Re: Anyone have advice about uncomfortable social questions? Long bu

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I certainly agree with Cam, and and everyone else who has responded re: uncomfortable social questions, but I have something to add. First, some people will never "get it" and you need to decide how or whether to keep them in your life. Some need to be educated. Some people are just idiots and have no empathy and there is no way to make them understand. You need to realize that this is their problem and not yours and just go about your business. Hard to do, but sometimes necessary.

Also, sometimes the problem is not so much the question, but how we take it and how we respond. The question "what do you do all day" can be very innocent. I am 67 years old and my husband, who has no physical problems, is 65 and is retired. Friends who are still working constantly ask my husband what he does all day. They simply cannot understand a life without work. They have no ulterior motives and are not being facetious; they simply want, literally, to know what he does all day now that he is no longer working.

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Thanks VC, Sharon, , & Bonnie. Thank you so much for your replies.

I was a

bit emotional when I wrote my post, but the anxiety of this upcoming visit has

been

building and I really needed to vent. I want everybody to have a good time but I

don't want

to take any more innuendo punches. I guess I should clarify that I'm not

revised, I'm just

still surviving the aftermath of the first Harrington Rod surgery. I just love

this group so

much, you guys are the first people to reach out to me and knew what you were

talking

about, put names to what I was going through and pointed me towards the part of

the

medical community that is taking all of this seriously. I think all of your

suggestions were

great and I feel a little more armed and ready. I'm going to get my x-rays out

so they have

to see them when they see the apartment and I'll print out some of the revision

pics and

have them lying out. I am a sensitive person and I try to be understanding when

people are

just trying to make conversation. I feel like the worst of it is coming from my

boyfriend's

family and friends, I get the distinct feeling that a lot of them feel I am a

mooch or some-

other such stereotype. And the hurtful thing is that I know he has made them

aware of my

back. Even if he was on the phone with someone and the person gets around to

asking

how I am...he would say something like " she's doing OK " and then there would be

this

pause and he will go into my back problems and I could just tell they asked if I

was

working by the way he responded. I would never say anything but I would still

feel hurt by

it and it must bother him too because I've noticed when they get around to

asking about

me he launches right into my back problems and it shuts them down about asking

about

work. But that hurt's too because I know he has to do it to shut down the " work "

question

and it all seems so invasive. As a result when I see them, some people

automatically ask

about my back, which is better I guess...but I just feel like a broken record

having to try

and make them understand that this is not something that " just " happened to me

and it is

not going to get better.

I would prefer to just be asked How I am doing and be able to answer " Good " and

move on

to talking about something else, because I am doing good in spite of my back.

But I guess

you're all right I have to just keep educating them. I just feel like it's been

a long time and

nothing is changing, but rather getting worse...it's like they want to see me at

my worst

before they will believe, like I'm on trial and so far all the evidence suggests

that there is

nothing wrong with me and I should be accounting for my time.

Another hurtful aspect of this whole experience is that I feel all of my

accomplishments

have been erased or somehow do not count because I'm not old enough to lay down

my

load. When I was first getting to know his family I talked about all I've done

with school &

work attempts including sculpting & casting the seal for the NY State Senate and

Assembly

(which was agonizing), I thought that It would be evidence that I did try really

hard, I did

not stop for " no good reason " , opportunities were there but my back was

screaming

" STOP! " . When people make comments that it's a shame I'm not putting my talent

to work,

that hurts too, because I remember what it was like to draw when I was young

before

surgery, it was a whole different experience and the reason for my aptitude in

the first

place. The strange thing to me is that back then with the jobs that I had or

with school I

would have loved to talk about what I did in a day if I were asked, but people

didn't ask

and now people seem " unusually " interested in my time. My boyfriend says he

thinks their

just jealous, maybe he has something there (that just seems so juvenile

though)...like the

comment those people made about the parking spaces, that's so horrible...,

I'm so

glad you told that woman off! I think that what that physical therapist said was

great too...I

think that average people think they " know " back pain...like when they wake up

the day

after some " out of the ordinary " exertion and say " my back is killing me " and

they think

" that " is what we go through. On a couple of occasions I have had it said to me

" It's not

like your in a Wheelchair " , like when I fought to graduate college without my PE

credits, I

did not back down.

