try to live the most healthy life I can.

>

> I appreciate this group so much, because it is here that I am the most

honest.

> I try to look strong and determined to my kids, but when I am feeling down I

> tend to vent it on here.

>

>

> You all are the best!

> Cheryl

>

> ________________________________

>

> >

> >Hi Don,

> >Thanks for checking on us, we need it sometimes. I have been so busy with

> >watching 8 kids everyday lol, worried about my liver biopsy results and

the

> >thought of starting tx. But most of the time I am worried for my

children.

> >I get so angry sometimes that I passed this dreadful disease to my

daughter

> >and then the worry about whether my son has it also just consumes my life.

I

> >want so much to figure a way to not to be so hard on myself but I can't.

So

> >thanks again for the love and good energy you give us all!! We also

really

> >appreciate it!

> >

> >Cheryl in land

> >