JOKES FROM BERT.

[Guest guest]

HERE ARE YOUR JOKES OF THE DAY!!!

ENJOY!!

One Liner! Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Accident

The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent

was going down the list of standard questions. 'Ever had an accident?' 'Nope, nary a one.' 'None? You've never had any accidents?' 'Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.' 'That's hard to believe. No accidents at all?' 'Well, rattler bit me one time.' 'Wouldn't you consider that an accident?' 'Nope!. The varmint bit me on purpose!'

Phone Problems

Phone Won't Stop Ringing?

Here's What You Do. A young woman from Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem.

But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had

acquired almost the same telephone number as hers. From the moment the motel opened, the young woman was besieged by

calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she

felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change

its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change

its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and

just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a

day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears,

the young woman decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the

motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. The young woman

said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with

two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, the woman said the Presidential

Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary

said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit.

"No, that won't be necessary," she said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one. In the morning, she booked an electric

appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a

college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World

War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she

could watch her favorite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came

in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her

daughter's wedding in June. She assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she

would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care

of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the

floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once

again she was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we

always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen

parties and were all told there were no such events. She had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the

motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from

Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel." She replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone

number."