Sharon, thank you for sharing your emotions about the loss of your music

teaching, I was

tearing up writing about the art teaching, that is why I was so bruised about

this persons

suggestion that I start a gift wrapping company, if I could do that I would be

fit for

teaching since that is what I have a degree in. I wonder what goes through these

peoples

heads, how do they have the nerve to suggest what I should do, like i'm some

unmotivated

slacker. I'm sorry about you Dad and Uncle, I will keep them in my prayers.

, Wow...It was explained to me how invasive it would be to remove my rod

and that

it would probably never be done to me unless the rod or the fusion mass

broke...I'm

impressed that someone can go through that " excavation " of bone and metal and

come

out the other side. I am still in the physical therapy stage of treatment and

I'm told if

fusion becomes necessary they will most likely add on to my existing hardware. I

have a

question for you and anyone who had there hardware removed.

I was googling Scoliosis and was reading this page from the University of

land Medical

Center and I came across this:

" In some patients, years after the original surgeries, particularly with the

first generation

of the Harrington rods, the weight of the instrumentation can cause disk and

joint

degeneration severe enough to require surgery. "

....I always wondered how much my hardware weighed...I tried to google that but

had no

luck. Does anyone have an idea of what the hardware weighs? I know it must very

depending on the length of the rod but just a general ballpark. I weighed about

105lbs.

when I went into the hospital and 90lbs. when I was released so it never

occurred to me

back than to even ask what the hardware weighed...but knowing my doctor he would

have

told me it was virtually weightless like aluminum or something and not to think

on it, he

never gave me honest answers anyway. I posted my x-rays but I don't know where

my

records are that would say the length of the rod.

Well thanks again and if anyone ever comes across some sort of writings that are

a survival

guide for how to talk to the " straight " people (we should come up with a name

for them

like the Muggles in Harry Potter) I would be interested:) Sorry it got long

again and sort of

all over the place, but I think I got it off my chest and out of my system for a

little while.

Robin

>

> Hi,

>

> I certainly agree with Cam, and and everyone else who has responded

re:

uncomfortable social questions, but I have something to add. First, some people

will

never " get it " and you need to decide how or whether to keep them in your life.

Some

need to be educated. Some people are just idiots and have no empathy and there

is no

way to make them understand. You need to realize that this is their problem and

not

yours and just go about your business. Hard to do, but sometimes necessary.

>

> Also, sometimes the problem is not so much the question, but how we take it

and how

we respond. The question " what do you do all day " can be very innocent. I am

67 years

old and my husband, who has no physical problems, is 65 and is retired. Friends

who are

still working constantly ask my husband what he does all day. They simply

cannot

understand a life without work. They have no ulterior motives and are not being

facetious;

they simply want, literally, to know what he does all day now that he is no

longer working.

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Robin,

I had my Harrington Rod removed during my Decompression surgery before my two revisions. I have it in a plastic bag. Virtually weightless would be a good description of it, ounces not pounds. Mine was always described to me as being 14 inches long, it's more like 10. Mine was in really good shape, just a bit of pitting near where the bottom hook was, and why there since both hooks had cut away from the rod many years before who knows why. They did say in my reports I did have artifacts surrounding the rod, also who knows what that meant, I figure might be metal shards from the pitting, but truly they would have to be really tiny. I was surprised how good it looked, after being in there 27 years, in my minds eye I figured it would come out looking yucky, not so. I will try in the next couple of days to take a picture of it and post it. Really it's not big, not even as thick as a pencil.

I could kick myself for not asking for my first revision hardware, as it was removed during my second, would have been cool to have and to take pictures and post here. I think since I had two surgeries in a year, I was just bummed out and not thinking right. Next time I see my surgeon, Dr. Kumar, I'll ask him the weight of revision hardware, though I have quite a bit more than most since my last revision is not only lumbar but thorasic too, and my hardware system is stainless steel, not titanium.

