To Jerry from

[Guest guest]

Ok, you mad me cry. Thank you! I have been holding my tears in for a

few days now. I have suggested couseling since my insurance covers 20

visits, he said he doesn't want to spend money on that. He says he

will work on the things I need him to. That is always short lived. We

have been going in circles for 5 years now. I tell him what I NEED

from a woman's emotional make up (my make up) and he gets insulted.

He thinks I am calling him stupid and that I am insulting his

manhood. But he doesn't know what I need. He grew up in a very stupid

household. His mother is a demanding witch, she is extremely selfish--

-that is where he gets it. The world needs to run his way or it's

wrong. The only time my husband and I can " talk " is when it is about

work, talking about the cats, and about tv, movies & music. Anytime I

say something he doesn't know, he doubts me. Asks me how do I know.

He needs to hear things for himself from another source. I can't even

say which actor is married to who, because unless he saw/heard it

himself--he doubts.....yet he wonders why I act the way I do. He

wonders why I am as moody as I am. He says that I have changed since

in the past 4 1/2 years. He says some is for the better, but that he

misses the " old " me. The " old me " would have divorced him 6 months to

a year after we were married or beat the crap out of him (we had one

violent episode 2 months into our marriage in which I did not cause).

About 4 1/2 years ago I started going to church again, that is when I

changed---truely all for the best. When I didn't go to church, I was

mean, immoral, hateful and didn't care about anything. How could he

want that stupid person back....yuck!!

Jerry, you sound like such a nice & caring person. I am grateful for

your knowledge & insite. I thank you for telling me how you feel.

Yes, I am unhappy. Yes, I know it is not my job to make him happy----

I am just tired of fighting, running the same circles. Somehow things

will change. Thank you for letting me share.

Oh by the way, you are NOT a LOWLY male. Men are very important!! Men

are valuable and important to us all. You are appreciated by

many!!!!! Sincerely,

> lopez...I am only a lowly male but may I suggest some counseling

for you

> (and your husband ).?

> You are far too young to face a life that unables you to communicate

> with the one in whom you should be able to confide in the

> most....marriage is a whole lot more than sex...you must be

partners and

> best friends It's not your job to just make him happy. Happiness is

an

> inside job If you aren't happy then he will never be either and you

must

> never depend on someone else for your happiness. You must be able to

> share each othes feelings or you will be miserable all your life.

Fear

> doesn't solve anything.

> I hate to see anyone so upset and unhappy as you. This disease

needn't

> keep you down, everything will be as it supposed to be, but

sometimes

> you have to help it along. Remember that other sad movie with the

great

> line? " love is never having to say you're sorry... "

> Cheer up you got a lot of life to live yet.....hell, if I'd have

known I

> was going to live as long as I have I would have taken better care

of

> myself...but then again any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow and

> we'd miss all of next week...

>

> love jerry

[Guest guest]

hi lopez, sorry for interveing in your message, but felt i had to write. my husband of 9 1/2 years has caused me great problems, manyl ike yours, i started divorce proceedings yesterday. i feel so much better for taking a positive step. i tried to make a go of it for the last 5 years, but have now given up.i am not saying that that is for everyone, just dont let him bring you down, as for his mother, she must be my mother in laws twin. hope things get better for you.

love, hugs and prayers

anita

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