Guest guest Posted June 2, 2006 Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 & Vonnie, One thing I thought about when I just read s's post to Vonnie were her words about letting everyone know your feelings so they can be out there. I agree. The other thing that I learned in therapy (thank you first/ex hubby!) is that people can't read your mind and determine your needs. Most people are very happy to accomodate other people when they clearly state a wish or a need. What is very difficult for most men to do is read between the lines. Sometimes, and I am not saying in this case it applies to you guys, but it has felt SO obvious to me what I need that I can not believe that others around me can be that " deaf " ...and I get mad and upset inside. And when I say something I really feel like I am venting. Noone else seems to see it that way. What I really have found ....when you just call up a friend and say " I really need a visit soon to take my mind off.... " , or " can you take my son for a playdate this afternoon " whatever, people are right there. And I never thought they were mad about it. I think they had just moved on a little by 6 weeks post-op. I think we also talked about this here before...but many of us, me included, experienced this same feeling of abandonment by friends during the " cast " period as a teen. To this day I can remember how sad I was that it happened, and did not have the tools to deal with it. This second go-around had a different outcome, but I know I did a little better job of reminding my friends of the importance of our friendship....and they responded. My husband didn't really have a chance, but I see that he still can't read my mind so I do ask him to do what I can't (you would think it would be obvious by now....duh!!!) Of course many thanks go to my many friends here at our cyber-back porch. I think in many ways we are again reliving a childhood agony together. But that is the key word...together. You two will get through it...you will. Take Care, Cam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2006 Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 -- Hey Val, My sister Barbara is here with her family this weekend. She is here to run a road race, I am lucky if I could walk the road race!!! She said to tell you hello!! She also send hellos to Cam and the gang from the dinner!! She is going to try to get into see , NH while she is at the Baptist..... I have a confession to make to the group..I ran out of pain meds...I did not plan well enough and called Priscilla at the last minute for a script to be mailed....I am on day 3 without anything.YIKES!!! I am feeling it...Now I am battling with the decision..do I just try not to take any when the script comes?? DO I try to tough it out?? I guess I could have called my PCP but did not do that. I am very stiff, sore and have a bad headache...probably all from coming off Tramadol cold turkey?? I was taking 2 a day.............,PA - In , " redmarmie " <vclark@...> wrote: > > Cam, > You are so right, those around us, though I think they should, do > not know what we need or what we are thinking. I was fortunate > around first time round to have two neighborhood friends who came to > my house, EVERY day. They were the best and a great distraction. > This time, everybody has their own lives to lead. I feel intrusive > asking for help, playdates, visits, etc. but heck, I will do it > anyway, if it will keep me out of Pity city. > > > > > > > > & Vonnie, > > > > One thing I thought about when I just read s's post to > Vonnie > > were her words about letting everyone know your feelings so they > can > > be out there. I agree. The other thing that I learned in therapy > > (thank you first/ex hubby!) is that people can't read your mind > and > > determine your needs. Most people are very happy to accomodate > other > > people when they clearly state a wish or a need. What is very > > difficult for most men to do is read between the lines. > > > > Sometimes, and I am not saying in this case it applies to you > guys, > > but it has felt SO obvious to me what I need that I can not > believe > > that others around me can be that " deaf " ...and I get mad and upset > > inside. And when I say something I really feel like I am venting. > > Noone else seems to see it that way. What I really have > > found ....when you just call up a friend and say " I really need a > > visit soon to take my mind off.... " , or " can you take my son for a > > playdate this afternoon " whatever, people are right there. And I > > never thought they were mad about it. I think they had just moved > on > > a little by 6 weeks post-op. > > > > I think we also talked about this here before...but many of us, me > > included, experienced this same feeling of abandonment by friends > > during the " cast " period as a teen. To this day I can remember how > > sad I was that it happened, and did not have the tools to deal > with > > it. This second go-around had a different outcome, but I know I > did > > a little better job of reminding my friends of the importance of > our > > friendship....and they responded. My husband didn't really have a > > chance, but I see that he still can't read my mind so I do ask him > > to do what I can't (you would think it would be obvious by > > now....duh!!!) > > > > Of course many thanks go to my many friends here at our cyber- back > > porch. I think in many ways we are again reliving a childhood > agony > > together. But that is the key word...together. You two will get > > through it...you will. > > > > Take Care, Cam > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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