Guest guest Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 Ruth, The things you have said are all true and an entire spectrum of emotions are absolutely necessary in coming to terms with living with a chronic illness. A person would not be normal if they didn't have fear, sadness, etc. when being told they have an illness that will not go away; an illness that without treatment will give them only a 10% chance of still being around 10 years from now; an illness that means they will have to take medication that has potentially dangerous side effects; an illness that will at times make them feel like total crap; on and on. I wasn't trying to beat anyone up for feeling down about dealing with AIH or any other illness or condition. I hope I didn't hurt anyone with my words. I am not always 100% upbeat about all the things going on in my body - it is often a very difficult struggle to count my blessings and not allow my self to wallow in self pity. Some days I can't do it. Some days you just need to have a good cry. Some days you just need to have a friend or loved one say, " This all really sucks. I know it is very hard for you and I am soooo sorry you have to deal with this. " Those are basically the words that my daughter (who I believe is wise and compassionate beyond her 21 years) said to me. At times when I am down, I remember her words. You might say similar words to a dear friend who just lost a loved one. " I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I cannot even imagine how hard it must be for you. I know there is nothing I can do to make this better for you, but please know that I am here to listen and to cry with you when you need it. " When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, it is really a death of sorts. You must mourn over your loss, just as you must mourn over the death of a loved one. A chonic illness is not always a death sentence. In fact, the vast majority of chronic illnesses are something you will die with and not from. However, you must come to terms with the fact that it will change your life (maybe minimally or maybe in major ways). Yes - it really does suck having to deal with numerous medical issues. Yes - it is really hard at times. However, it is not like I have a choice in the matter. This is the hand life dealt me - not as a punishment for my past sins or bad choices; not because I'm a bad person; not because God wants to see me suffer. This is just the hand life dealt me simply because it is! Despite my upbeat attitude (most of the time) about it all, I struggle daily to push it out of the center of my universe. Right now I'm not doing so well with that. Yes, I am very upbeat, but the medical issues are in the forefront of my mind. Somehow I have to push them back to just being a tiny little piece of me, as I was able to do for so long when my only real issue was lupus. I know that I need help (and I have sought it) to let this go and relax. My medical issues are just one tiny part of my life, but right now they are taking up the majority of my thoughts. Somehow I must turn that around. When I accomplish that goal, I'll let you all know how I managed to that, because if I can do that, I am sure anyone on the face of the earth can as well. Wish me luck, because I will definitely need it! W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 Ruth, For many years, I also felt that to be strong was to never admit you needed help; never admit you were scared; never admit you were anything less than perfect. It was not until I was almost 39 years old (I'll be 42 this month) that I finally realized how very wrong I was. As a person who has always been self-sufficient; the one people depended on to get the job done; the one people depended on to be the strong one in times of trouble - it took a tremendous amount of guts and strength to swallow my pride and admit I needed help. That was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. My sister (who is also my best friend) was so very angry at me because she felt I was refusing to get help simply because I wanted to continue to cause my family pain from the worrying about me. It wasn't until months later that I was able to help her understand that I did not refuse to admit I needed help to be mean or to cause them pain. She couldn't understand that I was so incredibly ashamed to have to admit that I needed help. The turning point in my life was when I realized that one should be much more ashamed by not being able to admit they need help than by being brave enough to admit that you do need help. W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 Ruth, as always thank you for your kind words! You are correct that it is easier to deal with the health issues once you actually know what they are - that is, after you get over the shock of it, at least. I deal much better with the 'knowns' than the 'unknowns', no matter how bad the 'known' may be! Of course, life is all about the 'unknowns' and I must pray constantly for me to trust God to guide me through the 'unknowns'. W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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