Colorado Springs

[ ] Re: Anyone have advice about uncomfortable social questions? Long bu

Thanks VC, Sharon, , & Bonnie. Thank you so much for your replies. I was a bit emotional when I wrote my post, but the anxiety of this upcoming visit has been building and I really needed to vent. I want everybody to have a good time but I don't want to take any more innuendo punches. I guess I should clarify that I'm not revised, I'm just still surviving the aftermath of the first Harrington Rod surgery. I just love this group so much, you guys are the first people to reach out to me and knew what you were talking about, put names to what I was going through and pointed me towards the part of the medical community that is taking all of this seriously. I think all of your suggestions were great and I feel a little more armed and ready. I'm going to get my x-rays out so they have to see them when they see the apartment and I'll print out some of the revision pics and have them lying out. I am a sensitive person and I try to be understanding when people are just trying to make conversation. I feel like the worst of it is coming from my boyfriend's family and friends, I get the distinct feeling that a lot of them feel I am a mooch or some-other such stereotype. And the hurtful thing is that I know he has made them aware of my back. Even if he was on the phone with someone and the person gets around to asking how I am...he would say something like "she's doing OK" and then there would be this pause and he will go into my back problems and I could just tell they asked if I was working by the way he responded. I would never say anything but I would still feel hurt by it and it must bother him too because I've noticed when they get around to asking about me he launches right into my back problems and it shuts them down about asking about work. But that hurt's too because I know he has to do it to shut down the "work" question and it all seems so invasive. As a result when I see them, some people automatically ask about my back, which is better I guess...but I just feel like a broken record having to try and make them understand that this is not something that "just" happened to me and it is not going to get better.I would prefer to just be asked How I am doing and be able to answer "Good" and move on to talking about something else, because I am doing good in spite of my back. But I guess you're all right I have to just keep educating them. I just feel like it's been a long time and nothing is changing, but rather getting worse...it's like they want to see me at my worst before they will believe, like I'm on trial and so far all the evidence suggests that there is nothing wrong with me and I should be accounting for my time.Another hurtful aspect of this whole experience is that I feel all of my accomplishments have been erased or somehow do not count because I'm not old enough to lay down my load. When I was first getting to know his family I talked about all I've done with school & work attempts including sculpting & casting the seal for the NY State Senate and Assembly (which was agonizing), I thought that It would be evidence that I did try really hard, I did not stop for "no good reason", opportunities were there but my back was screaming "STOP!". When people make comments that it's a shame I'm not putting my talent to work, that hurts too, because I remember what it was like to draw when I was young before surgery, it was a whole different experience and the reason for my aptitude in the first place. The strange thing to me is that back then with the jobs that I had or with school I would have loved to talk about what I did in a day if I were asked, but people didn't ask and now people seem "unusually" interested in my time. My boyfriend says he thinks their just jealous, maybe he has something there (that just seems so juvenile though)...like the comment those people made about the parking spaces, that's so horrible..., I'm so glad you told that woman off! I think that what that physical therapist said was great too...I think that average people think they "know" back pain...like when they wake up the day after some "out of the ordinary" exertion and say "my back is killing me" and they think "that" is what we go through. On a couple of occasions I have had it said to me "It's not like your in a Wheelchair", like when I fought to graduate college without my PE credits, I did not back down.Sharon, thank you for sharing your emotions about the loss of your music teaching, I was tearing up writing about the art teaching, that is why I was so bruised about this persons suggestion that I start a gift wrapping company, if I could do that I would be fit for teaching since that is what I have a degree in. I wonder what goes through these peoples heads, how do they have the nerve to suggest what I should do, like i'm some unmotivated slacker. I'm sorry about you Dad and Uncle, I will keep them in my prayers., Wow...It was explained to me how invasive it would be to remove my rod and that it would probably never be done to me unless the rod or the fusion mass broke...I'm impressed that someone can go through that "excavation" of bone and metal and come out the other side. I am still in the physical therapy stage of treatment and I'm told if fusion becomes necessary they will most likely add on to my existing hardware. I have a question for you and anyone who had there hardware removed.I was googling Scoliosis and was reading this page from the University of land Medical Center and I came across this:"In some patients, years after the original surgeries, particularly with the first generation of the Harrington rods, the weight of the instrumentation can cause disk and joint degeneration severe enough to require surgery."...I always wondered how much my hardware weighed...I tried to google that but had no luck. Does anyone have an idea of what the hardware weighs? I know it must very depending on the length of the rod but just a general ballpark. I weighed about 105lbs. when I went into the hospital and 90lbs. when I was released so it never occurred to me back than to even ask what the hardware weighed...but knowing my doctor he would have told me it was virtually weightless like aluminum or something and not to think on it, he never gave me honest answers anyway. I posted my x-rays but I don't know where my records are that would say the length of the rod.Well thanks again and if anyone ever comes across some sort of writings that are a survival guide for how to talk to the "straight" people (we should come up with a name for them like the Muggles in Harry Potter) I would be interested:) Sorry it got long again and sort of all over the place, but I think I got it off my chest and out of my system for a little while. Robin>> Hi,> > I certainly agree with Cam, and and everyone else who has responded re: uncomfortable social questions, but I have something to add. First, some people will never "get it" and you need to decide how or whether to keep them in your life. Some need to be educated. Some people are just idiots and have no empathy and there is no way to make them understand. You need to realize that this is their problem and not yours and just go about your business. Hard to do, but sometimes necessary.> > Also, sometimes the problem is not so much the question, but how we take it and how we respond. The question "what do you do all day" can be very innocent. I am 67 years old and my husband, who has no physical problems, is 65 and is retired. Friends who are still working constantly ask my husband what he does all day. They simply cannot understand a life without work. They have no ulterior motives and are not being facetious; they simply want, literally, to know what he does all day now that he is no longer working. > > Bonnie>

