*Dogged* tired....

[Guest guest]

Mz in Tennessee....I didn't comment on this before but I have to now. My

dh smoked for about 45 years. He had x-rays that showed he had a spot on his

lung, when he was in his twenties. When he was in his early forties he started

with the emphysema. I begged him to quit smoking. He said he couldn't. I told

him when he is older and cannot do much for himself, I would have to do way too

much. He still smoked until he was 61, about three years ago. I am now doing way

too much and taking care of him and it is telling on my health even though I am

trying to be mindful of my health.

Now that my dh has cancer there are added burdens. I have to drive him for

about ten hours, each week, to the Veterans Hospital. We do not have a Vet's

hospital, here, that would take care of his specific problem.

I had to take my dog into the shelter last week. My dh cannot tolerate the

hair and dander. I cannot have a fire in the fireplace. I cannot burn candles.

The list goes on. I am not meaning that these things are more important than my

dh but that he deliberately did and is now destroying his health and I must pick

up the pieces and not feel any irritation or lack of cheerfulness. I have

learned to accept things as they are but am limiting more each day. I am

refusing to take care of a purposed invalid. My father and mother tried to do

this to me too.

This leads up to the dog issue. If you marry this guy and he expects you to

take shots and medication to make his life simple and peaceful, you will be very

resentful down the road. You will think he is a very spoiled man.

I gave up our dog so my dh could breathe better knowing he chose to destroy

his health. I am giving up many, many things because of this. Do I want to? No.

But, I consider humans more important than animals. I will draw the line if I

have to choose between my children and grandchildren and having to give them up

for his unhealthy lifestyle.

I would not marry a man who asks me to risk my health for his whims.

Yes, you love him now but what about the next 1,000 miles with him? Will you

be resentful when you are wheezing or eyes watering? Will you have the respect

for this man who you need to respect? Does he love you enough to say he won't

keep a dog when you are suffereing? Or when your child is at risk?

I have a daughter who has to use a breathing machine. She has about 5 cats and

a dog in her house. She use to have more dogs in the house. This along with

eight children. She won't listen to reason either. The children get sick often.

They do not eat well and this along with the dander keeps them on drugs.

Please consider before *jumping the broom*

I hope I am not sounding cynical. I want this to sound practical and hindsight

can be used by the future generation...if they listen carefully.

Respectfully, Mz Violet (aka Flicka)

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I can't thank you all enough for sharing your thoughts on this! It

has been tremendously helpful! I want to reply to some of the

comments individually; I'll do that in later posts.

I feel like this is a very important decision - I mean, it would be

anyway, but especially because I'm starting to feel healthier now, and

also because my son's health is involved. The responses you gave me

are exactly the type of thing I was looking for. I want to be sure I

know what I'm getting into, how much affect it could have on health,

and if I'm being stupid.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

in Tennessee

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