Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 A laugh a day keeps the blues away. Sharon Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. Ontheir wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked outdiagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wantedthree years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how,but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!""They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporarysafety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- lin, printer,journalist, publisher, author, philanthropist, abolitionist, publicservant,scientist, librarian, diplomat, inventor, signer of the Declaration ofIndependence and United States Constitution, and first postmaster general(1706-1790). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 hahahhaaha Fw: Lawyer Joke A laugh a day keeps the blues away. Sharon Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. Ontheir wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked outdiagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wantedthree years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how,but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!""They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporarysafety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- lin, printer,journalist, publisher, author, philanthropist, abolitionist, publicservant,scientist, librarian, diplomat, inventor, signer of the Declaration ofIndependence and United States Constitution, and first postmaster general(1706-1790). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2007 Report Share Posted September 3, 2007 Lawyer joke A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of theoffice, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truckcame along too close to his car and completely tore off the driver's door.Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to say anything, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the daybefore, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic youlawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.""How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!""OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer.……. "MY ROLEX!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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