JOKES FOR THE DAY/BERT.

[Guest guest]

HI EVERYONE, THESE ARE KINDA CUTE.....

ENJOY....

One Liner! If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Polly Wanna Talk?

A lady goes into a pet store one day. "I'm really lonely," she says

to the clerk. "I need a pet to keep me company." "Well," replies the clerk. "How about this nice parrot? He'll talk to

you." "Hey, that's great." She likes the idea and she buys the parrot and

takes him home. Next day: Same lady comes back to the pet store. "You know, that

parrot isn't talking to me yet," she says. "Hmmm, let's see," says the clerk. "I know! You buy this little

ladder for his cage. He'll climb the ladder...and then he'll talk." "OK." So off she goes with a newly purchased ladder. Next day: Same lady comes back to the pet store. "Hey, that parrot

still hasn't said a word," she says to the pet store clerk. He thinks a minute. "How about this little mirror?" he says. "You

hang it at the top of the ladder. The parrot will climb the ladder,

look in the mirror and then he'll talk to you." "OK," she says, and buys the little mirror, and goes home. But the next day that same lady is back in the shop. "Well, I'm

getting a bit discouraged," she says. "That parrot STILL won't talk

to me." The clerk scratches his head. "Let me think....AHA! Try this bell.

You hang it over the mirror. That parrot will climb the ladder, look

in the mirror, ring the bell, and then he will surely talk to you!" "Well, all right, I'll give it a try," says the lady. And she buys

the bell and takes it home. The next day the same lady comes back to the pet shop, and she is

mightily distressed. "What's wrong?" asks the clerk. "My parrot...well, he died," was the quiet reply. "Oh no! I'm so sorry for your loss!" exclaimed the clerk. "But I have

to ask you, did the parrot ever say anything to you?" "Oh yes, he said one thing, right before he died," she replied. "Well, what did he say?" asked the clerk. The lady replies: "He said, 'DOESN'T THAT STORE CARRY ANY FOOD?!!?'"

Party Life

The Old Man's Secret. A woman walking down a residential street, noticed a little old man

rocking in a chair on his porch. She called out to him as she passed.

"Hello there! I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's

your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he replied. "I also drink

a case of whiskey a week, eat nothing but fast food, and never

exercise." "Wow!" The woman was amazed. "How old are you?" she asked. "Twenty-six," he replied.

**HAPPY**HOLIDAYS**

**AND WARM HUGS**

Bert.

[Guest guest]

Hi! Just wanted to say I love your jokes!!! You are a funny lady, How do you stay up so much with all your prombles. Have a Happy New Year!!!! Hugs Sherry sunshinedotson@... wrote: HI EVERYONE, THESE ARE KINDA CUTE.....ENJOY.... :)One Liner! If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Polly Wanna Talk?

Wanna color=#400080 face="Verdana Ref" lang=0 size=3 style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffbb" FAMILY="SANSSERIF">A lady goes into a pet store one day. "I'm really lonely," she saysto the clerk. "I need a pet to keep me company." "Well," replies the clerk. "How about this nice parrot? He'll talk toyou." "Hey, that's great." She likes the idea and she buys the parrot andtakes him home. Next day: Same lady comes back to the pet store. "You know, thatparrot isn't talking to me yet," she says. "Hmmm, let's see," says the clerk. "I know! You buy this littleladder for his cage. He'll climb the ladder...and then he'll talk." "OK." So off she goes with a newly purchased ladder. Next day: Same lady comes back to the pet store. "Hey, that parrotstill hasn't said a word," she says to the pet store clerk. He thinks a minute. "How about this little mirror?" he says. "Youhang it at the top of the ladder. The parrot will climb the ladder,look in the mirror and then he'll talk to you." "OK," she says, and buys the little mirror, and goes home. But the next day that same lady is back in the shop. "Well, I'mgetting a bit discouraged," she says. "That parrot STILL won't talkto me." The clerk scratches his head. "Let me think....AHA! Try this bell.You hang it over the mirror. That parrot will climb the ladder, lookin the mirror, ring the bell, and then he will surely talk to you!" "Well, all right, I'll give it a try," says the lady. And she buysthe bell and takes it home. The next day the same lady comes back to the pet shop, and she ismightily distressed. "What's wrong?" asks the clerk. "My parrot...well, he died," was the quiet reply. "Oh no! I'm so sorry for your loss!" exclaimed the clerk. "But I haveto ask you, did the parrot ever say anything to you?" "Oh yes, he said one thing, right before he died," she replied. "Well, what did he say?" asked the clerk. The lady replies: "He said, 'DOESN'T THAT STORE CARRY ANY FOOD?!!?'"

Party Life