Patty

[Guest guest]

Wow Patty that is hard what you've been through. Sometimes lately I

wonder if maybe being single is not as bad or if being married is not

as bad...I don't know. At least if I meet someone I can just tell

them I had a lift...or tell them the truth or whatever. I know about

the sexy thing.....I feel like that too, I always have felt very

sexy, before implants, esp with implants, probably more before though

because I was sick from the implants right away. It is funny too how

people tell us not to associate with the " crazy " people on the net.

For awhile there I had resigned myself to not reading anything about

implants. But that first time I clicked on alt support breast

implants when I first started feeling something weird with my brain

the first thing I saw was a post that read " my saline story " and I

remember my heart felt like it was going to drop on the floor as I

read word for word my story.....but, it was your story. I remember

saying OH MY GOD......and printing it up and I still have it in my

implant file...which has grown considerably......

Patty, we have one thing to our advantage, we are still young, we

still have energy, we may have the head thing, which is hard to live

with, but we are lucky we can walk and workout, and I think with time

and perserverence we can(or at least I plan) on lifting wieghts to

manipulate and shape my body as I want. THat is the beauty of

training....I know it isn't your thing, but my sister has the most

awesome pec muscles, and despite being lean and an aa cup she has the

greatest looking cleavage(all muscle) it is amazing...and working out

and shaping up our butts and our thighs and our tummies and arms, and

getting everything hard and defined can do such a great thing for

your self image. Even just a 30 minute session at home with some

really light hand weights or push ups to build up our chests can do

wonders for you. This is my plan and I am going to post some

pics..maybe on Lany's sight....I am going to stay sexy...I refuse to

give that up cause of this thing.

I am rambling here tonight.....geeze excuse me group...I am very

passionate about things once I get going. Patty you are a beautiful

woman and you truly were my messenger from god...after I read your

story that day in July of 1999 I knew the day would come that I would

end up exactly where I am today.....

OK enoguh from me tonight Love ya guys

In egroups, " Patty " <faussettdp@m...> wrote:

> Hi Jackie,

> I wanted to share a few things with you about what my husband went

through after I got sick and was facing explant. It is really hard

to know how they feel inside, and I think they are really as confused

as we are.

>

> My husband liked my implants of course, but he used to be disturbed

by the increased attention I got, and several times he told me, " well

if this is the way it's going to be, let's just get those things

out! " I thought he really meant it, because he was pretty serious

when he said it. At that time, I was still healthy and enjoying life

fully. When I started to get sick, he asked me " Do you think it's

the implants? " and I was adamant....NO! It wasn't the implants.

Then the strangest thing happened. When I realized it really WAS the

implants, and started to make the moves to get them out, he did a

turnaround, and wanted me to get totally checked out to make sure it

wasn't something else, and was almost telling me not to get them out

too fast. I know he was concerned about me, but he got really kind

of hostile about my involvement in the implant support groups and

thought that the women were making things up, and he was incensed

when I got letters that said I was sick from the implants--he didn't

want me reading them. I couldn't believe it! I pretty much had to

go through setting up my explant on my own, and I think he was

skeptical of the idea that I was sick from my implants at that time.

However, he took the day off work to be with me during the ordeal (my

parents also had driven 2000 miles to be with me.), and was very

concerned.

>

> After explant, it was hard. I remember feeling so ugly, and

scarred, and wanting to talk to him about my feelings. I remember

saying something like, " I hope you will still be able to tell me that

I am beautiful to you anyway " , or something to that effect, and his

insensitive reply was like, " I'm not an actor speaking lines in a

play you've written " . It just didn't seem like him, and I had some

resentment in my heart for the attitude he had during the hardest

time of my life. He was there, but emotionally, he wasn't there for

ME. I think he was struggling with some feelings of his own. He

really is a very sensitive, mature and caring person most of the

time, and has been a very good husband, but during this period of my

life, he was not my knight in shining armor!

>

> That was in Feb-March 1998, and it wasn't long after that, he came

around and started supporting me as I continued to do more research

into breast implant issues and health issues. I really clung to the

implant support groups for my help, and he realized that many, many

women were sick and we were being neglected, and while he never took

on any sort of active role against implants, he does believe that

women are sick from them, and he thinks it is very sad that it

continues. He didn't like all the time that I spent on the computer,

though, and kept telling me to get out of the groups. He thought it

was all too negative and wouldn't help me get better.

>

> My husband and I have never really discussed my appearance or any

of the emotion tied up into all of this since that time. I guess I

felt it was better left undiscussed, and I just tried to never show

any insecurities about my appearance. It is what it is, and there is

nothing more I can do about it. Our sex life is pretty much back to

normal, and he is very loving towards me. He shows concern when I am

having bad days, and tries to be understanding and helpful. He has

also gotten into the natural medicine with his own health concerns,

and appreciates my passion for health issues now.

>

> The last few days I have been lamenting the fact silently to myself

that I never feel sexy anymore. I used to feel young and sexy,

before implants, and just after implants. I always have looked

younger than my age, and I felt an energy, and vitality and

confidence that brought me alot of happiness and joy. Actuallly, it

was just my good health back then! So, tonight I got up the

courage to tell him, " you know, one thing that has happened to me

since the explant ordeal is that I just never feel " sexy " anymore at

all,...that sexy feeling is just gone. " Do you know what his

answer was? He said, " Honey, always remember there is only one thing

that makes a woman sexy, and that is her smile. " That was followed

by a kiss and the words, I love you.