[Guest guest]

Thanks , That sets my mind as ease. I can't remember what mine was made out

of, I

really have to find my old records (I never set off metal detectors though). I

had my

surgery in the late 80's, and the article said the first generation was heavy so

that must

have been before us. Those poor people. It will be cool to see the pics. I'm

morbid like

that:) ...like I want to be cremated and when I think about it I wonder what the

hardware is

going to look like.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > I certainly agree with Cam, and and everyone else who has

responded re:

> uncomfortable social questions, but I have something to add. First, some

people will

> never " get it " and you need to decide how or whether to keep them in your

life. Some

> need to be educated. Some people are just idiots and have no empathy and

there is no

> way to make them understand. You need to realize that this is their problem

and not

> yours and just go about your business. Hard to do, but sometimes necessary.

> >

> > Also, sometimes the problem is not so much the question, but how we take

it and

how

> we respond. The question " what do you do all day " can be very innocent. I am

67 years

> old and my husband, who has no physical problems, is 65 and is retired.

Friends who

are

> still working constantly ask my husband what he does all day. They simply

cannot

> understand a life without work. They have no ulterior motives and are not

being

facetious;

> they simply want, literally, to know what he does all day now that he is no

longer

working.

> >

> > Bonnie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Robin,

I had my Harrington placed in 1973, and even then, I was nowhere near the first stages of that surgery. I only got the rod by chance, as I was to have uninstrumented fusions done in Santa CA, but my doc knew of a doc at UCSF who was doing the surgery with Harrington Rods, and with a brace versus a cast, so we were off to SF for a consult. Some times you are just in the right place at the right time, or else I would have been in a cast for over a year, six months flat on my back, and then a walking cast. I'm so lucky as many here had casts, and far past my time period of the early seventies. Blessed and lucky.

[ ] Re: Anyone have advice about uncomfortable social questions? Long bu

Thanks , That sets my mind as ease. I can't remember what mine was made out of, I really have to find my old records (I never set off metal detectors though). I had my surgery in the late 80's, and the article said the first generation was heavy so that must have been before us. Those poor people. It will be cool to see the pics. I'm morbid like that:) ...like I want to be cremated and when I think about it I wonder what the hardware is going to look like.> >> > Hi,> > > > I certainly agree with Cam, and and everyone else who has responded re: > uncomfortable social questions, but I have something to add. First, some people will > never "get it" and you need to decide how or whether to keep them in your life. Some > need to be educated. Some people are just idiots and have no empathy and there is no > way to make them understand. You need to realize that this is their problem and not > yours and just go about your business. Hard to do, but sometimes necessary.> > > > Also, sometimes the problem is not so much the question, but how we take it and how > we respond. The question "what do you do all day" can be very innocent. I am 67 years > old and my husband, who has no physical problems, is 65 and is retired. Friends who are > still working constantly ask my husband what he does all day. They simply cannot > understand a life without work. They have no ulterior motives and are not being facetious; > they simply want, literally, to know what he does all day now that he is no longer working. > > > > Bonnie> >>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

When I read all the stories this spring about the casts it gave me perspective,

I realize I

was

lucky too. I could take my brace off after a month for showers. It was hard as

hell to get in

and out of, it opened in the back and I would struggle to twist it around to my

left side

(where my ribs are narrower), than try to squeeze out of it. I was always

surprised that

they let me go through all of that...it seemed at the time like I was being

really harsh on

my back, but I wanted to get out of it every chance I got. I actually had to

take it off quite a

bit because I decided to wear it over my jeans to work, so every time I had to

pee...

