Guest guest Posted April 27, 1999 Report Share Posted April 27, 1999 Marcia, That's why it is called a practice. The haven't learned to get it right the first time! Judi Re: HMO's >From: Marcia Grahn <mgrahn@...> > >30 ways to know you belong to an HMO that is minimal care: >> >> 1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines. >> 2. Use of antibiotics deemed an " unauthorized experimental >> procedure, " >> 3. Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter >> of " War and Peace, " >> 4. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape. >> 5. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. >> 6. Exam room has a tip jar. >> 7. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the >> instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in. >> 8. " Will you be paying in eggs or pelts? " >> 9. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal >> thermometers. >> 10. " Take two leeches and call me in the morning, " >> 11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding >> turnip. >> 12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. >> 13. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia >> Farrow's doorstep. >> 14. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to >> walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket. >> 15. " Pre-natal vitamin " prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs. >> 16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana. >> 17. Directions to your doctor's office include, " take a left >> when you enter the trailer park, " >> 18. Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube. >> 19. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is >> " an apple a day. " >> 20. Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. , >> Dr. Fine. >> 21. Only proctologist in the plan is " Gus " from Roto-Rooter. >> 22. Plan covers only " group " gynecological exams. >> 23. Preprinted prescription pads that say " Walk it off, you >> sissy. " >> 24. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, >> the doctor just French kisses you. >> 25. Recycled bandages. >> 26. You can get your flu shot as soon as " the " hypodermic >> needle is dry. >> 27. Your " primary care physician " is wearing the pants you gave >> to goodwill last month. >> 28. 24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK >> 29. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an >> oversized 2-sided copier. >> 30. Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward. >> >> Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do " practice " ? >> >> >> >> >> > > > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >New hobbies? New curiosities? New enthusiasms? >http://www.ONElist.com >Sign up for a new e-mail list today! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >This list is intended for patients to share personal experiences with each other, not to give medical advice. If you are interested in any treatment discussed here, please consult your doctor. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 1999 Report Share Posted April 27, 1999 30 ways to know you belong to an HMO that is minimal care: > > 1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines. > 2. Use of antibiotics deemed an " unauthorized experimental > procedure, " > 3. Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter > of " War and Peace, " > 4. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape. > 5. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. > 6. Exam room has a tip jar. > 7. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the > instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in. > 8. " Will you be paying in eggs or pelts? " > 9. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal > thermometers. > 10. " Take two leeches and call me in the morning, " > 11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding > turnip. > 12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. > 13. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia > Farrow's doorstep. > 14. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to > walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket. > 15. " Pre-natal vitamin " prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs. > 16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana. > 17. Directions to your doctor's office include, " take a left > when you enter the trailer park, " > 18. Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube. > 19. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is > " an apple a day. " > 20. Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. , > Dr. Fine. > 21. Only proctologist in the plan is " Gus " from Roto-Rooter. > 22. Plan covers only " group " gynecological exams. > 23. Preprinted prescription pads that say " Walk it off, you > sissy. " > 24. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, > the doctor just French kisses you. > 25. Recycled bandages. > 26. You can get your flu shot as soon as " the " hypodermic > needle is dry. > 27. Your " primary care physician " is wearing the pants you gave > to goodwill last month. > 28. 24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK > 29. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an > oversized 2-sided copier. > 30. Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward. > > Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do " practice " ? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2009 Report Share Posted January 2, 2009 I would like the 2 people who commented to me on my " From one alcoholic to another. You were very kind to me in your suggestions. I can not change my doctors because they are set and that is it. I did find out a little tid bit that was let slip from the nurse at the GP's office. The reason the orthopedic doctor blows me of is because I do not get my MRIs at his office. I am not allowed to. Now isn't that a kick? I have the worst HMO known to man. I wish that I could get out of it but my hubby's union won't let me. I have medicare since I am on full social security disability. This really chaps my hide. Anyway, the GP refused to give me even Norco again. The Pain clinic never answers the phone not even for the nurse. I feel trapped like a rat. Sorry to be such a downer on the 2 day of the new year but I had to vent. Also my heartfelt thanks to those two precious people that took the time to console me. It brought me to tears because they understood. I know that you all understand but these people really touched me. Thank You All for putting up with this rant. Cheryl V Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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