>

> So, Jackie, give your husband a chance to get over, through, under

and around all these feelings. It is a very confusing thing to go

through, but in the end, hopefully, he will show himself to be true

blue, there for you through thick and thin, and loving you all the

way. Don't show any insecurities around him, but move forward with

what you know to be right.

> Love,

> Patty

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: Jackie

> egroups

> Sent: Thursday, January 04, 2001 5:04 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Good Morning

>

>

> Thank you . I totally agree with you. If my husband can't

love me without implants then he is not worth keeping around and I

know that I wouldn't hesitate to leave him in a heartbeat if he made

me feel less than because of my decision. I'm angry that he's not

considering my health first but at this point I also understand.

He's only basing his opinion on what my opinion has been for the past

12 yrs....strictly denial. I also know that he adores me and would

be crushed if anything happened to me. I just know that he's in

denial right now. I won't hold this against him because nothing has

ever been confirmed with my health except the depression that the doc

keeps throwing at me and he's now getting sick of hearing the doc say

that. So because we don't have any conclusive answers we're both in

denial. Thats why I was asking awhile back if there was any one

specific test that would confirm silicone poisoning or something of

that nature. I guess there isn't tho.

>

> I appreciate everyones honesty and need to hear it to help

prepare me for what I am going to be going thru. I don't find

anything discouraging here that I am reading. I just get discouraged

with myself because one minute I know its the right thing to do and

the next I'm doubting myself. What if...... is always going thru my

mind.

>

> When I spoke to Sandy at the Womens Implant Centre yesterday she

told me the same thing about making a decision to have them removed

because of the age of the implants and either replace or go without.

Reality tells me that I don't have $5,000. to be replacing these

things every few years, maybe longer if I'm lucky or maybe shorter if

I'm not. Sandy said some woman opt for the saline implants to

replace the silicone like I have and have found that their symptoms

do not get better but they do not get worse either. I personally

don't have the money or the desire for frequent surgeries for the

duration of the rest of my life. A lift might be in order tho.

We'll see how much the PS quotes me.

>

> Thanks for caring and talking with me.

> Jackie

>

> ----- Original Message -----

> From:

> egroups

> Sent: Thursday, January 04, 2001 12:47 PM

> Subject: Re: Good Morning

>

>

> Dear jackie, I know exactly how you feel, I went through this

too, I

> didn't want to get out the implants at all...I felt that the

posts

> were often discouraging also, like people still seemed sick so

what

> was the point. I am still having really bad days too...so I am

not

> going to deny the fact that that is sounds discouraging, but

for me I

> had to feel I had at least tried, and done everything I could

to get

> better. Well I did..now I am working on my health. I suggest

you

> really need to talk to your husband about what his priorities

are, do

> you really want to be married to a man who values your breast

size

> over your health? that is not the kind of man I want. I am

single,

> but I was dating someone and when I told him the truth he

seemed not

> to care too much about the implants, just that I was ok. Well

Jackie

> it takes time to get well after implants, and I may not ever be

what

> I was, but I am glad to be alive and feel i will get better

> eventually, and with the implants I would never have that

chance. You

> need to live with your decisions...pray about it and do what

you need

> to do for yourself not for your husband. If he can't love you

without

> your implants he really isn't worth much is he?

>

> Remember also that 12 year old implants are way past there life

span

> and you need to replace or get them out anyway...good luck and

> godbless you in this struggle...I can totally understand how yu

feel

>

>

>

>

>

> In egroups, " Jackie " <poopie@t...> wrote:

> > Hello ladies,

> >

> > Hope this note finds you all well. I've been reading your

posts

> and I can't honestly say they have been helping me but I'm

still

> reading. I believe the reason is because I'm sitting in

denial. I

> know in my heart that the implants have to come out and yet I

go thru

> periods each day that are a little discouraging to say the

least. I

> know I'll deal with this, its just going to take some time.

> >

> > I do have some positive news tho. I finally spoke to one of

the

> woman from the Women's Implant Centre here in Vancouver

yesterday and

> she was able to answer alot of my questions including cost of

> explantation. It seems our medical system here in BC WILL

cover the

> cost of removing the implants so I don't have to worry about

that

> cost. They have a list of some excellent Dr's that will

perform this

> if my PS gives me the usual sales pitch about not being

satisfied

> with my body afterwards. She gave me the option of trying my

PS

> first and then if I'm not satisfied I can go and see them for a

> recommendation. I have booked an appointment tomorrow with my

GP to

> get a referral to my PS and I have booked an appointment with

my PS

> on January 16th to discuss removal and the cost of a breast

lift. I

> have started the ball rolling.

> >

> > My husband doesn't want to discuss this with me, he says it

gives

> him the shivers. I asked him what does, the idea of me being

flat

> chested or the thought of the operation, to which he replied " I

don't

> know " Has anyone ever lost their husbands because they went

back to

> being small chested? Probably. What a stupid question eh?

Anyway,

> I'll deal with it as it comes up. You all have a great day and

I'll

> see ya real soon.

> >

> > Jackie

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

The only money I have spent so far in my communicating with Dr. Blais was

the price of a long distance phone call and $6 to send the implants to him.

He is very knowledgeable, and has helped me so much WITH NO GREED attached.

It's wonderful.

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: <carina063@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Friday, January 05, 2001 3:40 PM

Subject: Patty

> I need to send mine to him can you tell me how much it will cost...i

> had those 168 style things too and look at our symptoms how similiar,

> oh geeze...disturbing.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Patty,

You said you had a really good doctor in Arizona can you give me

some info on that and if you have any on Zamboni. Had 2 PS that said

they're not my implants. Need help please. Need a good doctor to take

these out. I would like a nice looking lift too.

Caren