My fantasy was to chop it up with an axe. My mother was upset, she thought I

would need

it again some day and she ask the doctor about it, but he said I could destroy

it, they

would never reuse it. When the moment came the axe just bounce off the

brace...what an

anticlimax. I sat there with my head in my hands and then I got an idea and ran

into the

house and got a lighter...it lit just like a candle wick and and I sat there and

watched it

melt like an candle. The only problem was when it got to the point were it was

just a

puddle of molten plastic on the black top, well it continued to burn and melt

the blacktop,

so I had to pore some water on it. After that it was a permanent reminder...a

weird looking

crater with an unidentified hard white puddle around it in the walkway of the

back yard.

I do know how lucky I am to have the brace vs. cast, I can just imagine what

some people

did to their casts when they got out of them.

Robin

>

> Dear Robin,

>

> I had my Harrington placed in 1973, and even then, I was nowhere near the

first stages

of that surgery. I only got the rod by chance, as I was to have uninstrumented

fusions

done in Santa CA, but my doc knew of a doc at UCSF who was doing the

surgery with

Harrington Rods, and with a brace versus a cast, so we were off to SF for a

consult. Some

times you are just in the right place at the right time, or else I would have

been in a cast

for over a year, six months flat on my back, and then a walking cast. I'm so

lucky as many

here had casts, and far past my time period of the early seventies. Blessed and

lucky.

>

>

[Guest guest]

While the first generation hardware may well be heavier, I think it is

a misunderstanding behind the idea that it is the weight of the

hardware that causes the degeneration. The weight of the whole

fusion, with 8, 10 or more vertebrae fused into one, articulating

directly onto the unfused joint below, definitely, but I don't *think*

that any hardware has ever been heavy enough to cause those problems

itself.

I don't have time to write much more now, but just wanted to say that

your posts have struck a chord with me. I had my original surgery at

20, and was never problem free although I was able to work around

those problems and in most respects lead a normal life. By 25 the

problems were getting intrusive, and by 26 I was having significant

difficulty walking. The following year, when my contract was due to

run out, I went through an extended interview process for what was at

the time my ideal job, as a Visual Basic programmer on the management

fast track to be a team, then project leader. I had it in the bag,

and the place I was (and still do, although not for much longer)

working offered me the chance to continue there but part time - job

sharing with the person I'd been doing maternity cover for. Because

of how things were going with my back, I turned down the other job and

consequently dead-ended my career and experience and stagnated. I got

paid, so it's not all bad, but if I'd been able to take the other job

I'd currently be earning in the region of £50,000 - not a sum to be

sniffed at. I'd have a nice fat pension too!

I cannot understand why people are so willing to think that you'd turn

your back on your own life, which you have worked so hard to achieve.

I went in a matter of months from being in the gym 5-6 times a week

for 1.5-2 hours per session to being hardly able to walk, yet was

accused (openly as well as by implication) of laziness, work shyness

and lead swinging. To this day it mystifies me - no one ever asked me

to do body building, or exercise so much - it was my choice. If

anything I did it to stave off the encroaching disability, which it

did for a while, probably a year or so. But why would I stop that if

I didn't have to?

Well, not so short after all. All of the above said, one thing that I

will note is that sometimes when people ask what you have done all

day, they are actually concerned for your mental state - usually

through simply not understanding that physical disability and chronic

pain actually just takes a lot of time to endure, so you don't have as

much free time to be getting bored as they think, and if your mental

state isn't so great, it's probably down to the pain rather than

boredom. Hope that makes some kind of sense.

Anyway, you've had some great advice on how to approach things, so

hopefully people will be a bit better after seeing some of it. I know

my colleagues were a lot more supportive after they saw my

pre-revision xrays, so hopefully the same will prove true for you.

titch

[Guest guest]

I have a big teddy bear that is wearing the front part of mine. My

best friend painted it while I was wearing it, so I had to keep it.

It stands in the corner of my patio room.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bahadreama/394317829/

this is a photo without the bear

this one is where it normally is

http://health.ph./group/ /photos/view/d

0c1?b=8 & m=f & o=0

this one is when I was wearing it

http://health.ph./group/ /photos/view/d

0c1?b=3 & m=f & o=0

>

> I do know how lucky I am to have the brace vs. cast, I can just

imagine what some people

> did to their casts when they got out of them.

>

> Robin

[Guest guest]

I've been following this thread. There's a lot of great information as well as not so great life experiences that the "straight people" are clueless of. I just loved your term..."straight people" - so very clever!

