Re: What's next for Connie

April 17, 2003

Aww thanks for the offer Joe, it's so sweet of you! I'd argue hard about taking

anyone up on any offers, well massages would be a very hard thing to say no to,

someones hands all over my back woohoo, some action! First touch I may have the

big " O " LOL jk!! ANYHOW........... LOL (sorry everyone, I hope I didn't

offend, had to say that cause I needed a laugh and thought I'd share hehehe)

Please don't ever think you're whining, I surely didn't read it that way at all,

I've never took anyones post as whining, only as having a bad day of pain and

needing to let that frustration out, we all get that way unfortunately, and

thankfully we all understand on here, homelife sometimes you can't do that (I'd

only have my daughter to whine to and I can't do that to her, she's taken a lot

on as it is with this) or you do and family gets upset, not b/c you are

complaining, more b/c they can't help you feel better, get back to normal, and

they in turn also feel helpless. Everyone understands here

I have had an EMG, I somehow am lucky in that dept, or last check I was, nothing

really bad showed. I hated that test, I'd go through 10 more back surgeries

happily rather than go thru that test again, I have learned to tolerate some

pain as good as I can but that test had me swearing and I dont swear in front of

people I've just met for the first time! LOL He was a very nice guy tho, hard to

understand with his foreign accent but he laughed each time I said shiiiiooooot

b/c the first time I didn't know what I was in for and actually said oh Shit!

LOL My doctor (neurosurgeon) knew already that the disk was hitting my sciatic

nerve long before the EMG, well first neuro knew it before my 1st surgery and

2nd neuro after I moved back home knew as soon as he first saw me and my MRI,

then we scheduled surgery that day also. I had my EMG done after my 2nd surgery,

my family doc was/is concerned about me not having any reflexes left in my legs

(the knee pounding test with the hammer lol) and no muscle tone in bad leg,

almost none left in ~good~ leg. So, she set me up for an EMG to see if there had

been any nerve damage b/c of the length of time I've had the pain. I was told

that eventually if it doesnt get taken care of whatever is hitting the nerve

will once and for all kill it... so I will loose all " nerve " feelings... so if I

shave my leg and cut myself, I wont feel it, which would be nice just b/c women

know how Bad that hurts! lol Seriously, they said if I did cut myself somehow

and didnt see the blood I wouldnt know it. The worse scenario would be with no

feeling you could bleed to death, but that would be a pretty bad razor cut lol

They did test both legs, I dont remember which end they started at but they did

the test with those nice little needles from where my surgery scar is on my

lower back to my toes... both legs.. so I was allowed to say Shit once LOL

I wish I could splurge on massages but after bills are paid I'm lucky if I have

$150 left over and that has to go for groceries for the whole month. I also have

to use that for gas, I try not to go a lot of places but sometimes it just feels

good to get out and drive around, but mostly I've been going to different stores

to " window " shop just to walk around and have new things to look at, sorta keeps

my mind off my pain for a bit. I can't walk for long, but I do for as long as I

can. I go to those little stores that you have driven by for the last 8 years

always saying... " I'll stop there sometime and check it out to see what it's

like " ... and never do, now I'm taking the time to do that, it's sorta neat.

Sucks when I can't buy something that Kaylee would love or something for me, but

someday hopefully. When I do have extra money I try to save it till the next

month to get Kaylee something special, right now it's been saving from after

Christmas till Valentines day, then Easter, and now saving for her bday next

month, that's the killer b/c she wants to take 3-6 friends somewhere...hard to

make that inexpensive. Anyhow, sorry again I'm going off the topic

I understand how you mean about having to do something or continuing to slip

into uselessness, the only way I feel productive now is when I get a chance to

do a cake for a friend or family member and see their face light up when they

see it.. makes all the extra pain from decorating it worth it. I've forgotten a

lot over the last 3 years, lot of what I learned in school, both accounting

(associates degree down the toilet) and my medical stuff, but if my memory gets

better than it has been the last couple months I could tell anyone all I've

learned about my back stuff, fighting for disability and winning, what papers

you need, how to get it moving fast, etc. It's very depressing but I just have

to hope something will get better, even if it's just my memory improving.

Again, thank you for the offer Joe, best thing you can do for me from NC is try

to keep your spirits up and if you need to vent, yell, cry, need a punching bag

(so to speak), I'm here, as I'm sure everyone else will say also I really

wanted to save money up to take a little road trip with Kaylee down some of the

coast, depending on my cash flow would depend on how far, but we'd be driving

along the coast to see as many lighthouses as we could see, I have all the

lighthouses located, mapped out, hotels found for stops, almost all of it

done.... only part left is having the money to do it and when we can do it,

we'll just drive and it will be a non timed trip since I dont know if I could

drive 2 hours or 5 hours in a day, will have to see. I wish I had another adult

to go with us for company of course but also to help drive, but also want this

to be a trip for just Kaylee and I.... right now no idea of anyone that could go

with us since there is no timespan of my idea, it all depends on my back and

money of how long we'd be gone for and how far we'd go... the lighthouse that's

caught our attention the most is Cape Hatteras, I wish I could have seen them

move it, that had to have been amazing. Anyhow, it's a lighthouse seeing trip

with small town stops.. the little towns that aren't big names, you never know

what you will find off the beaten track

Time will tell..... Keep on Smilin

Connie

ps Subject line... Joe put What's next for Connie... Connie really wonders if

sex would fix the pain, hey I haven't tried it in over 2 years, it could be my

miracle cure... my doc laughed very hard when I told her, hey, just the right

..... umm... move I'll say, and I could be cured! LMAO *slightly embarrassed

face at the moment, forgive me please!*

What's next for Connie

> Connie -

>

> With all your problems, please don't worry about a cake for me.

> If I had you here in NC, I could take care of getting massages for

> you. I have to look at it this way, it's the only thing that I splurge

> on. I do go out to movies, but I do the matinees. Before I

> went home to TN for a short visit, I got a call from a friend who

> had just lost his job at Nortel. His wife has just had her second

> surgery at L4/L5, off on medical leave.

>

> After hearing what you've been through, I feel bad about whining

> about my situation, but I have noticed that the consistent daily

> pain is slowly eating away at my mental faculties. The person that

> could use some talents to do good work now has to struggle to

> make those same decisions at work. So I have to do something

> or I will continue to slip into uselessness.

>

> Connie, have you had an EMG? That's where they check the

> speed of your nerves. For instance, my herniation is at L4/L5,

> but without an EMG test, the docs never would have suspected

> that the disc was pressing on my S1 nerve, which caused most

> of my problem. Your doctors need to test all of your Lumbar nerves

> in both of your legs.

>

> I don't know what I can do for you from NC, but if there is anything,

> let me know and I will try.

--

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April 17, 2003