I've had some "memorable moments" as a result of insensitive or ignorant people:

1. Just a couple of weeks ago, my friend of 27 or so years decided a "talk" was necessary. Among other things, one of her points was that I'm not the only person that has ever had pain. Well, let me just say that I felt, well, I can't even begin to describe how I felt. I'm not a whiner or complainer ... well, don't think I am, but there are some things that, after being on the front burner for so long, have consumed a big portion of my life, and have taken a huge chunk of my ability to function as I once did. Long story short, believe it or not, I still like her and I'm afraid that I'm just biding my time, knowing that the opportunity is going to come for me to make her eat her words. I was too dumbfounded during the "talk" to rightfully defend myself as I felt that she was way out of line.

2. While at my job, approx. 2003, I informed my asshole of a boss that I was scheduled for my second surgery (this surgery was to finish or complete or re-do what should have been done in the 2002 surgery - laminectomy, synovial cyst removal....early on in this whole venture). He was pissed off. I was in total shock that he reacted that way. In one of our weekly department meetings he made the announcement that I was going to be out for back surgery, AGAIN. Someone asked how long I would be out of work. Bossman replied "for most people 6 weeks, for , 3 months". This wasn't out of compassion, but spoken with scarcasm. When the eyes fell on me the only response I could come up with was "if this back pain were a zit on my nose then you'd be able see by the size of it the level of pain I'm in". That's when I realized that it was pretty much invisible to everyone, though by this time I was already starting to pitch forward with standing and walking, and my right foot was more frequently stubbing on the floor.

3. While this one isn't offensive, it is still memorable and very common, I think. There is one female there (my x-work place), she works in HR and processed my paperwork for insurance, short term & long term disability, etc. in all of my surgeries while I was employed there. I live in a small town and back in my teenage years I knew of her and she of me but we went to different schools & she is a few years older than me and though we didn't travel in the same circles, there are many people that we know and she remembers when I was in my body cast ...though we didn't actually know each other personally. ANYWAY!, she seemed to take a personal interest in the fact that I had scoliosis and the problems I was having at this point in my life. She noted that my rib hump, the whole contorsion thing was much more noticeable than it was several years back (I worked there for 18 years). She has arthritis issues of her own and pain associated with that. One Monday morning she was telling me all that she had done that previous Sunday and said that at the end of the day her back was hurting so bad she could hardly stand it. She is a very sweet person and her intent here wasn't to imply that she had more pain than anybody else, just that she has pain too. While she was describing all of the things she had done on that Sunday, it was going through my mind that I couldn't have even done one of those things. I didn't say that because she was sincere and meant well but it did make me realize how different her situation was than mine. Until I experienced this (back failure?) and pain related to it, my concept of low back pain was that of a muscle strain or ache from just over-doing it. It wasn't until I learned about what was going on in my back that I really educated myself about the bones being connected to the other bones, the sciatic nerve - the whole thing - and I believe that even today that it would be incomprehensible for me to understand this type of pain, even with the best description available.

So, I doubt anyone who hasn't experienced it can even imagine what it is like, that it isn't pulled muscle or fatigue pain. An example I would think would be child birth. Until you've experienced that you are clueless to what it feels like. I might add that I've never experienced child birth - infertility issues not related to scoliosis.

I agree with having pictures of your x-rays readily accessible. Though it is a sad fact that people can be so insensitive, even down right rude, to the point that we sometimes need to pull out the "big guns" (x-rays, pictures that say a thousand words), to arm ourselves against ignorance, rudeness and insensitivity.

I don't have any books on that topic, but I can make up some book-covers with titles that convey a message! As long as they don't open the book it could be a convenient way of getting a point across! I doubt Dale Carnegie ever wrote a book titled "The Human Back, An Invisible Disability...How to Deal with Rude and Insensitive People", but I'd bet there's no law that says one couldn't design and print a book cover depicting that...and put the cover on a decent sized hard bound book to grace the coffee table or book shelf!

One last comment and I'll quit my rambling on....Robin, you've won your disability claim with Social Security, and we all know what a long, tough battle that is. I'd say if they deem you disabled, that, in itself is credible...they don't view back conditions as an easy ticket. But the main point about SSD is that you ARE bringing in some income - that you worked for in years past, that you deserve....so, you're not freeloading ... your boyfriend's family and friends should realize that. Perhaps another book cover could tell that story?

G

P.S. I had all intentions of keeping my body cast - to at least get it home and take a good look at it from the outside but I was so excited when they removed it I totally forgot about it and didn't take it home.